by Marta Felber
There is one more thing I need to tell you. I DON’T HAVE A TAIL! There, I said it! I haven’t mentioned it before because I don’t see the big deal. It is M, the vet, and people who meet me for the first time who seem to see me as missing something. M says I would be better able to express myself if I had a tail. I use my voice, my whole body, and especially my eyes, to convey everything I want others to know. What else could possibly be needed? The vet told M that I was born without a tail. So there! It was meant to be. When people new to me see my back side, they say, “Oh, Ling has no tail!” They don’t have tails either, at least none I can see. So why should I have one? I don’t know how I would feel if I did have a tail, but I don’t know how I could possibly feel any better about myself than I do!
Mewsings
We need to express our thanks
to important others in our lives.
Discovering what we do well opens doors of opportunity.
What matters is that we step through the doors.
We can concentrate on what we do have, not on what we never had.
Lacking one means of expression, we can increase others.
Let’s be happy to be who we are.
Epilogue
You have journeyed with me, through my life with M. You were there when she chose me, and you lived with us during the fun times, and the difficult times. You traveled with us to a new home and you were present as we settled in. You sympathized with me when Cali waltzed into my life, and you watched me learn to love her. As I look back, I realize mine has been a full life. Now, I share briefly my exit from your world to my new one.
I kept telling M I did not feel well. To her credit, she continued to take me to the vet. First they tried pills, then an operation. All this took a long time. Finally, I heard the vet say I could not get well. I have never seen M so sad. I knew, though, she would do what was best for me. She asked to hold me, and I got sleepy from the shot the vet gave me. He left us, for our private time. M poured out her love to me, and I listened. She stroked my fur, and I felt her tears, dropping on my back. At last, I was at peace.
My burial was beautiful, in the rose garden of Son Number Three’s home, on the land where M was born. She read some verses from a black book, a lovely poem I will share with you, and she managed a short prayer. I was wrapped in an old blue sweatshirt of M’s. Her smell was still there. My favorite soft balls were tucked in the shirt with me. There were three, in case I lost one or two. It was peaceful and quiet in the pine forest, but I was in a hurry to get to my new home. I did stay long enough to see the unusual gray stone they chose to mark my grave. I heard M say it looked like a mountain peak. I will return, from time to time.
You won’t believe what it is like here. There are fields of catnip to roll around in. No more diet dry food—I get delicious, moist food from a dispenser. I touch the flavor I want with my paw. It comes out, and I eat it right away. Salmon is the best. The balls I lose are returned on a conveyor belt. I have my eye on this all-white cat. You should see her! All she needs is a crown. From the corner of my eye I catch her looking at me. What more could I ask for?
Final Mewsings
We can look back at our life, at any time. Mostly we recall the good times, and that’s okay. We remember and treasure those we love. Transitions may be difficult but, in the end, we welcome the peace we have hoped for.
Poem for Cats
And God asked the feline spirit
“Are you ready to come home?”
“Oh, yes, quite so,” replied the precious soul.
“And, as a cat, you know I am most able
to decide anything for myself.”
“Are you coming then?” asked God.
“Soon,” replied the whiskered angel.
“But I must come slowly
for my human friends are troubled.
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.”
“Are you coming then?” asked God.
“Soon,” replied the whiskered angel.
“But I must come slowly
for my human friends are troubled.
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.”
“But don’t they understand?” asked God
“that you’ll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined for all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is... forever and ever and ever.”
“Eventually they will understand,”
replied the glorious cat,
“for I will whisper into their hearts
that I am always with them.
I just am...forever and ever and ever.”
Author Unknown.
Cali’s Tribute to Sterling
I will always remember my first glimpse of Sterling, as I looked through the crack in the bathroom door, behind which I was isolated. How handsome! How daring! His fur shone in the light from the bedroom window. And how he carried himself, as if he owned the world! In that moment, I think I could have forgiven him anything. And, as it turned out, his behavior toward me was such that I was called on to do just that.
Even in those early weeks when he jumped on me, bit me, and told me to get lost, somehow I sensed that he would have done the same to anyone who had come into his sacred territory with M. It was not me he resented; it was who I represented. There were those who thought he never would accept me by his side. I hand it to him. He did. We became the best of friends. Had I been in his place, I think I would have continued to reject me. Yes, I hand it to Sterling. He heart was big enough, and generous enough, to accept me into the home where he had reigned supreme.
He was big, in many ways. Sterling loved life, and raced around to show it. He dared to walk on the deck railing, high in the air. He jumped to the highest places in our home. He ran faster than I and, of course, faster than M. In fact, Sterling was my King of the Hill, and always will be.
I miss Sterling, when I wake up, when I go through my day, and when I go to sleep. We had such fun and tender times together. Dear Sterling, I will always remember you.
M’s Tribute to Sterling
Sterling, I pay tribute to your ability to communicate. I never questioned but that you understood what I said to you. And, looking into your held-steady eyes, I was confident that I also knew what you were thinking.
Sterling, I pay tribute to your intelligence. You never ceased to amaze me by figuring how to do things, to your advantage. I remember when you got your harness loose after I left you in the car, on the trip to our new home.
Sterling, I pay tribute to your handsomeness. You bore your regal body with such pride. I can see you in the sunshine, with every hair tipped in silver.
Sterling, I pay tribute to your playfulness. You brought so much fun and joy into my life. You joined in my games, and you invented games of your own.
Sterling, I pay tribute to your ability to show love and caring. I can still feel your paw when you simply reached out in affection and touched me. You took advantage of times to snuggle close. When I was recovering from my operation, you took such good care of me.
Sterling, I pay tribute to your humorous side. There were so many times when I knew you were laughing, like when you sat and watched while I put my head under the kitchen faucet to wash my hair. As you probably know, after you left I gave Cali to Son Number Three, to be a companion to Shadow. I do not have another cat since you had to go away. I may find another cat but, if I do, rest assured, there can never be another YOU!
ABOUT MARTA
Marta Felber, a cat lover who knows she is loved by cats in return, draws on her experience as a counselor to express the deeply human feelings in her writing. She has held counseling positions in Pennsylvania and Arkansas as well as in Egypt and Indonesia. During her ten years in Jakarta, Marta served as director of the counseling center for expatriates.
Following the death of her husband, Joe, she adapted her workshops and group leadership to focus more on grief. Her two
books on the subject are Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies and Grief Expressed When a Mate Dies. Marta, who now lives in North Carolina, has three sons, four grandchildren, and one great-grandson. She enjoys travel, photography, and yoga, and continues to write for publication. Visit her website at www.LifeWords. com.
