She picked her keys up from the table and stood up to go.
‘Thanks so much for the coffee and the chat. I really don’t want to raise my hopes this time with Blake, as it seems like every time we get together something drags us apart again, but this time I’m not going to let him slip through my fingers. I can promise you that.’ She hugged Lucy tightly.
Lucy gave her a squeeze. ‘I’m so happy for you, darling, I really am. You deserve nothing but happiness.’
‘Fingers crossed,’ replied Camilla as she hopped into the little cupcake van and drove home, waving to Lucy with her fingers still crossed.
Chapter 33
Back at Cupcake Cottage, Camilla breathed in the sweet scent of vanilla, which delicately fragranced the air. It was such a welcoming place to be and so homely. She lit the fire in the living room as the air had a chill to it. She wiped down the work surfaces now that the icing sugar had had a chance to settle. After mopping the floor she was satisfied that everywhere smelt lemony fresh and ran up the stairs to have a quick shower before Blake arrived with the takeaway. Her heart flipped at the thought of him returning, especially as she had asked him to stay as he had an early flight the next day.
Her thoughts flashed back to how he’d made her feel the night before and she almost gasped as her breath was taken away by the memory of him touching her and taking her so passionately, as though they had never been apart. Yet there was something so much more grown up about them both, a maturity that she supposed should be expected after ten years apart. She tried not to think about the fact that they had both had experience of being with other people.
She wasn’t a naturally jealous person but the thought of Blake being with anyone else cut into her deeply like a knife. The fear of losing him hadn’t totally gone away if she was honest. Their relationship was still so new, and her heart still bore scars from the first time they split up. So, it wasn’t going to be easy to put all of her trust in him and allow him access to her fragile heart once more. She could at least console herself that when they had split a decade ago it was through no fault of their own. Their stars were misaligned; maybe it just hadn’t been their time right then, but now, there would be no stopping them. They were together at long last.
She changed into a soft lilac off-the-shoulder jumper and pale blue jeans. Her platinum blonde hair tickled the bare skin of her shoulders as she shook it out from her ponytail. Apart from lip balm with a slight shimmer to it, she wore no make-up and her freshly moisturised face glowed with anticipation of what was to come.
When she read the text message from Blake to say that he would be there in ten minutes her stomach felt as though someone was inside it sashaying around with a hula hoop. She padded into the kitchen in bare feet showing off freshly painted toenails and put the plates in the oven to warm up. She pulled two large wine glasses down from the cupboard and fumbled in the drawer for the corkscrew. Once she had retrieved it she uncorked the bottle of red she’d taken from her small wine rack on the kitchen counter. The plummy scent, desperate to escape the confines of its glass prison, filled the air around her as soon as the cork popped out. She filled the glasses and couldn’t resist taking a sip of the purplish red liquid as she took them to the table in the orangery.
Even though she was expecting him it didn’t stop her from jumping when she heard the doorbell ring. With her heart still pounding she ran to the door and opened it to see him beaming a white-toothed smile and holding up the paper bag from the Thai restaurant in one hand and a leather sports bag in the other. She threw her arms around his neck and planted a kiss firmly on his lips. He gathered her close to him dropped his bag to the floor and lifted her off her feet, walking into the cottage as their lips remained locked together. He reluctantly put her down in the living room and handed her the takeaway.
‘Either you’re pleased to see me or ravenously hungry,’ he joked, grabbed his overnight bag from the front step and shut the door. He dumped the bag ungraciously in the living room and followed Camilla into the kitchen where she was already crunching on a prawn cracker. He took one from the bag.
‘Ah that confirms it; you just wanted me for my dumplings and my prawn crackers.’
Camilla turned to him and giggled; she bent her head and took the prawn cracker from his hand with her mouth. He grabbed her to him and kissed her neck until she surrendered with laughter.
