“Sleeps a lot.” Cries a lot.
“She cut you some slack?”
“Well, she hasn’t asked me to leave,” I replied dryly. “So I’m thinking that’s for the good.”
“Yeah. You probably deserve it.”
“I know.” And I did.
I knew that.
I’d shoved so much distance between us, there was more space between me and her than the Atlantic Ocean, but she hadn’t given me too much shit since two days ago when she’d told Rex and my brothers about what Candy had done.
Was I aware that I moaned her name when I climaxed?
Nope.
But it rammed shit home to me in a way that only confirmed what I’d been thinking since I’d woken up with my shoulder ripped to shreds.
It was our time.
What I hadn’t expected to hear was her talking about her getting hers.
I knew it was hypocritical, but fuck…I could whore around, but she couldn’t. It made every possessive bone in my body stand at attention.
I couldn’t say that I’d ever really thought about her having boyfriends and shit, but now that I knew about it? It fucked with my head.
“You there, dickwad?”
I grunted. “Yeah. Thinking.”
“I know that must hurt.”
“Yeah, yeah, prick.” I rubbed the back of my neck.
“You know what sucks?”
“What?”
“Only realized it when she said it, but we did back you up. Every time. Sure, I stayed close, kept in touch, and I know the others did too. Texts and shit. But I always took your side. We always did. Never even occurred to me that I was doing that, because that’s what we do. Bros before hos. Only, Stone ain’t a ho.”
“No, she’s not,” I rasped, guilt sucker-punching me in the gut. “You think I don’t feel like a shower of shit about that? That she lost all her family because of me?”
“Just proves that you gotta make it up to her. Don’t fuck her around, Steel.”
“I won’t,” I vowed grimly, then, because I couldn’t talk about this anymore without wanting to smash my fist into the wall, I ground out, “I’ll tell her about the investigation.”
“She probably doesn’t even remember being visited by the cops.”
“Maybe not, but if she does, at least she knows what’s what.” I grunted. “I’ll be in touch.”
“Yeah. I wanna know about every update.”
“Course. Bye, bro.”
“Speak later, Steel.”
When I twisted around to face her once more, it didn’t surprise me to see she was watching me. She did that a lot.
When I thought about before, at the compound, all the various times she’d been around, I realized she’d never really looked at me before. She hadn’t ignored me or avoided me, she’d just never looked at me.
Sometimes, when I caught her staring, I wondered if she was making up for lost time, and while in another time, another place, I might have teased her over it, watching her watch me was a relief.
Apparently, I hadn’t pushed her away enough for her to be sickened by the sight of me.
Unless, of course, she was shoring up every detail on this fucking mug that was loathsome.
“Do you know why I fell in love with you?”
The question blindsided me.
My mouth worked until I finally regained muscular control and muttered, “No. Why?”
“Because you were sweet.” Her lips curved. “You were so kind to me, letting me read your poems and things. While the others loved me and did shit for me, you were always there. Always. You made me feel safe, and you were the only one who made me feel that way.” The soft smile disappeared. “It was different than how I felt with the others. I knew they’d get into shit for me, but start a war? No.”
“They would,” I told her, wanting her to know that, no matter what, she was one of us.
“They would now. But things are different now. Back then, I was a teenage girl. A bit of a pain.” She grimaced. “A lot of it, probably. I wasn’t in the MC, not for real, anyway, and I knew about the life but wasn’t a part of it.
“I think that changed when I started living with Bear and Rene. I saw shit that I’d never normally see or hear, and it changed things.”
“We always used to talk about business around you.”
“Hearing it and understanding it are two separate things entirely. You know that.”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
“Now they’d go to war for me. I know that. I’m valuable to them—”
My ire sparked at that. “Shut the fuck up, Stone. Don’t you dare carry on talking shit like that.”
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” She shrugged. “I really didn’t. You’re valuable to the MC, aren’t you? Rex is, Storm is. We all have an inherent value.”
“Yeah, we do, but what they feel for you goes beyond that. You’re one of us.”
Her lips twisted, and a shyness appeared in her eyes that I hadn’t seen in years. “Thank you for that.”
I scowled. “You don’t have to thank me for telling you the truth.”
“Sure I do.” She sighed and settled a little deeper into the covers. Her dark hair was longer than normal, having grown out some during her time here, and it tangled over the pillows. I was used to seeing a gleam that wasn’t there at the moment. Like her health issues were draining it of life.
The notion put me on edge, especially after the doctor had explained about some of the issues she was going to be dealing with for the next few weeks.
“What did Rex have to say?” she asked when I didn’t say anything, didn’t even move, just looked at her. Taking in the sallow cheeks, the shadows under her eyes. Shit that shouldn’t have been there but was.
Every sign of illness was something worth starting a war over, but there was no one to rage against.
“He told me that the DA isn’t going to be pressing charges against you.”
Stone winced. “Shit, I dodged a bullet, didn’t I?”
“Better than I did,” I countered ruefully, reaching up and gently motioning to my shoulder.
