by Franca Storm
Especially this situation with Sarah.
Shit.
I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out the jar of salts she gave me. So fucking sweet of her. And all I could do were give her a grunt of thanks and then walk out on her and lie to her ‘bout calling her. Don’t even got her number. Didn’t ask for it on purpose. It’s ingrained in me not to, I guess. Once I’ve fucked a woman, that’s the end of the story. Rarely ever fuck the same woman twice neither, unless I’m too drunk to give a shit. Sometimes happens with the club whores. But those bitches know the score. They know it don’t mean shit if I give ‘em a second go.
But Sarah ain’t no club whore. Hell, she ain’t no kind of whore at all.
And I didn’t fuck her neither. Just ate her out. Big difference to fucking her in my books. My cock sure thought so, too. Can’t believe I had that kinda control with her. Can’t believe I wanted to control myself ‘round her—for her. Means she weren’t just another warm body for me to sink my cock into and get the rush I need.
With me, it’s more than fun. That’s what most of the boys think it’s all ‘bout with me. Well, except Smiter. Accidentally told him the truth of it once when I were out-of-my-mind drunk one night. I need that high from fucking. That rush. That intensity. I basically traded one addiction for another. Thing is, sex is way less destructive than drugs.
Sex and booze is how I keep off the other stuff. Helps me put it outta my mind.
‘Til now.
Now it ain’t working.
It’s got too fucking tired.
I ain’t getting that same rush.
It’s just more of the same old shit.
Except with her. With Sarah.
I felt that rush with her and not just when things got sexual. Just being ‘round her.
It’s why I really went down to Brockford to see her. Weren’t just to talk or hang out.
Nah. After that close call with ‘em pills in Ax and Rox’s bathroom, I needed her to get my head off it. And somehow she has that power over me. She brings me to a place that’s a world away from all that bad. An innocent place where there ain’t no darkness.
But…shit…I had to leave.
The way she were this morning really freaked me out.
Clingy.
Making me that breakfast weren’t just food to her. It were a goddamn gesture. Some sorta couple-like or relationship gesture. And then asking me to spend the day with her? Holy shit. I realized then that what we did meant more to her than just something physical. Sex equals dating to her. A relationship.
It freaked me out, big time.
I knew she weren’t no whore, or like the bitches I’m used to screwing ‘round with. But, even knowing that, I weren’t prepared for all of that stuff from her.
The screwed up thing is that I know I were sending her mixed signals. I had my arms ‘round her all night on her couch. Didn’t just eat her pussy and then get gone. Hell, I didn’t even move off her to sleep somewhere else in her house. Even that woulda been enough to stop her from thinking it meant more to me than just something fun and sexual.
It’s cuz it did mean something more to me.
I were fine with it at the time, but I’d been numbed by a load of booze.
In the harsh light of day, it were a different story.
My senses returned.
Or, maybe my fear did. Maybe that’s what it really were.
Nah. Fuck that. Nothing strikes fear into me. Ridiculous.
I gotta keep away from her.
She messes with my head too much.
Being ‘round her helped me with that close call last night, but that’s it. That’s as far as it’s gonna go. I ain’t the kinda guy she needs. I fuck and run. That’s it.
I pat down my pockets, searching for my phone. Need to charge it after being away for close to a day. Yeah, after I left her place, I just rode and rode for hours to try to clear my head.
Shit. My phone ain’t nowhere.
Must’ve left it at her place.
Well, I’m gonna need a new one then.
Argh. Whatever. I’ll worry ‘bout it tomorrow.
Wound’s killing me from riding too long.
I grab my cane and pull myself to my feet.
Gotta lie down.
Chapter 10
~Sarah~
“Are you sure this is okay? I don’t need some sort of pass to get in?” I ask, Rox.
She laughs and wraps her arm around me. “Sarah, I’m married to the President of the club.”
“I know, but I’m not part of the club, or a…uh…what is it called?”