‘Here, you take these in to the table.’ She handed him some warm side plates and the box with the starters in it and put the main meal boxes in the oven with the dinner plates. He was sitting at the table when she entered the orangery and when he looked at her she had to stop just for a couple of seconds to close her eyes and breathe deeply.
He still had the same effect on her that he always had but now it was even stronger because she knew what it felt like not to have him in her life and she couldn’t bear to let go of him again. His dark curls and beard made him look like a hero from a romantic movie. She half expected him to jump up and rip off his shirt to save her from some disastrous situation she’d found herself in. His brown eyes sparkled and reflected all the memories they’d shared together. The small crinkles at the sides of them intrigued her. She knew that she had helped some of those lines appear; they had laughed a lot for those years they had together.
‘I was just thinking about all the wonderful laughs we’ve had over the years. Remember sliding down the snowy hills on a makeshift sledge where we both ended up in a heap at the bottom?’
‘As if I could ever forget,’ he replied. ‘We couldn’t move because our legs were tangled up together and we laughed so much we thought our ribs were broken.’
She laughed as his eyes sparkled at the memory. ‘I remember you smiled, and so much snow came out of your mouth. I couldn’t stop laughing.’
‘That’s because I landed face down in the snow to protect you.’ He chuckled. ‘What about the time I was taking a picture of you by that statue and I fell backwards very unceremoniously into the duckpond?’
Camilla threw her head back and shrieked with laughter. ‘Yes, and you were completely submerged under the water apart from the arm that was carrying the camera, which somehow remained completely dry. It was even funnier that you carried on clicking the camera button to take the pictures anyway for dramatic effect before pulling yourself out.’
‘You could hardly pull me out as you were bent over double laughing hysterically. I seem to remember the resulting pictures showed your face horrified at first when you obviously thought I’d died, then gradually smiling and eventually grinning like a maniac as you got closer and closer to the camera.’
‘And then I got one of you taken when you emerged, soaking wet with that cheeky grin on your face; it’s funny though because in my memories you didn’t have a beard.’
He had framed that photo and for many years it never failed to make them laugh. They had shared so many happy times together and Camilla was honoured and proud to be part of the history of his face. Their happiness was etched into those lines and hopefully they had the rest of their lives to share many more moments of happiness; after all, this was just the beginning.
He pulled her onto his knee and they kissed between sips of red wine and feeding each other spring rolls, satay chicken dipped in peanut sauce and prawn toasts. The main meals weren’t eaten until much later on after they had moved to the living room and made love leisurely on the fluffy rug in front of the roaring fire. Camilla felt herself float away on a cloud of pure pleasure that she had never felt before. Her hands had grasped his hair whilst he played her body as if it was the most exquisite instrument he had ever seen. His touch was electrifying, leaving blazing trails of fire in its wake. The waves that racked her body felt like they would never stop. Eventually they lay in each other’s arms, covered with the velvet throw from the couch. He stroked her face, his finger trailing gently over her soft skin, and followed it with soft butterfly kisses.
‘I never in my wildest dreams expected to be back
here with you in my arms.’ He kissed her nose. ‘I truthfully expected you to be married with a couple of kids. You know, like we used to talk about.’
‘I never even considered it with anybody else.’ She clasped her hands over his chest and lifted her head to look into his eyes. Just looking at him sent bolts of desire shooting through her body. ‘I’m never letting you go ever again,’ she said. Her heart swelled with so much love for him, bursting through the remnants of imaginary plasters and duct tape she had tried to stick it back together with. It was strong again, beating to the rhythm of their love, this time invincible because he promised to look after it for her, now that he’d made it whole again.
He kissed her, his tongue just gently slipping into her mouth.
‘You, young lady, have made me ravenous.’ He pulled on his boxers and she retrieved her underwear, which was dangling from the living room lamp, and put them on.
As she pulled the jumper over her head Blake showered her bare shoulder with kisses, which sent tingles through her whole being. She giggled and shook him off. ‘You’re insatiable, Mr Daniels; now let me feed you first.’
