Vince Lombardi
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own, and you know what you know.
And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.”
Dr. Seuss
Chapter 15
Running. Why can’t I get there?
Running…
Looking…
Turning…
Searching…
Where is she?
Where’s Emily?
Running…
Out of breath…
Stumbling, tripping, falling.
Get up. Got to keep running.
Why is it so dark here? This isn’t right. Something’s wrong.
Why can’t I figure this out!
Where’s Emily?
“Emily!"
What’s happened to my voice?
She’s gone, and I can’t find her!
“Emily! Emily!”
Joniver shot straight up in bed, sweat pouring off his forehead and face. His eyes were wide, as he tried to collect himself. The disorientation of awaking in a strange place covered him like a smelly wool blanket. He tried to organize his thoughts after a terrible dream.
“That was a nightmare,” he said.
He felt something on his arm. He whipped around.
Emily was at his side, her hand on his arm.
He reached for it; he reached for her, not wanting to lose her or let her go.
“Joniver, are you ok?” she whispered. “You were having a nightmare. I heard you call my name.”
“Yeah...yeah...yes...fine...I’m ok.” He reached for a bottle of water close to his pallet and downed half of it in several continuous gulps. “Sorry if I scared you.” He looked around in the dim light.
“No, you didn’t scare me, I just wanted to be sure you were ok,” she said.
“Yeah,” Joniver’s breathing evened. He took a second long drink of water. “I know. Thanks.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I love you.”
Even in the pale, cold gray light, he could see her smile. She rotated her body so her legs faced the opposite direction, and she reached up and put her arm around his neck. She pulled him close, kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear, “I love you, too.”
The two of them sat huddled in the shadows of the dimly lit tunnel and kissed like teenagers after a date. But they had nothing to hide, Emily thought. I love him and he loves me, and it’s as simple as that.
Joniver knew contentment he could not describe when Emily held him. He didn’t yet understand however, the other forces that were at work.
***
Dunston led the group to the tunnel in a single day, but it was a long day. Everyone was tired, and the elation from successfully escaping the Old Airport had given way to a malaise, which was increasing with every meter they traveled.
The first night in the tunnel wrapped around each member of the group like a protective cocoon. Compared to the bitter cold journey they had endured, the tunnel welcomed them like a warm fire. They cooked a hot meal, and the food tasted like a banquet.
Except for some of the Angriff, all legs and stomachs voted to rest another day in the tunnel, but rest would have to wait. Dunston sent Team Bravo ahead to North Command, instructing them to send back transport and supplies. He pushed the rest of the group, Angriff and guests alike, to keep moving.
With the relative danger of the journey behind them, Dunston relaxed. He returned with all his Angriff, who had injuries, and he returned, with not only the objective, but possibly the brother. Every way he looked at it, the mission was successful, and his pride showed in every way. He could not be happier with the effort and results.
Something ate at him, however. There was a problem he could not quite identify, like a forgotten errand. His mind told him everything was fine, but his gut kept saying there was still something to do.
How did they get the bad code in the plane’s controller? The question bored a hole in his mind. The answer would both surprise and anger him.
There was poor lighting throughout the tunnel, but it was not uncomfortable. The entrance ramp was steep, angled at about thirty degrees, and hit the floor after about forty meters. Joniver could only guess, but because it was so much warmer in the tunnel, he estimated they were deep in the earth.
The tunnel looked as though it was one continuous bore. Steel reinforcements sat at fifteen meter intervals, and there was a single rail supported from the steel structure. Joniver guessed this was for a railcar system.
Despite the relative comfort, Joniver grew increasingly nervous. Was it their destination or claustrophobia? Was it the Mirror? He did not talk to the Mirror during the trek, but he heard the Angriff describe him as tight-lipped.
The Mirror would not give his name, or so much as look at Joniver. The mystery continued the entire journey.
He wanted - no, he needed - to know who the Mirror was. He is more than simply my doppelgänger, isn’t he? If he is my half-brother, why didn’t Nana tell me?
Then there was Olinar. He would not leave him in Hunter’s hands. The thought of Olinar dangling at the end of Hunter’s whims, both sickened and terrified Joniver. Olinar may have been assigned to me, but he is a good friend. Actually, Olinar is the best kind of friend. Finally, he and Emily were talking.
Wait, he smiled and corrected himself, we didn’t do much talking. What they had managed to do was make out once or twice. She didn’t seem to mind, he thought. Heck, she started it!
He smiled again. Still, he knew he had to sort out his own feelings for her. “I mean, I love her, I guess,” he said, “but I’ve got to get ready to go back for Olinar and find out who the Mirror is, and take care of Nana!"
He felt his mind start to explode. Figuring Emily out was just one more thing. It was overwhelming and panic welled up once more inside him.
“Breathe, Dude,” he said, “breathe!”
He hoped beyond hope he would find his answers at North Command.
Joniver was at the beginning of his journey however, and what he really looked for was not to be found in a place.
***
She ran down the hallway toward the common area, and people cleared a path as she approached, like water breaking before the bow of a boat. The tunnel emptied out in the common area and she wanted to be at the entrance before any of the group arrived. There was not time for anything else. She must get to the common area.
