by Susan Lewis
Carla’s eyes closed as she took another breath. ‘Who do you think? Rosa,’ she answered, wishing that the name alone would render it impossible.
Clearly thinking it did, Avril said, ‘For God’s sake, you’re not listening to anything she says, are you?’
‘How can I not, when I was there, Avril, I saw him when he took that call, and Rosa says she was at the wedding … Are you sure he’s never mentioned her to you?’
‘Of course not, if he had I’d’ve told you. Now, exactly what did Rosa say?’
Carla took a breath, then, pressing a hand to her mouth, said, ‘Oh no, I’m going to be sick.’
‘Come on, let’s get you back to your room,’ Avril said, starting to rise.
‘No! No, it’s OK. It’s gone now. Where were we? Oh God,’ she groaned, remembering. ‘Rosa claims she went to drama school with this Karen, and that she was at the wedding, twelve years ago, I think she said. She even said something about visiting them just before coming here …’
‘This has got to be bullshit,’ Avril declared. ‘I mean, if she was some kind of friend of his he’d have said so, for God’s sake. And why would Yale have to twist his arm to give her the part if …’
‘OK,’ Carla interrupted, ‘I really do have to get back to my room now.’
Seeing how green she was, Avril immediately leapt up and followed her back through the gardens to her suite. Once there, Carla headed straight for the bathroom, while Avril opened the French windows and walked out on to the veranda.
Carla emerged a few minutes later, dabbing her face with a cold wet towel, though still looking deathly pale. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘Of all days to be feeling like this …’ Then, seeing the bed, crumpled from where they’d been lying on it during the lunch break, when he’d come to make sure she was all right, she felt a horrible, welling emotion inside her. ‘Oh God, I can’t believe this is happening,’ she cried angrily. ‘How could I have been such a bloody fool?’
‘It’s not happening,’ Avril assured her. ‘There’s going to be some perfectly rational explanation, and I’m going to find out what it is.’
‘No, for God’s sake, don’t go talking to Rosa,’ Carla cried.
‘Why would I waste my time? It’s John I’m going to talk to.’
‘No! He’s shooting, and the last thing I want is this turning into an issue …’
‘It’s already an issue,’ Avril said firmly. ‘Now you lie down, or do whatever it takes to get your blood flowing again, and I’ll be back as soon as I’ve had a chance to speak to him.’
‘Avril, no! I absolutely forbid it!’ Carla cried, but Avril was already on her way out, and overcome by another pressing need for the bathroom there was nothing Carla could do to stop her.
It was the end of the afternoon before Rosa, doubling as the Horme – the Sultan’s chief wife – was dismissed from the set, by which time Avril had spoken with John, so was now fully aware of who Karen was. Since John had insisted on speaking to Carla himself, Avril had been happy to wait for Rosa to come free, and now wandered over to meet her as, still masked in a silk barakoa, and richly bound in a brocaded girdle and white tulle pants, she wound a path through the camera mounts and standby lights, to go and get changed.
‘Rosa.’ She spoke softly, as John was addressing the remaining cast.
Loosening her mask, Rosa turned round, and Avril didn’t miss the quick look of unease that flashed through her eyes.
‘I’d like a word,’ Avril said. ‘Phoebe’s still on the set, so we shouldn’t be interrupted in your suite.’
‘Actually, I’m on my way to costume,’ Rosa responded grandly.
‘No you’re not,’ Avril informed her. ‘You’re coming with me.’
Rosa’s face twitched, but clearly realizing that she’d be the loser if she fought this out, she marched across the foyer, and headed down the path to the suites.
Avril followed at her own pace, and was surprised to find that Rosa had left the door open when she got there.
‘If this is about Karen …’ Rosa said, as Avril walked into the room.
‘No, it’s not about Karen,’ Avril replied. ‘John’s going to deal with that. What I’m going to deal with is this.’
Rosa looked at the small sheaf of paper Avril was holding up, but when she reached out to take it, Avril snatched it away.
