“Come again?” I can’t possibly be hearing this right. There’s no way she’s saying what I think she is.
“I didn’t go through with the abortion, Brant.”
“Why didn’t you tell me right away?”
She’s crying harder now. “Because I wasn’t sure if I’d change my mind again, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up. When you asked for time I figured it would give me a chance to process everything and decide if I was ready to make changes to my life.”
It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks. This woman that I care deeply for, that I’ve spent the past year or so living with is telling me she’s still carrying my child. I’m going to be a father. I kneel in front of her, taking both of her hands into mine. In this moment nothing else matters. I have a chance to be a father. This vulnerable woman is coming to me with news I never thought I’d hear. Suddenly my ill regard for our relationship is once again being tested.
“Brant, please say something. I know I screwed up. I’d do anything to take it back. Please just say something to me. Tell me you want me to leave. Ask me stay. Just talk.”
I’m going to be a father. It’s the only thing I can hear repeating in my head. “You didn’t get an abortion?”
She shakes her head, tears pouring down her cheeks, while she manages a frightening smile. “No.” She pulls something out of her pocket. It’s the picture of a sonogram. Since I’m not a fool, I take it from her and pay close attention to the name and date of the photo. I think that’s when it’s real. I can’t deny what’s staring at me. There’s a little peanut in the image. My peanut. It’s mine. It’s real. I’m going to be a father.
Assaulted with the truth, I know there’s only one thing I can say. “Thank you.” My emotions are a bit crazy, but I’m a man of my word. I pull Leigh up into my arms. “It’s going to be okay. You’re not alone.”
She’s nodding while I hold her tight. “I know. That’s not what I’m scared of. I’m afraid I’ve already lost you.”
She has reason to be afraid. If she hadn’t shown up I’d be in bed with Jamie. As much as I’d like to know where it could have gone for us, I’m obligated to stick by the person I asked to marry me. She needs me. She’ll be dependent on me while we transition to parents. It’s going to be a challenge, but I’m up for it, because it’s everything I want. “You haven’t lost me.”
Leigh pulls away and looks in my eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Like I said, I’m renting a room from Jamie.”
“Can I see it?” She corrects herself. “It’s not that I doubt you’re telling me the truth, but I’d feel better if I could see it for myself.
I lead Leigh into the house, spotting Jamie walking into the kitchen. The smell of smoke still lingers, but I avoid talking about it so I can make this quick and painless in order to have to some time to collect how I’m going to tell Jamie that things have changed. I know it’s going to hurt her feelings, but she probably swore she’d never give me another chance again.
We walk through the house until we get to my room. It’s nothing fancy. Dad gave me some furniture out of the attic. The double bed is enough for one person, but not two. I need room to spread out. There are laundry baskets full of clean and dirty clothes. Nothing is put away. It definitely doesn’t have a woman’s touch whatsoever. “This is it.”
“What happened to the tidy man I know and love?”
“He’s been depressed.”
She takes my hand. “I want to fix that. Come home with me, Brant. Please. Can we forget this ever happened and try to work this out together? I miss you.”
“I know. It’s been difficult, but I get why you waited to tell me. I can appreciate you had a big decision to make.”
“And I chose us. I’d choose us every time.”
I kiss the top of her head. If there wasn’t a pain in my heart where Jamie is concerned I think I’d be ecstatic, but the idea of hurting her again makes me feel sick to my stomach. “I’m grateful. It changes everything, Leigh.”
“You’re going to be a daddy.”
I’m overjoyed. “I’ll come home. I’ll move my stuff back in tomorrow. I promised I’d fix some things around here for Jamie in exchange for her allowing me to crash, so I need to make good on that. Let me take the night to pack at least. I’ll tell her the news and come home after work.”
I can tell she’s not happy about it. “I could stay and help.”
“That’s not necessary. I hardly have anything to pack up. Besides, I don’t think you should be lifting.”
“I’m not crippled, Brant. I can manage.”
“I’ll be home tomorrow. I promise.” I flash her a reassuring grimace hoping it’s enough to convince her.
Leigh doesn’t stick around much longer, and she makes no effort to speak to or see Jamie. I can sense the hostility there, which only makes my news hard to carry. I don’t like hurting people I care about, and now more than ever it’s obvious there is something still between me and Jamie. What’s unfortunate is that we will never have the opportunity to figure out what it is.
Chapter 15
Jamie
I’m prepared for him to come back in saying he’s sent her away, but as the clock on the wall seems to fly by, I know something else is going on. By the time the door opens and closes I get a glance of two people coming into the home, followed by the sound of them climbing the stairs. I assume maybe she’s picking something up he accidentally took from the apartment they shared. It has to be that. Why else would he let that little liar anywhere near him again?
I hear voices upstairs, but don’t dare try to eavesdrop. I respect Brant and know he’ll do the right thing. He’ll say what needs to be said and then we’ll be able to get back to where we were beforehand. I don’t know why my stomach is churning. Even the wonderful tasting chicken seems disgusting at the moment. My nerves go into overdrive the longer they’re upstairs.
