by Jaye McKenna
“I hope so,” Dani said, not turning from the window. “Because I’m not like him. I can’t… I can’t treat people like that. How did Haiden stand it?”
“Did Haiden know?” Rio asked.
“I don’t know,” Dani whispered, shaking his head. “If he did, he never said a word to me.”
Then the carriage stopped, and Rio had to help Dani out, as the drug was still affecting his coordination. In Dani’s suite, Rio helped him to his favorite armchair, where Dani leaned forward, elbows on knees, head in his hands.
A few moments after Rio had taken his position near the door, Pendrin came out of the bedroom. He shot a worried look at Rio before addressing Dani. “You’re back early, aren’t you, sir?”
Dani didn’t appear to have heard.
“Some strong tea might be in order, Pendrin,” Rio said.
“Ai, I’ll fetch it at once. Will he be needing to dress for dinner?”
Dani lifted his head to give Pendrin a bleary-eyed stare. “No, Pen. I’ll be taking dinner here in my rooms, if I’m not feeling too ill to eat. Father’s off to the club with Finnia.” He dropped his head once more, and remained like that until Pendrin returned with the tea some time later. He drank his tea in silence, refused the slice of cake Pendrin brought with it, then rose and made his way to Haiden’s room.
Rio followed him in and stationed himself by the door, trying to make himself as unobtrusive as possible. Dani sank down on the bed with his back to Rio, head bowed.
“I can’t do this alone, Haiden,” Dani murmured, his voice so soft Rio barely caught the words. “I can’t.” His narrow shoulders began to tremble.
Rio stared out the window at the trees and tried not to watch Dani’s struggle, but his tiny, choked whimpers tugged at Rio’s heart. He endured it for only a few minutes before glancing out into the main room to make sure Pendrin wasn’t in sight. When he was certain they were alone, he closed the door quietly and crossed the room to sit beside Dani.
“You’re not alone, Dani,” he whispered.
Dani leaned against him, and Rio put an arm around him, telling himself it was to steady him. “I can’t do it, Rio. I’m not like him!” Another choked whimper escaped his throat.
“Let it go, Dani,” Rio murmured. “I’m not going to say a word to anyone. I already told you, your secrets are safe with me.”
Dani turned his face into Rio’s shoulder and gave vent to his grief and his fear. Rio didn’t try to tell him everything would be all right. That would be a lie, and they both knew it. But he did croon softly to him in Djhara, speaking the same words of comfort he dimly remembered Tal saying to him long ago and far away.
Eventually, Dani’s tears subsided, and his breathing slowed and deepened. Rio eased him down onto the bed and slipped the soft leather shoes from his feet. As he covered him with a blanket, Dani stirred and reached for Rio’s hand. Rio took hold of it and gave it a gentle squeeze before settling himself on the edge of the bed to wait.
It was well past shift change when Rio was able to let go of Dani’s hand without disturbing him. Coryn was already there in the main room, speaking quietly with Pendrin. The valet hastened toward Rio as he closed the door quietly behind him.
“Is Master Dani all right?”
“He fell asleep in there. He was so upset, I thought it best to leave him to sleep it off. I covered him with a blanket.”
“Very good, sir, thank you,” Pendrin said. “Do you think he’s down for the night?”
“I would think so,” Rio said. “He cried himself out, and he said earlier he hasn’t been sleeping well. Add the anzaria to that, and you might as well take the rest of the evening off.”
Pendrin turned to Coryn. “You’ll send for me if he wakes?”
“Ai, I will,” Coryn said with a brief nod. When Pen had gone off to his own room and closed the door behind him, Coryn eyed the dark, wet patch on Rio’s shirt where Dani’s tears had soaked through the fabric. “Interesting afternoon, I take it.”
“You were right about the anzaria.” Rio gave him a grim smile. “And this afternoon, he found out his father isn’t quite the upstanding businessman he’s been led to believe. He expects Dani to follow in his footsteps.”
“Dani, is it?” Ice-blue eyes drilled into him, and Rio flushed under Coryn’s cold scrutiny. “I thought it was Master Danakho to the likes of you and me?”
