by Renee Pace
But tears, those he had not anticipated. She was tired but she fought him every way she could. He didn’t want their relationship to consist always of fight. He wanted more and that surprised him. Maybe his mother’s advice had rubbed more deeply into his wings. She had not voiced the lack of a relationship with his father but he now understood her silence had spoken volumes. More than anything he wanted Isabella to admire him, maybe even like him a bit. Maybe her kissing him meant she did like him. He thought that over and almost tripped on the stairs. If he knew Isabella, the kiss had been a test. He just wasn’t sure if he passed and that feeling didn’t sit well with him.
The thought of any other Seraphim, or human male for that matter, daring to touch her perfection caused a fury of anger to rush through his veins. Isabella was special and in a way he least expected. He even admired the ridged bones of flesh that protruded from her back. She wore her scars with pride, a true warrior. They weren’t Cherub qualities but maybe she was right. Maybe she did deserve more than the life she’d been born into?
“Is everything okay, Nathanael?” asked Meredith when he got to the first floor.
Nathanael looked around. Meredith’s room was at the end of the corridor. He found it odd that of all the Cherubs she was the one who didn’t seem to like heights.
“I’ve put her to bed. She needs to rest. She’s so stubborn.”
“That she is. But, always she means well,” said Meredith.
Out of the corner of his eye, Nathanael caught site of a glint of steel.
“Just where are you going?”
Meredith smiled and moved her Kita in front of her. “I couldn’t sleep. I like to practice. The routine of the ritual helps ease my mind.”
He highly suspected it eased her heart. “You’re not going outside with that, are you?”
She chuckled. “The only place I’m going is to the recreational center. Mike lets me use it when it’s closed.”
Nathanael didn’t like the idea of Meredith—or any of them, for that matter—practicing weapons but he knew that like Izzy, Meredith wouldn’t appreciate his thoughts. And what did it matter? They were already exiled.
“Be safe, Meredith,” said Nathanael.
“And thee,” answered Meredith.
Nathanael slipped from the safety of their makeshift home into the dark of the night, wishing with all his might he could stay with them. Their place was a home. He might be welcome at the Seraphim safe house, but a home it was not.
Chapter Eleven
Mike ran the recreational center efficiently, and just as efficiently, he was avoiding Izzy. Not that she blamed him. He’d hired two local bands that had come in a few months ago showcasing their talents on homemade CDs. The bands helped fill in the gap. For now, everyone assumed Angel Minstrels was on vacation. That suited Izzy fine. With forced time off, she used the opportunity to go over the accounts. That suited her okay too, or so she told herself.
Dreading closing her eyes, she lived on caffeine, catching only a few hours of restless sleep each night. Almost a week had passed since Shea had been brought back to them and seven full days without Nathanael. Shea was on the mend, slowly, and that pleased Izzy.
Noticing how long Nathanael stayed away just made her mood foul. The memory of his lips made her hate herself. What had come over her? She didn’t need his distraction.
“Are we rich yet?”
Meredith’s tone said she, like the rest of her sisters, was still annoyed with her. They thought to baby her and keep her in bed. Izzy had enough of that by day two.
“In another year or so, we’ll have enough money for a place of our own. We are on target.” Izzy didn’t bother to look up from the accounts book.
“Great. That’s truly wonderful.”
Izzy smirked and raised her eyes to Meredith. “Really? You don’t sound great, and it certainly doesn’t sound wonderful to you.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
Izzy attempted to stifle a yawn and failed. “Never mind. I’m tired. How is Shea doing today?”
Meredith’s eyes dropped to the floor. “What was done to her was the worst of demon crimes. Her soul was taken.”
What is done is done. And what had Shea been thinking to be out alone so far from the house? “She’s alive, and that’s all that matters.” Izzy’s voice filled with hatred. Every time she thought of what had happened to Shea, to one of her own, one she had been in charge of, her gut twisted and the feeling of bile rose sharp in her throat. What I feel is nothing to how Shea must feel. This should have been my punishment. I failed her.
