The last few sentences he spoke really hit her. Everything with Caleb was as close to perfect as you could get. And his admittance of love. He wasn’t asking for the chance to love her like Caleb did. He already loved her, regardless. In spite of everything and where they were in their lives, personally, he still loved her. With all of this she mumbled out the response of the day. “I can’t.”
“I can’t isn’t ‘no.’” Danny said plainly, letting her go out of his grasp. He went back to the stereo and turned it off and headed towards the door. “I think we know the piece pretty well. Another thing I know pretty well is the fact that I’m starving.” He stopped just shy of the doorway, opening it up with a question mark on his face. Maggie stood there for who knows how long, but it felt like eternity for her. She put her head down, took a deep breath and headed for the open door.
Chapter Thirty Six
Maggie and Danny entered the Denny’s that was conveniently located next to the studio. She led the way out the one door and right in to the other. The hostess seated them right away.
No words were exchanged as they looked over their menus, eventually placing their orders with the waiter. When their drinks arrived, Maggie busied herself with the cream and sugar packets taking her time readying her coffee. Danny just sat there watching her. Behind her eyes he could see her brain working in overdrive. His heart broke slightly to see her like this. He had admitted to her that he loved her and he knew that that probably wasn’t the best thing to do when she was knowingly in love with someone else, but he had to. All those things that he said to Maggie about him challenging her and making her angry were the same in the reverse. She wasn’t like any of the other girls he had been with before and that scared him, but he knew that the things that scared him were usually the ones that were the best for him in the end. He just couldn’t sit back and not say anything. Not anymore.
“How’s the coffee?” Danny asked quietly, causing Maggie to look up from what she was doing.
“I don’t know yet, I haven’t tried it.” She replied honestly. She looked down and realized that she had basically reorganized the sugar packets in to alphabetical order and had stacked the creamer up so neatly. Her nerves were definitely getting the best of her. Frustrated, she sunk back in to the booth and looked at Danny.
She really looked at him hard.
His face was soft, his features relaxed. As usual, it was his bright blue eyes that drew her in first. There was something different behind them tonight though. Gone was the cockiness and it was replaced with something that read as sincerity and concern to her. She continued down to his lips that were supported by a strong jaw line that was riddled with stubble. Watching over his face calmed her for some reason. She took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly. She reached for her coffee and took a sip of the hot liquid before setting the cup back down on the table in front of her.
“It’s good.” She said, finally answering his question. She looked back up to his face and noticed a small smile start to play upon his lips.
“Good.”
No other words were exchanged before their food arrived. They ate in silence and when the bill arrived, Danny took it before she had a chance to and got up to pay it at the front. Maggie got up and followed him to the exit and they both stood outside the restaurant in the silence that had overtook them, breathing in the fresh air, that was slightly crisp from the new season.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Danny asked out of the blue.
“I have a cake order I need to finish.”
“Oh, yeah? What time?”
“They’re picking it up at five.”
“So if I pick you up from your shop just after five, you’d be free?”
“Free for what?”
“A surprise.” He stated with a smile.
“Danny...” Maggie started, unsure.
“There will be other people around, so it won’t just be you and me. I promise.” He reassured her.
“Okay.” Maggie said quietly, her voice hinting at the uncertainty that still plagued her.
“Tomorrow then.” Danny said with a smile as he turned and walked away, leaving Maggie there to watch him fade in to the distance.
Chapter Thirty Seven
Maggie put the finishing touches on her cake order just before putting it in the box and handing it over to her client that waited patiently at the front of her shop. Once he left, she locked up the front and headed to the back kitchen to start cleaning up. When the phone in the bakery rang, Maggie answered it in her usual manner, only to be met with a familiar voice on the other end.
“Margaret Arabelle Sloan? As I live and breathe, it is you!” the voice exclaimed, picking up a fake Southern drawl in the process.
“Hi mom.” Maggie countered, leaning back against the wall behind her.
“Just making sure that you’re still alive. It’s been three weeks since I’ve talked to you. We barely go three days. What’s going on?”
“It has not been…” Maggie started as she glanced to her right at the calendar hanging on her wall. “Shit, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’ve just been…busy.” She said, a faint smile creeping up on her face.
“Good busy, or bad busy?”
“Good busy. Really good busy, for the most part actually.”
“Uh huh…” her mom led. “And does Mr. Good have a name?”
Maggie couldn’t help but chuckle. No matter how long between visits and the times they talk, her mom could always read her like a book.
“Caleb. His name is Caleb.”
“Good name. I like it.”
“Good to know” she replied laughing. “And how about you? How have things been going?”
“Not too shabby. I had a check-up last week that I’m waiting to hear back about.”