“Old Lady.”
“Right. That.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
We’re barely a few feet from the big entrance doors to the Black Thorns MC clubhouse now. I don’t know how Rox can be so calm in a place like this. For goodness sake, there were two men manning the gates with firearms. But, then again, she’s never had the fear gene. The work she used to do in Brockford made that clear. So, of course she wouldn’t be intimidated by a place like this, full of scary, tough bikers. Nothing and no one intimidates her. She’s the opposite of me in that respect. Everything scares me. I’m always nervous of new things and I’m easily intimidated, too.
Although, the strange thing is, I’ve never been afraid of Zeb.
Even after I saw how brutal he can be that night he fought off Eddie’s thugs, I wasn’t afraid.
It doesn’t really make sense, because he’s clearly a dangerous man. He knows how to fight, he carries a firearm and he’s a member of a biker club. But, despite all that, he’s never instilled fear in me. Nervousness, sure, because of his overt sexuality, but not fear.
As we reach the doors, Rox releases me and smirks, “Besides, don’t you want to give Runner his phone back?”
I look down at it clutched in my hand. That’s when I realize that I’m holding it in a crushing grip. That’s how ill at ease I am about the prospect of walking into their clubhouse. I loosen my grip before I end up breaking his phone. “Uh…yeah…right. The phone.”
It’s been a week since he ran out of my place. I thought he’d realize he’d left his phone with me and then come to collect it, but he never did. So, I contacted Rox to ask where he was. She told me he was hanging out at the clubhouse tonight. It was his first day back off his suspension thing.
Rox reaches for the door and tugs the handle in that overly aggressive way of hers.
It doesn’t budge.
“What’s going on?” she exclaims. She looks at me and raises her eyebrows. “It’s locked. That’s weird.”
She smashes her fists on the hard metal, not seeming to care about the bruises it’s surely going to give her.
She steps back when we both hear the locks inside clanging.
In the next moment, a huge skin-head, muscle bound guy with a tattoo snaking up his neck opens the door. I’ve seen him in my diner several times and he’s been around our friend, Halle, quite a bit.
Smiter.
“Rox. Uh…hey, sweetheart,” he says, looking nervous. His eyes dart to me and he gives me a polite head nod. “Sarah.”
I wave at him.
He turns his attention back to Rox and asks, “What you doing here, Rox? Everything all right?”
“Fine.” She steps up to the door, but Smiter moves into her path, blocking the way with his mammoth body.
“What are you doing? Let me in,” she demands.
“You need something, I’ll let Ax know.”
“I don’t need anything.” She points to me. “Sarah needs to give something to Runner.”
“Well…hand it over. I’ll get it to him.”
“No. She needs to give it to him,” she says, her eyes flashing.
Oh God. This is embarrassing.
Smiter looks me over, surprised about me coming here for Zeb, I guess. I came straight from the diner, so I probably look like crap in my blue jeans, sneakers, and my black hoodie that’s zipped up as far as it
can go. My hair is a mess, too. It’s in a high ponytail, but loose hair is cascading about my face, all messy. I should’ve gone home to change first, but I got overexcited when I’d called Rox and asked her if she could get Zeb’s phone to him and she’d suggested I come up here to see him and give it to him myself.
“Now ain’t a good time, Rox,” Smiter tells her, his eyes flashing right back at her, trying to communicate something that I don’t get at all.
It looks like Rox doesn’t either as she slams her hands into his chest and pushes him back, into the clubhouse. She holds her hand out to me. “Come on,” she orders.
I take it, because she really isn’t someone you argue with, and she pulls me through the door into the clubhouse.
Oh. My. God.
I vaguely hear Smiter cursing over us forcing our way in and now witnessing the disturbing sight in front of us. I also hear Rox saying something about Ax being a dead man.
It’s like an orgy.
Hard-rock music is thundering through the room—some sort of lounge and bar area.
