She’d changed into jeans and a white shirt. For most women the simple unisex attire would make them seem almost boyish. But for Bree, with the collar turned up, rolled up sleeves, and the tails knotted just above her cute little navel, she appeared sexier than all the high fashion models combined into one.
He glanced at her feet. One rested on its side, while the other sat atop the first with two toes split and hugging the big toe. A sign of insecurity.
He held out a half-filled wine glass. “Here, I think we’re going to need this.”
She sent him a grateful smile, the corner of her mouth twitching. With a shaky hand, she accepted the fortification, gulping it greedily.
He took a quick swallow of his pungent ruby-red wine, praying that they’d both survive the attack of nervousness and the coming battle.
The stillness stretched to an uncomfortable waiting.
Nick took a stab at conversation. “I don’t know what to say.”
She sucked in a deep breath, and then expelled it on a wobbly laugh. “I don’t either.”
Silently, he berated himself, thinking he’d botched it once again. “Maybe, I just don’t know where to start.” He dragged a hand over his face. “Lord, how did we get so complicated?”
“We began that way, Nick.”
His heart squeezed at the catch in her voice. His preconceived judgments condemned her long before he’d ever met her, he realized now. “I’m sorry, sweetness.”
She jerked her gaze to his, allowing him to observe the change from green to the telltale blue behind the gathering moisture. Something twisted deep inside him.
Nick dropped down onto the stone hearth. The coolness of the stones penetrated his jeans, seeping into him. A trace of her haunting scent drifted to him, making him slightly dizzy.
She swallowed hard. “Things never work out the way you figure they will.”
“No, they don’t,” he said softly, sensing the shared pain at loved ones taken too soon, at shattered relationships, at opportunities lost with each other. “I thought you were just like her.”
“Her?” She frowned, clearly puzzled.
“Vinnie’s mother.”
He witnessed the shock ripple through her, causing one long shiver. An ache rushed through him, crying out to her.
Pale now, she bolted down the rest of her wine. With a shaky hand, she placed the goblet on a nearby table. Between gasps, she said, “I had no idea.”
“Nana made the connection long before I ever did. She urged me to look at you with different eyes.”
“But you couldn’t.”
“No, I wouldn’t.” Self-disgust crowded his middle. He pressed onward. “In the beginning, I loved Dorthea, as much as a young kid can love someone. I thought she felt the same, but she didn’t. Not really. She did what was expected of her, marry and have a family. I guess you could call it a lop-sided marriage.”
“Oh, Nick.” Pain etched her words, tugging at him. “That’s what you saw with Vinnie and me, a lop-sided marriage, too, wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” he dragged it out, grudgingly admiring her for speaking the obvious. He lifted his glass, taking another sip. The rich potent liquid flooded his taste buds, drowning out the bitterness. “At first I figured you cared little for him if you could kiss me like you did.”
“What do you mean at first?” It seemed as if she held her breath for him to answer.
“He deserted you. Oh, I know he still lived with you, but he wasn’t really there when you needed him the most.”
“No, you were,” she said gently. “I think he resented both of us for that.”
“Resented us?”
“Yes, because he saw it as a weakness in himself.”
Nick cupped his hand over his mouth, rubbing his forefinger over his lip in concentration. He dragged the past up, poking at the images until they turned around and stared him straight in the face. “He hated weakness of any kind.”
“Once, when he’d had too much to drink, he told me about his mother. A part of him loved her, ached for her even, but he despised her for being weak, for needing another man.”
Desolation consumed him. “I wished I’d known. Maybe I could have done something, helped him somehow.”
“No one could help him in the end. He was so different. He thought he was invincible.”
“The Teflon Man,” Nick recalled the nickname their fellow officers had given Vinnie. “Nothing stuck to him. Except… The bullet.”
She sucked in a shaky breath, gaining his attention. Sympathy radiated from her to him like warm tentacles, erasing the chill in his bones.
