At that he pushed off from the wall and walked towards her. She found herself shrinking back from him as he came closer. He stood with his shins against the cushion, leaving her nowhere to put her legs, and put his hands on the sofa either side of her head, leaning down to box her in, his face inches from hers as he stared at her. She was close enough to count the individual scales on his nose, but she daren’t take her eyes away from his. She might have thought he would kiss her if he was in a better mood, but she didn’t expect that now.
She couldn’t take the scrutiny anymore. She couldn’t bear to fail anymore of his tests and hurt him again. “Please just tell me what you’re thinking,” she whispered. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” She heard the scrape of his claws against the cushion behind her and cringed. “I don’t like you like this, you’re scaring me.”
It was like a switch was flipped. He blinked quickly, his eyes moving to his hands as if his position surprised him. He stood up stiffly, taking a few stumbling steps away from her, giving her room to uncurl from the ball she had held herself in.
“I apologise,” he said, sounding back to normal. “I’m sorry.”
Maggie put her feet down and quickly shoved them back into her shoes. She grabbed her bag from the floor and stood up.
“I think I need to go home now,” she said.
“Maggie, don’t,” he said.
She ignored him. “I’m hungry and it’s going to take me a while to get home. But I had fun today.” She couldn’t look at him, but she tried to make her voice sound light. She just wanted to get out without crying. She made for the door.
“Maggie, please.”
She ignored him again, struggling with the latch with shaking hands, until his grip on her arm made her whirl to face him.
“Let me go,” she said reflexively.
“I would never hurt you, not even if my life depended on it,” he told her, his sonorous voice serious like a funeral knell. It was nice to hear, but she couldn’t go soft now, not when she had no idea what had just happened between them but she knew it wasn’t good.
“Let me go,” she said again, not trusting herself to say anything else.
She pulled against his grip and it released, his hand going back to his side.
“At least let me walk you back to the elevator,” he said.
“I got it,” she replied, getting the door open and bolting through it.
It snapped shut behind her and she was plunged into total darkness, no light at all. She wobbled on her heels and reached with her hand for the wall to her left. They had come from this direction, so she started walking, and after her first step the white wall sconces woke up and softly guided her back to the elevator like fairy fire.
Chapter 10
The next day, Maggie waited for Ro in the lobby café as usual, but he didn’t come. She had only gone herself out of habit, not wanting to run from him a second time. She wanted to see him in the light, so they could talk about it. As she sat surrounded by people chatting over coffee, same as always, it seemed ridiculous that she could ever have been afraid of him.
She only realised she’d expected him to come when she was disappointed. She didn’t know what else she’d expected, but it should have been that. It seemed obvious, the way their evening together had ended. She’d run from him. It was unlikely he was interested in meeting her socially again after that. When she couldn’t wait any longer, she gave up and headed over to Enquiries.
Part of her had held out hope that he was just late, or sick or something. That there was some other reason for him not joining her. That hope died when she saw him sitting at his desk, his computer all booted up like he’d been there a while. She was surprised by how much that hurt. She tried not to trudge over to her desk. She wouldn’t be a baby about this. They were both adults, and if their non-relationship that, really, had been entirely in her head had come to an end, the least she could do was not let it affect their work. They had turned out not to be compatible. Better to end it before it began.
She felt his eyes on her as she sat down, but when she glanced at him he looked away. He didn’t say good morning, or anything in fact, so she didn’t either. Lucy, who sat next to Ro, gave them a strange look, obviously sensing the atmosphere but wisely not commenting on it. Maggie sighed as she turned her computer on, feeling like she’d already done a day’s work. She was exhausted just by the prospect of sitting across from him all day, seeing his face, hearing his voice, and knowing that he probably thought she was crazy.
