by Sarah Kleck
It was already dark when I got home. Holden was asleep on the couch, snoring evenly. The TV was on. When I entered the living room, he sat up with a start. His eyes were red with fatigue.
“Hi,” he said in a drowsy voice. “When did you come home?”
“Just now.” I sat down next to him.
“Are you hungry? I made dinner.”
I nodded. “Have you eaten?”
“No,” he quickly said. I realized that he must have been waiting for me but had fallen asleep. Guilt hit me at once. I hadn’t given him an opportunity to talk to me in the last few days.
“You’ve had to put in long hours recently,” he said tenderly.
I nodded even though it was a lie.
Holden got up, and I followed him into the kitchen. The table was already set, the salad was in a bowl waiting for its dressing, and a pan was on the stove ready to be reheated.
I was touched, and I had a guilty conscience. “What are we having?” I asked in a deliberately casual tone.
“Coconut rice with veggies,” he said, but when he put the plate with aromatic curry in front of me, I saw what an effort he’d put into it. He’d probably found the recipe online and gone shopping for the ingredients. We certainly didn’t have shiitake mushrooms, snow peas, and fresh ginger around.
“This is really good,” I raved with a full mouth, finally seeing Holden smile again. I looked at him for a long time, and he looked back into my eyes. I’d almost forgotten how blue his were. Even reddened, they beamed at me with such intensity that I remembered in an instant why I’d fallen in love with him. Suddenly tears glistened at me.
Oh my God, he’s crying! He never did that. Never!
I immediately got up, went over to him, and hugged him tightly. He pulled me on his lap and buried his face in my chest. I’d been so self-absorbed I hadn’t noticed my husband’s feelings.
“I love you,” he said, looking at me.
I wrapped my arms even tighter around him. “I love you, too,” I whispered in his ear.
Holden looked up at me, took my face in both hands and kissed me. We made love that night. Twice.
“How late will you be working today?” Holden asked me the next morning. It had been weeks since we had woken up together.
“I could be back about six. Why?”
“It’d be nice to spend an evening together.”
I smiled gently but also sadly. Our relationship was a delicate sprout at this moment. So delicate even a small breeze would uproot it. We had to tend to it carefully. Protect it from wind and cold so it could thrive.
“Yes, that’d be lovely.”
When he looked at me, what I saw in his eyes was an awareness of how fragile our love was and his hope that we’d make it.
“How are things going with Piper?” he asked.
I groaned. “It’s awful. Because I was only verbally assigned the division management, but she insisted on having her fifty percent put into the contract, she now holds the better cards. I tell you, this is not going to end well. Something has to give. One way or another. Parker will have to choose one of us. I can’t participate in this charade forever.” I shook my head. “I’d like to just let her have a go at it, you know. I’d take any bet she’ll have every colleague and employee up in arms in no time. Not a month would pass before people would run to Parker complaining.”
“So why don’t you?”
“Because I painstakingly built it all. I can’t just let her rampage. What if someone quits because of her? Right now, I’d be blamed because we are sharing the position; plus, I am responsible for everything that is decided, done, or said in our office.”
“What does Parker think about it?”
I snorted. “The two of them went for lunch yesterday.”
Holden wrinkled his nose. “That doesn’t sound good.”
I sighed. “It’s not. It has to be resolved somehow.” I was more than right about that, but I had no idea what solution my boss had in mind.
“It’s for you.” Piper handed me the receiver of my, her . . . my former telephone.
“Hello, Annie,” Betty, Parker’s secretary, greeted me. “I’m sorry. I don’t know which extension to use to reach you.”
“Don’t worry.”
“Mr. Parker would like to discuss something with you. He asked me to arrange a meeting. Today. He has time at two thirty and four fifteen.”
I checked my calendar. “Four fifteen is good,” I said, starting to brood over what it might be.
“Annie, please come on in. Sit down.” Oh no. Whenever Parker greeted me exuberantly, he wanted something from me. The business with Piper wasn’t going to be resolved in my favor, that much I was sure of. I still wasn’t nervous. I was one of his best employees. My numbers spoke for my work. Even though he regularly lunched with Piper—even if she gave him blow jobs under the desk during lunch breaks—he couldn’t just get rid of me like that. I had a contract. If he did try, it would be expensive. I leaned back to listen to what he had to say.
“We’re going to start a new lab in Seattle. I’ve recommended you as the project head.”
He got straight to the point.
“Seattle?”
“Yes, you’re from around there, aren’t you? Tacoma, or thereabouts?”
“Well, yes, Lakewood but . . .”
“Excellent, then you can spend a bit more time with your family.”
“With my family?” I spared him a detailed explanation of how happy I was to be three thousand miles away from my mother. But my tone already revealed that this was not a winning argument. His look told me he had understood. “With all due respect, Paul, my family is here. My husband is here, and my baby is buried here.”
He swallowed and looked at me again. “It’d only be for a few months. Until everything is up and running over there.”
I looked at him uncomprehending.
