by Lainey Davis
I hoist my scull out of the garage, running my hand along the hull. I get her onto the water and take my time adjusting my shoes once I’m seated inside. She’s in fantastic shape despite her neglect of late, and as I shove off the dock, I feel like I’m slipping back into my own skin for the first time in a few weeks.
I have no plan in mind, but I just need to row. I head up river toward the dam, the island passing by my periphery in a blur of green leaves. I see people standing along the shore sometimes, but I don’t want to break form to wave back at them. I’ve got too much negative energy to burn off.
Later--I’m not even sure how long I was out, to be honest--I pull up to the dock and am surprised to see Derrick waiting there. He helps me out of my boat and remains quiet while we get everything put away. I start to chug from my water bottle as he leans on the wall and says, “So. Juniper.”
I just raise my eyebrows but keep drinking. I’m exhausted. I was really going hard there at the end. Derrick isn’t usually around in the afternoon since he coaches all morning. “I was up filing some paperwork in the boathouse office and I saw you heading up river,” he says. “I came out on the deck to watch, and then I couldn’t look away.” I’m not really sure what to say to him, so I fidget while I wait for him to continue. I still feel bad about pulling out of the women’s team with so little notice.
“Juniper, you know you’re the best rower I’ve ever seen come through here. You have to know that.”
My jaw just drops open, and I can feel my eyes go wide. The best ever? Derrick strokes his chin, thinking, and then says, “Putting you in the middle of an 8-seat boat would be wasting your talents. I know you missed qualifiers for nationals--hear me out!” I am about to interject something about work, but I close my lips. “I made a call. The staff for the women’s national team is willing to come to New Haven this weekend and whatever time you get for the singles races there can qualify you for a spot on the Olympic team, Juniper.”
“Are you serious, Derrick? The Olympics? Quit messing around with me.” I figure he must be pissed that I ditched his team. I know they didn’t do well last weekend. But this seems a bit far-fetched. The Olympics! I haven’t even been training carefully.
“Juniper! Your dad was an Olympic rower. Your form is textbook perfect when you’re not focused on it. Your stamina is unparalleled and if you can put out the kind of speed I just saw while navigating around coal barges, I’m pretty sure you’re going to do fine on the water in Tokyo!”
I start walking away from him, toward my townhouse. I’m not even sure why I’m so angry. His words bring up all sorts of feelings about my childhood, about my dad. I row to drown out the anger inside, to keep me focused on work. I’m not trying to be some Olympian. “Juniper! Wait up.” Derrick chases me down, doesn't back away when I freak out. This surprises me, too. I'm just not used to people sticking around with me when shit gets hard. He says, “I’d like to help you train...you know, after you qualify next weekend.”
“You’re serious about all this? Me? I just...I blend in better in the team boat, Derrick. I’ve never raced solo before.”
Derrick breaks into a grin. “Then we are all in for a fucking treat this weekend, Juniper Jones. I’m serious as a heart attack. Go home and start getting your shit ready for New Haven this weekend. We leave Friday at 7am.”
Twenty-Eight
TY
Juniper isn’t answering her phone and when I swing by her townhouse, it doesn't seem like she is home ignoring me, either. This is the longest I’ve gone without talking to her since...well, ever. I spent a lot of time with Tim this week talking him through all his anxiety about Alice and the pregnancy. And then I spent a ton of time trying to find Juniper and not succeeding.
As my Gram would say, I've been a mope. I did the whole circuit, everything I'm supposed to do. Nothing is right without Juniper. All of it feels empty and shallow. There is nothing my trainer can do to work me hard enough to forget how empty I'm feeling without the sound of her voice.
I have no idea why she’s avoiding me since she called to tell me the news about Tim and Alice, but I can only assume something happened at work with Tim going off the rails. And so I do the thing she told me not to do: I drive downtown and barge into her office.
And she’s not there. Her laptop isn’t on the desk, her purse isn’t hanging on the door. What the fuck? She’s not at home and she’s not at work? Something isn’t right here. I start to panic that she told my brother about us and he fired her already. But where would she have gone even if that happened?
Raking my fingers through my hair, I can’t even think straight. I stomp down the hall and past Donna, right into my brother’s corner office.
He’s sitting behind his desk, his chair turned so he’s staring out the window at the river. I can’t tell if he’s still panicking, or just pensive, or what. “Tim, we need to talk, brother.”
He doesn’t turn around. I see him sigh. “What’s going on now, Ty? Please tell me how I have fucked up your life, too. Maybe take a number, though. The list is getting long.”
I sit down in one of the chairs at his desk. It’s too small for me. “Jesus, Tim, if you’re going to represent athletes, you need to get some bigger fucking chairs in your office.”