Maggie’s mom had been cancer free for around two years now, but still had to go for check-ups every six months. Even though things were going great, she couldn’t help but worry each time she went in. And in the world of cancer, it wasn’t considered clear and gone until she hit the five year mark. It isn’t until that check-up when they say that that cancer you had is truly out of there.
“Did they say anything?” Maggie questioned.
“They took their sweet ass time looking at everything and rescanning, that’s for sure. Something showed up. Who knows though. They said I should hear back by the beginning of next week.” Maggie’s mom brushed it off as if it were no big deal. You can tell she just wanted to be done with all of this. And really, could you blame her? For Maggie though, it was like a kick to the gut when she heard her mom say that the tests showed something. She instantly flashed back to what her mom had gone through with all of her treatments; the pain, nausea, tiredness. And what Maggie herself had to go through; watching helplessly, knowing that all she could do was be there. And it never felt like enough.
“Okay, well call me when you hear back from them.” She got out in an even tone.
“Will do. And maybe one of these days I’ll be able to see your face! I’m beginning to forget what you look like.”
“Oh, ever the drama queen.” Maggie replied with a smile. “We’ll do lunch next weekend? I have a delivery in your neck of the woods on Sunday.”
“Sure, sounds good. Goodbye sweetie.”
With that, Maggie hung up the phone and felt herself sink in to the wall in front of her, her forehead resting against it as she tried her best to breathe deeply and evenly and to keep the tears at bay.
Maggie would give anything for her mom. If that meant moving back home to live with her and take care of her for however long it would take; she would do it. And that scared her. She did it willingly for almost three years, but if she were to be perfectly honest with herself, she did feel like she missed out on that time in her life. Her mom had told her before that she felt guilty about that fact, but Maggie always shot it down and brushed it off. She didn’t want her mom to worry about that, just to worry about getting better. Maggie was at a point
in her life though, personally and professionally, where she felt that everything was lining up and she knew that if she had to give that all up, she would, but that also petrified her because she could finally see things going the way she wanted.
Maggie finished cleaning up her space and it wasn’t until she got home that the quiet hit her and with that, a release of tears streamed down her face. She knew she would be there for her mom again, 100%, but she also knew that she couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t take it, couldn’t see everything that she had to go through. Nothing about this was fair.
Picking up the phone, she dialed Caleb. She knew he was on the road, but she needed him. Fuck, she needed him to hold her, to rub her back. Her mind had cleared of everything else, all the trivial things that had been keeping her clouded. She didn’t even really need him to say anything, just to be there. But after the first ring, his voice mail picked up. She must have hit redial five times before she knew it was no use. He was probably finishing up a gig or hanging out with his buddies. She couldn’t remember his schedule.
She threw her phone down on the couch beside her in defeat. The minute it hit the cushion, it started ringing. She let out a sigh of relief and answered it without even looking at the caller ID.
“Baby, I need you.” She managed to choke out through her sniffles.
“Maggie?” the voice on the other end questioned. A voice that stopped her in her tracks. “I was just calling about the plans we talked about yesterday…”
“Danny. I, umm…” she said, trying to compose herself. “I thought you were Caleb, sorry. Uh, look, now’s not really a good time. Do you think we could talk tomorrow?”
“What’s wrong?” he questioned.
“Not your concern.” Her answer coming out much colder than she intended.
“What is wrong?” Danny questioned again, this time much more demanding, yet still filled with sincerity that had him even questioning where it came from.
Maggie let out a huge exhale and spoke only three words;
“It’s my mom.” Before hearing shuffling on the other end, followed by a door closing.
“Are you at home? Text me the address, I’ll be there in 10.”
When Maggie had told Danny a brief blurb that night at the studio that her mom had been sick, he just nodded and allowed her to explain that that was the reason for her moving home for a couple years. He didn’t ask any questions, he didn’t pry, he figured that if she really wanted him to know, she would tell him. It wasn’t any of his business; especially given they really didn’t have much of a friendship to go on at this point. But when he heard her on the other end of the phone, he knew she couldn’t be left alone and he sat, staring at his phone for a good five minutes before he finally got the text telling him where to go.
When she opened the door, his first reaction was that he couldn’t stand to see her face look like that. Even though her eyes were swollen and her skin blotchy from the tears, she still looked beautiful he thought.
No, it was the look of desperation that he found unsettling. Desperate for an answer? Some way to make it all okay. And she was trying so hard to hide it. When Maggie stepped aside and let him in, he didn’t know what to do. This was a new situation for him. Yeah, he had been there for his friends when they needed him, but the mostly male contingent usually just required a few beers and a pat on the back before they bucked up. Danny could clearly see this went beyond that.
Closing the door behind himself, he stood at the entry as Maggie shuffled her sock covered feet along the hardwood floors to the kitchen island. She tried to pull out a stool, but the foot got caught on the island’s edge, making the simple task difficult. In frustration, she yanked the stool out so hard that it crashed to the ground unexpectedly, causing him to flinch. Apparently not blinking an eye, Maggie opted to leave the stool where it landed and hoped on to the counter, rejoining her cup of tea that sat beside her.