Rio ignored the question. “You’ll want to keep an eye on him if he should wake. He was very upset.”
“You’re getting too damn close, Rio. You’re here to guard his life, and that’s all. You work for his father. You’re not his friend.”
But what if I want to be his friend? What if I’m tired of having no one I can really talk to? He dared not say the words aloud, so he simply lowered his eyes and said, “Ai, Coryn, I know.”
There was a long silence, and when Rio finally looked up again, Coryn’s eyes were still on him. “You’re already on thin ice. Don’t make it worse for yourself.”
“I… I won’t,” Rio said in a low voice, and forced himself to hold Coryn’s gaze. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened in Akhat. I think… I think the whole thing took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting… Not that it matters. I fucked up. I know I have to prove myself, and I will. I don’t want to be retired.”
Coryn’s expression softened a little, and he reached out to squeeze Rio’s shoulder. “You’re doing fine. Just keep your mind on your job, ai?”
“Ai. I will.”
If he didn’t, he’d be dead.
* * *
Dani dragged his feet going down the stairs to the dining room. He wished it was Rio escorting him to breakfast instead of Coryn. Rio might have offered him some words of encouragement before he left his suite to face his father and the inevitable fallout from yesterday’s meeting. Coryn had simply given him a perfunctory nod as he’d risen from Haiden’s bed and stumbled into his own room, trying to shake the effects of last night’s emotional storm.
He shouldn’t have cried so hard and so long. It had left his head pounding and his cheeks tight. He’d looked an absolute fright in the mirror, what with his haunted, red-rimmed eyes and hair in wild tangles. A hot bath and Pendrin’s careful attention had soon set him to rights. He supposed he looked presentable enough, but all he really wanted was to go back to his suite and perhaps listen to the sound of Rio’s honey-and-smoke voice weaving a blanket of warmth and safety around him.
In the shelter of Rio’s arms, Dani had finally been able to give vent to the grief he’d kept bottled inside since Haiden’s death. While he sobbed, Rio had spoken softly to him in the liquid syllables of Djhara. Dani didn’t understand enough of the language yet to know what Rio had said, but he’d picked out the word skasha several times, which meant little one.
It had warmed him at the time, and now it made him wonder if something hadn’t changed between himself and Rio yesterday afternoon. Rio had smoothed his hair and let him soak his shirt with hot tears. That wasn’t the sort of thing a hired bodyguard did.
It was the sort of thing a friend did.
Dani stopped outside the dining room, and with extreme reluctance, put his hand on the door and drew in a deep breath. Coryn took his place by the door, face an impassive mask. No smile, not even a nod of encouragement. Rio would have—
No. He couldn’t think about Rio now. He had to think about how he was going to explain his behavior to his father.
Holding his breath, he pushed open the door.
Larrad was already seated at the head of the table, sipping tea and perusing a stack of papers. Dani took his seat and poured himself a cup of tea. It took a supreme effort to keep his hand from shaking.
“Pendrin sent word you were ill last night,” Larrad said without looking up.
Fiora bless Pen for trying to ease the way. “Ai, sir,” Dani said. “I… wasn’t feeling well all day. I’m afraid I wasn’t at my best during our meeting yesterday. I apologize if I caused you any embarra
ssment.”
“Indeed.” Larrad peered at him over his papers. “Fortunately, it was only Lord Finnia, and he is somewhat familiar with your… situation. I had planned to make this a working breakfast, but I’m afraid I haven’t time for more than tea this morning. I’ve been notified of a problem at one of the warehouses. I’m needed there immediately, and I’ll be off as soon as the carriage has been brought round.”
“I see.” Dani tried not to let his relief show on his face. “This afternoon, then?”
“Unlikely.” Larrad gave him a sour look. “I’m not expecting to be back until after dinner. I’d thought to bring you along, as it might prove instructive, especially given your comments yesterday afternoon. As you’re ill, we’ll wait until another time. You might as well go back up to your suite and rest. I’ll let Mistress Orlina know you’re not well enough for lessons today.”
“Thank you, Father. I, ah, I hope you’re able to resolve the problem at the warehouse without too much fuss.”