“I wish I could bring him back for you, ease your misery. You’ve lost so much, Nick.” Her voice croaked on his name, tearing him up inside.
“I’ve lost everyone I ever cared about, sweetness. My parents, Dorthea, Vinnie, Nana…” He warred with the rest he longed to tell her. His heart skipped a beat, and then he cleared his throat, pushing onward, “I thought I’d lost you and Sydney. The only way I could get you two back was to file for custody of her.”
She gave a tiny cry as she obviously sensed something in his demeanor. “But…you still think in some ways I’m like…her.”
“Yes.” It felt as if he’d ripped the word from his center.
She swiped at the falling droplets from the corners of her eyes. “Because I needed another man, a man other than my husband. Even if that man was you.”
“And because she was pregnant when she left me. With his baby.”
All the color drained from Bree’s face. “What are you talking about?” she whispered hoarsely.
“She did it deliberately. Call it revenge, or desperation to get away from me, but she planned it with cold calculation.”
“So, how does that make me like her?”
“I thought you got pregnant on purpose to trick Vinnie into marrying you. The same way Dorthea trapped her boyfriend into running away with her.”
Bree squeezed her hands in a white-knuckled grip in her lap. “You’ve got to believe me, Nick, I swear it was all Vinnie’s idea. He pressed for the marriage when he found out I was expecting. He had to talk me into it.” Her voice caught, and then broke.
He frowned. “I don’t know what to believe about you two anymore.”
She moaned as if in pain. “It’s my word against a dead man’s.”
“And I’m inclined to see things my son’s way.” He hated himself for it, but he refused to deny how he felt. How could he turn his back on Vinnie now? How could he betray his son by believing Bree?
“Loyalty above all else, right, Nick?” The question throbbed with emotion.
“That’s who I am.” He offered no apology, no excuses.
“You live your life by the book. We broke a cardinal rule not even an hour after we met; we kissed. That has haunted us for all these years.”
She paused for a moment, apparently trying to compose herself. “But the one thing you don’t know is Vinnie saw us.”
Chapter 12
Naked, Nick sliced through the inky black, chilly water of the lake, leaving barely a ripple in his wake. He prayed, that with time, the numbness slowly invading his body would seep into his brain.
Chaos ricocheted in his head. One damning phrase echoed repeatedly, giving him no peace. Vinnie knew.
Guilt, heavy and burdensome, gnawed at him.
Rack up another betrayal to my beloved son.
All these years, Nick had tried to hide his growing feelings for Bree, masking them under a huge veil of distrust and animosity. All that time Vinnie had known.
Nick mentally added this new piece of knowledge to all the other times and situations when he’d let his son down. The festering pool of churning remorse widened to allow another pail full of self-recriminations to enter, adding to his overtaxed conscience.
Tucking it away, in that deep-seated troubled spot of his soul, Nick came to face the cold, hard truth: Nothing could erase the terrible disloyalty he’d inflicted on his
son.
He’d live with the disgrace for the rest of his life. All that was required of him now was to accept his punishment and try to move on to form some sort of life with Bree and Sydney.
The irony of the situation didn’t fail him. He’d gotten what he wanted at the exorbitant price of losing his son.
A rustling sound and a twig snapping on shore halted Nick’s progress. Treading water, he twisted.
He watched Bree settle on a patch of grass illuminated by the moonlight, her white shirt like a beacon in the night. A sinking sensation swamped his middle.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to finish our conversation,” she said between chattering teeth.
At hearing her quivering response, the rampage smoldering in Nick, at himself and partly at Bree, slowly seeped out until only waves of aching pain remained, grief he’d tried to hold at bay.
It hurts so damn much.
Kicking out, Nick propelled himself toward her. He rotated his shoulders, one smooth stroke after another. Nearing land, he stood in waist deep water.
Only a few feet separated him from his clothes, but he hesitated, wondering if he should stay in the lake for Bree’s sake or stride onto land without a stitch on.
