“Virginia really did love you, you know.” Even to her ears, the words sounded as fake as Styrofoam. She felt Cutter’s piercing eyes probe the side of her face.
“What makes you say such a stupid thing?”
“She told me during one of my visits.”
“And that’s supposed to do it? A puny secondhand account?” Cutter cranked up the radio, then a second later turned it back down. “Even if it were true, it doesn’t matter now. I’m not a kid anymore, and I can’t yell, ‘Do-over.’”
His hands roamed over the dashboard. He opened the glove compartment, closed it, adjusted the vents directing heat away from him, then opened the window. Cold air rushed past Gloria’s face like a blunt object, numbing her nose. Before she could protest, he closed the window, then began drumming on the metal door handle.
“Ever see me play field hockey?”
“Yes, once. Tracy dragged me to a game.”
“What did you think?”
“About the game or your playing?” Gloria didn’t have to turn her head to know Cutter was giving her a dirty look. “All I remember was going home with a headache from everyone in the bleachers chanting your name. It was almost blasphemous the way they called Cut-ter—Cut-ter—Cut-ter—like you were some Greek god they were trying to induce to come down from Mount Olympus.”
“What did you expect? I was their star. But I wasn’t their Greek god. I was more like their golden calf, the idol that led the team to the championship. Appleton High hadn’t won a state championship in ten years.”
“No denying it—you were a good athlete.” Gloria knew there had to be some point to all this but didn’t want to press.
“You know, I never really liked field hockey. Funny, isn’t it? I was good at it, but I never liked it. I was even better at it than I was at football or basketball or baseball. And I was pretty good at those. But field hockey was different. A ‘natural,’ Coach called me. And I was. So I played, and ran around the dumb field, and made MVP because I figured if Virginia came and saw me … well, maybe she’d see how good I was too. And maybe that would finally make her proud … make her think I had something … was worth something. But Virginia never came. Not once.”
Gloria’s heart felt like quicksand, and all of Cutter’s words were sinking deep. “I guess in some ways we both were shortchanged.” She reached into her parka and retrieved two gold-plated cuff links from an inside pocket. She cradled the links in her hand as she jogged through the valley of indecision. There were so many reservations, so many questions. A person shouldn’t wait until she’s dying to tell someone she loves him. The words still seared her ears.
She said a quick prayer, hoping against hope that she had not missed the Lord. Then she slowly placed the cuff links in the palm of the open hand Cutter had resting on his lap. She kept her hand there, covering his. “It’s unfair of me to say this, and I do so with grave reservations and misgivings because there can never be anything between us as long as we’re not like-minded. The Lord means everything to me … Someday, hopefully, you’ll be able to say the same thing. When that happens, I’d like to explore a deeper relationship. For now, there can’t be anything but friendship. You must understand that. But all the same, I want you to know that … that I love you.” She said it in a near-whisper, inwardly cringing at her timing. At first she didn’t think Cutter heard her, or even knew what she had placed in his hand, because he neither spoke nor moved. But then he curled his fingers and entwined them with hers.
“When did you first discover this?” His breath steamed the side window.
“I think it started to dawn on me when you told me about Sadie’s visit. Then you clinched it when you disappeared for three days.”
“Three and a half days.”
“Okay, three and a half days.”
“So it was that … and Sadie?”
“Yes.” Gloria released his hand, then brought hers up to the steering wheel. The next thing she knew, Cutter was scrawling their initials on the misty window. Such a simple, almost juvenile act—and yet it made her feel like weeping. This gift, this love, had swooped down like a hawk, ripped into her heart, and taken her by surprise. It was a joy and a terror both, dangerously embraced the unknown, and could lead nowhere. Oh, how was she going to manage it all?
“Remind me to send Sadie a thank-you note,” Cutter said, as Gloria skirted past another patch of black ice. And that was how the ice in the car got broken, as the two of them laughed, then spent the next hour talking about Virginia Press.
