by Tara Lynn
The caller was considerably easier to say no to, though. The caller id read “Mom.” She wasn't even trying to trick me into answering.
After Deacon's continued horror at every story from my childhood, I'd thought about removing her contact altogether. I knew the number by heart to avoid it.
But I hadn't.
And now, something kept from declining the call. Maybe I'd had my daily vaccination against nutjob mothers. But I actually wanted to hear something from her, too.
I took the phone to my room and shut the door.
“What?” I said.
“Kerry?” Her voice was low and surprised.
“Yeah, who else? You called me.”
“You just never pick up anymore.”
“Well, I did now. Say your piece.”
“Kerry, you need to come home and visit. Your father is very ill. Please, just let him see you.”
Despite everything, my chest tightened a bit.
Not for him. Never for him.
But my mother had a sad aura about her that had only deepened. She had been under his control for so long. Facing the wide open world must be horrifying.
“I can't do that, Mom,” I said. “I can't forgive him.”
She just breathed on the other end. Was this the depth of her argument? Her only plan was to try to get me to pity the monster that had ruled my life?
Suddenly, I knew what had compelled me to pick up. I had to know why she'd become who she was. How had she submitted so deeply to his will? Even with him sick, she was still begging on his behalf.
I didn't ever want to turn out that way. And deep down, it had always been a worry: Could Deacon's love be a blindfold too? It felt empowering, but maybe that's what my mom thought, even as my dad silenced her strength.
“I won't meet him,” I said. “But I'll meet you.”
Her breath caught. “You will?”
“Not at home. How about a Starbucks?”
“Alright.”
We set it up for the weekend. I gave her Mira's branch address.
“Thank you, Kerry,” she said. “I hope I can change your mind.”
“Don't expect that,” I said. “I'm only planning on talking.”
I hung up and stood in my dark room. What was the best that could happen? I'd find out how she succumbed and make sure I wasn't walking down that path. Anything more was a bonus.
But my thoughts went quickly to the night before. Deacon had his own messed up family relationship. Still, they all seemed to stay in each other's lives even as they held a knife at each other's throats. Maybe that was better than nothing.
I went out, and perched back by the sofa.
“That your mysterious boy toy?” Antoine asked.
“It was my mother.”
They shuffled on the sofa behind me. “What?” Mira said. “You talked to her?”
“I did. And we're going to talk more in person.” I turned around. “It'd be nice to have some support.”
“I suppose I can make time,” Antoine said. “But what are you doing this for? You get along worse with your folks than I do with mine.”
“She's trying to fix that, duh,” Mira said.
“No.” They looked at me expectantly. “I'm just trying to understand her.”
They turned back to the TV and I thought quietly to myself: So I can be sure I don’t make the same wrong choice that she did.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Deacon
When I expected a late night, I liked to move myself to my ground office. It was a little room off on its own, almost like a garden shed, but with glass walls, minimalist furniture and a solar lit roof. It sat just on the shores of the company pond.
I liked being close to water. Watching the ripples helped me think. And it soothed me, which I certainly needed now.
“I don't accept that answer,” I said, gazing out at the moon’s reflection in them.
“Then don't accept it, ya dumbass,” Trey said behind me. “Give up the entire deal. See if I care.”
I turned to Trey. His suit jacket was already off on the chair. His brown arms were damp past his rolled sleeves.
“You're not giving me enough money to work with, you penny-pinching bastard. I can't buy a controlling stake in Habibi solar with ten million. We give more to charity than that.”
“Blame your old man. Or his lawyers. These rules are ironclad.”
“Fuck,”
I slammed a palm into the glass wall. I had control of a goddamn aircraft carrier, but my father had jammed the rudder before he departed the world. I couldn't maneuver out of this mess.
“Well, Jesse's on board,” I said. “That's got to amount to something.”
“Not according to this charter.”
“Two thirds of the company wants to do something and they can’t?” I said. “Two thirds is enough to pass a goddamn law without the president.”
“Your family has a very unique take on checks and balances.”
I fogged the glass with exhausted breath. This thing had sucked up my entire week, and I had nothing to show for it. Winning was supposed to prove something to Kerry. Instead, I had wasted time that could have gone to her. It'd been days since I'd seen her last.
Friday night and I was here. We were even dry on alcohol. Trey and I were drinking Swiss water that tasted worse than what came out of a tap. I had tried sending Demetri to get something useful to drink, but he said he was in the middle of a thing with his girlfriend. Either I was getting sentimental, or that kid was learning how to play me.
I sat next to Trey. He looked like weathered wood, with sweat running down his face. Guy had bled for this deal, no question in that.
Maybe he could do more.
“Any chance you would be willing to-”
He cut me off with a knowing dip of the head. “Man, I know you're not asking me to cook numbers for you. I know Deacon Stone would never be so dumb.”
I slapped my forehead and collapsed hard into the chair back. “Oh, fine, yeah, that was dumb. I'm just out of my mind here.”
“Take it easy.” He patted my shoulder. “You still got time to make this work. Maybe you can bring your mother around.”