‘Before I tell you what this is,’ she said, ‘I want you to know that whatever mitigating circumstances there might be for your actions, like you were dropped on your head as a baby, or rejected by a Jehovah’s Witness, I’m not interested, OK? As far as I’m concerned you’re a sad, vindictive bitch, and that’s how I’m going to treat you.’
Rosa’s eyes were blazing. ‘You’ve got some nerve coming in here speaking to me like that!’ she spat. ‘You’re nothing but a cheap little tart …’
‘Stop right there,’ Avril said calmly. ‘Just stop, or you’re going to find yourself with a lawsuit on your hands that’ll ruin you even more surely than what I’ve got here.’
Rosa’s nostrils flared, but Avril could see she was nervous. For a moment she only looked at her, then, tearing her eyes away, she glanced down at the printed notes she was holding, and said, ‘This is the article Gus is sending to the industry papers, like Stage, and Broadcast, and Variety … I expect you subscribe to them, don’t you? I know most people in the business do, especially directors, and casting agents, and producers … You know, the types you rely on to give you work.’ She smiled, and watched Rosa’s face grow paler. ‘I expect a lot of your friends and colleagues subscribe to those papers too, don’t they?’
‘I don’t know what any of this is supposed to be about,’ Rosa snarled, ‘but if you think you’re scaring me …’
‘I’m succeeding,’ Avril butted in. ‘I know. And you’re right to be scared, because I know I certainly would be, if I were in your shoes. So now, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer, because I expect you’re dying to know what Gus has written. I’ll read it aloud, it’ll have more impact that way. Oh, you can sit down if you like.’
Rosa remained where she was, standing behind a large basket-weave chair, hands clenched on the back of it, face taut with uneasy anger.
‘OK,’ Avril said cheerily. ‘It’s quite a long article, so I’ll just read the bits that are relevant. Ready?’
Rosa glared at her.
‘I guess that means yes,’ Avril responded. ‘OK, here we go. “… and it was alleged by Rosa Gingell, one of the support cast, that several members of the crew were taking drugs. However, after this journalist made enquiries, it transpired that two drivers, who roll their own cigarettes, were the most likely victims of this allegation, though when I put it to Miss Gingell that she could have been mistaken, she emphatically denied it and accused me of being part of a cover-up. Fortunately, no harm has been done as a result of Miss Gingell’s suspicions, though it certainly could have been, which is why There and Beyond’s executive producer, Carla Craig, has vowed never to have Miss Gingell near the programme again. As to Miss Gingell’s suggestions that Carla Craig and Unit Production Manager Frazer Jackson have been bribing local officials to turn a blind eye to the drugs, again there is no evidence to support Miss Gingell’s claim, though Miss Craig readily pointed out that fees were frequently being paid for permissions to film, or the hire of facilities. Anyone thinking that Miss Gingell’s fanciful imagination had exhausted itself by now would be mistaken, for she has been quoted by several members of cast and crew, in her remarks concerning unit publicist Avril Hayden …”’
At this Avril glanced up and grinned at Rosa’s sunken expression. ‘Never thought anyone would repeat it, did you?’ she said.
Rosa stayed silent, so Avril continued,
‘“… I would strongly recommend that any director or producer seeking to cast Miss Gingell in the future would do well to heed my advice and steer clear of this remarkably disruptive actress, whose appetite for rumour and gossip could be extremely damaging if all
owed to go unchecked.”’
‘You wouldn’t dare,’ Rosa hissed, suddenly finding her voice. ‘No way in the world would you go to print with that.’
Avril laughed. ‘Do you want to try me?’ she said.
‘And who the hell’s going to be interested in what goes on around some tinpot production like this?’
‘I already told you, the trade papers,’ Avril responded. ‘So now, I’ll leave you to mull this over, and prepare yourself for the follow-up publicity which should come sometime around the end of next week.’
Avril was already at the door when Rosa, in a voice that was shredded with anger and tears, said, ‘You’re doing this because I told Carla John was married, aren’t you?’