Then I hear footsteps and finally the front door closing. I’m standing in the kitchen waiting, but Brant doesn’t come down the stairs. I’m sure of it.
I continue holding out, thinking he needs a minute to recuperate. When he doesn’t appear, I decide to go looking. He can confide in me. If he’s sad I’ll comfort him. We don’t have to get carried away tonight. We can go slow. I’ve waited years to feel his touch again.
When I reach his room I find him sitting on the edge of his bed, his head facing down while both hands cover his face. I take the place beside him and lean my head on his shoulder. Immediately, Brant jumps up and away from me. “Are you going to tell me what happened with Leigh?”
He squints and tosses me a stare I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget. “Damn it, Jamie. Damn it.”
“Damn it what?” I’m still waiting.
He’s wiping his face, pacing around the room. “You need to know I didn’t see this coming. I never planned to...You can’t think I’d purposely lead you on.”
“Okay, this doesn’t sound like I’m going to like it.”
“You’re not. Shit! You’re not going to like this at all. In fact, I’ve got a feeling you may never want to speak to me again. No, I’m certain this will be the end of our renewed friendship.”
I stand up behind him, reaching for him to turn around and face me. “Brant, please tell me what’s going on. I promise I won’t hate you, even if you think what happened earlier was a mistake.”
I can tell he’s struggling. “That’s just it. I don’t regret a single second I spend with you.” He takes my hands and grips them tight. Our eyes meet and I can see the pain exuding as he fights to find the words. “I think I’ve wanted to kiss you since I saw you again. Please don’t take that the wrong way. I was faithful to Leigh. I wouldn’t have acted on anything, but I thought about it.”
“We have history. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about you.”
He pulls me into a hug, removing his hold on my hands to reach around my back. “Please forgive me for what I’m abo
ut to say. Forgive me for the hurt and confusion that’s about to happen, again, because of me.”
I push him so I’m able to see his expression. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”
“It’s Leigh,” he seems conflicted.
“What about her? Did she find out we were living under the same roof and freak out? It’s normal. If you have to lie about our friendship I’m okay with it. I don’t like the idea of hurting people, even if I feel like they deserve it. Plus, we have no idea where this will go.”
“Jamie, please stop talking. Don’t say anything else, because you’re not going to like where this conversation is going.”
I cup my hands together and prepare for whatever that woman told him. He’s obviously worried about me. “Fine. Out with it. What the hell is going on?”
“She’s still pregnant.” There is a long pause. “She didn’t go through with the abortion.”
I’m flabbergasted. This can’t be. He was sure of it. He’d confronted her about it and she didn’t correct him. “No. She’s lying.”
“She showed me a sonogram picture. Her information was printed on it.”
“Why not tell you the truth then?”
“She told me she wasn’t sure. She said she didn’t want to give me false hope.”
I sink back onto the mattress and let his situation sink in. It’s not my rapid heartbeat, or even the burning in my eyes, but something is crippling me again. I’m in shock, completely speechless and utterly gutted. “So what you’re saying is that you’re going to go back to her, right?”
“I have to, Jamie. You and I both know this changes everything.”
I nod. “I get it. Really I do. You should go to her. It’s the right thing to do. You said it yourself, you want to be a father. You have a second chance to make it happen. I think it’s amazing. You’re so lucky.” As soon as I say the words I break down. I begin bawling, holding my hands over my face to hide the constant tears. I feel his hands on my shoulders, but don’t fall into his arms. I can’t let myself. “I’m such a fool. I should have known. I promised myself I’d never let this happen to me again. Look at me. I’m right back where I started, alone, in some endless maze of misery. We are doomed. Maybe we always were.”
“Don’t say that. I had no idea this would happen.”
I stand, fighting my emotions the best I’m able to in order to get out of the room. “I’ll stay out of your way so you can get your things together.”
“Jamie, I’m not leaving until tomorrow. I won’t leave like this. It’s not right.”
I swing my arms around. “What does it matter? Whether you go tonight, or next week, you’re still walking away. This thing between us has been cursed from the beginning. It’s better this way. I’d rather it end before I fall too hard.”
He doesn’t argue with me, yet I can see the pain written across his contorted face. This is mutual. For the first time I know Brant is conflicted. I’m not a naïve teenager. We’ve both matured. For that reason, I go into my bedroom and lock the door behind me. I can’t be in the same room as Brant and not wonder what could have been. It’s not fair. None of this is, yet somehow I want him to be happy. I want him to have the opportunity to have a family. If nothing else, I want Brant to have everything I’ll never have a chance to. He’s a beautiful soul, and I’m glad I had the chance to forgive and know who he turned out to be.
Maybe I shouldn’t be this upset. What we had was ages ago. A couple kisses can’t change that. It was the heat of the moment. Neither of us knew if it would actually go anywhere. He’s on the rebound. No. Brant’s still in love with his ex. Why would I even want to mess around with someone who wasn’t fully invested?
A small part of me wants to believe this is some fabricated lie to get Brant back. What extremes is this chick willing to go through to ensure he doesn’t come running back to a love we both know existed? He may have never said those words to me, but I’m not an idiot. Back then I wasn’t sure, but it’s apparent now. If I were in her shoes I would probably contemplate the same. He’s got his life together; a good job, and loving family. It’s everything a woman would want. He’s prepared to buy a house and move away from the only home he’s ever known. She has him by the balls.