She opened her drawer to pull out her tablet and blinked, for a moment thinking she was crazy. But no, the clothes she had been given the day before at the market, with their deep midnight blue colour and chaotic marbled pattern in all the shades of the sunrise, really were in her drawer. She put her hand inside to feel them, and the silk was as cool as a fresh mountain spring. Of course, she had left them on Ro’s sofa, she’d left in such a hurry. He must have found them and snuck them into her drawer, so he could return them without having to speak to her.
She took a breath, suddenly feeling stifled, and it shuddered. She felt him watching her again and this time when their eyes met, they held. He looked sad.
No, she couldn’t do it. She threw the drawer closed and shot to her feet, whirling away. She tried not to attract any attention as she marched to the bathroom, resisting wiping any tears until she was out of sight, gritting her teeth to keep her composure.
She wasn’t alone when she shouldered through the swing door, and kept her head down as she passed the pair of women at the mirrors, forcing herself to walk normally and keep her breathing quiet. She took the stall on the end and put the lid down, sat on the toilet and cried, gathering fistfuls of toilet paper because she knew she’d need it. She managed to cry quietly, but it was not pretty. She would be blotchy and all her make up would wipe off. She wouldn’t be able to return to her desk for a good ten minutes, and everyone would know she’d been crying in the toilets at work. What a mess.
When she tried to think about why she was crying, she just cried harder. They hadn’t even been dating, so why did she feel like she’d just broken up? Maybe it was the guilt, feeling like she’d wrecked the relationship she’d wanted with him herself. If she hadn’t pushed him, if she had been more understanding, if she had just let him dress however the hell he wanted to... She had noticed he was back in human clothes that day. God, who had she thought she was, messing with him like that? If only she had been better, he wouldn’t have got angry like that. If only she’d been braver, she would have stayed and worked it out.
So she had her cry, hearing the other women leave after a minute. She made sure she was alone when she was ready to come out of her cubicle, walking up to the mirror to assess the damage. It was bad, exactly as she had predicted, but she felt a bit better, as if her emotions had evened out even if they hadn’t picked up. She felt resigned. She wished she had her bag with her back-up make up in, or even a paper towel to wash her face with, but she didn’t. Cold water might have helped, but she was out of luck. Taking a deep steadying breath and letting it out slowly, she felt better. She could be brave starting now.
She opened the door back onto the office floor and did her best to scurry unseen back to her desk, hiding her face behind her hair as best she could. When she got there, all eyes were on her. She ignored them, but she faltered when she saw that Ro’s desk was unoccupied.
“Where’s Ro?” she asked before she could stop herself, sounding more worried than she would have liked.
“He left,” said Lucy.
“What? Permanently?” Maggie said incredulously, leaning towards her for answers.
“No! He said he didn’t feel well and was going home,” Lucy said, eyeing Maggie suspiciously.
Maggie took her seat, worrying her lip between her teeth. So she’d chased him away, he couldn’t even be around her anymore. Maybe she should request a transfer to another team for one of them so that he wouldn’t quit at least.
“Do you want us to beat him up for you?” grumbled Ben beside her.
“What? No, of course not,” Maggie replied.
“Seriously, are you alright?” Alex asked. “What did he do?”
Maggie sighed. As she’d thought, they all knew. “I’m fine. I’ll get over it. And he didn’t do anything, it was me. I got nosey and meddlesome, and he was totally within his rights to get annoyed with me. It was all personal stuff that happened outside of the office, so please don’t give him any shit for it, okay? It was my fault. It shouldn’t have ever happened in the first place. And that’s all I’m going to say about it so let’s leave it at that.”
She made a show of facing her computer and getting to work, so her team all begrudgingly did the same, but not without a few last words of encouragement.
“Okay, but if you need anything…”
“Yeah, let us know.”
“Men aren’t worth it, Maggie.”
“Hey!”
Maggie could almost smile at her team. Maybe none of them had been there a year yet, and they would probably move on soon like everybody else, but for the moment, they seemed to like her, and she needed that.
