by Conley, Anne
Amy needed a break. This man was getting turned on by what she was saying. He had a sense of humor, and he wasn't her husband. What in the hell was she thinking? She just told a perfect stranger her bra size. Ugh…
Amy decided to immerse herself in house work the rest of the day. She had no business flirting with a guy online. Never mind the fact that he seemed to like her. He knew nothing about her, really. And she didn't know anything about him, except he's married.
While she vacuumed, her thoughts were consumed with her betrayal. She was flirting with this guy, and he was making her all hot and bothered by his interest in her.
When was the last time Bryan had shown that much interest? She thought long and hard about that one. It had to be at least ten years ago, when Brad was a baby. He'd told her she was beautiful, the mother of his children. He'd seemed to be so proud of his family then, and he'd wanted her. But she'd been so sleep-deprived. Brad hadn't slept through the night once until he was almost three years old, and Amy had rebuffed Bryan so many times when he'd wanted sex that eventually he'd stopped asking. They'd had sex since then, but it had always been frantic pawings while the kids were distracted, or exhausted duties after they'd gone to bed.
And this Cool_Hand_Luke guy was married, too. What was she thinking? Not only was she blatantly flirting, but it was with a married man!
That night, at the dinner table, Amy's family complimented her choice of recipe for the evening, chicken Florentine. She was proud that she'd managed to put together a meal that everybody liked again.
"Honey, this is really good. Is this one of your new recipes?" Bryan asked her around a mouthful of pasta, and she fairly glowed under his praise.
"Yes, I'm glad you guys like it. How was your day, honey?" She asked Bryan, whose focus was on his plate.
"About like every other day, I guess." He shrugged, as he finished his last bite of chicken. "I'm going to my cave, if anybody needs me." Pushing himself back from his spot at the table, Bryan left without another word.
Amy looked at Ashley and Brad, who were still eating. "So, this is a keeper? I can add this one to my repertoire?"
Brad nodded eagerly, and Ashley responded with a half-hearted shrug, but she continued eating. Amy took that as a yes. When everyone had finished, she gathered the plates and took them to the kitchen to wash the dishes, while Ashley and Brad went to their rooms to do homework.
Running the hot water in the sink, Amy took a minute to wonder how her life had come to this. When she’d first married Bryan, she’d been so young. She honestly thought that being his wife and the mother of his children would make her happy. And for a while, it had. She had no idea when that had changed, or she had changed, but now she craved something more. She didn’t even feel like Bryan’s wife anymore. She felt like his housekeeper. She wanted an identity of her own, but had no idea how to go about achieving that.
Deciding to let the dishes soak in the sink, Amy mixed a drink for her and Bryan and ventured toward the garage. A few years back, he had transformed the garage into his "man-cave" adding a TV, computer, some old garage sale recliners, and a dart board. Occasionally, he invited friends over to watch a ball game or something, but mostly it was just where he went when he wanted some time alone.
Amy knocked on the door before entering and saw him at his computer. He looked up, and guilt shadowed his features before he clicked his mouse, probably minimizing a screen and turned to her.
"Hey, what's up?" He asked.
Amy walked over to him, holding out his drink. "Nothing, I just brought you a drink. Here."
"Thanks." He took the offered drink and sipped it, gratefully. Amy tentatively sat on the recliner facing his computer desk in the corner.
"What are you doing?" Amy was trying to be conversational, but her tone of voice came off as more whiney than anything, and it disgusted her.
"Nothing. Just surfing the web. I don't have time for any of that stuff at work," he said flatly.
Trying to engage Bryan in conversation, she teased, "Any spicy pictures?"
Anger flashed in his eyes, and she immediately regretted her question. "No. I'm not looking at porn, Amy."
"I was joking, Bryan. Relax." She took a sip of her whiskey and set her glass down before walking over behind the stool Bryan was sitting on and rubbing his shoulders. "You just seem tense lately, that's all. I was trying to loosen you up." She stood close to him, as she rubbed his back, running her nails up and down it, before sending her hands back up to his neck to rub there. She grazed his back with her hips, in an attempt to entice him a little.
"Yeah, work's been rough. Deadlines and new clients." He took another sip of his drink and said, "I'm going to join a gym and work out on my lunch break. That might help some of the stress."
Jealousy and disappointment flashed through Amy, but she snuffed it out, forcing the tendrils of negative emotion down deep in her psyche. She had suggested that they join a gym several years ago, in an effort to find something for them to do together. Apparently, he didn’t remember that. Forcing the hurt from her voice, she said, "That sounds like a good plan." She rubbed his shoulders for a little while longer, but Bryan seemed to just get tenser. So she stopped, feeling stupid.
"Well, I'll let you get back to surfing." She left to go finish the dishes, wondering what exactly he was looking at online. If not porn, then what? She wouldn't really care if he was looking at porn, she'd been known to do it a time or two, herself. She was glad that he was doing something about his stress level, even if it did mean that he wouldn't be coming home for lunch any more, but she couldn't help but feel like he was trying to spend less time with her. And it hurt.