More sobs come until I feel like my head is going to explode. That’s when I hear a knock on my bedroom door.
Why did I let him rent a room from me? I wish he’d leave so this wasn’t impossible.
“Go away, Brant.”
“I’m not leaving. I need to know you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. We made out. Big whoop.” I probably sound like a crazy person. He knows me. I’m stupid for trying to lie to him.
“Come on, Jamie. Open the door and talk to me.”
“Nothing to say, Brant. We’re cool.”
“I’m not cool. I need my friend.”
“I can’t. I’m so sorry. I just can’t be your friend right now. I don’t know why this feels like a breakup. I know it’s juvenile. I’m being ridiculous.”
“No. Let me in so I can tell you you’re not alone. Please.” I hear something dragging across my door. I walk forward and rest my head against it, wondering if he’s doing the same. “Please let me in.”
“Why? What good will it do?”
“God, I wish we could go back. You are the last person on this planet that I’ve ever want to hurt again. You have to know that.”
I close my eyes as I reply. “I do.”
“I need you to open the door.”
“What will happen if I do?”
It’s quiet. I don’t get an answer. After waiting a few minutes with nothing, I open the door to find him sitting on the floor. He turns to face me, and before I can shut it, he’s crawling inside and getting on his knees. He comes at me, stopping when his arms are holding me by the waist. “I can’t promise you tomorrow, Jamie. There is no tomorrow for us. Maybe there never should have been.”
“You’re probably right.”
He brushes my tears away when he rises and his hands come up to touch my face. I close my eyes and let him. “I need to do the right thing. I’d hate myself if I didn’t try. There are no promises in life, but I knew from the moment you were back in town that I needed to earn your forgiveness.”
“You did,” I manage to get out.
“Do you have any idea how much I loved you back then? Do you know what it was like to push the only good thing I had left away? There hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t thought of you. I still dream of us, Jamie. I dream about that day on the beach and wish I’d done things differently.”
I’m crying again.
Brant takes me in his arms and kisses the top of my head. “To have you back, even for an hour, well it was worth it. My only regret is that we couldn’t finish what we started, because I think we both know it would feel right.”
I nod against his hold. He’s got a point. Maybe this was all we have, and I need to find a way to appreciate it.
Except something cracks inside of me.
I’m tired of watching life pass me by. I’m tired of losing hope that I’ll be happy. I’m sick of running from what’s right in front of me. “If I asked you to stay with me tonight, would you?”
He doesn’t hesitate. “I wasn’t planning on letting you go.”
In this moment there isn’t a limitation to what we’re both experiencing. I’ve never felt this connected to any man, not even Brant when we were kids. This is different. It’s powerful and real, and I know nothing is going to stop it.
Chapter 16
Brant
From a young age we’re taught right from wrong. Our parents instill values and rules to live by. We’re told to apologize for mistakes, and to learn from each one we make.
I know I’m breaking all the rules by being with Jamie tonight, and I don’t feel guilty, or disgusted with myself, because this is exactly where I want to be. It’s where I have to be. I refuse to let her go without one more night to make up for the
lifetime we’ll never get to share. How can this be considered cheating when my heart is one-hundred percent invested in this beautiful woman I selfishly let go of.
We’re standing face to face. I bring my fingers up and run them over her soft lips. She turns away. “We can’t do this, Brant.”
I smirk. “If you think that’s going to push me away it won’t work.”
We’re intentionally staring each other down. It’s like I can feel what she’s feeling. I understand the battle, and know I’m the only solution. “I’ve tried to forget about you, Jamie. It’s not possible.”
“You say that because we left things unsettled. We’re curious. It’s not enough to break commitments. It’s not worth losing the person you’re in love with.”
He shakes his head. “I care deeply for Leigh. That much is true.” I back away and run my hand through my hair. I’m frustrated. It’s not like I’ve had time to figure out my feelings for both of these women. There’s always going to be something wrong, someone will get hurt. It’s inevitable. “Can you just pretend for a few hours that we’re the only two people in this world?”
“It’s not that simple.”
I finally begin to back away and out of the room, tossing my hands up. “Fine. You’re right. I’m asking you to do something that’s unfair. I’m sorry for trying.”
I get halfway down the hall when she calls out for me. “Brant, wait.” I’m turning toward her as she continues. She’s stunning, standing there so vulnerable, tears soaking her high cheekbones, causing her bright blue eyes to somehow glow. “Don’t go. Don’t walk away like this.”
“How am I supposed to walk away?”
She shrugs. “You’re not.” She motions with her hands like she’s giving up. “God, this is so messed up. It’s wrong to want this, but I can’t imagine letting you walk away again.”
“This was easier when you hated me.”
She nods and conjures a smile. “That’s just it. I don’t think I ever hated you. I buried my feelings for you so deep I’d allowed myself to forget. But now...old wounds have been reopened.”
Half Shelled Heart (Oyster Cove, #2) Page 10