She lost herself in work. Without Ro, there was more work for the rest of them, and it was easy for Maggie to just log one case after another, focusing on the voice coming through her earpiece. It was how it used to be. In one way, it was easier. It didn’t hurt like having to sit opposite him would have.
At the same time, however, a part of her brain was always wondering, always worrying about him. She couldn’t believe he’d taken a sick day just because of her. Had she really made it so awkward between them that he couldn’t stand it? What did that mean for their work, their team, her? If he requested a transfer from Derek, and explained why, she could forget any kind of upward trajectory for her career. Derek had hinted she might get promoted if things went well with Ro, but things had not gone well in the slightest, or rather they had gone a little too well before crashing and burning.
The rest of her team didn’t bring it up again, though she could tell they wanted to. They kept looking at her out of the corner of their eyes, but she made sure she kept on as normal. At the end of the day, she took her Balin outfit home, stuffing it in her handbag until she was out of sight. She had intended to jam it in her underwear drawer and never look at it again, but as she pulled it out, she couldn’t bear to. It was too beautiful, the fabric too soft. Someone had made it with delicate care. She pulled off her clothes to try it on, moving in front of the mirror.
It felt like nothing she’d ever worn before. The silk instantly warmed to her skin between her legs but somehow stayed cool on the outside of her thighs. The ribbons that cinched the waist and knees didn’t pinch, sitting against her as if they were barely there. The short were slightly baggy, like half-length harem pants, and the dark blue looked great against her skin. The slits up the sides showed just tantalising flashes of thigh. She rubbed her hands up and down over her legs just to luxuriate in the feeling.
The top piece was a different matter. Maggie stepped into the loop of fabric and pulled it carefully up her body, inching it over her hips where it tightened. She pulled it over her breasts, but she knew she could never get away with it. It was too small, squishing her boobs and pushing them up until they almost spilled over the edge. She didn’t know how the merchant had got her size so wrong when he’d got everything else perfect. The shorts felt divine, but she wanted to take the top off almost immediately.
She sighed as she undressed. It was a nice outfit she would never have the occasion to wear, but it made a good souvenir of a wonderful evening at the end of a brief friendship. She folded it up and put it away, getting into her pyjamas so she could make dinner and eat it in front of the TV.
Ro was off sick the next day too, and the day after that. Maggie worried that he wasn’t coming back. She began to hope that he really was sick, because if he was taking time off work just to avoid her, eventually he’d have to quit or be fired. She considered getting his private number from the records. Because Incomings had no team leader or manager, everyone gave her the same access because someone had to have clearance. It was all unofficial, but everyone knew her and trusted her. Even if Ro hated her, she didn’t want him to lose his job.
Finally, when she went in the following Monday, her mind already made up to confess everything if he wasn’t there, there he was. Ro was sat as his desk like normal, and she almost forgot to be awkward around him as she set her handbag down on the sea-green touch screen surface of her desk. She looked at him without speaking, trying to verify with her eyes that he was okay. He didn’t seem to have lost weight or anything. He was wearing the cropped Teissian pants they had bought together.
He watched her survey him for a moment before she noticed.
“You’re back,” she said lamely.
He cleared his throat. “I was not myself, I apologise,” he said stiffly, avoiding making eye contact.
His voice hit her like a sledgehammer. How had she forgotten it? How would she stand it? It was just so nice. If it was visual instead of aural, it would be a close up video of chocolate fudge ice cream being churned, only in her case it was being played in a salad bar.
She was only stunned for an instant before she remembered to feel guilty and then anxious. She would have to learn to be okay around him and soon.
“That’s alright,” she said. “Everyone gets sick now and then.”
She sat down and let their screens form a barrier between them.
Chapter 11
Ro and Maggie didn’t speak more than necessary after that. It wasn’t that they were fighting, it just felt like whatever had been going on between them had ended. They weren’t going to be friends anymore, certainly nothing more. They didn’t meet for coffee in the mornings. Ro didn’t invite Maggie for lunch.