The pine-scented breeze sent goose bumps skittering along his flesh, deciding for him.
He headed for his pile of clothing.
Bree’s gasp stopped his forward movement for a moment.
She averted her eyes, and then cleared her throat. “I remembered how you like to work off steam by swimming, so I brought you this.”
Leaning close, he snagged the large towel she offered him. He covered himself with half of it, and then began to rub himself dry. Her perfume clung to the soft fabric. A rush of yearning filled him.
He longed to hold her, but denied himself the pleasure. “Thanks.” Her discomfort puzzled him. “What’s wrong? Why can’t you look at me?”
“Contrary to what you may think, Nick, I’m not used to seeing a naked man.”
He frowned and tucked that little telling piece of information away. He sighed heavily, not caring to go into any more details of the ugly past. “What else can we say? Don’t you think we’ve hurt each other enough for one night?”
“There’s more.” It came out on a moan.
Nick stilled. Dropping the towel as if it were on fire, he grabbed for his clothes, yanking them on with barely controlled desperation.
He needed protection to ward off any flinging arrows, words or otherwise. “Go on, say your peace. Then you can go back to the cabin. I don’t know how much more I’ll be able to take.”
She sucked in a breath, and then released it in a rush. “Vinnie didn’t have to witness that kiss to know there was something between us. He knew I wanted you. He suspected you felt the same way about me.”
Waves of shock crashed down on Nick. He dragged an unsteady hand through his wet hair. “Why didn’t he tell me?”
“He didn’t tell me all of it until near the end. He said you and I were meant for each other.” She hesitated for a moment. “We were going to end the marriage, Nick.”
Darts of stunned wonder rained down on Nick, piercing his pristine image of his son, cracking the glass shell Nick had erected around Vinnie’s memory.
Bitter disappointment flooded him, leaving a vile taste in its wake. “Divorce? My son knew I wouldn’t abide by that. He knew cutting out on his responsibilities wasn’t acceptable to me.”
“I know. It goes against your hard and fast rules. Vinnie knew that, too. That’s why he never told you, never confided in you. He wasn’t up to a confrontation or a lecture.”
“Sweet Jesus, what else don’t I know?”
“There’s plenty,” Bree murmured under her breath, but Nick caught it.
“And you didn’t see the need to come to me?” Disloyalty beamed bright in Nick’s gut, first by his son, and then by Bree.
“What was I supposed to say, Nick? Your son and I are better friends than spouses? Or something along the lines of, I’m leaving your son, but I’d like to still see you?”
“So, it was you that instigated the whole thing.”
“I swear it was mutual.”
He continued as if she hadn’t spoken, his distrust carving an even deeper and wider path. “Well, don’t even think of it this time; I’m not my son. I won’t be pushed around and manipulated. Thank God I had the presence of mind to have the pre-nup drawn up. You’re my wife until death do us part.”
She stiffened noticeably, and then suddenly deflated like a flat tire. With her forehead pressed to her raised knees, she choked out, “Oh, God, Nick, you’re going to regret marrying me, I just know it. You’re going to end up hating me.”
Bree lifted her head. Her fast falling tears glistened in the silvery beam of moonlight. “I don’t know how to be a wife, Nick.”
His throat clogged. He fought to swallow past the constriction. Her distress grabbed his heart like an invisible hand wringing every drop of energy from him. Nick dropped to the ground in front of her, drained of his anger and with a terrible hollow ache behind his rib cage.
You’re the only woman who can bring me to my knees. “Well, I certainly don’t know how to be a husband, to you or anyone else.”
She sniffed loudly. “So, we’re in the same boat, right?”
He nodded, and then sucked in a long, slow breath. Trying to hold her unreadable gaze in the dimness, he begged, “Please tell me what happened to you and Vinnie. I need to know.”
