by Mandy Baggot
‘But it isn’t your battle, it’s mine. Anyway, he’s said all he can say now, nothing else can hurt me,’ Kate answered.
‘It didn’t look that way to me,’ Joel responded.
‘He doesn’t mean anything to me. You saw him; you heard what he said, how could he mean anything to me any more?’ Kate asked.
‘We don’t choose the people we have feelings for, it just happens,’ Joel told her.
‘I don’t have feelings for him, I don’t,’ Kate replied determinedly.
She knew she was less than convincing and she didn’t really know why.
‘Shall we go? Do something else?’ Joel suggested.
‘No, I don’t want to go. Why should I go just because he’s here?’
‘If you’re sure,’ Joel replied.
‘Yes, I mean I’ve still got these two skittles to get down,’ Kate reminded, indicating the alley.
‘You have,’ Joel agreed.
‘You shouldn’t have done what you did to Matthew, roughing him up like that,’ Kate spoke sternly.
‘No,’ Joel answered.
‘But can you teach it to me? Was it an Army trick?’ Kate enquired, picking up a ball.
‘If I told you where I learnt it I would have to kill you,’ Joel said with a smile.
‘Well, here we are,’ Joel announced later as he pulled up outside Kate’s home.
‘Yes, here we are. Thanks for the meal and everything. Are you sure you don’t want me to pay?’
‘I’m sure. It was my idea and you did win at bowling, call it the prize.’
‘I did win didn’t I? Haven’t lost it on the bowling alley.’
‘Glad to hear it,’ Joel answered with a grin.
‘Oh God, I didn’t realise quite how that sounded!’ Kate shrieked, putting her hands to her mouth and laughing.
‘I wouldn’t go round saying it to everyone, just in case they get the wrong idea.’
‘Look, do you want to come in? I could make coffee, well instant coffee anyway; I don’t have one of those fancy machines or anything but it’s nice stuff, nothing from Aldi I promise,’ Kate suggested.
‘That’s OK, I’d better go, I’ve got a client first thing,’ Joel told her.
‘Escorting in the daylight? Is that allowed?’
‘It’s not escorting, it’s the gym.’
‘Oh, OK. Well, I guess I’ll see you next week for the dinner at Hermione’s,’ Kate reminded as she opened the door to get out.
‘Do you want to share a cab there? I could come here; it sounds like the type of evening where alcohol needs to be consumed.’
‘Yes, it will definitely be that sort of evening.’
‘Well, I’ll call you, we’ll fix a time.’
‘OK,’ Kate agreed, getting out of the car.
‘See you,’ Joel ended.
‘Bye.’
She watched Joel drive away up the street and let out a sigh as she turned towards the front door. Joel was beginning to get to know her too well already. After all Matthew had put her through why did she still have feelings for him?
Seventeen
The memo was on her desk when she arrived at work the following Wednesday.
Kate
I wondered if you had considered the possibility of taking the exam to convert from legal executive to solicitor. As a firm we will be looking to change our management structure over the next five years and this qualification may be of benefit to you when the plans are implemented.
Let me know your thoughts.
Colin
‘Told you, didn’t I? Told you you’d get a memo,’ Lynn spoke, leaning over Kate’s chair and reading it again.
‘I still don’t believe it. I mean, why me? Jenny’s been here longer and what Carol doesn’t know about Probate isn’t worth knowing,’ Kate spoke, staring at the piece of paper.
‘Dur! Because you’re the best at your job, all the fiddly, technical stuff and everything, all the clients like you - need I go on?’
‘You’re making me sound like Wonder Woman - I like it,’ Kate answered with a smile.
‘So did you want me to draft a reply?’
‘No! I mean I don’t know what I’m going to say yet. I don’t know if I’m going to do it.’
‘What?! You have to do it! Think of the wonga! If you get made a partner you’ll be on megabucks,’ Lynn exclaimed.
‘D’you think? I mean I have no idea how much they earn.’
‘Try at least sixty k a year, company car and profit share.’
‘How do you know all this?’
‘I talk to all the right people; you’d be amazed how much us secretaries know. Mere typists we are not,’ Lynn answered with a smug smile.