I laughed harsh. “Hilarious. My mother's loving every moment of this. You go try to change that old girl's tune.”
“I'll take a hard pass on that.”
Bring her around. I'd been trying that my whole life. Ok, well, not very hard. But I'd done my best to explain my motives. What pissed me off most wasn't her rejecting the deal, but the idea that the sight of Kerry might have been the tipping point. The political shit probably factored in, but that had been around for a while.
If she couldn't see how Kerry's brain and beauty trumped the ditzes she liked, or how her work ethic let her put up with my busy life -
Wait.
“You're a genius,” I muttered, reaching for my phone.
“Yeah?” Trey sat up straighter. “Well, sure, but which genius thing are you talking about now?”
“Having Kerry come over. It's fine right?”
“Kerry? Here?” He shrugged. “Yeah, if she's willing to waste a night in this little cube. Let her know the fridge is empty though.”
Kerry was out with her friends. She protested at first, but she clearly wanted any excuse to see me. A promise of smart company with alcohol and numbers to play with apparently did the trick. Half an hour later she stood knocking at the office door with a security guard.
“Thanks, Tom.” I waved to the guard as Kerry came in lugging a carton of beer.
She dropped it, rushed over and pecked my lips. She even gave Trey a hug. Poor guy was too shocked by her energy to reciprocate.
What can I say? My girl loved her numbers.
“So what's the deal?” she said, sitting across from us. She had on a gorgeous orange and yellow summer dress that could have brightened the night around us, but her eyes were all business.
“Read this and find your boy half a billion somewh
ere,” Trey said, sipping a beer as he handed over the financial charter my father had written. “Or let him know that I was right when I said it's impossible.”
She bugged out at the thick sheath of papers. “Isn't that more a lawyer's job?”
“Deacon here, he doesn't really understand corporate structure.”
I threw up my hands. “What can I say? I love my accountants.”
She began poring through the papers at a rapid rate. Trey and I chugged cans of beer. He tried to get me caught up with chitchat on the Astros and the Rockets, and I humored him, thought it wasn't really my deal.
Just watching Kerry was inspirational. The tight look on her cute brow made me just want to clutch her to me and forget about the money. Probably best that Trey was around for restraint.
Kerry looked up after half an hour. She carefully opened a beer can and took a long draw.
“Yeah, you're not going to be able to get Stone Holdings to buy Habibi Solar outright,” she said. “I'm really sorry.”
“Fuck.” I chugged the rest of my beer, but it wouldn't be enough. The rest of the box wouldn't be enough.
“Sorry man.” Trey looked as dejected as me. “I won't even say I told you so.”
“Awful kind of you.”
Kerry leaned in and stared at me, her brown eyes bright as lit coal. I just wanted to go somewhere nice and drift off with her, doing nothing.
“You done being sad?” she said.
“Any reason I should be?”
“Depends on how much you want this deal.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You know how much.”
“Ok.” Kerry slid the papers back. “Then forget all this. Buy the company yourself.”
The room lay very still. The LED lights shone their crisp light on us, and the waters moved silently outside the glass window.
“Buy it?” I said.
“You can, right? You have half a billion not tied up in this company.”
“I...do.” I glanced at Trey, who nodded slowly.
Kerry reached over and grabbed my hands. Her strong beautiful arms lay faint against the dark wood.
“You want to be your own man. You want to go hard for what you believe in. That's awesome,” she said. “That's half the reason I love you.”
“What's the other half?”
“Your billions.” She rolled her eyes convincingly. “Obviously.”
I grinned. “Knew it.”
Her mouth lay flat though. “What's the use of all those billions if you can’t do what you want? Use the money. Start your own company.”
From the edge of my eyes, I caught Trey frowning.
“As your accountant and your friend,” he said. “Seeing you invest a third of your liquid assets in a high risk play is...well, fuck it, it's nuts.”
“And as your other accountant and listener to you dreams both literal and figurative,” Kerry said “I strongly advise that you go for it.”
“I must have missed the 'follow you dreams' class in business school,” Trey grumbled.
“Oh come on,” Kerry said to him. “How bad off will he be if he loses every single penny he puts into this thing? Will it change his lifestyle?”
Trey shrugged. “Probably not. On that count, it certainly wouldn't hold a candle to you.”
“It's just money.” Kerry leaned in to me so deep she was almost on the table. “Someone once said that the only freedom they had was to decide what to chain themselves to. And I think you’d rather chain yourself to this solar company than a somewhat larger bank account.”
It was nuts. It made no strategic sense, but that wasn’t what held me back.
For some reason reason, legacy suddenly made a lot of sense.
“I'm still a Stone,” I said. “I may have been born chained to that name, but it also gave me everything I had. I'm still CEO of Stone Holdings. I can't just split off and abandon ship.”
“You don't have to. Call your new company Stone Solar. Run both companies. No one's going to stop you.”
She was so eager. Her mouth lay open to counter every doubt that left mine. She wanted so much for me to seize the freedom I had once offered her. But walking away from my dream of growing Stone Holdings my way still felt like a surrender. It wasn’t who I was.
