Even so, she was finding the strain tiring, and confided her fears to Cherry one evening as they walked towards the car park together.
'I'm sure you're wrong,' Cherry comforted her, when Kirsty told her how worried she was about her portrayal of Hero's role. 'Simon is very pleased with you, I know, although he's a bit preoccupied at the moment, poor love. The hospital want Helen to go in on an in-patient basis until after the birth, but she won't hear of it. Any idea when Drew's coming back?'
'He's in New York at the moment,' Kirsty told her, trying not to let her voice betray her.
'Umm. It's a terrible shame that that script business should have come up right now, but then I don't suppose he had much option, not if he was already contracted, but you must miss him dreadfully.'
Someone Kirsty managed a monosyllabic response, and only she knew how bitterly true it was. She did miss him, with a dull, nagging ache that gave her an insight into what she was going to have to endure for the rest of her life.
All her normal optimism and exuberance seemed to have been quenched; she felt quenched herself, muted and dull as though loving Drew had destroyed her vivacity and joie de vivre. She was tempted to go home for a weekend, but dreaded her parents reading the truth in her face, she had changed so much. lf nothing else, knowing Drew had forced her into adulthood, and she had left behind for ever the girl who had so glibly decided to punish him for daring to criticise her.
Even now she found it Impossible to remember the feel of Ms skin and the warmth of his mouth without aching to experience both again.
Lying sleepless at night, she sometimes endured the unbearable torture of re-living the sensation of being in his arms, but the experience was too painful and she had taken to sitting up, either reading or working, until she was on the point of exhaustion, solely to ensure that when she went to bed she would sleep.
CHAPTER EIGHT
'DON'T worry-you always think you're far worse than you actually are. lt's a well known actor's failing,' Rafe comforted Kirsty, as he helped her down from the stage.
They had just finished a pre-dress rehearsal run-through, and compared with the polished performances of the others, Kirsty was convinced that her own fell very far short of their expertise.
'For what it's worth I think Simon is right, and you're bringing a freshness to Hero that's very winning. David thinks so too,' he added with a wicked grin. Although professionally their Beatrice and Benedick could not be faulted, there had been a few sparks flying between the two leading actors, which Kirsty found a little surprising because David had always had a reputation for being an extremely ungracious actor, with an extremely even temperament. Rachel had tried to upstage him, and while he had not allowed her attitude to provoke him into a quarrel, he had been firm and direct about making sure the incident wasn't repeated. Cherry had confided to Kirsty that Simon wasn't too happy with the actress either, although he admitted that she made an excellent Beatrice.
'I'm afraid l'm never going to be anything even approaching as good as Rachel,' Kirsty told him honestly.
'Would you want to be?' David raised his eyebrows and looked down at her. 'Surely once you're married to Drew acting will take something of a second place in your life-unless of course l've misread your character.'
Kirsty shook her head.
'No, I'll never have the dedication to devote my whole life to it.'
'That's just as well,' David laughed. 'I can't see Drew being too happy about that. Heard anything from him recently?' he added casually.
How much had he heard? Kirsty wondered numbly. There had been a time when Rachel had made no secret of the fact that, married or not, she couldn't be entirely averse to allowing their mutual roles to extend beyond the boundaries of Shakespeare's play, and even though now she was barely civil to David when they weren't on the stage, Kirsty couldn't be sure that she hadn't told him about Beverley and about her being in New York with Drew.
'He writes; she lied eventually, 'but . . .'
'Letters are never an adequate recompense?' he suggested with a faint smile. 'If I didn't know that in my heart of hearts I'd be poaching, I'd suggest that you have dinner with me tonight, Kirsty. 'He added with a wry smile, Drew's a very lucky man. Girls like you are all too thin on the ground these days.'
'Thank you, kind sir,' Kirsty managed with a shaky grin. The mere motion of Drew had been sufficient to awaken all the anguish she had fought to put behind her since he had gone.