Maggie wanted to be okay with it, to just fall back into the old rhythms of her job, but for some reason there was a pall over the team that hung around without clearing. The others didn’t joke with each other like they had done. They stayed quiet and looked at Maggie and Ro’s end of the bank of desks as if they were unsure how to act, afraid of poking the bear.
Now Maggie was glad for the extra work of organising the office party, the extra calls she had to make on her lunch break, the extra hours she had to stay in the evening. She printed flyers and put them up, noticing one for Zir’s trip to the redwoods already on the notice board, next to a call for volunteers at the Teissian children’s home. She sent invitations to other departments, collected names of plus ones to get a number for catering. She negotiated a menu with the canteen staff upstairs and a budget with Derek.
She set a dress code (seasonal sweaters welcome) and began taking requests for the playlist, making sure the one from last year hadn’t corrupted. She made sure the decorations were still in storage where she expected them to be, and even spent an evening clambering about in a dusty storage locker checking that everything still worked. She sent round a request for volunteers to help her get everything ready on the day of the party.
She ended up getting really ahead of herself. Her checklist was getting all ticked off, and it was still October. But she liked to keep busy, because as long as she had to sit opposite Ro every day, she couldn’t get over him. It wasn’t like they could just ignore each other after all. He still had to ask her for help on odd cases. She had to keep him up to date on their targets and call stats. Sometimes their feet would touch under the desk by accident, and they’d both recoil and apologise too much. She still had to hear his voice and see his face.
He did wear the Teissian clothes they had bought together occasionally, but neither of them said anything about it.
Maggie wanted to talk to him, even just to make small talk, but she couldn’t work up the nerve. As the days passed, it felt ridiculous that she couldn’t ask him how his weekend was, if he had any plans after work, if he’d had a nice lunch. But she couldn’t bea
r his rejection if he didn’t want her taking an interest in his life anymore, or if she found out he had plans with another woman, or if they became friends again, and she had to play along, keeping her distance when she wanted him for herself.
And he never asked her any of those things. He never reached out to her, or tried to mend bridges. She had to follow his lead, after what had happened. He probably thought she was crazy, or she’d offended him by implying he could hurt her. The situation they were in could have been better, but at least she knew where the lines were.
Then one day, her attention was drawn to him because she could hear that his caller’s voice was raised. He must have been yelling to be as audible as he was to Maggie from where she sat. Maggie watched Ro; it was her responsibility to jump in if he couldn’t handle it, though she knew this wasn’t his first shouter and she’d told him how to handle callers like that. She couldn’t understand anything that was being said because none of it was in English, but she could tell from Ro’s tone that he was trying to be soothing and polite.
She caught his eye and gestured between herself and her own extension, asking him if he wanted her to take over. He could transfer the call to her, but she also knew how to dial into his call. Derek had given her that authority when she had begun training people in case a newbie lost their temper and needed to be booted off the call.
Ro shook his head without losing his rhythm, but Maggie could still hear yelling. She might need to make an incident report. She made sure the call was recording in case they had to blacklist the caller, which was rare but not unheard of. Then Ro seemed to just freeze. That was a big red flag to Maggie. Ro was usually good at his job, she’d seen him take a lot, but she’d never seen him look like that. She dialled his extension but didn’t hijack the call just yet, giving him a chance to recover.
Ro’s hands twitched over his desk as if looking for something to save him. There were pauses in the shouting now, so the caller was clearly expecting Ro to be answering him, but instead Ro’s eyes were wide as he looked down. Maggie had seen people reacting to callers hurling abuse at them, they got angry. Ro wasn’t angry. He looked scared. He looked conflicted, like the caller was demanding he do something he didn’t want to do. But Maggie knew Ro knew the procedures for that. He knew what to say and he knew he was allowed to terminate a call if he was being harassed.
The New Guy (Office Aliens Book 2) Page 8
