by J. L. Perry
I got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when she wasn’t there. What if my dad had done something to her last night while I was asleep?
“Mum?” I called out in a panic. I listened for her response.
“I’m in my bedroom Jaz,” she called back weakly. Hearing her voice was such a relief. The first thing I thought was, thank god she’s still alive!
I walked into her room and was shocked by what I found. She was laying on the bed all battered and bruised. There was dried blood all over her face and in her hair. It was rare that my mum let me see her like this.
She’d usually clean herself up as best as she could, by wiping off any blood and trying to cover her bruises, before letting me see her.
“Mum!” I cried as I rushed over to her. There was dried blood all over her pillow and on the sheets as well. I even noticed some splattered on the wall. My father had obviously beaten her while she was in bed last night.
God, I hate him so much!
“I won’t be able to walk you to school today,” she whispered. I could tell by the way she spoke that she was in pain. “Do you think you will be alright walking on your own?” It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to do it alone. There had been a number of times over the years that I had to walk to school on my own, because my mum was too injured to walk with me. There was no way I was leaving her like this. I rest my head on her chest and sob.
“Why does he hurt you like this mummy?” I really didn’t understand why. I’ve never seen bruises on the other mums at school. So, I knew this didn’t happen to everyone.
Of course she didn’t answer me. She probably didn’t know the answer to that question either. “Do you think you will be able to make yourself some breakfast sweetie?” She asked softly.
“Of course. I will make you something too.”
“I’m not very hungry,” she said weakly. “But, I want you to eat something. There’s some cereal in the cupboard and milk in the fridge.” I looked up at my mum as the tears continued to fall. I hate seeing her like this. She’s a nice mummy and didn’t deserve what my father did to her.
I knew if she stayed in bed all day, unable to do any housework or cooking, my father would be angry. So instead of going to school, I stayed home to do all the work for her so my father wouldn’t hit her again. She needed time to heal from the beating.
After I ate breakfast I got dressed. I got a bucket from the laundry and put some warm water and soap in it, before grabbing a washcloth and towel out of the cupboard. I took them into my mum’s room. She really needed a shower but was too heavy for me to carry.
I cleaned her face up as best I could, and with a little help from me, she managed to change out of her clothes. I noticed there were bruises all over her stomach and arms, it made my heart hurt.
After replacing the pillowcase on her pillow I got a clean sheet out of the cupboard. She gave me instructions on how to use the washing machine, so I could wash the sheets for her. I also washed some of my father’s clothes. He needed them for work. I didn’t want my mum to get in trouble if they weren’t clean. I hid the rest of the washing under my bed, so my father wouldn’t see it.
I couldn’t reach the clothes line, so I dragged a chair from the kitchen to the backyard. I stood on the chair to hang the sheets and clothes. It was a lot harder than it looked, but I managed to do it all.
At lunch time I tried to get my mum to eat a sandwich, but she didn’t want it. I did get her to drink a little bit of water though. After lunch, I washed up the dishes and tidied up the house.
My mum slept most of the day, and unless I needed to ask her a question, I didn’t wake her up. Sometimes, I would sneak into her room though, watching to see if her chest was still rising as she breathed. I’d never seen her this bad before. I was worried she might die.
Later that afternoon, I asked my mum what I could cook for dinner. I’d never cooked before, but I knew someone would have to make something for my father. I could tell she was apprehensive about me cooking, I was only eight years old. I’ve watched her lots of times over the years, so I was pretty sure I could do it.
I had to go into her room at least ten times to get instructions as I went along, but I was doing it. I was so proud of myself. I was making spaghetti bolognese, because my mum said it was pretty easy to make.
I hadn’t realised how late it was. I was standing on a chair as I stirred the sauce on the stovetop. All of a sudden I heard, “BANG!” Oh crap, that was the front door. That meant my father was home from work. When he walked into the kitchen and saw me cooking, I could tell he wasn’t happy. My body started to shake as he stalked towards me.
“Where’s your fucking mother?” he screamed.
“Sh…sh…she’s in bed,” I stuttered in a whisper as my little hands trembled. “She was feeling sick, so I told her to lie down and I would cook dinner.” I clearly saw the rage come over his face as he grabbed hold of my hair and dragged me off the chair.
God, it hurt when he did that. I hated when he pulled my hair. Sometimes he pulled it so hard that I worried my head would fall right off my shoulders. He dragged me down the hall and into the bedroom where my mother was. She was trying to sit up, she couldn’t, her injuries were too bad.
“You get your fucking daughter to cook for you?” he screamed. “You lazy fucking whore!” I didn’t even know what a whore was. I knew it was something bad though, because he called her that a lot when he was angry.
He let go of my hair and I fell to the floor. I was trying so hard not to cry. My father hated it when I cried. I watched in horror as he made his way over to my mother. He grabbed hold of her hair this time, dragging her off the bed. She fell to the floor with a loud thud, crying out in pain. He called her a few more names before he kicked her in the ribs. I put my hands over my eyes. I couldn’t bear to watch. My poor mum!
I hadn’t realised I’d zoned out, until I notice Mason standing over me. “What the fuck Red?” Concern etched all over his face. I realise my body’s trembling, so I try to push the images of that day out of my mind.
