That gesture worried me more than anything that he had said. Just what was so bad that—
“I want it to be real.” He met my eyes, words calmly spoken but strained around the edges.
My head jerked a little in a shake because I wasn’t following. “Want what to be real?”
“Our engagement. I want it to be real.”
My mouth opened, closed, no sound escaping. Words. Words would be good. I had words, I knew it. I just couldn’t find them. I had to lock my knees to keep upright. Did he actually just say…? Thunderation, he had. I’d fantasized about hearing words like that from him, but I never thought I’d actually hear them. I’d thought, given half a chance, I might be able to convince him to at least give us a go, as we’re stuck with each other anyway.
I just never expected for him to feel that way without me somehow pushing the issue.
“Rena?” he took two steps forward, worry tugging at his mouth. “You look like you’re going to have a breath attack. Are you breathing?”
Breathing. Right. I sucked in a breath, only now realizing why I felt light headed. “I-I think I forgot to,” I stammered out.
Humor lit up his eyes for the first time today and finally, finally he touched me. Just a light grip on my arm, but it felt so much better than the casual dance around me he’d been doing. “Breathing is important, let’s not forget to do it, and this is not quite the reaction I predicted. You’re not mad, which I’m very glad to see, but are you happy? Flummoxed? Horrified? Give me a clue, here.”
He’d shocked me into stillness and I realized belatedly that he had no way of knowing how I felt about his confession. I launched myself at him, arms tight around his neck, sending him rocking back a step, hands landing at my waist and lightly hovering there, as if he didn’t know how to read this either.
I felt relieved. And ecstatic. Happy, confused, flabbergasted, nervous, and a few other hundred emotions all tangled together. Where did I begin to explain?
“Yes. Yes, I am, very happy, you have no idea.” I felt the imbalance between us because he had gone out on an emotional limb first and I felt that I needed to say something too. “The reason why I said no to living in Corcoran, really, is that I can’t see you as just a familiar or just as a friend. I can’t be bound to those boxes anymore. I—” despite the fact I hadn’t had an attack in two years I felt almost like I would have one now, heart pounding so hard it’s a wonder he didn’t hear it, “I love you.”
I could feel his smile against my cheek and his arms went around my waist, finally returning the hug, as he responded, “I know, sweets, you’ve told me before. But really, is that why you said we should go back to Turransky?”
Ever have this feeling you’re talking to someone and they missed the boat? I tried again, “Bannen. I’m in love with you.”
That froze him, stock still, then he grabbed me by the shoulders and jerked back a foot so he could see my face. Ha, about time I shocked him. His eyes were impossibly large in his face, cheeks flushing. “You are?” he whispered in growing delight.
That reaction told me all I needed to know. “Just how long have we been in love with each other and unwilling to admit it?”
“Since we arrived at Mary’s,” he volunteered with a sheepish smile.
My eyes nearly crossed. “You kept this from me for almost TWO YEARS?!”
“Eh, more like I realized at that point I was falling? I can’t tell you exactly when I hit bottom, it was a work in progress for a while there.”
That feeling, at least, I understood. “Same. I can’t tell you when, just that I realized it at one point, and didn’t know what to do about it. You didn’t act nervous around me at all and you never flirted seriously, I wasn’t sure if I had any kind of chance. But really?” I grinned, pulled him back in so we pressed against each other, and wasn’t that an amazing feeling? That I could pull him right against me and know he felt the same way I did. I hooked my chin over his shoulder, snuggling in. “You love me too.”
“Of course I do.”
Considering his behavior over the past week, I felt I had to ask, “Why didn’t you want to tell me?”
“You’ve always been quick to tell people the engagement wasn’t real,” he pointed out, tone wry. “I didn’t think I stood much of a chance.”
I could hear a layer of hurt under the words and winced. Ah. Oops. “That’s a good point. It’s hard to be normal around someone that you know loves you and you can’t love them back.” Hence why I had hesitated to say anything. “Sorry. I didn’t really mean it that way, I just didn’t want to pressure you. It also made me nervous every time someone said it, like they saw through me and realized my feelings for you.”
He huffed out a laugh, rocking us a little back and forth, strong enough he nearly pulled me off my feet a few times. “I now understand Corcoran’s phrase ‘can’t see the forest for the trees.’”
Bannen again drew back, just enough to cradle my head in both of his hands and lean in, giving me no time to process what he meant to do, or feel nervous about it. Warm lips touched mine, softly, sweetly, and I instinctively pressed up into the contact. Oh. That was amazingly nice.
Then he changed the angle, pressing more firmly, and it went beyond nice. I did my best to kiss back, carding one hand around the braids of his hair, eyes fluttering shut.
He pulled back a little, rubbing his nose against mine. “What do you think?” he whispered, voice deeper and rougher than usual.
“I now understand why people are fixated on kissing,” I answered without thinking.
Bannen barked out a laugh, shoulders shaking a little. “I meant, it isn’t strange for us to kiss like this? We’ve spent two years, more or less, claiming nothing more than friendship.”