“What’s the prognosis?” she queried in doctor mode.
“It’s okay. Tore through muscle, luckily, not bone.”
“Did some damage or they wouldn’t have put you under.”
I waved a hand. “I’m made of strong stuff.”
Her lips pursed. “You know I read your charts, don’t you?”
I hissed under my breath. “When?”
“The night you were brought in. Before this all started.” She tipped her head to the side. “You’ll need rehab.”
“Fuck that,” I groused.
“Then you’ll never regain full dexterity—” When I just grunted, she shrugged. “You could work on the exercises while you’re here with me. You’ve got nothing better to do.”
I sniffed. “Says you. I have plenty of work.” I pointed to my laptop. “Plenty.”
“Yeah? Well, you might as well give the nurses a show. They walk past the window often enough to see you.”
Was I a jerk if I wanted her to be jealous?
Probably.
She didn’t sound it though, just weary. Like she couldn’t be bothered to argue with me, and I suddenly wanted that.
I was tired of our status quo. I wanted her to be annoyed. I wanted her to give a shit again.
“I’ll give you a show,” I retorted. “No other bitch.”
She huffed. “That makes a change.”
I shrugged, taking that on the chin with barely a wince. “That was then.”
“And this is now? What changed?”
“Both of us almost died.”
Her mouth tightened. “Can’t argue with that. Not sure if that means—” Her cell buzzed and she grinned, her face lighting up as she answered, “Raina! It’s so good to hear from you. I’ve been dying to find out what’s going on there. Have the cops been crawling all over the place?”
As she started a discussion about the police inquiries into Annie Young’s murder spree at the hospital, I’d admit I was pissed at the interruption, but also, I was glad. She’d had a dozen phone calls since she’d sent a text to her friends yesterday, one that explained how she was doing and what was going down, and each call just confirmed exactly what she’d said to the guys.
She had moved on.
So why was I still stuck in the past?
Why was I still fucking any passing woman that moved just to get her out of my head?
I grabbed my laptop and switched it on to give her some semblance of privacy in that I wasn’t just listening to her conversation, but it was hard to focus. I wanted to listen. Wanted to know about everything and everyone in her life.
A life I should have been a part of.
A life that I’d torn myself out of.
That I’d done it to protect her was a given, but it was getting harder and harder to figure out what exactly that was.
It had made sense at the time. Not so much anymore.
Sure, I’d kept tabs on her, but apparently, they hadn’t been good enough for me to see the men she was boning.
As I stared at the screen, staring at a jumble of figures that I needed to piece together for Mav so he could work on the books, I ignored the tension headache that was growing like a tornado in my mind.
She had a life.
My life was her.
Why was I only just seeing that now?
Twenty
Stone
When I peered at the IV site on my hand, I felt like shit had come full circle.
“It’s infected,” I told the nurse, thinking back to Harriet and that morning when my entire world had changed.
She smiled at me. “It’s under control.”
It was hard not to micromanage. These guys knew their jobs, who was I to say that I knew better?
But I’d told them two days ago it was getting infected, and I knew they’d only started me on a course of antibiotics this morning.
When she’d finished poking and prodding me, I turned to see Steel was still snoozing in the chair. He’d pulled it over to the corner so that it was no longer always at my bedside, and it was amazing how that little pocket of space did wonders for the pair of us.
That was his part of the room, and this was mine. When he was over there, he usually slept or worked and we didn’t talk. When he slept, I let him rest because though he had a hotel room, he didn’t use it often.
I was glad for that.
I’d thought he’d have left for West Orange by now, figured he’d have left me on my own and would have stopped terrorizing the doctors and nurses when they worked through yet another diagnosis that would turn out to be a misdiagnosis.
But he hadn’t.
He’d stayed. In fact, he stayed to the point of stinking, and only when he was sick of his own smell did he head to his hotel room and shower. Even then, he’d reappear a few hours later. He wouldn’t look rested, but I knew he’d take a nap in a full-size bed, and that he’d head out for some food that wasn’t in cartons.
Indy and the rest of the fam visited daily, bringing us both food, but I knew he had to be sick of eating takeout. Often, he’d bring me something back. Something that wasn’t chicken wings or burgers—I mean, I loved McDonalds, but there was only so much I could stomach, and with my current health issues, they weren’t the best for me. So the stuff he brought back were dishes he knew I loved. Casserole and spaghetti marinara.
Drool alert.
The hospital food was bleugh, as usual, so what he brought back was always appreciated. More than that, though, I was just glad he got some rest. Even as I was grateful he didn’t leave me alone for long.
I was struggling.
I’d admit it.
I didn’t want to get used to him being here, because I knew he’d leave me alone again when this was over, but it was harder and harder not to see the Steel I’d once known.
He was strong, caring. Affectionate. Interested. He listened to me. He didn’t look through me anymore. He wanted to help. Wanted to scream when I was in pain, and wanted to fight for me when I was crying because I hurt so badly and the doctors wouldn’t listen.