As soon as Mason asked where I’d learnt to cook, memories of that horrible day came to the surface. My heart aches for my poor mum. I know she is happy and loved now, but what she went through to get where she is, astounds me. I never discuss my nightmares or memories of what we went through. I usually give her cuddles and a lot of love after one of my episodes instead. Right now, that’s what I want to do, but I can’t because she’s not here.
“What the hell just happened?” he asks as he tries to wrap me in his arms.
Humiliation sweeps through my whole body as I realise I’ve just had one of my episodes in front of him. My hands instinctively rise up towards his chest as I try to push myself away. It doesn’t work; it only makes him tighten his grip on me.
“You’re not fucking running from me babe,” he says sweetly. “Something just happened and I’m not letting you go until you talk to me.”
How can I go from feeling on top of the world one minute, to feeling like complete shit the next? For the last few hours I’ve been foolishly feeling hopeful about being in a relationship with Mason, now I’m just feeling crushed.
I’m so fucked up. How could I even think for a minute that I wasn’t?
My body’s still trembling as the shame washes over me and tears fill my eyes. I’m going to breakdown and do one of the hideous ugly cries, I know it. That only makes my need to get away from Mason intensify.
“Please,” I beg as I again try to remove myself from his crushing embrace. I’m trying hard to keep it together but with each passing second, the meltdown draws nearer.
“Not fucking happening Red,” he replies as he buries his face in my hair. “I want to be here for you, whether you want that or not. I’m not sure what just happened but, please do not shut me out or try to run…please.”
****
Mason
She’s trying to run from me but I’m not about to let that happen. Toni
ght was the first time that she seemed totally relaxed around me. I could tell that she was as happy to be here with us, as we were to have her here. Something just happened though, and I have no clue what it was. One minute she’s smiling, the next she totally zoned out on me and now her whole body is trembling.
I’m torn as to what to do. I need to go and get Blake out of the bath but, I also don’t want to leave her alone like this. One, because she is a total mess. Two, because I’m positive if I do, she won’t be here when I come back out.
It surprises me how much I want to be there for her. It just confirms how much she actually means to me. Usually I’m not into this sappy kind of drama with chicks. With her though, I have this overwhelming compulsion to help and comfort her. Just to fucking be with her, anyway I can. There’s absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
Fuck, she has me by the balls and doesn’t even realise it.
I gently scoop her into my arms when a sob escapes her and carry her to my bedroom. I don’t want Blake to see her like this. I’m sure she wouldn’t want that either. Once we’re in my room, I walk towards my en-suite and gently place her back on her feet. The tears are flowing freely down her beautiful face now. It breaks my heart to see her like this. It’s a hard thing to watch the woman you love fall apart in front of you. I need to know what is making her so upset. I’m worried that maybe I did or said something to upset her. If I’m in any way responsible for this, I don’t know what I’ll do. I kind of feel like kicking my own arse right now!
Her head is down. It’s obvious she doesn’t want me to see her like this. I kiss her gently on the forehead and fold her in my arms.
“I need to go and get Blake out of the bath,” I say softly. “Will you be okay if I leave you for a few minutes?” She doesn’t answer me. “Would you like to hop in the shower while I’m getting him ready for bed?” This time, she gives a slight nod of her head so I start to undress her. She’s not fighting me anymore, she is just standing there completely numb, the tears continue to fall. It brings a lump to my throat.
Once she is undressed, I reach into the shower recess and turn on the water. She is still just standing there with her head down. I gently guide her under the water. I then lean in and kiss her on the side of her head.
“I’ll be right back,” I say softly as I turn and make my way out of the bathroom. Shit, I wish I didn’t have to leave her for even a second, but I need to get Blake out of the bath and into bed, before I can come back.
It’s a good twenty minutes before I finally make it back into the bathroom to check on Jacinta. When I find her sitting on the floor in the shower, knees pulled up to her chest and her head bowed, my heart drops. I quickly shed myself of my clothes and make my way to her. I reach down and put my hands under her arms and gently lift her up. When she buries her head in my chest and sobs, I wrap her in my arms. Again a lump rises in my throat.
My mind is racing as I hold her whilst she cries. I’m not sure what is going on with her right now. I’ve gone over and over it in my mind and I’m positive that I didn’t say or do anything that would cause her to melt down like this—well I’m pretty confident that it’s not me causing this, but I could be wrong.
I’ll be fucked if I’ve ever really been able to understand women. Their body when they’re in my bed or beneath me, yes—the way they think and feel emotionally, not so much. My only conclusion is this has something to do with her father and her past but, until she opens up to me I can’t be sure.
We stay like this for a while before she starts to calm down. She’s no longer trembling. I think the tears have stopped as well.
“Please talk to me babe,” I plead. “Did I do or say something to upset you, because if I did I’m so fucking sorry?” She instantly pulls her head away from my chest and looks up at me. Her eyes are red and swollen and the sight of her brings the lump back to my throat again. She looks so sad, honestly, it breaks my fucking heart. She stares up at me for a minute or so before a small smile graces her face. She then pulls my face down towards hers and presses her lips against mine.