Oh. “I spent multiple nights dreaming about kissing you senseless,” I informed him and grinned in unholy delight when his ears went pink. Holy deities, Bannen could blush? “So no, I don’t find this strange at all.”
The look in his eyes changed, an expression I had never seen before on his face, and certainly never aimed at me. It was the look of a man that wanted the woman in his arms, a heated, hungry look that turned his already dark eyes darker. “You know I like doing whatever I can to make your dreams a reality.”
I used the hand on his head to draw him back in, whispering, “Please do.”
Much later, (after Bannen had kissed me senseless and we decided to come up for air) we gave up on waiting for our team—apparently writing reports and cleaning up an area took more time than we’d thought—and went for an early dinner. Bannen’s feet kept seeking mine out under the table, playing footsie, and I laughed in between bites.
I had absolutely no interest in stopping him.
The dining room at this hour lay practically empty, only the side table with a buffet of food out and one tired man sitting in a far chair, waiting on patrons to serve. This might be the most private moment I had with Bannen for the next week, so I decided to take advantage of it. “I was right? You did confide all of this to Chi?”
“You were right,” he confirmed, reaching for another roll and the butter dish. I slid it closer to him so he didn’t have to reach halfway across the table. “That night we got drunk? He learned the basics then. I’m a very talkative drunk.”
“Color me surprised,” I drawled. I stood convinced Bannen would be a talkative ghost. He and silence were mortal enemies. “I’m surprised he didn’t tease you about it. He’s been strangely supportive of you.”
Bannen hesitated, hands stilling, and gave me an uncertain look.
My women’s intuition flashed. “He’s in a similar situation, isn’t he?”
Groaning, he let his head slump. “I swear you can read my mind sometimes.”
“No, I just know you. Most of the time I can read you like an open book.” I sat back for a moment, not to be distracted by this. “Chi’s in a one-sided love with someone? Really?”
“You’re surprised by this?”
&n
bsp; “Yes and no. He’s the type of man that a woman would want to be with. I mean, his job would make things harder, as he’s constantly traveling, but I understand from Nora that the married agents are given more assignments near their home area. It’s one of those professional courtesies the MISD give their people.” Which was a very smart policy because that meant anyone married would either a) lose their spouse due to the distance or b) quit the MISD to find more stable employment. Meeting their agents halfway made everyone happy and kept the MISD from losing valuable people.
Bannen had that weighing look he sometimes wears when I say something unexpected. “Really. You think Chi’s a good potential partner.”
“Of course. He’s funny, you’d never be bored around him, he’s very loyal, and he makes a good income. Most women settle for far less.” I narrowed my eyes, thinking hard. “Should I ask if I know the woman he’s fallen for?”
“He did more or less tell me in drunken confidence,” Bannen apologized.
“I see. Then I won’t ask.” I didn’t need to. From our first meeting, I’d wondered if Chi were dating his partner because of how close they were. Vee. Of course, he was in love with Vee.
Bannen puffed out a groan/sigh. “You just put it together.”
Grinning, I went back to my dinner. “I won’t say anything.”
“Please don’t. He’s…anxious with her. He’s carved out this place in her life and is constantly worried that one wrong word on his part will destroy it.”
I had a feeling that it was that very fear that drained his chances now. Perhaps Vee only saw him as a friend, a good partner, but people were highly susceptible to that level of adoration. If she knew, if Vee had the chance to turn their relationship into something more, wouldn’t she take it? I certainly would, in her shoes.
With my own revelation of just how oblivious a woman could be, I had a strange insight into what might be going through Vee’s head. If I could snag her tonight for a little girl’s talk, maybe bring Nora into the mix, I might be able to figure out if Chi stood a chance at all.
“You’re going to meddle, aren’t you.” Bannen sounded resigned.
“Just a little.” I smiled at him, unapologetic. “This is a beautiful opening for me to ask without it seeming strange. Vee and Nora are both going to want details, you know how women are, so if I can tell them and ask questions at the same time? It will be the most natural thing in the world and who knows? Maybe we can give them a nudge.”
“Nudge, huh. Intervention is more like it. This isn’t one of those ‘I’m happy so I want everyone to be happy’ things, is it? Because I’ve seen my sisters go through that stage when they first got together with their husbands.”
Honesty compelled me to admit, “Maybe a little?”
He gave me quite the look for that and went back to eating his roll.
“Really, it’s more practical than that. I don’t think any of us should go into that mountain range with any regrets. We have no idea what’s going to happen to us in there.”
Bannen gave me an understanding nod, but didn’t say anything, and I felt grateful for that. We both knew it was going to be bad, that there would likely be casualties, but tonight we had a bubble of peace and calm. Tonight, at least, we wanted to stay in it for as long as we could before the world intruded again.
Instead of that, he changed the subject. “So I know I said that I wanted our engagement to be real, but we’ve basically been engaged for two years already. After this is all over, can we consult a shaman, get an auspicious date for a wedding?”
I blinked. “You need to ask a shaman for an auspicious day for a wedding in Z’gher?”
“Of course. You don’t want to marry on a day that has bad luck, that’s a terrible way to start married life.”