“I fear there is more being unsaid, but Shea will not speak of it.”
“Meredith, we can’t force her to talk about this. The unholiest of crimes has befallen an innocent sister. We must be patient with her.”
“I am not sure patience is what’s needed,” said Meredith.
What are you trying to tell me, but won’t dare speak? Izzy took a full minute to digest Meredith’s words and to look at her best friend. Righteous anger greeted her. Izzy nodded. We feel the same way. “Will she mend?”
Meredith sighed. “I do not know. She…there is trauma. We have healed her as much as physically possible. The rest is up to her. I-I should warn you.”
Izzy closed the books and gave Meredith her full attention. Meredith’s eyes shifted from the floor to the walls. Izzy clocked the silence. “Say it, Meredith. What have you come to say to me? I need to hear it. I need to know.”
“You will not like it.”
Izzy huffed, swiping her damp hair off her face. She tried to recall when last she’d bathed, calculating from her hair’s obvious state of distress she had best attend to that today. “There is not much these days that I do like. Tell me.”
Meredith’s answered in a heavy sigh. “I fear…I fear she will attempt to end her life.”
Izzy flew out of the chair. “You can’t be serious.”
“I fear such.”
“Why?” Because we are taught as Cherubs to value the power of our soul more than anything else, she thought, biting her lip. Izzy barely refrained from launching into a tirade about Cherub culture. She could tell Meredith wasn’t in the mood.
“Izzy, she is more than dishonored.”
Izzy harrumphed in annoyance. “Meredith, we’ve been exiled. I’ve had my wings cut off. In case you haven’t noticed. We are all dishonored.”
“No,” said Meredith, her tone serious.
“The gravest of crimes happened to Shea. The power of her soul forced from her by…by a demon. She is unclean.”
And just how was her soul forced from her? Izzy didn’t like to think too long about the how of it, and really it didn’t matter. The worst of crimes had befallen her sister. She was at fault for failing her. “Bull!” shouted Izzy.
“That is Cherub way.”
Izzy got in Meredith’s face. “Don’t say that again. She’s innocent.”
Meredith attempted to place a calming hand on Izzy’s arm. Izzy shook her off.
“Isabella, I know that. You know that. But Cherub teachings preach—”
“They preach a lot of bull. I will not allow her to think that of herself. I order her not to.”
Meredith gave a sad chuckle. “If only it were that simple. Do you honestly think the power of your order will make her feel worthy? Will make her feel whole? This order is not one she can obey yet. And before you say another thing, you need to know, that there are marks on her wrists…she tried to end her life after what happened. I think she tried to use a piece of glass to slice…”
“Meredith, enough. This is our fault.” My fault. “We must work hard to make her feel worthy. She did not ask for this. We will protect her. Place a sister in the room with her at all times.”
“Shea will know the why?”
“I don’t care. She is not herself at the moment and not thinking clearly.”
“Isabella, to her, the way is clear. No Seraphim will ever have her. Your Nathan
ael came to Earth to seek you out. She saw that as hope.”
“Hope,” spat Izzy. “He is not hope. Certainly not mine or ours.”
“You are wrong,” said Meredith, moving toward the window. Izzy followed her, wishing it poured and hating the sunlight that streamed into the room when all her thoughts were dark.
“Nathanael is your salvation. Shea knows there is no hope for her to return after what befell her.”
“Meredith, I’ve been over this a hundred times with you. None of us, least of all me—the Forsaken One, the mutilated one—will ever go home. Like it or not, we are on Earth for eternity.”
Still looking out the window, Meredith answered in a tired voice. “You’re wrong, Izzy. You and I both know Nathanael only has to say the words—bind you to him—then you will be allowed back. A penance served.”
Izzy grasped Meredith’s shoulders turning her to face her. “Never. I will never allow that to happen.”
“Allow what to happen?”