Confusion reigned as Harry, Dorie, and Perth kissed and hugged first Gloria, then Cutter, and tried talking over one another.
“You look great!”
“How were the roads?”
“How long did it take you to get here?”
“Hope you’re hungry.”
“You look thinner. Did you lose weight?”
Gloria surrendered her coat and the beautifully wrapped engagement gift to Harry—who then passed them both to Dorie—and tried to answer everyone’s questions. Cutter was smiling way too much, and that distressed her, because she thought she had made her concerns clear. Then, just as Cutter got the smile under control, he’d look her way and, pop, there it was, right back on his face, as if she held a connecting wire that she could pull at will and change him into a grinning marionette.
Dorie disappeared with Gloria’s coat and gift and came out carrying a small cake that was covered with writing. The word “congratulations” was written twice, and Harry’s and Dorie’s and Gloria’s names were scrawled wherever they would fit. If someone didn’t know better, they would have thought Harry and Gloria were celebrating one thing, and Dorie another.
“It’s lovely,” Gloria said, finally realizing the obvious. Dorie had made the cake.
“Hey, Gloria. Harry tells me you’re buying a print shop.” It was Perth, her eyes glowing with excitement. “Seems that book I bought you for Christmas will come in handy.”
Gloria nodded, remembering the wonderful Christmas they had had together and Perth’s gift to her—a book on how to start a business. She took a seat beside Perth on the couch. Cutter chose a chair in the corner, and Gloria assumed it was to allow Perth and the others room to be near her. His thoughtfulness touched her and made her look his way. His elbow rested on the arm of the high-backed Ashington chair, and his entire body listed to the right in order for his palm to cradle his square chin. But it was the fingers of his right hand, fluttering around his mouth like butterflies, that held her attention. Then she realized that their purpose was to conceal the ridiculous grin that split his face.
“How’s school?” Gloria asked, avoiding Cutter’s eyes and wishing she could dive without reservations into their new relationship.
“Well…” Perth took Gloria’s hand and absently played with her fingers. “You wouldn’t believe the amount of reading I have to do. And the papers. Seems like my professors want a paper every other day. At this rate I’m gonna need glasses before I’m twenty.”
In spite of herself, Gloria’s eyes wandered back to Cutter just in time to see him stretch out his legs and close his eyes. Maybe tonight he would actually get some sleep.
Cutter pushed his empty plate away. He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten anything this good. “Gloria told me how much you like to cook, Harry. The meal was incredible. As a man more accustomed to cooking like George Foreman than like Emeril Lagasse, I’m grateful.” Harry laughed, but Cutter could see he was genuinely pleased. Since when have you become the model of pleasantries, Press? When he glanced at Gloria and felt his heart bottom out, he knew the answer.
“I know what you mean. Phil’s Diner doesn’t have anything like this,” Perth said, referring to her part-time job.
“You’ve got to give me that Newburgh recipe.” Gloria beamed at her former boss.
“Now you know why I’m marrying him,” Dorie said. “He’s going to do all the cooking.”
Harry laughed. “I think I
got the better end of the deal. Dorie’s gonna keep the apartment clean and do my paperwork.”
“Speaking of which, did you see all that mail that came to the shop this morning?” Dorie asked.
Harry nodded.
Dorie turned to Gloria. “Can’t believe the amount of cards and whatnot we’ve been getting. Last week, Harry announced our engagement in the Eckerd City Review. Now all of Harry’s friends and business acquaintances are sending their congratulations. Everyone thinks so highly of him, don’t you know.”
Cutter thought Gloria’s confirming head nod was excessive and wondered if Dorie was nearsighted, then decided Gloria obviously thought very highly of Harry too. And for some silly reason, that made Cutter jealous.