There are loads of bikers dressed in jeans, leather and those leather cuts with their club thing on them. And a lot of them are in various states of undress as well.
As are the many women all over them.
Some kneeling in front of them and…doing things I can’t look directly at…as men lounge back on the couches. Not just the couches either. I see something on a pool table that I’ll never be able to erase from my memory. There are couples up against the wall, grinding on each other. Women are standing on tables in their underwear and swaying seductively as some men look on, while others feel them up brazenly.
Yep. One big orgy.
“What is this? A pussy party?” Rox yells at Smiter. “He promised me…not while he was in the clubhouse!”
Before Smiter can get a word out, Rox tells me, “I need to kick my husband’s ass.” She glares at Smiter. “Where is he?”
“His office.”
She gestures for me to follow her, but I stop short when something catches my eye.
My stomach lurches at the sight.
I feel sick.
Oh God.
Zeb is sitting on a stool up at the bar. He’s chugging down a bottle of beer in one hand. And his other…his other is down the leather halter top of the bleached-blonde bimbo standing in front of him. It looks like he’s feeling up her boobs. Her hand is rubbing his boxers that are visible, because his jeans are open. And, if that’s not enough, there’s a blonde supermodel-type behind him with her hands under his white t-shirt, running all over his abs.
“Shit, Sarah. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know this was going on,” Rox says from beside me. “Let’s get out of here,” she urges, reaching for my hand.
All I can do is nod.
As she starts pulling me away, Zeb’s gaze falls on me all of a sudden.
He freezes and his eyes almost pop out of his head.
I don’t get to see any more as Rox tugs on my hand and pulls me away.
As we step out into the courtyard, the fresh night air hits me and I suck in a sharp breath. That’s when I realize I’ve been holding my breath since seeing Zeb getting it on with those two women.
She hurries me towards my car and her bike.
“Sarah!”
I stop and spin around, which breaks Rox’s hold on my hand.
And that’s when I see Zeb limping over to us. I notice that he’s not using his cane. He must’ve healed enough in the last week to be able to walk without it now then. He’s still limping, though. And, as much as what I just saw hurt me, I can’t stop feeling sympathy for him. He looks so vulnerable in his injured state. Urgh. I’m such a pushover.
As he reaches me, I shove my hand out. “Here. You left this…uh…at my place.” I push his phone into his hands, harder and rougher than I intended and he fumbles to take it without dropping it.
He just stares at me, unmoving.
I can’t take it.
I don’t want him to see it. I don’t want him to see that he’s hurt me.
I promised myself a long time ago that I would never let any man have that power over me again.
And so, I turn away and hurry the remaining couple of feet to my car.
“Why the fuck did you bother coming up here, huh? What the fucking hell were you thinking? You can’t just come up here!” he thunders at me. “It’s a fucking clubhouse, woman! You get that? Jesus Christ! It ain’t your goddamn diner! Bitches don’t just walk on in and shit! You need a damn invite! All right? You hear me?”
“What?” Rox seethes, suddenly striding over to him.
I try to grab her arm to stop her, but she just shrugs out of my grip without even breaking her stride.
I turn around to see her getting in Zeb’s face.
“Stay outta it, Rox. Ain’t your business.”
“She’s my friend and you talking like that to her makes it my business.”
He steps back and shakes his head at her. “Don’t come at me. You’re his wife. Don’t make me do nothing here.”
“Like what? Is that a threat?”
“Hell, no,” he says. “Just…I know you. You come at me and I gotta subdue you, yeah? Don’t wanna touch you, Rox. Respect you, okay?”
“Well, right now, I don’t respect you.”
Oh crap. “Just leave it, Rox. It’s all okay.”
“No, it’s not okay. He just cheated on you and now he’s insulting you.”
“Cheated on her?” Zeb exclaims. “We ain’t together!”
“Then why are you out here running after her, huh?” she challenges him.
His eyes dart around erratically, confusion spreading all over his face for a few seconds. And then he eyes me and demands, “Tell her we ain’t together.”