Chapter 4:
Days, then weeks went by, and before she realized it, it was November. Bryan hadn't been home for lunch in over a month, and he'd been later and later coming home in the evenings from work. He said it was new clients or wrapping up old jobs, or having to do extra paper work to make up for co-workers.
But Amy thought he might be having an affair.
And why not? He certainly wasn't having sex with her. She'd even tried the sexy lingerie thing at home in the evenings, but Bryan was too "tired" to notice. More often than not, she went to sleep with tears in her eyes. She’d even tried to wake him up once, but he’d snapped at her to leave him alone and let him sleep. He had work, for Christ’s sake.
He'd been working out at lunch, she could see the results. His body had gotten harder, He'd lost a little of the belly that he'd put on in the last few years, and his arms were toner. He looked really good, and her suspicion that he was doing it all for someone else stung.
She tried to keep herself busy with the kids' activities. Brad's football team had, in fact, made it to the playoffs, and Ashley had an upcoming dance recital. She was still trying out new recipes on her family. Some were hits, and some were misses. But the kids actually seemed to be enjoying the attempt, which made Amy feel a little better.
And she was still talking to Cool_Hand_Luke online. Initially, she'd tried to keep an emotional distance between them, but as thoughts of Bryan's affair became more and more concrete in her mind, the more she'd let him get closer to her. Their relationship had progressed to the downright intimate. He hadn’t asked to meet her again, but Amy had to admit to herself, she wouldn't be opposed to the idea.
Thoughts of meeting him brought out the butterflies in her stomach. There was so much about him that reminded her of Bryan, when they were first married. He was smart, funny, sensitive, and he seemed to like her. She could tell him about almost anything, and he seemed to care about hearing it, which was refreshing. Bryan certainly didn't do that. Not anymore.
There had been a time when Bryan had been her everything. Once, when they’d first started dating, he’d tried to surprise her with a date to the annual Fair that had come to town. He didn’t realize that she was terrified of those portable rides, and when she refused to even get on the Ferris wheel with him, he’d almost cried with frustration.
“I’m so sorry Ames, I thought this would be so romantic. I even made a deal with the guy to stop it at the top, so we could see Serendipity from up there.” He’d clasped her hand and brought it to his lips. “How could I not know you are terrified of these things? Forgive me?”
The look of intense regret on his face had melted the fear inside her, and she would have happily gotten on the ride just to wipe it off his face. But he insisted they leave, and he took her to the lake instead. They had made tender love on the shores of the water, Bryan promising to love her forever.
And she’d believed him.
One morning, after getting the family out the door, Amy popped in a new Pilates work out video. As she stretched and pulled the purple elastic band, Amy imagined she could see a new her emerging. She could feel her muscles elongating, taking shape, and the fat melting away. Okay, so it was just one workout, but when she was finished, she felt refreshed and made a vow to herself to continue doing the exercises.
Cool_Hand_Luke had told her she needed to find something that was just for her. And she couldn't help it, but he was in the back of her mind when she decided that she would start working out. She was doing it for herself, but if by some chance, he ever wanted to meet her, she would look good. He would look at her body, and she would see the desire in his eyes that she craved so badly.
After her workout, she logged onto the computer, and there was already a message from him there.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Hey there, beautiful. How's your day going so far?
Mommee_dearest: It's going great! How's yours?
Cool_Hand_Luke: Better now that you're online. I love talking to you. It makes my day go by faster.
Mommee_dearest: Me too.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Can I ask you a question?
Mommee_dearest: Of course.
There was a pause before his next message, and Amy wondered what the question could be. He'd asked her some pretty personal questions, and she'd answered them willingly. Could he actually be nervous about this one?
Cool_Hand_Luke: We've been pretty careful with each other about our identities, and I respect your privacy if you don't want to tell me this, but…Where do you live? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
Now it was Amy's turn to think. He was amending their agreement to not discuss personal things. The possibilities rushed through her head. What if he was a crazed stalker type? She felt like she'd gotten to know him really well over the past couple of months, but the fact that she still didn’t know what he looked like or his name gave her pause. Did he want a real relationship with her, as long-distance as it may be? Did she want him to know where she lived?
Amy thought about the way he made her feel, with the words he spoke to her. He spoke of a man telling his woman she was beautiful all the time, because if she didn't hear it enough, she would never believe it. He spoke of love needing to adapt to changing lives, or it would die. He spoke of lots of wonderful things, which made her feel like a giddy teenager in love.
Was that what this was? Was she in love with a stranger she'd met online?
But he didn't feel like a stranger, and the more Amy thought about it, the more she realized that she knew this man.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Never mind. I can tell I've overstepped again. I'm sorry.
Mommee_dearest: I live in a relatively small town in East Texas. Where do you live?
Cool_Hand_Luke: I have to say, I'm relieved you finally answered. I thought I'd lost you there. I also live in rural East Texas. Coincidence? Or Fate?
Her heart started thumping in her chest, and she found it difficult to breathe. Cool_Hand_Luke could be here, in Serendipity. He could be a neighbor. He could be Brad's football coach. No, he works in an office. Then again, there were tons of tiny towns in East Texas. He could live in any one of them. But still, he was close.