'What's going on here?' They had been standing together in the shadows offstage, and Rachel's acidly sneering remark and searching gaze made them both move slightly away. 'Private tuition?' she goaded in the same sour tone. 'I hope you benefit from it, my dear-you can certainly do with it, but then of course I tend to forget that you don't have the experience of the rest of us. At least not on stage,' she added insultingly.
'What was it now-two cops behind you?'
'One, actually.' Kirsty was proud of the quiet calmness of her voice because she was feeling far from calm.
'Bitch!' David remarked succinctly as Rachel pushed past them. 'I hope she doesn't use this to make trouble between you and Drew,' he added.
'I doubt if anything she had to say would alter Drew's feelings towards me,' Kirsty told him lightly. It was, after all, probably the truth. Drew's opinion of her was already so low, it couldn't possibly sink any lower, and then, although David didn't know it, telling him that she had found them together was hardly to evoke any response. She was wearing Drew's ring again. Somehow she hadn't been able to resist the temptation to wear it, and she fingered it now with a prescient feeling of sadness. How long would it be before she no longer had any rights, however tenuous, to what it symbolised?
Simon had already told her that Drew was having to stay in New York longer than he had planned. Why? Because Beverly was there and he couldn't bear to be parted from her? Asking herself such painful questions was a profitless exercise, and when Cherry suggested that she join them at the pub across the road from the theatre for a drink before going their separate ways, Kirsty agreed.
Everyone apart from her seemed to be in an effervescent mood. The rehearsals were going well, or so the others seemed to think.
Rafe, who was playing Claudio to her Here, sat next to her questioning her about her views of Simon's interpretation of her part.
'I must say I think it's working very well,' he told her enthusiastically. 'it was Drew's idea originally, of course. He told me about it when they were initially auditioning for Much Ado. I remember I asked him then who was playing Hero, and he told me he hadn't found her. He wanted someone special, he said, someone who could rise above the traditional playing of the role. In fact I seem to remember that he expressed a good deal of admiration for Hero,' he added with a grin. 'Something about her being a much easier woman to live with than Beatrice with all her fireworks. It looks as if he really meant it,' he added slyly. 'Have the two of you named the big day yet?’
Kirsty was saved from answering when Meg started to tell her about the time she had played Hero, and how docile she had found it.
Kirsty had the impression that they were all in their separate ways, trying to build up her self- confidence, and her despondency grew. She was not right for the part, she knew it. She lacked the experience, the verve, Simon was looking for. She would let him and the others down, she knew she would.
'Don't forget, everyone, dress rehearsal Wednesday,' Simon reminded them as he got up to leave. 'I've got to run now, Helen hasn't been feeling too good. No rehearsals tomorrow-have a day off.' There was a chorus of groans because it had been over a week since they had a full day off, Simon had been working them and himself hard, and Kirsty had been glad of it. She had returned to her bedsit in the evenings too tired to do anything other than fall into bed, but now she wag going to have a full day of leisure, with nothing to do but think about Drew and worry about their opening night. And she was worried. Far more worried than she had been with either of her two previous parts.
All at once she couldn't understand why she had ever wanted to go on the stage, and on impulse when she got home, she dialled Chelsea's number in Northumberland.
Her aunts husky, worm tones had an immediate soothing effect on her frayed nerves. She listened in silence as Kirsty poured out all her woes, although she was careful to make no mention of Drew.
'I wish you had more than one day off,' Chelsea complained. 'You could have come up to us. I was speaking to your mother last night, she's worried about you.' In Northumberland Kirsty imagined Chelsea grinning sympathetic- any. Both of them had suffered in their time from Ann Stannard's mothering tendencies, and Ann was inclined to be rather proud of the fact that she had been instrumental in bringing Chelsea and her husband Slade together.
'Try not to worry, Kirsty,' Chelsea told her. 'I wish I could see you-it'S so frustrating only being able to talk. You don't sound the same somehow. I have the feeling something's changed, but I don't know what. Are you all right?'
'Fine,' Kirsty assured her brightly. 'I've just grown up, that's all,' and then she rang of quickly before Chelsea could ask any more questions.