“Isn't there any way to tie this solar company to Stone Holdings in more than name?”
Kerry ticked her head from side to side. “Well, there is a way you could invest in it with the company. Stone Holdings could invest a lot more than ten million. You just wouldn't be able to buy enough share to control Habibi Solar.”
“She's right,” Trey said, sitting up. “I thought you wanted to run the place, not just buy stock in them, but yeah, you could do that.”
“What?” I nearly leapt across the table and seized her. “Why didn't you say so?”
“It's just an investment. It wouldn't be your company. That’s one thing.”
“And what's the other thing?”
“You'll need your brother to agree to it.”
****
“I'm not doing that.”
Jesse stalked over to the window of his office. He had a nice high view of the parking lot. Right now, I had a mind to kick him out into it.
“You said you were greenlighting my deal,” I joined him at the other end of the window. “This is just where the deal's landed.”
He crossed his arms and leaned on the glass. His eyes fell on me, but they were still distant.
“This is a very new deal you're asking me to agree to. It doesn't give us final say in decision making. It doesn't limit our risk. It simply allows us to hand over money to a foreign company.”
“Which they'll be thrilled to have.” I rapped the glass. “Yeah, we can't reach over and make them do what we want, but we can provide guidance. They're doing great on their own. A little tip here or there is all they need.”
Jesse shook his head. “I'd have to get another report for this. It still makes us look like a solar player, but we don't get any of their technology. We lose all the benefits that Kerry mentioned.”
“I'll have her write a new report,” I said. “She'd be thrilled. Hell, she was the one who dug up the clause that allows us to do this.”
That flared his eyebrows. “She helped you on this?”
“That she did.”
He sighed broadly. “Well, no wonder you're pressing so hard. Deacon, this isn't even what you want. You wanted to buy a company, not just invest in one. Don't do this to impress her.“
“What? I'm not trying to impress her. She told me not to do this. She called it a half-assed move.”
My brother threw up his hands, and sat back at his desk. “Then, this is just foolishness. I don't see any purpose in your proposal.”
I walked around and sat across. My purpose was not to scuttle the whole damn deal, the thing I'd worked so hard to accomplish. What more reason did I need?
Well, other than not wanting to risk my own money. Other than avoiding risking my name on something my family hadn’t built up for me. Other than accepting that I’d lose Stone Holdings eventually.
You know, all the things I'd been saying I wanted this whole time.
“If I get a new report from our old data, will you look at it?” I asked.
Jesse gave me a long and thoughtful glance, his eyes paler than usual.
“No, Deacon,” he said with a sigh. “If there's no real purpose, I'd rather not go against mother on this.”
“Ah.” I clicked my tongue. “So there it is.”
“It just doesn't seem prudent by any measure.”
And of course Jesse was always prudent, always careful. Our mother would still hand him the company. But he didn't want to risk it. Just investing in the solar company could still make the company a lot of money. That might make it harder to knock me from the CEO seat when the time came.
I stood, clapped down my jacket from the familial ash that seemed to cloud the whole company.
“Thanks for y
our time,” I said. “I'll find some other way.”
“Good luck,” Jesse said, as I walked out. “I really mean it. Let me know if you need anything else.”
I snorted as I left. He wouldn't give me a damn thing. What I wanted, I'd have to take myself.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Kerry
It didn't hit me until I was sitting at a shaded mesh patio table, holding my frigid coffee, listening to bland indie rock and smelling burnt beans: my mother was really going to meet me here. It'd be the first time seeing her in six years - which was about sixty less than I planned.
What insanity had possessed me to agree to this?
A bit of chilled chai tea washed down my nervous energy. It was ok. This was a public place. If I got too keyed up, I could just leave. I had that right. And I had my entourage.
Antoine sat a couple tables away watching over me extremely conspicuously. He had a paper copy of the Houston Chronicle spread open in front of him. Great cover for a 1960s era spy, not so much these days. But it was enough to hide from my mom.
Mira popped back out. She had been dropping by every five minutes now. At this rate, she was going to get fired.
“You should really-” I started.
“I think she's here,” she said, wringing her green apron. The loose strands of hair from her bun were trembling.
“Where?” I stared back behind her at the side entrance. Had she snuck in there?
“It looks like that's her at the counter.”
I looked in the same direction as Mira. A familiar, timid face hovered right over the pastry display.
“That's her,” I said breathlessly.
She hadn't aged at all. Her hair was grey, of course, her temples wrung with wrinkles, but they had always been that way. She had grown old one day, and stayed in that state. She wore a pale blue dress that covered her to her knees. It barely kept from being Amish thanks to a thin black belt.
I clenched the arms of my chair tight. My legs felt like they might run me away if I didn't.
“What should I do?” Mira asked. “Should I tell her you're out here?”
“Let her see me. Get back inside.”
I watched my mom look around inside. Figures that's where she'd search. The day was beautiful. A storm had just blown through and left Houston cooler and breezy. Yet, she still thought I'd be stuck in there.