‘You’re frightening me again,’ Kate replied.
‘I’m always doing that with Darren. I know more about his regiment than he does. The wives are really the ones with their fingers on the pulse.’
‘How is Darren now? I mean I know he isn’t OK but, is he - you know - OK-ish?’ Kate enquired, turning to face her colleague.
‘You mean has he got used to having half an arm? No, not really, but then it hasn’t been that long, just over six months. His doctor says they can try and fit a state of the art hand thing in a few weeks but Darren’s as pessimistic as ever,’ Lynn told her.
‘Does he ever talk to you about the Army, you know, what went on over there?’
‘Goodness no! He doesn’t talk to me about anything like that, never has. It’s a job to get out of him what he wants for tea let alone anything about roadside bombs. He saw a counsellor a couple of times after it happened but that just seemed to make him angry.’
‘Oh.’
‘Why d’you ask?’
‘No reason really. Well it’s just Joel was in the Army, in Afghanistan. He doesn’t like talking about it and I just wondered if it was the same with Darren.’
‘Yep, the same, although I’m not sure it has anything to do with the Army or getting blown up, I think it’s just a bloke thing,’ Lynn spoke, carrying on tapping on Kate’s computer.
‘Yes, right, of course, probably.’
‘So, you tell me which company car you’re going to have, apparently there’s a choice of three. Me, I’d plump for the Audi,’ Lynn replied with a smile.
‘Oh Lynn, I don’t know,’ Kate responded, picking up the memo and looking at it again.
‘What’s there to think about? They want you to do it, they think you’re more than capable and it would be loads more dosh than you’re on now. Think of what you could buy for Bethan, no more shopping at Mothercare, it would be Laura Ashley all the way,’ Lynn remarked.
‘Yes, I guess it would and believe me I need the money. I just don’t know whether I’m really capable of doing it,’ Kate replied with a sigh.
‘Of course you are! No self-belief that’s your trouble.’
‘I have to warn you, Hermione doesn’t ever do things by halves. She will probably have laid on a Knowing Me Knowing You style banquet with heart shaped tofu cutlets or something,’ Kate spoke as she and Joel approached the front door of the Wyatt’s home.
‘Great, I love tofu.’
‘This from the man who took me to the Ranch House, I don’t believe it. But then again you are health conscious and tofu is low in fat, so I’ve heard.’
‘I like a lot of different things.’
‘I’ll remember that,’ Kate spoke and she rang on the doorbell.
There was the sound of giggling coming from inside the house and then heavy padding down the hallway. The door swung open and Kate gasped out loud as she was greeted by a seven foot chicken.
‘Oh my God,’ she remarked, putting her hands to her mouth as the chicken began to flap its wings and strut around the hallway making pecking motions with its head.
‘You were right about them not doing things by halves,’ Joel remarked, stifling a laugh as the chicken began to shake his tail feathers at them.
‘Ah, Kate and Joel, our lovely conte
stants, everything is arranged. First we eat, then we play,’ Hermione spoke, appearing from the kitchen dressed in a silver sequined jacket and black trousers, her hair gelled back flat to her head.
‘I’m taking it that’s supposed to be the Love Dove?’ Kate queried as Philip, the wearer of the chicken suit, shook a wing in her direction.
‘Yes Sweetie. Do you know how hard it is to get hold of a dove outfit? Come on, come in, come and sit down, before the heart shaped steak and kidney puddings are overcooked,’ Hermione spoke her voice leaving the realms of Larry Rawlins and returning to normal.
‘Told you,’ Kate said to Joel.
‘Er no, you definitely said tofu.’
‘Can I take the head off now? Just for a bit, it’s hot in here,’ Philip called from beneath the feathers.
Hermione had made steak and kidney pudding, mange tout and dauphinoise potatoes with a beetroot sauce.
‘This is wonderful food Hermione,’ Joel remarked as he poured Kate another glass of wine and then added to his own.
‘Thank you, I wasn’t quite sure how the sauce would turn out, but it was red and we were going for a red hearts and flowers theme.’