Her heartbeat roared in her ears, blocking out all else. She somehow managed to focus on the screen.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Are you there? Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
Mommee_dearest: This is intense.
Cool_Hand_Luke: I'd figured you were from Texas, or somewhere close to it, but never in my wildest dreams would we be so close to each other. Wow. This makes my need to meet you so much more…insistent. Is that the right word?
Amy couldn't breathe. Suddenly, it was all too real. Before today, he was a safe diversion, one that didn't threaten her marriage, her family. An online fantasy. Now, he was so close and wanted to see her. In person. Her fingers were frozen, hovering over the keyboard. Thankfully, Cool_Hand_Luke continued.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Not unless you're ready. I don't ever want to push you into something you don't want to do, Dearest.
Mommee_dearest: I'm not sure I'm ready. Up until today, you weren't real. Does that make sense?
Cool_Hand_Luke: Yes, it does. I wake up every morning wondering if you are a dream or not. You just seem so perfect.
Mommee_dearest: I can assure you, I'm far from perfect, but I feel the same way about you. You're like a fantasy to me. But meeting you would make you too real. I'm not sure I can do it yet. I'm sorry.
Cool_Hand_Luke: I understand. I'm not sure I can handle seeing you anyway. Something tells me I wouldn't be able to control myself.
Mommee_dearest: I'm not sure I follow. You don't even know what I look like. I could weigh 500 pounds.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Doesn't matter. You turn me on, anyway…
Mommee_dearest: What about me turns you on? I don't understand, Luke.
Cool_Hand_Luke: I don't know if I can explain it, Dearest. Just the way you talk to me, like I'm a real person makes me want you in every imaginable way.
Amy sucked in a hard breath. His words were mirroring her own thoughts. The only reason she initially spent so much time on this stupid movie website was because she could interact with other people, who respected her opinions. Then, when she'd met Cool_Hand_Luke, he'd listened to her, and really understood her. He valued her opinions, and made her feel special.
Mommee_dearest: I feel the same way about you. It's like you are speaking my thoughts sometimes.
Cool_Hand_Luke: It's been a really long time since I've felt this connected to somebody.
Mommee_dearest: I do want to meet you. I just think it's a little soon. I need time to adjust to this new mindset.
Cool_Hand_Luke: What new mindset?
Mommee_dearest: That you're a real person.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Oh, trust me. I'm real all right.
Mommee_dearest: And you live near me. I might already know you.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Does that scare you?
Mommee_dearest: A little, and I don't know why.
Cool_Hand_Luke: I don't want to scare you. I want to make you feel good.
Mommee_dearest: You do make me feel good, Cool_Hand_Luke. You validate my thoughts. I appreciate that.
Cool_Hand_Luke: And you do the same for me, but I mean in other ways…
Mommee_dearest: Oh…
Cool_Hand_Luke: You want to try something different?
Amy concentrated on her breathing before she responded to his question. She thought she might know where he was heading, but she wasn't totally sure and didn't want to embarrass herself by presuming anything. Her heart was racing, and her skin was hot, and he hadn't even said anything to her yet.
Mommee_dearest: Sure.
Cool_Hand_Luke: You want to know what I want to do to you?
Oh God, yes…
Mommee_dearest: Tell me.
Cool_Hand_Luke: I want to kiss you with all I have, I want my tongue to possess your mouth, while my hands touch your body.
Mommee_dearest: Wow.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Too much?
Yes. But she didn’t want him to stop.
Mommee_dearest: No. Go on.
Cool_Hand_Luke: I want to tug on your hair, to pull your head back, so I can kiss your throat, down to your breasts. My other hand will reach between your legs, to feel your pussy, wet for me.
Mommee_dearest: Don't stop there. You've got me excited.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Yeah? You like this?
Mommee_dearest: Oh yes.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Are you touching yourself?
Mommee_dearest: No.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Will you? Please?
Mommee_dearest: Alright.
Amy unbuttoned the snap of her jeans and pulled them down to her ankles, after sheepishly looking around the room, while she sat at the computer. She felt a little silly, but she re-read his words, realized he was writing them for her, and silliness went out the window. She was turned on, in a way she'd never been before, and she was going to enjoy it. The fingers of one hand lazily traced the inside of her thigh, while the other hand found itself inside her bra cup, fondling her breast. She was so aroused, her breathing was already coming in ragged gasps.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Are you touching yourself now?
She stopped so she could type a response.
Mommee_dearest: Yes.
Cool_Hand_Luke: Where?
Mommee_dearest: My breast and my thigh.
Cool_Hand_Luke: That's hot…I'm hard thinking about it.
She wasn’t sure where her newfound bravado was coming from. She’d never been able to think about doing this with Bryan. She would have felt silly even suggesting it.
Mommee_dearest: What do you want to do about it?
Cool_Hand_Luke: I want to slip two fingers inside your pussy and hear you groan into my ear, while I suckle your breasts. You grind against me, wanting my cock inside you.