Larrad grunted and turned back to his papers.
Dani sipped his tea, suddenly feeling much lighter. Instead of dreading the day, he found himself quite looking forward to it — excused from lessons, sent to his suite — he and Rio could spend the entire day together with no distractions. He had to remind himself not to bounce on his toes as he passed his father, but rather, drag his feet and hang his head as if it were so heavy he could barely lift it.
In the hallway outside, Rio and Coryn were switching places. Coryn was saying something to Rio, but broke off as Dani stepped into the hallway. He gave Rio a meaningful look, then turned on his heel and strode out.
“Is everything all right?” Rio asked.
“It’s fine,” Dani said, managing a shy smile. “He’s been called into town on business, and Pen told him I wasn’t feeling well.”
Rio returned the smile with a brief quirk of his lips.
“Since I’m ill, I’m to spend the day in my suite,” Dani continued. “He’s canceled my lessons with Mistress Orlina, too.” He stared down at the floor, then added hesitantly, “We’ll have the whole day together.”
Rio didn’t say anything as he fell into step behind Dani.
When they reached the suite, Dani called, “Pen, send down to the kitchen for tea, would you? And see if there’s any breakfast cake or nut bread.” He glanced at Rio. “Have you eaten?”
“Ai, sir.”
Rio took his place by the door of the suite, while Dani moved restlessly from the window to the armchair and back, trying to find the words to thank Rio for comforting him. Dani had never been particularly good with words, and eventually, he became frustrated with himself and simply blurted out, “About yesterday—”
“I was out of line, sir,” Rio said quickly. “I apologize. I… it’s not my place.”
“What’s not your place? To offer comfort to someone who’s just realized the future laid out for him is far more bleak than he’d suspected?”
“I—”
“You were kind to me, Rio. I just wanted to thank you.”
“I’ve been there.” Rio lowered his eyes. “Where you are, I mean. I told you I lost my brother…” He stopped and cleared his throat. When he spoke again, his voice was thick and hoarse. “Tal was killed when I was thirteen. He was… he was the only family I had, and one day, he was just… gone. It wasn’t his fault, but… he left me alone in the world, and for a long time, I hated him for it. I’m sorry if I overstepped, but… you were hurting and… I wanted you to know it gets better. There’ll always be a hole in your heart, but as time goes by, the edges won’t feel as sharp and ragged. It… it won’t always hurt as much as it does now.”
“Thank you,” Dani murmured. “That means a lot. I… I’m sorry you lost your brother.” Rio didn’t say a word as Dani moved a little closer and held out his hand. “Are you… are you certain we can’t be friends?”
“Look, Danakho—”
“Dani. I told you that already.”
Rio swallowed. “Dani. I didn’t mean… I wasn’t trying to… I don’t…” He stopped and bit his lip. “Damn it, Dani, I like you. If things were different, I’d take your hand and… but I can’t. I’m your bodyguard, and that’s all I can ever be.” The words sounded strangled, as if Rio was fighting to get them out.
“Oh.” Dani dropped his hand and backed away, chest squeezing painfully.
Dark eyes locked onto Dani’s for a moment, full of conflict. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” Rio blurted out. “I just… I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Dani sighed. “So am I, Rio,” he said softly. “So am I.”
Chapter Six
Dani stood perfectly still, staring at the beautifully shaped muscles of Rio’s back. In the heat of the afternoon sun, Rio had pulled his shirt off, providing Dani with far too much distraction. Across the practice yard, a group of guardsmen, sweating in their padded practice armor, sparred with wooden blades under the watchful eye of Captain Hawk.
This was Dani’s second lesson, and he wasn’t just an observer this time. After running him through a series of stretching and strengthening exercises, Rio had ordered Dani to attack him, and Dani was at a loss as to how he was supposed to proceed.
He stared at Rio’s back, enjoying the view as he considered his options. “Um. Rio? I’m not sure what it is you’re expecting me to do.”
“Just do whatever comes naturally.”
“Ah. And if nothing comes naturally?”