“Later, I thought we’d gather around and open them up—all the gifts, I mean. I’ve been saving them for today. And I … we—Harry and I—got something special for you, Gloria, in honor of your new business, so you have something to open too. But what I want to do now is to get organized.” Dorie stood and collected the dirty plates near her. “Perth and I will do the dishes.” She looked at Perth and jerked her head, bringing the girl to her feet. “That’ll give us all some time to digest Harry’s delicious meal before we have cake. Just don’t expect too much of the cake. After I baked it and saw how pathetic it looked, I wondered if I should have even bothered. But I did want to do my part, don’t you know. When it’s time, I’ll bring the cake and the gifts to the living room.”
Gloria piled her empty salad bowl on top of her dinner plate, then the silverware on top of that.
“What are you doing?” Dorie shrieked, as though she had just witnessed an atrocity. “No, no, no.” Her head moved from side to side. “What I want you to do is take your young man for a nice long walk. Show him the neighborhood. I’m sure he’ll be glad to see some of the places that were a big part of your life when you lived in Eckerd.”
“Yeah,” Perth chimed. “Take him to West Meadow Market.”
Gloria gave Perth a dirty look but didn’t offer any resistance when Perth pushed her toward the front door. “Why do I have the feeling you’re all trying to get rid of me?”
Perth giggled and put her finger to her lips. “Shhhhhh. Don’t let on I said anything, but Dorie’s been working on something for you all week. She won’t even let me see it or tell me what it is.”
Cutter stood nearby, wondering at the silliness of the female animal but thoroughly enjoying it in spite of himself. “I’ll get our coats.” He disappeared into the bedroom, where three coats lay neatly across the double bed—his, Gloria’s, and, he supposed, Dorie’s. He slipped on his bombardier-style jacket, then picked up Gloria’s gray squall parka and draped it over his arm. When he turned, he saw Harry filling the doorway.
“I didn’t like you the first time I met you at The Lakes, son. Don’t know if I like you much better now, but for Gloria’s sake, I told her you were welcome when she called and asked if you could come.” Harry’s white hair curled around his ears, and his stomach protruded below folded arms, making him look soft, over-the-hill. But Cutter knew not to let appearances fool him. He was sure Harry Grizwald could be a formidable foe if aroused.
“Is there a point?” Cutter asked, trying to keep his voice pleasant. For Gloria’s sake. At least that was something they both had in common.
“It’s obvious how she feels about you, and I don’t mind telling you it’s a bit of a shock. You’re not a man with much looks or personality, so I’m supposing there’s got to be brains somewhere in there, or maybe … character not visible.”
“Is this the place where I’m supposed to say ‘thank you’?”
“Gloria wouldn’t fall for just anybody. Still, I’d be tempted to talk her out of it, discourage her, only, problem is, I see that you’re smitten too.” Harry uncrossed his arms and moved closer to Cutter, making Cutter wonder if he was going to have to defend himself. When Harry put out his hand like he wanted Cutter to shake it, Cutter was dumbfounded. “So I guess the only thing to do is welcome you to the family.” With that, Harry grabbed Cutter’s hand and pumped it up and down a half-dozen times. Then he let go and left the room.
Cutter stood by the bed, Gloria’s parka still dangling from one arm, trying to take it all in. Obviously, these three—Harry, Dorie, and Perth—loved Gloria. That put them all on common ground. He loved her too. But what Harry was saying was that they—these warm, friendly, sometimes silly people—were prepared to love him as well.
And that was saying a lot.
Cutter couldn’t remember his heart ever feeling this buoyant. Between his fingers he held the one treasure that had eluded him for years. He squeezed his hand as though reassuring himself and felt Gloria’s small palm tucked inside. He glanced over at her and hoped his joy didn’t make him look like a grinning idiot. A guy had to have some dignity.
For the past hour, Gloria had been giving him a tour down Pratt Parkway, pointing out various shops as they went. Finally, they’d reached West Meadow Market, and she told him about the first time she’d met Perth there. He had been touched by her story and made a mental note to be kinder to Perth. After that, they had turned and headed back.
“I’m tired of doing all the talking,” Gloria said, her breath forming puffs of steam in the cold air. “It’s about time you did some.”
“What do you want me to talk about?”