Once there, she stood like a relative at the train station, waiting for a seldom seen cousin.
She watched as the first of the team trickled out of the tunnel. There were too many to have sent the tunnel car, she saw. Still, it took them so long! She waited all this time and now, the seconds snailed by, like a raindrop hanging from a leaf tip; it holds the promise of water, but instead clings to its host.
“Where are they?”
She remembered the two of them coming home as little boys, no more than toddlers. They had been out with Nana and when they exited the car, they ran toward the door. They were both dressed in those cute navy blue outfits with the blue and white checked collars flapping against their little backs as they ran.
Joniver stumbled and screamed the loud cry built into every toddler, and grasped his skinned knees. As she walked out to pick up Joniver, she could see Jacob stand aside, looking at his brother.
“Why don’t you help your brother?” she asked him. At the question, Jacob grabbed his own knees and cried, imitating his brother. A funny memory now, she thought, but it was not funny then!
Some more soldiers, Genevieve - we would have to decide what to do about Olinar.
There!
Yes! That had to be them walking with Dunston! She stepped to the front of the crowd.
“Commander,” Dunston said, and he gave her a smart salute.
“Mr. Dunston,” she said, “it appears you’ve done well. I also hear you have a surprise.”
“Yes, ma’am, thank you, ma’am. The surprise package is being brought up. He’s 100 meters back.”
Joniver and Emily looked on.
Joniver assumed Dunston was referring to the Mirror, but he was unconcerned with the formality and protocol with which these two carried on. “Dunston,” Joniver said, “you said my grandmother was here.”
“Uhh, yes, she is, but-"
Joniver cut him off. “We want to see her now.”
“Of course, Joniver, but I thought you might want to see your mother, too.”
“My mother’s dead,” Joniver said. “We’ve got to see Nana.”
“Joniver,” Dunston said. He looked a bit embarrassed to be a part of this scene. “This is your mother.” He pointed at the commander.
Joniver, but especially Emily, stared and an uneasiness crept through her, as doubt floated into her mind like smoke from a neighbor’s fire. Are you jealous of his own mother, she asked herself, was this really his mother? But the feeling wasn’t jealousy. There was something else. Something she could not explain.
“My name’s Elizabeth,” she said. She clutched Joniver’s shoulders and examined his face with her coal black eyes for an uncomfortable twenty seconds.
Joniver felt paralyzed, unable to move or speak.
“It’s good to see you again, son,” she finally said, and then turned to Emily. “And you must be Emily, about whom I’ve heard so much!” Elizabeth extended her hand.
Emily looked at her quizzically.
“Mom’s told me a lot about you - about you both,” Elizabeth said.
Emily took her hand and shook it, not breaking gaze with her cold stare. What is it? What’s the matter?
“Mom?” Joniver asked, breaking his silence.
“Yes?” Elizabeth said, pleased Joniver would warm to her so quickly.
“No,” he said, “you said Mom had told you about us. Who is-"
“Oh!” Elizabeth said, her tension obvious, “I’m sorry. My mother. I meant your Nana.”
Joniver fell silent. He stared first at Elizabeth and then at Emily. He stood stiff and motionless as if in shock. Emily shook him, “Joniver, are you ok?”
“Well, I need to get the men in place, and file my After Action Report,” Dunston said. “So if you’ll excuse me.” He saluted.
“Of course,” Elizabeth said. “I’ll take care of our guests.”
Emily did not like the way she said this. Is this uneasiness just me? Am I afraid of losing his affection to his mother? It’s embarrassing to think a man’s mother could be “the other woman,” but I guess it’s possible. It just feels wrong. Jealousy and love make an odd mixture. What’s the matter Emily? Get it together!
Joniver burst out suddenly. “Can we please go see- “
Elizabeth cut him off again, as her attention was turned to the tunnel’s mouth.
She moved past Joniver, brushing him to the side. The Mirror entered the room.
Emily turned.
Elizabeth walked over to Jacob, stopping him from going forward with his guard. She turned back to Joniver. “Joniver, meet your brother, Jacob.”
Joniver whipped around and the brothers looked at one another in mild surprise.
“You…uh…half-brother,” Joniver said.
“No, Joniver,” Elizabeth said, “this is your twin brother. He was born four minutes and twenty-three seconds before you. His name is Jacob.”
Both young men stood motionless. Disbelief was etched on Joniver’s stunned face, but the news appeared to have the greatest impact on Emily. She grabbed Joniver’s arm and stood with mouth agape and eyes wide. “Joniver can you believe it?”
“No, no…not sure I can…”
Elizabeth nodded in a knowing way, as mothers often do.
The Mirror finally spoke. “Believe it, Dude. And trust me, I’m not any happier about it than you are.”
Chapter 16
She raised her frail hand and motioned for him to come closer. Joniver pushed past his mother and Emily to grab the hand before it hit the sheets on Nana’s bed.
“Nana,” he said, “Nana, how are you doing? How are you feeling? What can we do to help you?”