Rio turned around to face him, wiping sweat from his brow and giving Dani an unimpeded view of his muscular chest and stomach. “How about you tackle me and try to take me down? See if you can pin me to the ground.”
“Pin you?” Dani eyed the muscles on Rio’s arms dubiously. “I’ll try, but I don’t think I’m strong enough.”
“Then this will be a good chance to find out how strong you are. That’ll give me a better feel for what we’re starting with. Try to surprise me by moving as quietly as you can. I promise I won’t hurt you.” Rio turned his back on Dani once more. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Dani waited for a minute before starting to move. He placed his feet lightly on the packed dirt, trying to be as quiet as possible. The moment he lunged, Rio whipped around and grabbed hold of him, and before he knew it, he was flat on his back with Rio lying full-length on top of him, pinning him.
Dark eyes met his, and Dani froze, trapped by those eyes. He breathed in Rio’s scent — clean sweat, sunshine, and wind — and his cock, which was trapped between their bodies, jerked to life. Heat surged through Dani, and his breath caught in his throat as his eyes traveled over Rio’s gleaming, sculpted shoulders.
He was hard, so hard, and if the scorching line of heat pressed against his hip was any indication, so was Rio. Rio shifted a little, and Dani bit back a moan at the sweet friction against his groin. He flexed his hips the tiniest bit, wanting more.
Rio’s eyes widened a fraction, and his hips moved in an answering thrust. Dark eyes burned, and for just a moment, Dani thought Rio was going to kiss him.
Then the moment was gone. Rio tore his gaze from Dani’s and shook his head. In the blink of an eye, he was on his feet, extending a hand to help Dani up.
Dani took the offered hand. It was warm and damp with sweat, like his own, and Dani would have held on longer, but Rio pulled away as soon as he was standing and shot a nervous glance across the yard toward the sparring guardsmen.
“Rio, I—”
“We can’t do this, Dani.” Rio’s voice was rough with the same desire that gripped Dani. “I’m already in trouble with my superiors. I can’t afford to screw up this assignment.”
“I… I understand,” Dani said woodenly. He stared down at the packed dirt beneath his feet. “How do I say I’m sorry in Djhara?”
“Ul yanavra,” Rio answered, his voice alone sending shivers of want rippling through Dani.
“Ul yanavra, Rio.”
Rio reached out and lifted his chin, forcing Dani to
look into his eyes. “Ul yanavra, Dani,” he said softly. “Know this: under other circumstances, I’d have wooed you to my bed before now. It’s not that I don’t want you. It’s that I can’t have you. If it would be easier, I can ask Coryn to switch shifts with me. Maybe if we didn’t see each other so much…”
“Do you really think it would be easier if you were stationed in my bedroom all night?” Dani asked.
Rio gave him a rueful smile and lowered his hand. “Perhaps not.”
“It might be better if I asked Coryn to teach me to fight, though.” Rio looked disappointed, but didn’t protest. “I’ll talk to him tonight.” Hopefully, tonight would be as peaceful as the last few nights had been. Larrad had been busy with his problem at the warehouse for the last four days. Dani hadn’t seen him since breakfast the morning after the meeting with Finnia. Pen said he’d been leaving the house before breakfast, and not returning until most of the staff had already sought their beds.
When they arrived in Dani’s suite, Pen was busy laying out Dani’s dinner clothing. Dani fingered the ruffled shirt. “What’s this, Pen? This is too fussy and uncomfortable for dinner.”
“His Lordship’s orders, Master Dani. He was here a little while ago. You’re to accompany him into the city shortly after dinner. There’s a business meeting he wishes you to attend with him.”
“After dinner?” Dani frowned. “Did he say where we were going?”
Pen sniffed. “He did not, sir, but I imagine you’ll find out in due course.”
Dani shot Rio a worried look. If the meeting was occurring after dinner, it would be Coryn, not Rio, who accompanied them. Rio’s dark eyes met his, and Dani knew Rio was thinking the same thing.
* * *
Dinner was a quiet affair. Larrad said nothing about the approaching meeting, and spent most of the meal staring at a stack of papers he’d brought with him. Dani excused himself early on the pretext of having left his jacket in his suite.