I can’t do this. This is a nightmare and also incredibly embarrassing.
I guess all of these uneasy emotions have some sort of defense mechanism kick-starting within me. Anger. It has me blurting out at him, “We’re nothing.”
His eyes flash.
“What you saw in there were me celebrating being off forced leave.”
“I don’t care,” I tell him, turning away.
“Like fuck, you don’t.”
What the hell is this? Who cares? I need to ignore it. He’s so…immature, trying to get a rise out of me here. For what purpose?
“That’s what I do, woman! Okay? That’s the kinda man I am. I ain’t gonna make no apologies for it. What? Cuz I got a taste of your pussy, you thought I wouldn’t want no other? Like your pussy were so fucking special, or some shit? That what you thought?”
The next thing I hear is a pained grunt from him and I turn back around to see him staggering back and pressing his hand to his cheek while Rox stands there in a fighting stance.
Whoa. She just punched him.
“You asshole!” she yells. “You can never take any responsibility for anything you do, can you? You always think you’re completely blameless, you dickhead!”
Zeb’s eyes are on me. He’s just staring at me, like Rox isn’t even there and hasn’t just punched him.
I break his gaze when I see movement at the clubhouse entrance. Ax comes running towards us. Smiter is right behind him, carrying baby Ava in his arms.
They’re a little too late as Rox lunges at Zeb, screaming at him for all the things he just said to me.
Ax wraps his arms around her and pulls her off Zeb.
“Stop, babe! Now! Take it down,” he tells her as she tries to fight her way out of his hold. He turns so they’re facing Smiter and Ava. “You want our daughter to see you acting this way?”
That has her calming down a little. “You promised me no pussy parties while you were in the clubhouse! And you have Ava with you, too!”
“I stayed in my office with her. I was doing paperwork, babe. Swear it. Didn’t even know it was happening ‘til it was well underway.”
“Truth, Rox,” Zeb pipes up. “Were my fault. I set it up. N
eeded to blow off some steam. Didn’t run it by Ax first.”
“Don’t you talk to me!” she yells.
“Runner! Get inside!” Ax orders him.
Zeb hesitates. He tries to catch my eye, but I don’t let that happen. He blows out a breath and then limps away.
Ax releases Rox once Zeb is out of sight and tells her, “I’m sorry, babe. I swear, I didn’t see nothing ‘til a few seconds ago when Smiter came to get me and told me you were here.”
She runs her fingers through her hair and walks over to Smiter and takes Ava from him. “Thanks.” She turns back and orders Ax, “Give me the keys to your truck. I’m taking Ava home. I can’t on my bike.”
“No. We’re going home.”
That has her smiling at him. “Really?”
“Yeah. Right now.” He eyes Smiter. “Tell Grit he’s in charge for the rest of the night.”
Smiter nods. “You got it, Prez.”
“Sarah, do you want to stay with us tonight? It’s a few hours’ drive back to Brockford,” Rox offers.
I shake my head. All I want to do is to get out of here as fast as I can and never come back. “No. I’m fine.”
Before she can argue, I dart to my car and hurry inside. I see them watching me as I speed away without another word, or even a goodbye.
Chapter 11
~Runner~
I can’t wrap my head ‘round what’s happening here.
I’m standing on the doorstep, staring at her house, being a dumbass pussy unable to make a decision.
Knock, or walk away?
I went by the diner, but it were closed. It’s weird, cuz it’s the middle of the day and it ain’t a Sunday neither. Shouldn’t be closed.
If I walk away now, shit between us will be done with. Finished. I got no other reason to come back to this city. Ain’t gonna go to Temptress again, cuz of the way that bitch, Halle, always is with me the second I walk in there, before I’ve even done a thing to deserve her uptight bullshit. So, all I gotta do here is not knock. Just gotta walk away.
Fuck. I can’t.
It’s been two days since that screwed up situation at the clubhouse.