Danny wasn’t sure how many minutes had passed before he finally had the balls to cross the threshold in to her kitchen. He found himself walking up to the island, standing right in front of her legs that dangled over the edge. He tried to match her eyes, but she kept them locked on her tea as if it would disappear the minute she looked away. Following her gaze past that, he saw that she was most likely watching it to ensure it wouldn’t spill as he finally reached her hands that trembled despite her efforts to steady them. Without thinking he took the cup from her hands and put it down on the counter, his hands clasping over hers, bringing them together. It was finally then her eyes met his.
“She might be sick again” were the words that barely escaped her lips.
Danny knew not to pry. The look on his face must have read unsure though as she tentatively continued, letting him more and more in with each sentence.
“My mom. Breast cancer. Everything’s been okay for two years, but the tests…they don’t know that it is yet.”
“When will she know?”
“Monday, most likely, at the latest.”
These were probably going to be the longest few days she’s had in a very long time. “I’m sure everything will be okay.”
“Really? Really?” Her voice rising on the latter. “You sure about that?” she spat out in a spiteful tone.
“Maggie, I …” he started to apologize, but knew she probably didn’t want to hear that either. He found his hands travelling from hers, up her bare forearms to her elbows when he felt her shiver and stop.
Chapter Thirty Eight
Maggie closed her eyes and breathed deeply.
“I just can’t do this again.”
“I know.”
She started to make a face, but stopped herself. She knew he was trying. And the truth was, she liked the feel of his hands on her and the closeness right now was something she felt was holding her together. It was all she could muster to lift herself up on to the counter that if he let go, she was afraid she would crumble to a million little pieces.
“Tell me what you need.” She heard Danny say just above a whisper, yet she could still hear the crack in his voice. Breathing deeply to process, she knew she just needed to think about anything but.
“I need to go to the movies.” She announced opening her eyes.
“O…kay?”
“That stupid animated thing about the whale is still playing, right?”
“As far as I know?”
“Perfect.”
“Maggie…”
She hopped off the counter before he could finish that sentence, planting her mere inches from his chest, her eyes almost even with his lips, making it nearly impossible for her to try and look anywhere else. Taking in the closeness, she felt herself gulp.
Yep, a distraction would be good.
“Mindless comedy time.” She said, answering what she knew he was going to ask. “I can’t think about this anymore. So, I’m not going to. For the next two hours. Then I’m going to come home and most likely cry until I fall asleep and then re-do that on repeat until I get a phone call. Plan to join me?”
She could see him studying her face, searching her resolve. “I’ll buy the popcorn.”
Chapter Thirty Nine
Caleb called her the next morning, waking her up actually. Half asleep, she honestly couldn’t remember what it was she had called him about. That was until he apologized for waking her, but said he called so early after getting a voicemail from Danny saying he better check in.
Everything she said would happen last night did; the movie took her mind off everything (3D dancing whales can do that, you know) and after assuring Danny she would be ‘okay’, she settled in for the night and cried herself to sleep on the couch. The tired mixed with being all cried out allowed her to fill Caleb in pretty easily. He felt horrible that he wasn’t there for her. He shared the same sentiments that Danny voiced last night, even volunteering to come home. She was in her defiant ‘what can anyone help’ mood so she of course shot that down right away. He was just being his amazin
g self and she knew and appreciated that, and although having his arms around her would feel really good right about now, she couldn’t do that do him.
Missing a call from Maggie wasn't that big of a deal, normally. They both had their own lives and they both knew that, but when Caleb got the voicemail from Danny, he knew that this was one call that he shouldn't have missed. Caleb had gone out after the show that night with everyone for his bassist Pat’s 30th birthday and was out at the bar when she had called, not even feeling the phone's vibration in his back pocket. Not being there for her was something that weighed on his mind and he felt horrible about. She had been so open with him when they first met about what she had been through with her mom that when she filled him in on what was happening now, he knew how torn up she must be inside. And the fact that she wasn't there for her, but Danny was? That ate at his heart. He knew that they were being cordial to each other now, but as far as he was concerned, Danny would be the last person she would want around as a shoulder to lean on.
Chapter Forty
Maggie’s days repeated themselves with routine until her mom finally called to say that results would be in on Friday. At her mom’s insistence, she stayed home and didn’t go to the doctor’s with her. And, just like her mom pulled, at her insistence all her friends stayed put and didn’t head to her place to keep her company either. She managed to get a few hours of sleep, but clearly not enough as everything put her on edge. Especially every time her phone rang. She literally jumped. But it always ended up being someone else calling to talk about something else. Finally, twenty minutes after her scheduled appointment time, her phone rang and it was her mom.
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