“It’s a huge opportunity for you,” he said as introduction to his next argument. “Of course, you’ll get a raise. And when you return—this has already been approved by the chief—we want to offer you the management of the entire business division.”
My eyes widened. “This entire division?” I said perplexed. “But that’s your job.”
Parker nodded satisfied. “Something is coming up in executive management for me,” he proudly explained, straightening his tie. “But that’s not official yet.”
"Oh, wow. Then, well . . . congratulations.”
He grinned. “And I couldn’t imagine anyone better suited for this than you.” He sounded as if he meant it.
It was all so sudden, it overwhelmed me. “That’s really very nice of you . . . but—”
“Annie,” he interrupted me in a calm voice. “It’ll take ten to twelve months before I can move over to my new position. And we both know that your current situation is exceedingly difficult.”
Yes, owing to whom?
“So, here’s what I propose: go to Seattle, set up that lab, gain some additional experience, and when you return, we’ll start the transition.”
I looked at him for a long moment. “Just so there are no misunderstandings. Is this job . . . ,” I spread my arms to encompass the entire office, “tied to Seattle? Is that a precondition?”
Parker paused for a moment. “Yes,” he conceded. “But I don’t want to pressure you with it.”
Yeah, sure . . .
“I need you there, Annie.” Aha, we’d gotten to begging and flattery. He was running out of arguments. “You are our best biologist. We need you to train the new employees and set up the lab.”
I thought about it. Parker was right. Objectively considered, I was the best choice. Also, what a tempting thought to be away from Piper and then come back to be her boss once again. But what about Holden?
“How long?” I asked. The sparkle in Parker’s eyes once I showed some interest did not escape me.
“Three, maybe four months,” he answered and quickly continued, “You’ll get anoth
er ten percent plus expenses.”
“And when I get back?”
“No expenses but you’ll keep the raise. Until you switch to division management—then your salary will be renegotiated.”
“Will you confirm that in writing? The matter of the division management? And that Seattle is for a limited time only?”
“Of course.”
“Four months is a long time.” I was thinking out loud.
“You don’t have to give me your answer right now,” he quickly countered. “Discuss it with your husband. Let me know in the next two weeks.”
I nodded slowly. “When will it start if I agree?”
“In January.”
“So, six months from now.”
He nodded, then we looked at each other in silence.
“I’ll let you know,” I said, then I shook his hand and left the office.
“Parker offered me a job,” I said to Holden over supper.
“A job?” He seemed surprised. “But you’ve already got one.” He smiled.
“A better one. At least better paid. Another ten percent.”
“Another ten percent, wow. When will you start?”
“I haven’t yet agreed. There’s a catch.” I hesitated for a second. “The job’s in Seattle.”
Holden almost spilled his beer. “Seattle? Did I hear that right?”
I nodded. “But it’s only for three or four months. And it doesn’t start until January. I’m supposed to set up a new lab there and train the employees. When I get back, I’m supposed to get Parker’s job. Division management.”
“When you’re back?” Holden repeated. “That almost sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.”
“No. I wanted to discuss it with you. We could use the money and . . .”
“Don’t pretend this is about money. We don’t need it that badly.”
“No, we don’t but it’s still a fair bit. And I can’t knock becoming division manager, to be honest. It’s a huge opportunity for me.”
He looked straight into my eyes. “Do you believe they’ll just let you go again after a few months? You know what it’s like, Annie. Three or four months will turn into six, then, before you know it, you’re running the Seattle lab, and you never come home again.”
“Parker assured me that it’ll only be three to four months. Until the lab is up and running. He’s even put it in writing.”
Holden crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “Am I just imagining it or are you trying to talk me into believing Seattle is a good idea?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure myself, but . . . maybe it’d be good for us. After the baby . . .”
“Don’t put it on the baby, Annie.”
He rarely used my name like that.
“What do you mean, Holden?” I answered pointedly and leaned toward him. “Do you think I should be over it by now?”
“I didn’t mean it that way.” He took a conciliatory tone. “I’m just asking myself if the real reason why you are seriously considering this is because of our problems.”
“Yes, I did think about that,” I admitted.
“Do you believe we’ll solve them by running away from each other?”
“Who says I’m running away? But . . . ,” I took a deep breath, “maybe a little distance would be good for us.”
“A little distance? That’s three months and three thousand miles. To me that sounds more like a separation than a little distance.”
“That’s nonsense.”
He angrily stood up, clenched his teeth together, and stared at me. Then he turned around. “I’m going running,” he hissed and slammed the door on his way out.
“Now who’s running away?” I called after him.
After clearing off the table, I took a long bath, and went to bed early. The rustling of the covers woke me up,’ and I felt Holden’s chest against my back. He put his arm around me, while breathing deeply in and out.
“I love you,” he said quietly.
I turned toward him and looked at him.
“I love you, too.”
“I’m sorry. But please don’t go to Seattle.”
“OK.”