I’m not sure if she is kissing me to avoid a conversation or just because she wants to. Either way, I can’t resist her luscious lips. I pull her in tight against me and deepen the kiss. I’ve been dying to be inside her all day. You can be assured though, when we’ve had our fill of each other, she is going to fucking talk to me. I’m not letting this one be swept under the carpet. If she can’t be honest and open with me, this thing between us is never going to work.
CHAPTER FOU
RTEEN
Jacinta
When Mason said he was sorry if he was the reason for me crying, I couldn’t believe it. It made my heart that was feeling empty and aching only a few minutes ago, instantly fill up with love—for him. I honestly thought my meltdown would scare him away, but the effect has been quite the opposite. He’s being so caring and attentive towards me. It just makes me love him so much more. If that’s even possible.
Sure, I’m still horrified that I crumbled in front of him like I did but, when I looked into his eyes before I kissed him, there was no judgement there. All I could see was concern and love.
A hell of a lot of love!
That made my heart soar. Sure, I know I need to open up to him and explain what just happened. I actually think I am ready for that too, but right now I just want to show him how much I love him, how much he means to me.
When I lift one of my legs up and wrap it around his waist, he growls into my mouth and reaches down to grab my other leg, before pushing my back against the tiles. I guess, after all the pent up sexual tension we’ve both been feeling all day, we’re finally going to act on it.
I love being with Mason like this. Who knew a man could ever make me feel this wonderful? If you told me a few months ago that I would give myself over completely to a man and fall in love with him, I’d never have believed you.
I most definitely would have called bullshit on that.
Mason still has me pinned against wall. He pulls out of our kiss briefly and looks down at me. He gently brushes back the wet hair that has fallen onto my face. “Are you okay babe?” he asks lovingly. I’m ready to talk to him, but right now in this moment, I’m not going to. I want him to make love to me, to help me forget my past. So, instead of answering him, I smile and nod. The concerned look on his face, kind of makes me feel like crying again. Not out of sadness this time though—only happy tears, purely because I love the way he loves me.
I slide my hands up, from around his neck and cup his face. “I love you,” I whisper. He smiles at me briefly before bringing his lips back to mine.
“I love you too, Red,” he replies into my mouth, as his hands slide down to my arse so he can lift me higher. When he rocks his erection against me, I throw back my head and moan. This is exactly what I need. Mason is exactly what I need!
When he rocks against me again, I can’t take it anymore. “I need you inside me,” I whimper. Thankfully, he gives me what I want, as he guides the tip of himself inside me. We both moan but it’s not enough, I need more—I need all of him. He must feel it too because in one swift thrust, he’s buried balls deep inside me.
“Fuck I love being inside you,” he groans out as he throws his head back. “I’ve been dreaming about this all fucking day.” I have too, but I don’t say it. I’m rendered speechless at the moment. My body is consumed with so much pleasure that I don’t think I could speak even if I wanted too.
When Mason brings his head forward again to look at me, the smile on his face makes my heart race. He is so dreamy…and he is all mine. That makes me smile. I never thought I’d ever want to be with someone as much as I want to be with him. Who am I kidding? I never thought I’d even want to be with anyone—but I want him…so damn much it hurts.
I tighten my legs around his waist and hook my ankles together, as I bring my mouth back to his. He growls into my mouth again as he starts to move slowly inside me. God, I love the way he
makes my body feel—how he makes me feel.
He’s thrusting into me hard and fast now and my body is already on the edge of an orgasm. It’s so close I can taste it. Losing myself in him is exactly what I need. Somehow, when I’m with Mason like this, I don’t feel so broken. I can’t explain it. He kind of makes me feel whole. It’s a feeling that’s foreign to me. As long as I’ve been alive, I can never remember feeling completely whole.
I can no longer kiss him as the pleasure takes over. I lean my head against the tiles and moan loudly as my inner muscles clench around him. He groans loudly. I can tell he is close to losing it too. He buries his face in the crook of my neck and licks me from my shoulder blade up to my jaw line.
“Fuck, I love you so much,” he groans out slowly as his body starts to tremble and he finds his own release. After one more thrust, he stills inside me, before looking down at me with a smile on his face. It’s a full smile too, that shows off his perfect teeth and sexy as hell dimples. He leans forward and kisses me gently. When I tell him that I love him too, I feel his lips curve into a smile against my mouth.
“I wasn’t too rough with you, was I?” he asks with concern in his voice.
“No.” I bring my hands up to cup his face. “You were perfect.”
After we’re out of the shower and dried, Mason leads me over to the bed. He pulls back the covers and gestures for me to hop in. “Is there something I can get you?” he asks. “Like a drink or something.”
“No, I’m good.” I love how caring he is with me. When he lies down beside me, he pulls me against him and I rest my head on his chest, wrapping my arm around his waist.
“Are you okay?” he asks sweetly as he brushes his lips against the top of my head. His sweetness towards me makes me smile. He really is nothing like my father. I don’t know why I worry so much. I only have to watch him with Blake to know that. I guess the mistrust towards males has been there since I was a little girl, so trusting people doesn’t come easy.