Nathanael’s voice, the last one Izzy expected to hear, soared through her, catching her off guard. Well, what did I expect? A week. Not one word. I thought he’d left. Should have known he’d sneak back into my life. “Nothing,” she muttered.
He didn’t say anything. He simply stared at her, unnerving her, and that annoyed Izzy.
“It is good to see you, Nathanael. Fare thee well?”
Nathanael nodded at Meredith. “By my blessed heart, I am well. How fares Shea?”
“Cut the formal speak. After years here, I’ve discovered I hate it. Actually, I hated it then, but at least now I have the freedom to say what I truly think,” said Izzy, moving from the window back toward her chair. Nerves on edge, she couldn’t sit. Instead she started to pace around the office room.
Nathanael crossed his arms and watched her. “There is much of Cherub culture I think thee hate, Isabella.”
Izzy groaned and rolled her eyes.
“Shea is mending,” interrupted Meredith.
“I have prayed diligently for her.”
Izzy froze in place. Meredith gasped. Or did I? Izzy’s heart fluttered with the adrenaline of his admission. A Seraphim praying diligence meant he’d asked for a good whipping. He’d prayed all day and night and only on the third day of penance would his fast be broken with bread and water. Nathanael’s head hung. His show of subservience quickened Izzy’s heart. I failed her. By rights I should have protected her or taken on diligence. Instead I did none.
Meredith, immediately, as a proper Cherub should, fell to her knees to bow her head in thanks to him. “Nathanael, we are honored thou feel this way. Destiny can be a dark path to travel.”
Izzy remained standing. Nathanael urged Meredith up with a hand, while his eyes moved over Izzy, making her feel unworthy.
Izzy looked at her best friend. “Yeah, that’s right, whatever that means. We did not ask for your help or your diligence.” Izzy knew her tone was tough as steel, but everything about him set her on edge.
“I am Seraphim. You are Cherubs. What you all have endured and continue to endure has affected my beliefs and thinking. Isabella, I wish I could change your destiny but we are tied together.”
What? He doesn’t want me? By the path of light, I did not see that one coming. Izzy set her mouth in a grim line.
Nathanael dropped to his knees, bowed his head to the wooden office floor and started speaking scripture. Meredith froze in place. Isabella rushed over to him, dropped to her own knees and begged him to stop. He didn’t.
“Sh’ulaum b’iã erasum v’eder’at. I’slla cuelum a b’h’lo’avae. Sh’leesm o’doult b’iã erasum v’eder’at. Taim’u. Rl’extera. Q’y ut ã ÿ.”
By thee Almighty’s blessing, I take thee Isabella, your soul, heart, mind and body. I give freely all my love to thee and only thee. One we are. For eternity. Till dust do us make.
The words, ancient as the heavens, rolled thick off his tongue. The power of angel speak danced like a techno song around Izzy, making her dizzy. The words wrapped around her soul, her heart and mind with bindings as tight as a noose around her neck, and for a second Izzy forgot to breathe. Worse, the power of the words seemed to penetrate the layers of her skin, causing pleasure to rise like a tidal wave through her. The meaning of the words was like a clear neon sign. Tears marred Izzy’s face. Rage caused her shoulders to quake.
Nathanael rose to place a gentle hand on her bowed, quivering head. “It had to be done, Isabella. I am not sorry for claiming our destiny. We will work through this together. I am here to help.
Izzy rose swiftly to her feet, flinching from his touch and concerned eyes. Stepping back she glared at him with all the hatred consuming her. “I don’t want your help.”
“You don’t want anyone’s help but facing demons alone is not useful.”
“Get out!” screeched Izzy.
“I will be back and I’m not sorry for what I’ve done.” He left as quietly as he’d entered.
“You shall be, Sere. You shall be.”