Joniver felt trapped. His stomach churned and his ears rang with a high pitched siren sound. His head spun in this small room, with the machines positioned around Nana making it seem even smaller. He had never seen a real hospital and the eerie whirring of the equipment, combined with the asynchronous lights and beat, sounded like the uncertain rhythms of Nana’s death.
He did not want to lose Nana, not now and not ever, but especially not now. Not when he needed her so much.
He thought she would never die. Joniver thought he would never die either, but he felt Nana, especially, would always live on. The thought was crazy to him as she lay with tubes running in and out of her and machines working to keep her alive.
She turned her head toward her grandson and forced a thin weak smile.
In a hoarse voice, barely above a whisper, she said, “Joniver, can I get the first question answered before you shoot out 423 more?”
Joniver smiled and tears formed in his eyes. Nana tried to laugh, but a coughing fit resulted. Joniver wanted to help. He looked pleadingly at the nurse, but even with Nana’s joke, the moment was too heavy for him.
He never faced so desperate a crisis in his life. He always was able to talk his way out, or joke his way out, or steal his way out, or luck his way out. Death, however was not something he could fool, and he knew it.
He hung onto Nana’s hand, pulling it to his face. She felt his tears.
“Joniver,” she said, “please don’t cry for me. I’ll be fine. You know I will.” She let go of his hand and moved her palm to the side of his face. She looked at him with those wonderful grandmother eyes, and the look she had given him so many times over the last twenty-one years. “You’re so handsome.” Her face took on a pained and serious expression. “Emily?”
Joniver nodded. “Yes, Nana, Emily made it. She’s outside and wants to see you when you are able.”
“Good...very good. Have you told her how you feel, Joniver?”
The question took Joniver aback. He had not expected to talk to Nana about Emily right now. She was so sick. He had many, many questions, and knew he needed a lot of advice, but it was not the right time.
“Young man,” she said as she turned her head on her pillow. “I asked you a question!”
Her voice was so weak, and Joniver hated getting into all of this. “Nana, we can talk about it later.”
“Joniver, please answer me.”
He paused, his lips pursed, and he was unsure of what to say.
“Joniver,” she demanded as best she could.
“Yes, Nana,” he forced out in a half whisper.
“Yes, you’ve told her?”
“Yes, Nana.”
“Have the words, I love you come out of your mouth, directed at her and she knew it?”
Joniver smiled. His Nana knew him too well. “Yes, Nana, they have. I’ve told her I love her.”
“You better mean it, young man! She’s someone special, Joniver. You don’t throw a pearl in a pen with the pigs. You take care of it with all you’ve got. She’s more precious than anything, and you must take care of her. Do you hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Joniver said. “I will.”
Joniver was not sure he would be able to do what Nana was asking, neither was he sure he knew what she meant. He would not argue with Nana, however. Her rest was too important and he had something much more important to share.
Nana struggled to get a breath. “Joniver - Emily, please go get her…”
“Ok, Nana, I will, but I need to tell you something.”
Her eyebrows raised, waiting for an explanation.
Joniver motioned for Emily and she walked to his side.
“What is it, Joniver?” Nana said.
“I met my brother today. A brother I didn’t know I had, and I found out my m
other is not dead.”
Emily took his hand.
Nana looked pained, and as soon as Joniver saw her reaction, he regretted saying anything. “Go on, Joniver,” Nana said.
“I guess I don’t understand why all the secrecy, and I guess I don’t need to know. The main thing is…”
Nana lifted his other hand and placed it on her’s. “You’re going to have to trust me until I can get out of here. There’s a lot to explain. I won’t tell you I did everything right, but whatever I did, it was because I love you - both of you. I love both of you.”
Joniver nodded, fighting back a tear. “Nana, the other thing is…uh, Jacob’s here.”
Her head jerked up. “Where?”
“Well, he was sort of captured while we were getting out. He’s been in the Guard, Nana.”
“Oh, I knew that,” she said. “Is he with you?”
Joniver nor Emily could have been any more startled by Nana.
She knew? Joniver thought. He was incredulous. A sense of isolation fell on him. Why didn’t Nana saying anything to him about Jacob? Was it really true she knew about the brother and his mother and never said anything for all these years?
“He’s not here,” Emily said. “They’ll debrief him before they let him loose. I mean, I guess they’ll let him go. Right?” She looked at Joniver.
He shrugged.
Nana said, “After your father was killed, there was no way to protect Jacob from being harvested, although your mom tried. That’s also why she had to…” Her cheeks showed some color, but when she tried to sit up, the coughing returned.
“Easy, easy, we’ll come back tomorrow, Nana.”
Nana nodded as she coughed. “Promise me?” she said when she was able to ask. “Bring Jacob as soon as you can?”
They both nodded and turned to leave. “Not you Emily,” Nana said. The coughing fit had caused the hoarseness to return to her voice. “I need you to stay.”
Joniver left the room with mixed emotions. Nana was finally talking to him about things he had asked her all his life, but the answers were not what he expected.
Joniver shot a look at Emily, and she looked at him. He frowned. Emily turned and went back to Nana’s bedside. “It’s fine, Joniver,” Emily said. “I’ll be there in a little while."
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