Bree heard the catch in his voice and it twisted her heart. How could she deny him that? How could she hold back if the information granted Nick some peace of mind?
She’d reveal what she could without compromising her daughter’s well-being.
Swiping at the remnants of her crying, Bree gulped in the fresh, clean air. “He badgered me to marry him for weeks until he wore me down. Part of me realized what a mistake I was making…” She stopped herself, afraid to continue along those lines without disclosing the darkest spot in her soul. “We cared for each other, like best friends do. But, it wasn’t enough to sustain a happy marriage.”
“Because of me.”
“No, not you.” She rushed to reassure him. “There was very little there, between Vinnie and me, to keep a lasting relationship going. How could there be when he was in love with someone else?” And I only dreamed of you, Nick.
“You knew about Tina?”
She nodded, wishing that Vinnie’s first love hadn’t run off with another man, a richer man. “Like I said, we were the best of friends and he told me everything. He never got over her. How sad for him.”
“You sound like you really care.”
Bree detected the skepticism. “Hard to believe as it is, I only wanted him to be happy. Deep down I knew I wasn’t it.” She blew out a breath. “And the moment he saw you and me together, Vinnie realized he could never bring me happiness, he could never compete with his own father.”
Stunned wonder transformed Nick’s features. He tried to speak, but nothing came out. Finally, he succeeded. “Did you say compete?”
“Yes,” she dragged it out, mindful of his precarious state. She never wanted to hurt him. Her heart clenched in sympathy. “As much as I could gather, I think it began as hero worship. Oh, Nick, he really loved and admired you. Sometimes he’d go on for hours just talking about you.” She bowed her head sheepishly, saying, “He painted you as such a great man that I think I…I came to care for you even before I met you.”
He sucked in a sharp breath, drawing her full attention. His dark, glittering gaze searched hers in the cloud-covered light. “What are you saying, Bree?”
Refusing to reveal herself totally, she improvised. “He didn’t do you justice.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “I told you once before, don’t give me too much credit.” Emotion roughened his voice.
“Why, because you’re human? Flawed? Everyone’s like that. You least of all, Carletti.�
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“You see what you want to see.”
“I see what’s there in front of my eyes, what’s inside of you,” she countered.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Forget about me for a minute and go back to Vinnie.”
A knot formed in her middle, tightening. She closed her eyes and her senses heightened. The cool air caressed her skin. A trace of Nick’s after-shave tickled her nose, drawing a neediness from her center. But the heavy pine pitch whisked the sandalwood fragrance away and dropped her back to Earth, to the moment.
“He confronted me about the ‘forbidden kiss’ on our wedding night.” Images flashed in her mind, ugly and humiliating. Hateful words rushed back, making her ill. “It was like he changed right before me.”
“Oh, God, he didn’t hurt you, did he?”
Surprise lanced through her. He actually cared. Focusing on Nick once again, she sensed his tension and saw the controlled way he held himself, his hands balled into fists. She hastened to put his fears to rest. “Not like you mean. But with words.”
Nick cursed under his breath. “Sometimes they can be worse.”
Yeah, tell me about it. “Only a day before he was sweet and caring. That night his mouth twisted into this menacing sneer. His face turned beet red and the veins on the side of his neck popped out. And his eyes, oh, his eyes, were almost black.” A shiver inched down her spine.
“You should have never gone through that alone.”
She sent him a half-smile. “Nick, My Knight in Shining Armor.” When he shot her a self-deprecating one in return, she pressed on. “He never blamed you, only me.”
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” he swore. “Why not? I was just as responsible for that kiss, for what happened.”
“I told him it was all my fault.”
“You did what?!”
He leaned close, close enough for her to see the glimmer of his angry, dark brown eyes. But she didn’t fear him, not like she had Vinnie.
Nick doesn’t know my deepest darkest confession, but his son had and held that power over my head until the day he died.
Secrets Of The Heart (Book 1, The Heart Series) Page 9