‘It’s very nice,’ Kate agreed.
‘Much better than a microwave meal,’ Joel added.
‘Ah but have you tasted the Asda mushroom risotto?’
‘Thankfully no.’
‘That’s enough sparring at my dinner table, aren’t you two supposed to be madly in love?’ Hermione ticked off.
‘Oh yes, almost forgot that,’ Kate answered.
‘So Joel, what do you do? For a living I mean?’ Philip asked, having no idea and receiving a kick under the table from his wife.
‘Oh let me tell him, see if I can get through the timeline,’ Kate spoke hurriedly.
‘By all means, the floor’s all yours,’ Joel agreed.
‘OK. Joel works at Highbridge leisure centre, he’s been there for eighteen months or so and he has a qualification in sports science, amongst other things. He’s been in the Army, he’s done underwear modelling and he was the face of ‘Francois’, which was a French aftershave, now discontinued,’ Kate reeled off.
‘How do you know that? I never admitted to the aftershave advertising,’ Joel exclaimed.
‘It’s amazing what turns up when you Google. So how did I do?’ Kate asked, eating more food.
‘I’m impressed,’ Joel admitted.
‘Where did you meet?’ Hermione suddenly barked across the table, like an officer from the Gestapo.
‘At the leisure centre, when I took Bethan swimming,’ Kate replied quickly, feeling the scrutiny in her friend’s eyes.
‘What size shirt does he wear?’ another question was fired.
‘Oh, erm, a fifteen?’
‘Shoe size?’
‘Erm, I don’t know, nine?’
‘Side of bed he sleeps on?’
‘Mione! I have no idea!’ Kate shrieked.
‘Joel, what dress size is Kate?’ Hermione continued.
‘Mione, they don’t ask questions like that! You saw the show, it’s mostly scenario based,’ Kate screeched.
‘Size twelve,’ Joel answered confidently.
‘Shoe?’
‘Hello! Is anyone listening to me? I said they don’t ask…’
‘Five.’
‘Side of bed?’
‘Nearest the door.’
‘Stop! How do you know all this? The side of the bed I sleep on! Jesus!’ Kate exclaimed.
‘You really don’t remember anything that happened after the first show do you?’ Joel said with a smile.
‘Don’t go making things up.’
‘I put you to bed,’ Joel informed her.
‘Rubbish! I don’t believe you; Mione has put you up to this. Ha, ha, very amusing!’
‘Not guilty! Hmm, put her to bed. Kate, you should have stayed conscious for that. Shame on you!’ Hermione spoke with a grin.
‘I’m not speaking to any of you any more,’ Kate replied, folding her arms across her chest.
‘Come on, that’s not the spirit of the night, I’ve got heart shaped cheesecake for dessert,’ Hermione spoke, helping herself to more wine.
‘I put you down on one side of the bed; you groaned, moved over to the other side and hugged your pillow. It was all perfectly innocent,’ Joel assured her.
‘This is getting very embarrassing; I don’t want to hear any more,’ Kate said, putting her hands over her ears.
‘You’ve got too many inhibitions Sweetie, have some more wine, there’s plenty more where this came from and there’s Philip’s wheat and raisin to try later.’
‘You have to try some of that Joel; it warms you right down to the soles of your feet,’ Philip announced.
‘Which are a size eleven, just for the record,’ Joel added.
After the cheesecake Hermione recommenced her role as Larry Rawlins in the sequined jacket and stood at the end of the room with Philip clucking around her, minus the head which had brought him out in a rash.
‘Now Kate, if you would like to leave the room, no booth tonight I’m afraid. We are going to ask Joel some questions, then we’ll ask you back and if your answers are a match then that’s a Kissing Gate on the board,’ Hermione announced, putting an excited hand out towards the imaginary audience.
‘I’ve got to leave? Can’t I just listen to my Ipod or something?’
‘Larry has spoken, out with you and no eavesdropping at the door.’
‘Can I take the wine?’ Kate asked, picking up the bottle and hugging it to her.
‘I don’t think so, that share is mine,’ Joel spoke, grabbing it out of her hands.