He was my rough and ready knight in shining armor when I’d long since dropped him from that role.
I bit my lip at the thought, watching him shuffle in his chair as my phone rang. He didn’t wake up, but then I didn’t let it ring long enough.
I needed the distraction.
“Harry, hi!” I said softly, warmly. Harry was an ex who’d almost gotten through my wall of indifference.
The only thing that had stopped things from progressing was when he’d transferred to the West Coast after a position in a cardiology unit opened up, one that would have him overseeing the department.
“How are you doing, Stone?” Harry asked, his tone sincere, his concern clear.
“Rough. They’re not fucking listening to me. I swear, once this shit is done, and I’m back on the rounds, I’m going to make sure I listen to patients.”
He snorted. “Like you didn’t already? You’ve always been conscientious.”
“Well, I need to be more. I told them two days ago my IV site was getting infected. They only gave me antibiotics today.”
“You don’t know every aspect of your treatment, do you?”
“No. But still, doesn’t take a damn genius.”
“What if they were waiting to see a change in your blood report?”
I heaved a sigh. “Don’t be rational.”
“Or logical, hmm?” He laughed. “Okay, I agree. They’re bastards. Absolute bastards. Want me to come and visit and knock heads?”
I grinned. “You’d take the red-eye flight for little old me?”
“Nothing little or old about you, Stone,” he said dryly, making my nose crinkle.
“Thanks, I think.” I rolled my eyes. “You always were a charmer.”
“My British charm at play.”
“You’re about as British as I’m French.”
He snorted. “Third gen, baby.”
“Exactly,” I told him smugly. “My grandma was French. At least I speak it.”
“I speak English. At least, I think I do.”
I scoffed, “Only because you didn’t have to learn it. If anything, I’m more French than you’re a Brit.”
“I had one of those bloodwork tests done, you know the DNA tests? Where you find out your heritage?”
“What did yours tell you?”
“That I have Asian descent.”
I had to laugh because Harry was a red head with bright green eyes. “Did your granddad get down and dirty with one of the locals when he was stationed overseas?”
“Only if they had Asian ladies in France, and I don’t think immigration was as widespread back then.”
“Never say never.” I grinned. “How are things, anyway?”
“Since the last time I called?” He hummed. “I guess…I figured out I miss you.”
My lips curved into a soft smile. “I miss you too.”
“We always got on well together, didn’t we?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “We did.”
“So, what are you wearing?”
I burst out laughing, just like he’d intended. “I look really sexy right now,” I teased. “I’m wearing a light gray backless number. I’m ready to head out for a party—”
“Who the fuck are you talking to?”
I jerked in surprise at Steel’s angry snarl, then glowering at him, muttered, “Harry, I’d better go.”
“Who was that I heard?” he asked roughly.
I heaved a sigh. “No one.”
“I’m not no fucking one,” Steel growled.
“Doesn’t sound like it,” Harry grumbled. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, of course. It’s just…” I pursed my lips. It was just, what? “A friend. He’s watching over me while I’m in the hospital.”
“
While you’re in the ICU?”
I cleared my throat. “I had to pull some favors.”
“To breach basic rules of the ward? Those are more than some rules.”
I didn’t want to know who Rex had bribed to make it happen, just was glad he had.
“I guess.” I sighed. “I’ll talk to you later, Harry. Thanks for calling.”
When I cut the call after his farewell, I glared at Steel. “What the hell is your problem?”
“You were going to talk dirty to someone while I was in the fucking room?” he snapped, making me aware of just how big he was. His shoulders were bunched up, his biceps like rocks, and he was throbbing with outrage.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “If I wanted to, I could. Just like that time you fucked Hattie while I was in the bar.”
His nostrils flared, but he took a shaky step back.
“Or how about the time you screwed Erin on the pool table while I was there, or the fuck against the wall I caught with JoJo…or how about—”
“Enough,” he snapped, his face drawn.
“Yeah, I think so too.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Harry and I were joking around. That’s what we do when things get awkward.”
“Awkward?” He scowled at me. “What kind of awkward?”
“He said he missed me.” I jerked my chin up. “We were almost dating when he got a new position in California.”
That had him gulping.
He raised a hand, and I was astonished to see that it was almost shaking. “I don’t need to know this.”
Maybe he didn’t, maybe he did. I just knew I hadn’t seen Steel this shaken since—
Fuck.
Since that first and only kiss. When I’d found him coming out of Mom’s room, looking like he was going through a heart attack.
When he stormed out ten seconds later, I just watched him go, unsure what had happened but not altogether sad about it.
I’d had a life. One that went by without him. I’d been happy. I had men friends. I was an adult.
Seemed like Steel was the one who was forgetting all those things, and he’d just had the reminder he needed.
Of course, the second he was gone, I stared around the empty room and heaved a sigh.
He took up so much space that I instantly felt alone. My lungs started to burn when I realized just how alone I was, and the walls felt like they were closing in on me.
Steel: A Dark MC Romance (A Dark and Dirty Sinners’ MC Book 4) Page 24