Chapter 19
When I had told Parker I wouldn’t go to Seattle, he had begged me to change my decision and gave me until the end of October to think about it. I promised I would, which turned out to be a good thing because after our talk, things turned weird between Holden and me. He seemed strangely reserved, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that this issue had driven a wedge between us even though we’d made up. The feeling just crept up—sometimes it was an awkward silence during supper; other times it was a goodbye kiss forgotten when he left in the morning. Summer passed, and by late autumn, when all the leaves had fallen and turned brown, I realized Holden hadn’t touched me for weeks. And I don’t just mean sex, which we’d hardly had in the last few months. I noticed it when we reached for the same apple in the fruit bowl one morning and our hands touched by chance. A tiny touch that felt like a stab to my heart. My whole body rejected his closeness.
Since he had answered my friend request, stalking Seth’s Facebook page had become my lunchtime ritual. I waited for Piper to leave our office—sometimes she went to eat alone, sometimes with Paul—then I opened the browser and logged in. I always made sure I was alone when I scrolled Seth’s timeline. Oh! He’d been tagged in two new photos. He was alone in one, with a friend in the other. The pictures were from an album with the title The Eternal City. What? He was in Rome? Oppressive jealousy spread in my chest. Damn it, while I was stuck on this hamster wheel, he saw the world. I briefly toyed with the idea of sending him a message. Something like: Get a haircut, hippie!—his hair reached over his shoulders now—or, Doesn’t Italy have any hairstylists? But I let it be. Even though he’d accepted my friend request, he still hadn’t answered my Hi message. Would he take his time with that, too?
Suddenly, the Messenger window popped up. My heart jumped into my throat. Seth! At least, that’s what I thought in the first moment. When I saw Holden had written, my heart skipped a beat. I quickly closed Seth’s profile before reading Holden’s message. It was stupid because Holden couldn’t see my screen, but I felt caught and needed to cover my tracks.
Facebook during work? Holden wrote and added a winking emoji. His words made me grin.
Stay cool—I’m on lunch break.
Don’t you have lunch plans?
Just stalking my ex-boyfriend on Facebook . . .
No. That way I get the office to myself for a few minutes.
Have you got anything planned for tonight?
Not yet. What are you thinking of?
Going out for dinner—just the two of us.
Oh, I’ll have to ask my husband first . . .
I’m sure he’ll be OK with it.
Where?
Let me surprise you. Can you be home by seven?
I’ll manage.
And wear something nice.
Now I’m curious.
You’ll have to bear it. See you at seven. Looking forward to it.
Me, too.
I closed the browser and got back to work. Did I just have a Facebook flirt with my husband? While I would have liked one with Seth?
I was home at six—just enough time to get ready. Holden wasn’t home yet. Maybe he was delayed at work? I showered, put something nice on, and styled my hair. The doorbell rang at seven on the dot.
Please don’t let it be Angela. Where the hell is Holden? I went to the door slightly irritated, and I almost had a heart attack when I opened it. Holden stood there in a suit, with a bouquet of red roses in his arm.
“Hi,” he said, smiling. “Are you ready?”
“You’re not kidding around,” I said when I finally found my voice again.
He handed me the roses, and I went to the kitchen to put them in a vase. Holden followed me and leaned against the kitchen door frame.
“Where are we going?”
“I told you it was a surprise.”
I wasn’t particularly surprised when he parked outside Del Frisco’s, but I was overjoyed. We hadn’t been back since Holden had proposed to me there—rather, nearby at the Fan Pier Park. Surely it would do the two of us good to rekindle the old feelings.
Just like back then, Holden walked around the car and held the door open. We exchanged an amused look as the same hostess who had been there three and a half years ago led us to our table. We sat across from each other in the upholstered booth and studied the menu. Suddenly, Holden stood up, sat next to me, took my hand, and looked deep into my eyes. His look reflected a thousand emotions. Disappointment, grief, anger, longing . . . love. He didn’t need to say anything. I understood. Then he took me firmly into his arms, and it felt as it used to.
Dinner was fabulous. I hadn’t had much appetite lately and only ate to keep my stomach from growling. Holden’s hug made me feel so sheltered that both my sense of well-being and my appetite returned. My steak was in a league of its own. I had a baked potato and probably the best spinach salad in my life with it. I was just starting on my strawberry cheesecake when the loud laughter of a busty blonde in a red dress two tables over drew my attention. She tilted her head back when she laughed, swung her long blonde hair, and then caressed her companion’s lower arm as she gave him an irresistible flash with her eyes. When her gaze met mine, I looked away. The intense way she flirted with her companion made me feel like a voyeur. But now her look rested on me. Was I mistaken or was she watching us? I looked over Holden’s shoulder as inconspicuously as possible and—she was really looking straight at us. Somehow, she seemed familiar. I was about to ask Holden if he knew her when she got up, came straight for our table, and placed her hand on Holden’s shoulder.
“Holdie. What are you doing here?” she asked in a syrupy sweet voice.
Holden looked up and promptly choked on some red wine when he saw who was touching him.
“Slow down,” the blonde giggled, patting him on his back while he was coughing hard.