‘I hope the questions make you squirm,’ Kate retorted as she headed out towards the hallway.
She closed the door behind her and checked her watch. It was just after 9.00pm. She took her mobile phone out of her pocket and dialled her home number.
‘Hello,’ Lynn’s voice spoke.
‘Oh hi Lynn, it’s me, is everything OK? Did Bethan go down OK?’
‘Mainly OK yes.’
‘What does that mean?’ Kate asked immediately concerned.
‘She’s fine, we had a few tears and a bit of screaming when we had a little misunderstanding. She kept saying “crisps, crisps” and I thought she was hungry but of course she meant Mr Crisps the bear, which I’d completely forgotten about, even though you told me about five times. Dur!’ Lynn explained.
‘So she’s asleep now?’
‘Fast asleep, has been for ages. Oh and I’ve eaten one of your mushroom risottos, hope that was OK, there was about six of them in the cupboard.’
‘That’s fine,’ Kate replied.
‘Kate! You can return to the stage now!’ Hermione called loudly.
‘Who’s that shouting? Are you at a club?’ Lynn questioned.
‘No, sorry, I’ve got to go, I’ll see you later,’ Kate said and she ended the call and put the phone back in her pocket.
‘Have you been listening at the door?’ Hermione barked as Kate re-entered the kitchen.
‘No of course not, I’ve been checking on Bethan. Why are you all smiling?’
‘You haven’t heard the questions I just had to answer,’ Joel remarked, grinning.
‘You wouldn’t say that on stage Joel, let’s please get back into character. Kate, please rejoin Joel and we’ll see how many Kissing Gates we can get on the board,’ Hermione spoke, resuming her role as Larry Rawlins and winking to her imaginary camera.
Kate did as she was told, picking up a glass of wine on the way and drinking it back as hurriedly as she could.
‘Right, Kate, we said to Joel - there is a clash of televisual treats, you want to watch one thing, Kate wants to watch another. How do you resolve this? Did Joel say A, he’s going to watch his programme, there’s no way he’s going to miss this. Or did he say B, he would let you watch your programme, if you’re happy he’s happy. Or did he say C, the television gets turned off a
nd you do something else together,’ Hermione questioned, looking quizzically at Kate.
‘Hmm, well, I don’t think Joel’s really a television person and he is a gentleman so I’m going to say B, he would let me watch my programme.’
‘CORRECT! A Kissing Gate on the board, well done Kate and Joel,’ Hermione announced as Philip began to cluck loudly and dance around in a circle.
‘Don’t get too confident, that was the easiest question,’ Joel said.
‘Oh and here I was thinking we were going to breeze this.’
‘Question two. We said to Joel, Kate’s Auntie Jess comes to stay and is all expensive perfume and pearls. When Kate is out of the room Auntie Jess makes a pass at Joel. What does he do? Does he A, completely rebuke her and immediately tell you what has happened? Does he B, try and turn the obvious advance into a platonic hug to save Auntie Jess and himself some embarrassment or would he C, rebuke the advance but not tell you about it because he knows how much it would upset you?’
‘Oh,’ Kate spoke with a swallow.
‘It was a hard one for me; I don’t even know what Auntie Jess looks like,’ Joel piped up.
‘And that would alter your answer would it? If she was hot you might kiss her back?’
‘No, I just meant that you obviously all know what she looks like and I don’t. I was imagining Barbara Windsor for some reason.’
‘Well she doesn’t look like Barbara Windsor she looks like Lulu,’ Kate announced a little annoyed.
‘I’m going to have to press you for an answer Kate,’ Hermione broke in.
‘Well now I don’t know what you would do. Obviously if you found her attractive you wouldn’t be rebuking her at all. Was there a D option? Joel advances on Auntie Jess and forgets all about Kate?’ Kate questioned the alcohol loosening her tongue.
‘I need an answer please.’
‘Oh I don’t know, B, the platonic hug, at least in that option he got to have his hands on her,’ Kate replied with a sigh.
‘WRONG. I’m afraid Joel said A, he would rebuke her advances and tell you immediately. No Kissing Gate for you,’ Hermione answered.