‘Rosa, you made your bed long before you blurted out that little nugget,’ Avril replied.
‘Well he should have told her himself,’ Rosa cried. ‘He shouldn’t go round …’
‘A word of advice,’ Avril cut in, ‘before you appoint yourself moral guardian to the world at large: take a look at your own troubled little soul. I think you’ll find it’ll keep you busy enough to stop worrying about what other people are doing …’
‘No matter what you say about me,’ Rosa shouted after her, ‘it still doesn’t change the fact that John Rossmore is married!’
Carla was lying on the bed, staring up at the fan, and feeling so wretched she just wanted to die. Though her stomach was calmer now, it was still too delicate to risk leaving the suite, and the anger she felt at herself, for how she’d allowed herself to get into this position when she’d known all along how disastrous it could be, was only making her worse. Dear God, how could she have done it? Just what kind of an idiot was she? How many times did she need to be betrayed before it got home to her that no-one, just no-one, was to be trusted?
She shifted restlessly, as though kicking away the memory of these past few days, for it hurt too much to think of it, and even if there were a rational explanation for Karen, which she couldn’t possibly begin to imagine, wasn’t the state she was in now proof enough of how a relationship between her and John just couldn’t work? They were supposed to be making a programme, for God’s sake, not conducting some kind of pretend romance that was only going to seem real while they were here. What on earth had got into her when she, of all people, knew how easily these exotic islands could persuade someone they were in love, when all they were really in was a dream? How many cast and crew had she seen fall for it in the past, and now here she was, in it up to her neck. Her only excuse was the mind-altering power of her sexual urges, which had been ignored for so long that his attention, their attraction, had caused her to lose sight of what was really happening. But she could see it now, and how pathetic, how insane, she was, throwing herself into an affair that had never been destined to go anywhere but right where it was. And like hell was she going to think about how tender and loving and genuine he had seemed, how beautiful and right it had all felt, because, God knew, she’d been there before, and look where it had got her then …
Swinging her legs to the floor, she went to her computer and connected it to the mobile phone. Why not get it all over and done with in one go? Richard’s email still needed to be read, but whatever it said, it was over with him too. She’d had enough. She wasn’t going to be anyone’s fool any more. Let them lie and cheat and destroy somebody else!
Minutes later she was staring at the screen in total disbelief, while her body trembled with shock and her mind struggled to grasp the reality of what she’d just read. Though his message had started by saying that he wished he was there with her now, what it had gone on to say, was that hearing her voice had made things clear to him, and he knew now that he must call a halt to their emails and say a final goodbye.
‘I’ve been fooling myself into thinking that we could find happiness again,’ he’d written, ‘but I know now that I love Chrissie and our daughter too much to cause them the kind of pain I know it would cause if I left. They love me, and depend on me, and maybe it was hearing your voice that woke me up to the truth of how very much they mean to me too. You’re stronger than they are, Carla. You don’t need me the way they do. I know you’ll find love with someone else, someone who’s more deserving of you than I could ever be. In my heart I will always love you, and I wish you nothing but happiness in your life. Adieu, ma chérie, and truly blessed is the man who will win your heart.’
Her fingers were shaking so hard as she typed out an answer that it took much longer than it might have, but it wasn’t until after she’d clicked on ‘send’ that she allowed herself to think about what she’d said, and then bitterly regretted her panicked reaction. But why shouldn’t she insist on seeing him? If nothing else he owed her an explanation for the way he had behaved eighteen months ago, when he hadn’t spoken a single damned word to her, not even to say he was sorry her mother had died. And what about all these emails, and the questions he had consistently avoided? And Zanzibar? Why was he lying about Zanzibar? She wanted some answers, goddamnit, and this time she was going to bloody well get them, no matter how hard they might be to hear, and maybe then she’d be able to move on without any fear of making the same mistake as she’d just made with John.
Thinking of John caused a horrible, deep ache at the centre of her heart, but she pushed it away. She wasn’t going to cry over this. She wasn’t even going to lose any sleep. She was just going to work out a way of getting him out of her life too.