Bannen was so level-headed that sometimes I forgot he was born in a very superstitious culture. I considered that for a moment, idly cutting up the last of my meat and swirling it in the gravy. “As long as he doesn’t intend for us to push the wedding out another year, that’s fine. I suppose, all things considered, the safest place to marry is Z’gher. Or Turransky.”
“Z’gher,” Bannen stated firmly. “So my family doesn’t come after me with sharp, pointy objects in their hands. Please. We’ll find a way to portal your family up.”
I loved that he already wanted to put the engagement to an end, because he was right, we’d already been with each other for two years. If we hadn’t killed each other yet, and come through it more attached to the other, then there was no reason to wait any longer. “Z’gher it is, then.”
Our team straggled through the door as Rena and I lingered over dessert. Because I had no impulse control, and no reason to resist the urge, I called out, “Maksohm.”
I could see from his face that Maksohm had dragged himself here fantasizing about falling face first into bed. But he was a dutiful man and turned at my hail, and the rest of the team trailed behind him like obedient ducklings. (I think Nora at least had forgotten she didn’t need to follow him everywhere. Exhaustion did that to a person, narrowed their focus down to one task, even when the need to do it was gone.)
Before he could get any words out, I snagged Rena by the nape of the neck and planted a quick kiss against her mouth. “I was good. We kissed and made up.”
Rena smacked me lightly, laughing.
Maksohm’s eyes, I swear to the heavens, nearly fell out of his head. Chi cheered, the fatigue rolling off his shoulders, and both women gaped with identical expressions of ‘oh that’s so sweeeet.’ The only person not surprised was Yez, but he had his assassins-know-all look on his face that made me wonder, just how much did he know? That neither Rena nor I had ever said?
“I didn’t quite mean that literally,” Maksohm finally managed, lighting up in stages into a relieved and happy smile. “But I’m glad. Truly. So. Rena, Bannen, are you engaged?”
“It’s sad we’ve made you ask us that question three times,” Rena told our team leader ruefully. “Yes, Maksohm, we’re engaged. After all of this is over, the whole team is invited to come down to Z’gher for the wedding.”
Had he really asked us that three times? I mentally counted it out on my fingers. First time he met us, second time on the train ride here, and just now…yup, three times. That really was sad.
Chi slumped into the chair next to mine, and I think he would be bouncing if he’d had the energy to do it. “I have a personal bet riding on this, so I have to ask, who made the first move?”
“Me,” I admitted easily.
“How much alcohol was involved?”
“Not a drop.”
“Did she have to threaten you first?”
“Duh, you were there for that part.” And the man was tired because he had to stop and actually think about that, and Chi’s quicker on the uptake than this. “How about everyone sits, I’ll get you plates of food, and you can ask us questions as you eat?”
“I love you, you’re my favorite being in the whole universe,” Chi told me earnestly.
“You are so easily bought,” Vee laughed, coming to sit next to him. She angled her legs the other way instead of trying to squeeze them under the table, so that her body lined up with Chi’s torso. He encouraged this with an arm around her shoulders and she leaned back with a sigh, head nestled against his for a long moment.
I watched the easy way they fell into each other’s space, both smiling in that content and peaceful way people do when they are completely comfortable where they are, and shot Rena a warning look.
She just winked at me, an enigmatic smile on her lips. So help me, if she tipped the scales, and this went badly for Chi…. Standing, she went for the sideboard. “Who wants what?”
We fed our team, all of whom ate more than usual, an action that people do when they’ve been pushed past their limits and their body craves rest but can’t have it yet. I answered questions as they ate, none of them serious, some of them teasing, and when people started openly dropping, I caught t
hem before they could fall asleep with their faces in their plates.
One by one, I dragged them to bed, doing nothing more than dragging off coats and boots before tumbling them under the blankets and closing the door. Surely the cleanup hadn’t been so intense that it drained five veteran agents this badly? This shard had been stopped in its tracks, after all. Of course, if not the cleanup, then it left only one possible explanation.
Maybe it was just as well Rena didn’t want to be a MISD agent. The paperwork seemed deadly.
I made it back to the dining room to find that Rena had disappeared to her room at some point. All of my stuff still sat in Chi’s room, and I didn’t want to wake Rena if she was already asleep, so I retraced my steps down the hallway.
Alright, so I didn’t trust myself in a dark room with the woman I love, sue me.
Chi snored, faced down in his pillow, out for the count. I slipped out of my clothes and into something more comfortable for sleep purposes, then rolled into my own bed. So much had happened today that I found my mind raced, not wanting to settle, and it took a long time to fall asleep. When I finally managed it, a smile lingered on my face.
Today had been a good day.
I woke up to some foul creature bouncing me up and down on the bed. “Whazzit,” I muttered, mouth and eyes glued shut.
“Wake up, up, up!” a familiar voice demanded.
That sounded serious. I tried to wake up a little harder. “My get swords.”
Chi stifled a laugh—oh, Chi bounced on my bed, that figured—and two hands pried my eyelids open. “It’s not that early, what’s wrong with you? You normally wake up easier than this.”
The Void Mage (The Familiar and Mage Book 2) Page 26