* * *
Meredith froze in the shadow of the hall, watching as Mike once again approached Shea’s door. Today alone, she suspected he’d tried a dozen times to muster his courage to knock on her door. He knew another sat in the room with her at all times because Meredith had told him. She didn’t have to tell him the why of it. She suspected he had witnessed the jagged scars on Shea’s wrists. From the half-open window, the wild lyrics from the recreational center streamed into their dwelling. She darted a look at the window, wishing she’d shut it earlier. Meredith did not like the music and she missed performing. Routine had become such a strong force that only with it gone did she realize her reliance on it. With routine, there was less time for questioning, less time for the want of what she couldn’t have.
Nathanael had forced Mike to take a blood oath. Meredith discovered that when Isabella muttered how annoying Nathanael had become. Meredith wondered what Mike thought of Nathanael’s golden-colored blood. And that begged the bigger question rattling around in Meredith’s head. Why was Shea’s blood red now? Nathanael had been frank with his explanation. Shea’s stolen soul, which was linked to her heavenly powers, condemned her, made her damned. Meredith wasn’t so certain that was truly the case. Shea had no control over what happened to her and didn’t deserve to feel unworthy. It worried Meredith more than she liked to think.
Moving from the shadow, Meredith approached Mike. “Would you like to go in and see her?”
Mike whirled around, and Meredith didn’t like how his eyes widened with surprise. One would have thought having a house filled with angels would make Mike happy. That was not the case.
“I don’t know.”
“I think she would like that.”
Mike hung his head, and Meredith wanted to weep. In such a short time, a little over two weeks, so much had changed in their lives. Where before, Mike would be joking and laughing with them, he now was guarded and acutely aware of his words and actions. Meredith preferred it the other way. Now, she knew why Izzy had not dared to speak of what they truly were. Angels existing in folklore and biblical stories was one thing. Angels that you helped rescue from the streets was another matter entirely.
Mike raised his eyes and took a deep breath. “I know about you all now.”
“Yes, I know. Do you hate us?”
“Hate you?” Mike flinched. “You’re crazy, Meredith. I couldn’t hate any of you. I think of you like family.”
Meredith bowed her head. “We are honored, Mike. The burden you carry is not an easy one. I should warn you—Shea will never be the same now.”
Mike’s eyes grew haunted, but his voice was strong, even commanding. Meredith welcomed it. “To me, she will always be the same.”
Meredith mustered a half smile. “Then your honor is blessed. Let that shine onto Shea. She will need it. But…”
“Don’t bother with any more buts, Meredith. I get the hint. Be gentle. Gotcha.”
“No, Mike I wasn’t goi
ng to say that. Shea needs you to be strong not gentle. Mending with shaky hands will only scar her more. Treat her like you always have. She must learn to respect herself and you of all people are best suited for that task.”
Mike mumbled, “Thanks. I think.”
Meredith opened Shea’s bedroom door and ushered out a fellow sister. The sweet overpowering scent of incense filled the room. The drapes were drawn tightly shut even though the sun shone brilliantly outside. The room smelled dark and moist, not at all fresh and airy as would normally be the case.
“I leave you now, Mike, to work your own miracle. Be a believer for us.”
Mumbling more to himself, Mike paced into the small room, moving from where Shea lay in one twin bed to the makeshift cot that had been placed on the opposite side of the room. Meredith watched him struggle. He didn’t know what to do, or where to sit.
“She doesn’t need gentle words, Mike. Remember, be true to her.” Those were the only parting words Meredith dared to offer. She could not write this history. Mike’s fate had to unfold as was written—a shame because Meredith liked Mike.
Meredith’s gift of foretelling was never accurate, and she suspected that was why the Mistress had gifted it to her when exiled to Earth. Cursed was more fitting. Never once would Meredith think that thought for she knew the Mistress had not left them. She knew, without doubt, the Mistress observed, and while she’d also liked to disclose that to Izzy, she knew her best friend would rather believe in superman than that truth.
* * *
“It’s okay, Shea. It’s just me, Mike. I opened the windows to let in some light for you. I’ve…I’ve been worried sick about you.”
Shea motioned to the water on the side table. Mike fumbled with the glass, spilling water as he went, his fingers all but trembling. He was the last person she wanted to see.