‘What do you expect?’ He placed his arms around her from behind, kissing her neck as they walked into the kitchen. ‘I’ve got ten years to make up for.’
Blake grabbed the wine and Camilla brought the main courses into the cosy living room where they sat on cushions on the floor and ate at the coffee table, remembering the past with great affection.
‘That was one of the best meals I’ve ever had, especially the bit between the starters and the main; I can’t wait to see what’s for dessert.’ He winked at her lasciviously then laughed a deep hearty laugh as she whipped him with a napkin. He sat up on the couch and pulled her towards him; she sat next to him with her legs across his lap.
‘I’ve just had a memory flash into my mind of you and my mum singing carols together, do you remember?’
‘Yes I do, she’d come round for dinner and you got held up at work. We cracked open the brandy and joined in with a carol concert on the telly.’
‘You got on so well together. My mum would be so happy to know we were back together. She always felt so guilty—’ She sighed her voice cracking with emotion, remembering how well her mum and Blake had got on. Then unable to finish her sentence a feeling of dread overwhelmed her. Her heart crashed through to her stomach, which suddenly felt as though she’d filled it with concrete and not the delicious Thai food they’d just enjoyed. The tears followed like an avalanche, streaming down her face as memories of her precious mum came flooding back.
For months she had painted a thin seal over her loss, happy to stay in the denial stage of mourning because then she didn’t have to face up to the pain. She had fallen apart at the loss of her mum’s house but thanks to the love of her friends and Blake coming back into her life she was coping with that. As Auntie Edie had said, ‘It’s only bricks and mortar, dear, no one can ever take away the love and those precious memories that you and your beautiful mum shared.’
Camilla had developed her own coping strategy. If she tried hard enough she could imagine that her mum had gone on holiday and was having an amazing time. She’d always wanted to go to Hawaii so she would picture her there, surrounded by exotic cocktails and palm trees, powder-white sand and crystal clear blue water. For her fiftieth birthday Camilla had taken her mum to Milan for a long weekend and they’d had such a happy time. Eating flatbreads in a café outside the Duomo and a day trip to Lake Como where they joked about looking for George Clooney.
One of the most breath-taking scenes they had ever seen had been on a boat trip, which they had thought was just a short trip around the lake. But it went further than they thought it would and as they sailed around the side of the mountain, the scene opened up and snow-capped mountains appeared before them. It was ethereal, almost like the backdrop of a movie set and certainly the most beautiful place they’d ever been to. When Camilla needed to think of her happy place during yoga or meditation, this was always the place she drifted off to. She was happy then; she had her mum.
‘Cami, are you okay?’ Blake interrupted her thoughts, kissed away her tears.
She grabbed a tissue from the box on the side table and dabbed at her eyes. She took his hand and squeezed.
‘Sorry, it’s just thinking about my mum. The only way I can cope on a day-to-day basis is by believing she’s still here. The thought of facing up to the reality of her loss is too huge for me to process. I’ve seen that chasm of complete blackness and have teetered around the edge of it, so desperate not to fall into the oblivion within.’
Her throat felt constricted as she choked on her words.
‘I have clung on so tightly to the edge to keep hold of it and so I’m having to drip-feed my grief little by little, if that makes sense. This is my coping strategy. I don’t want to go on medication and I’ve tried therapy, which has been good for helping me learn to meditate and calm myself down. But with this grieving process, if I’m honest, I don’t want to stop grieving. I will grieve for the rest of my life anyway and I know that I need to adjust to a new life without her in it. But I feel as though if I stop mourning it means I loved her slightly less than before.’ Her voice trembled.
Blake gathered her up in his arms as though she weighed nothing; he kissed the top of her head and squeezed her tight.