“You can tell me what Harry wanted when he followed you into the bedroom.”
Cutter chuckled. “You don’t miss a thing, do you?”
“Well?”
Cutter shrugged. “Just guy talk.”
“Guy talk?”
A brief hesitation, then he told Gloria what Harry had said. “ Why do you love me?” he added, because it was something he had been thinking about ever since Harry had cornered him.
Gloria looked puzzled. “That’s a strange thing to ask.”
“Seriously. I know all the reasons why I love you, but I don’t know a single reason why you love me.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe that was wrong of me. You know my reservations. There are a lot of issues I need—”
“I know … I know.” Cutter waved his hand in the air. He had waited so long for Gloria to come around … had hoped and wished and dreamed too hard to be put off now. “And we’ll face them one by one, together. But let’s suppose … let’s suppose for one minute that they’re all settled and we’re just two lovers walking hand in hand.”
“Cutter—”
“Just for one minute, Gloria … please.”
“Okay … shall I list them in order of importance?”
“If you want.”
“Well, the first reason would be your money—”
“C’mon. Be serious.”
Gloria squeezed Cutter’s hand. “Because suddenly God opened my heart, and there you were inside. I can’t explain it any better than that.”
Cutter felt disappointed at the vague, almost blasé quality of her statement, but he didn’t voice it. Whatever the reason, the fact remained: She did love him. And for now, the joy it produced was almost more than he could bear. “You want to know why I love you?”
“It would be nice.”
“In order of importance?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, let’s see now, there’s—”
The sound of an explosion ripped into their conversation. Almost immediately, black smoke plumed from a building a few blocks in front of them, and soon after, the shriek of sirens—police and fire engine—filled the air. People ran in all directions. A woman bustled past, carrying a crying child and looking like she was about to burst into tears herself. Suddenly Cutter and Gloria found themselves going against the tide as people swarmed past, fear twisting their faces almost in the same way it had twisted the faces of those fleeing the Twin Towers.
“Maybe we should stay put,” Cutter said, worried that someone might knock Gloria over and trample her. But Gloria kept moving. “Gloria! It�
�s not safe.” But already she had pulled her hand from his and was running ahead, darting in and out among the throng. “Gloria!” he yelled again, and when she turned he saw the terror in her eyes. But it was different from the terror on the faces of the others. In an instant he understood.
He followed behind her, struggling to keep up, and stopped several yards from E-Z Printing. A ring of police cars had blocked off all traffic, and already a hook and ladder was at the scene. Two firemen in Bullard helmets, tan-and-yellow turnout coats, and bunker pants pulled the live hose closer to the store. Water splashed everywhere. Two other men battered down the front door with axes, then disappeared. All the while, smoke poured from the third-story window.
A second explosion shattered more glass, and Cutter watched in horror as tiny shards fell like confetti onto the pavement. He didn’t move, just stood frozen, staring up at the building belching smoke. Gloria stood beside him, covering her mouth with her hand and screaming.
Chapter Twenty
GLORIA FELT THE HEAT of the second explosion on her face and bare hands, felt the shock wave punch her chest as if a doctor were breaking her sternum for surgery. Her heart beat out in rapid, jackhammer-like thuds the names of Harry and Perth and Dorie. Oh, God, please let them be all right.
Cutter’s sinewy hands grabbed for her and nearly caught her thumb and locked on, but she pulled away in time. Nothing was going to stop her. Not Cutter, not the ring of police, not the swarm of firefighters. Not until she knew her friends were safe.
She pushed through the thin crowd in front of her, barely hearing the horrified cries of bystanders or the loud shouts pressing firefighters into action. She heard Cutter call her name, but his voice was distant, hardly discernable, like the background noise of surround sound. She didn’t turn but stumbled forward, choking on air heavy as chalk dust. With one hand she tried shielding her eyes from the stinging smoke that pressed against her pupils and made her eyes tear. She barely saw the blue-clad arm that brought her to a stop.
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