'Oh, Kirsty, you look absolutely fantastic! You!r waist's so tiny!' Cherry enthused, perched on a steal in the crowded, hot dressing room, watching them all struggle into their costumes.
Hers was very attractive, Kirsty owned. Of bright crimson taffeta with a soft cream under- skirt, it had originally been intended for Beatrice, but despite her dark wig, Rachel had categorically refused to wear the crimson, claiming that it destroyed her complexion.
'They're getting ready for first calls,' Cherry warned her. 'Oh, I always love the first dress rehearsal. Somehow when you see the play performed in costume for the first time it really comes alive. The scenery is fantastic too. It was clever of Drew to suggest that we use the local art school. They've certainly come up with some clever ideas.'
The art students had done an excellent job, under Pete's able direction. A familiar tension gripped Kirsty as she stepped on stage behind Rachel-and then she wasn't Kirsty Stannard any more; she was Hero, placid, good-natured cousin to the fiery, temperamental Beatrice, but beneath that placidness was resolution and courage, and those were the qualities that must show through to the audience, and it was up to her to make sure they did!
Leonato was speaking the opening lines, Geoff replying ably in his role as Messenger. Then it was Rachel's turn, quick-witted and faintly cruel as she asked after Benedick.
Leonato's 'What is he that you ask for, niece?' was Kirsty's cue and she took a deep breath, her smile and demeanour calm and unruffled, but there was a twinkle in her eyes and a lilt to her voice as she said demurely, 'My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua . . .'
After that the lines and arts followed one another in steady succession until just before the marriage scene where Claudio was to reject her.
Kirsty came off stage to find everything in a complete uproar.
'Talk about the show must go on!' Cherry was muttering through clenched teeth, her expression listening as she saw Kirsty. She grabbed hold of her and pulled her into the dressing room.
'Drew's on his way back,' she told her quickly.
'Drew? You mean from New York?' Kirsty asked faintly. Her heart was pounding heavily, Hero completely forgotten.
'I mean from London, to here,' Cherry told her. 'It all blew up last night. Did you know Simon wasn't here?'
'Yes, someone said he'd been delayed.'
'Half right. Helen wasn't well all day yesterday, and then last night she had to be rushed into hospital. Simon rang Drew in New York, and he announced that he was coming back to take over so that Simon could be free to be with Helen. It's pretty serious,' Cherry added gravely. 'They may well have to induce, both for the baby's sake and Hellen's, but I thought I'd just tell you. In all the panic I thought Drew might not have been able to let you know he's coming back. First available Concorde flight, and then an internal flight to York. He should be here soon. Simon told me that Drew said he wanted to be in time to catch the dress rehearsal if he could. Quick, you're back on,' Cherry added. 'I just thought I'd give you the good news-cheer you up a bit'.
Cheer her up! The thought of Drew witnessing her performance was enough to give Kirsty a severe case of tummy butterflies, but worse, far worse than that, was the thought of the inevitable confrontation when the rehearsal was over and she was forced to listen to him telling her that his plan had worked; that he and Beverley were back together, and that she in his role of 'fiancee' was no longer needed!
Somehow she managed to get back on stage, although she was barely aware of what was going on until Rafe started on Claudio's rejection speech. Had Drew arrived yet? Cherry in her role of A.S.M. was keeping an eye on proceedings, but it wasn't the same as having Simon there, and Kirsty could sense the production beginning to lose its sharp edge as the news of Helen's condition and Simon's absence began to filter through, and Simon's young assistant, Brian Felton, strived desperately to keep things going.
'Watch out for Rachel,' Cherry warned Kirsty when she came backstage to change. 'She's tried already to throw you off guard. If Simon were here she wouldn't stand a chance of getting away with it.'
'Any news about Helen?' Kirsty asked as the dresser used the hidden Velcro fastening to snap her second gown closed.
'Only that they're still waiting-Simon rang while you were on stage. He wanted to know if Drew had arrived.'