‘I really wish I could just wrap you up in cotton wool to protect you from the pain but I know that even that won’t protect you from the agony you’re feeling on the inside. I loved your mum too. She was an amazing woman. Your relationship was so very special and that’s something to cherish.’ He held her tighter. ‘Just let it out, Cami – I’m here for you. But just to be sure, your mum knew how much you loved her just as you know how much she loved you. You were like two peas in a pod.’
She gave in and her whole body shook with heavy sobs and an almost animalistic cry that she’d never heard before emanated from her.
When the crying had subsided, Blake carried her up the stairs to bed. She was physically and mentally exhausted. She snuggled into the foetal position and felt cocooned by his warmth as he spooned her.
Camilla woke to Blake’s alarm going off. He grabbed his phone and bashed it with his finger, trying to switch it off. She rubbed her eyes, which were red and sore. The muscles around her throat ached from the crying but other than that she felt good. In fact, a sense of something being released washed over her. The grief built up inside her sometimes like Auntie Edie’s pressure cooker until it reached a crescendo and then she would feel better for a few months before it happened again. But last night felt different; it was bigger, more powerful but felt less lonely as she was in Blake’s arms and she knew he understood her pain.
As Blake had nodded off again she put on a robe and skipped downstairs to make coffee and bring him some orange juice up as she knew that’s how he liked to start his day. When she arrived back in the bedroom she saw the bed was empty and could hear the shower going. She cheekily stripped off and slid into the shower cubicle with him.
‘I thought as you’re so tired you might need someone to soap you up.’ She squirted the shower gel into her hands and started at his chest.’
The coffee was lukewarm by the time they sat in the window seat to enjoy it. The weather was dull outside, the sky grey and overcast but inside the room the sun was beaming. Electricity crackled whenever their eyes met over the tops of their cupcake-patterned coffee cups.
‘Are you sure I can’t get you anything to eat?’ she asked.
‘No I’m fine thanks. I’ll have breakfast in the airport lounge to pass the time away.’
His Canadian twang was so sexy and she could feel her insides pull towards him as though he had them attached by string. There was no doubt about it: her heart was well and truly his now. In fact, she realised, it always had been. She leant over and kissed him.
‘Right that does it,’ he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket.
‘W
hat?’ she asked.
He smiled wickedly and dialled a number.
Camilla’s hands flew to her open mouth to stop an excited squeal from escaping as he told his secretary he was unable to make the trip and asked her to put everything back a week due to unforeseen circumstances.
The next seven days were complete bliss for Camilla, she introduced Blake to Angela the next morning and she made Camilla laugh by pulling an approving face, she normally only reserved for Jake Gyllenhall, behind Blake’s back. She was happy to take up extra cupcake making so that Camilla and Blake could pop out for a few hours a day. They walked hand in hand along the river and stopped at Serendipity for coffee.
‘You know that saying that you should take time to smell the coffee is so true. I mean I never even knew this place existed.’
‘It’s beautiful isn’t it? There are so many special places to visit in Bramblewood, it’s such a quaint little town, I’m so happy to be living here and it’s really good to see you so relaxed. You’re such a workaholic.’
‘Well I never really had any reason to take a pause, until you.’
She blushed as his eyes held hers and he beamed at her.
‘So where to next?’ he asked as he drank the remains of his coffee.
‘We can just carry on along the river if you like, it’s so relaxing.’ She finished her drink, they thanked Rosie and left.
Blake’s phone pinged, he took it out of his pocket, laughed and showed Camilla a picture of Lottie on a sailboat with her boyfriend.
‘She’s grown into a beautiful woman,’ replied Camilla.
‘I’ll tell her you said that but she won’t believe you though. Say cheese,’ replied Blake as he held his phone up to take a selfie of them with Serendipity in the background. Seeing the image of them together on the screen sent a cluster of butterflies loose in her stomach.
“Call that a boat,” he said out loud as he typed, “This is a boat.” He pressed send and a couple of seconds later received a reply which he held out to Camilla.
The Cosy Little Cupcake Van: A deliciously feel-good romance Page 24