‘Actually, yes I do mind you moving in here,’ Avril retorted, as Carla dumped her bags in the dressing room and looked round for somewhere to put her computer.
‘I’m sorry, but there isn’t anywhere else,’ Carla replied.
‘You could at least have given him the chance to explain before you walked out. For God’s sake, they’re due to break any minute …’
‘I don’t want to discuss it. If you don’t want to tell me anything, that’s fine, but I’m not sharing a room with a married man! Now, if it’s OK with you, I’ll put my computer on the edge of this table.’
‘No, it’s not OK with me. You’ve got your own suite.’
Carla returned to the dressing room, took out a toiletry bag and disappeared into the bathroom. Ten minutes later she came out again, face freshly scrubbed, hair wet, and eyes glittering with false brightness. The sound of voices outside told her the unit had wrapped, which must mean, hopefully, that the schedule was complete.
‘Is this right for the party?’ she said, looking down at the berry-coloured dress she was wearing.
‘Carla, I can’t believe you’re doing this,’ Avril cried.
Ignoring her, Carla said, ‘Did Frazer call to say if they got everything in?’
‘Yes, and they did. The night-shoot boys are just having something to eat, then they’re off again. That includes John. He called too …’
‘Is Frazer back in the production office? I’d better go over …’
Her heart somersaulted as someone knocked on the door, and her eyes shot to Avril.
‘That’ll be John,’ Avril said, starting across the room.
‘No, don’t, I need to think,’ Carla cried, in panic. ‘Tell him … Tell him I’m not feeling well again …’
‘You look OK to me,’ Avril responded. ‘And there’s no point putting this off. You need to hear what he has to say and …’ She broke off as she spotted him vaulting over the garden wall and striding up onto the veranda.
Carla gasped as his shadow fell over the room, and, taking a step back, she said, ‘John! Frazer said you’d finished …’
‘How much have you told her?’ he asked Avril, though his eyes were fixed angrily on Carla.
‘Nothing,’ Avril answered.
‘Then if you’ll excuse us.’
‘No! Stay!’ Carla protested.
He waited for the door to close behind Avril, then took a step towards her.
Immediately she stepped back. ‘This is not a good idea,’ she said coldly. ‘We’re here to make a programme
, and allowing ourselves …’
‘I’m not married!’ he seethed, cutting across her. ‘And that you would think I’d deceive you like that makes me so damned angry …’
‘Then why did Rosa say you were?’ she shot back.
‘Because I was. Karen and I are divorced.’
‘But she’s still obviously a very big part of your life.’
‘Yes. She is. And probably always will be.’
‘That’s OK. It’s none of my business. What you and your ex-wife …’
‘It is your damned business, now for Christ’s sake let’s calm this down so that I can explain without having to gag you to make you listen.’
Carla’s eyes flashed. ‘I don’t want an explanation. I just want you to understand that this … affair, has to end …’
‘I’ve warned you once,’ he said, taking another step towards her.
‘Not because you’re married, or even not married,’ she shouted, darting round the bed to put it between them, ‘but because it has to!’
Stopping, he glared at her with an expression of pure frustration. ‘You’d do that, without even listening to what I have to say?’ he demanded.
‘Yes. Because whatever the situation is between you and your wife …’
‘Ex-wife!’
‘… has no bearing on this, except to say that it woke me up to how impossible it is for us to go on …’
‘What the hell are you talking about? What’s impossible?’
‘Us! As a relationship! It’s not based on reality. It’s something that happened, the way these things do on film sets, and now we’re going home …’
‘I’m not going to let you do this!’ he raged. ‘I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but you know very well that what’s happening between us …’
‘Nothing’s happening! Not any more. And not because of your ex-wife, but because I don’t want it.’
His face was so taut and bloodless it was hard to read, but she knew she had hurt him and instantly regretted it. However, her mind was made up, she had to break this off before it got any more out of hand than it already was. ‘I don’t want it,’ she repeated quietly.