'You know what this means don't you?' Rafe muttered to Kirsty as they waited to go back on stage.' Another dress rehearsal almost straight away. I don't know why Simon simply didn't cancel today's. God knows how they moved in all this gear!' Kirsty smiled, but her heart wasn't really in it.
She was too keyed up and tense.
She made several small slips in the lead up to the wedding scene, forcing herself to listen to Rafe's rich baritone as he started to denounce her. This was almost her most important part of the play, and her hands had gone icy cold with dread She started to speak, her voiced low but carrying, forcing herself to concentrate on Hero's shocked disbelief. She had barely started the speech when she was distracted by a small commotion off stage, and she didn't need to turn her head to look fully at the man striding towards there commanding her to stop, to know who it was.
'No, Kirsty, that's not right,' she heard him saying crisply, and then he was facing her, looking surprisingly fresh after his long journey, in a plaid shirt open at the throat, his dark hair unruly.
'You're too passive,' he told her. 'At this stage you're still unable to believe what you've just heard, still unable to accept what's happening, and your voice must convey that to the audience. Outwardly your protest is contained, but inwardly, you can't endure the agony of hearing Claudio denounce you. You thought he loved you. How can he believe such terrible things abut you? You must have fallen in love as a teenager. Try to recapture the emotion you felt the, the agony of losing that first love. It can't have been so very long ago . . .'
'Think about how you would feel if you lost Drew,' Rachel suggested silkily, and even though she knew Rachel was waiting and watching for her response, Kirsty couldn't prevent herself from going white. She had lost him already, and her pain was unendurable.
Somehow she managed to get through the scene, doing as Drew instructed, trying to blot out the reality of his presence and concentrate instead on his instructions. The difference was immediately noticeable; the entire play took on a new sharpness. During a brief respite between scene Kirsty learned that Drew had phoned the hospital.
'Helen is responding better to treatment than they experted,' he told Kirsty when she asked anxiously after Simon's wife. 'But they're still going to keep her in for observation for a few days anyway. Simon will stay with her, and I'll direct Much Ado.'
'But your work on the script?' Kirsty demurred.
'More or less finished, but even if it hadn't been, I was planning on coming home anyway. There's something I want to discuss with you.'
'I've got t
o go back,' Kirsty interrupted desperately. 'Cherry's waving to me.'
Despite all her efforts it was virtually impossible for her to concentrate after that. No matter how much she tried to throw herself into her role, Drew's words kept coming between her and the play. She no longer cared that Rachel was constantly trying to upstage her, using her more powerful role to either obscure her visually or destroy her concentration.
At last the play was reaching its close. Soon she would have to listen to Drew, would have to hear him saying that he and Beverley were back together and that his engagement to her could now be brought to an end.
Claudio's familiar lines accepting her as his bride in the place of the Hero he thought dead washed over her. Rafe was stepping towards her so that they could exchange the kiss Simon had decided was symbolic of their reunion. Kirsty stepped back as Rafe released her, preparatory to saying her can lines and then suddenly Drew was on stage with them, ordering them to stop.
'Rafe, when you kiss Hero, you must initially do so hesitantly, reluctantly-after all, the woman you love is dead, and it's all your fault. As penance you've elected to marry another woman of her father's choosing, but you have no desire for the marriage. Your wife-to-be is not Hero.
And yet, as you kiss her, your senses relate to you the fact that you're holding in your arms the woman you love, so before Hero removes her mask you're already saying wonderingly, "Another Hero . . .''
'And you, Kirsty,' he turned to Kirsty, 'you've told yourself that you'll marry Claudio to punish him; his shock is your sweet revenge, and yet when he kisses you, revenge is forgotten and you remember only that he's the man you love. I want you to communicate that to the audience.'
He made them run through the scene again, exclaiming with dissatisfaction when they played the final scene.
'No, you're not striking the right sparks off one another. When you kiss it's like watching two comfortable friends embracing. When you kiss Hero, and realise who she is, all your love and anguish must be in your face; you break the kiss reluctantly. Look, perhaps it will be easier if I show you what I want.'
A Sudden Engagement by Penny Jordan Page 12