He swivels around at that and sees me trying to wedge myself out from between the unforgiving arm rests. I slump over to the couch instead. “I just need to say that you can’t fire Juniper.”
“Fire her? Why would I do that?”
Oh. So he doesn’t know after all. Then where the fuck is she? I’m starting to try to piece together where she might be when Tim presses me for more. “Ty, why would I fire her? Why would you storm in here worried that I’d fire Juniper Jones?”
I clear my throat uncomfortably, and say, “Well, I can’t find her, so I assumed you fired her.”
“Why would you be looking for her? All your business is settled for the next few months at least. She’s at some damn boat race. Left this morning. Wait a minute--”
His eyes spark and he stands up, starts pacing. “She called you to tell you about Alice.”
“Yeah, because she was worried about you. With reason!”
“No. This is different.” He squints at me. “I can’t fucking believe you, Ty. You’re sleeping with her.”
I pause a second too long, and Tim continues railing into me. “You can’t leave one thing alone without dipping your dick in it, can you? Not my study group in law school. Not the fucking cheerleaders from the high school hockey team. And not my best employee. I really don’t need this right now from you.”
“Tim, it’s not like that.”
“Get the hell out of my office.”
“No way, man. Not until you talk to me about this.”
“This is seriously the last thing I need right now when I’m trying to figure out how to support a fucking family now with Alice and Juniper both telling me I’m an idiot. Jesus, I just passed on the Cleveland deal, Ty. Do you know how that makes me look? I went after them and then told them no thank you and--”
“Tim, I’m in love with her.”
“What?”
“Juniper. I’m not just sleeping with her. I’m in love with her. I want to be with her. Like, forever. I think.”
“What are you even talking about?”
“I’m telling you I didn’t just come into your office and fuck your employees to be an asshole like when I was younger. I met Juniper before she started here. And I’m in love with her.”
“She’d been sleeping with you and still took you on as a client? Jesus Christ. This is an ethics nightmare. Does your agent know about this?”
“I mean, she didn’t know who I was then...it’s just...it’s complicated.”
“You’re damn right it’s complicated, Tyrion! God, get out of here so I can get to work trying to fix this.”
“You of all people should know about falling in love with someone you maybe shouldn’t. Or was that not you rutting on t
he conference table in the hockey arena with your corporate chef?”
“You need to shut your mouth and get out of here, brother.”
“I saw the damn security footage, Tim. So don’t tell me you don’t know what it’s like to get carried away. And now you and Alice are having a baby. And Juniper and I are in love.” I stand up and start walking toward him, not sure what I’m going to do but not feeling particularly civil. It's been awhile since we Stag brothers had a brawl.
“You’re so in love you didn’t know she was off competing in a boat race this weekend? Spare me, Ty.”
I freeze. He’s right about that. Why didn’t she tell me she was going to race? I sigh, take a deep breath, and continue. “Look, just reassign me to Ben or whatever his name is. Can you do that? And don’t fire Juniper?”
He starts laughing, but it’s a sort of crazed laugh. “I can’t fire her. She’s a fucking genius. She could be fucking my entire client list and I couldn’t fire her. I wonder if she knows that…”
Tim starts muttering something about return on investment, but I stopped listening to him after he said he couldn’t fire my girl. I don’t even say goodbye, but I brush past him and head down the hall. I have to figure out where the hell she went.
Suddenly, I remember that Ben guy has a sister who rows. Juniper knew her from Boston. I bet he knows where she is this weekend. But where the hell will I find him? I’m stomping around like an idiot when I stumble across the kitchen. “Alice!”
She screams and drops a pan of food. “Oh shit, Alice, I’m sorry I scared you. Are you ok?” I rush over and help her pick everything up. “I’m really sorry.”
“Ty, it’s ok. You just startled me.”
“Hey, so, can I say congratulations? About growing my niece or nephew in there?”
Her face lightens up and I can tell not too many people have been happy for her about this. She throws her arms around me--as much as she can. Alice is a really tiny person--and thanks me.
“Oh come on, Alice. Don't thank me--of course I'm excited about a baby. Anything you need, you let me know. Even if that’s just to beat some sense into my brother." I pop one of the dropped pastries into my mouth, and of course it tastes amazing. She smiles at me. "Hey, you wouldn’t know where Juniper is this weekend, would you?”
Alice looks puzzled. “She didn’t tell you?” I shake my head. “She’s at the regatta in New Haven.”
“New Haven! I remember that that was her upcoming race. Awesome.”
“But there’s more! The rowing coach guy saw her training earlier this week.”
I listen as Alice tells me everything about Juniper's big opportunity. I can't fucking believe she shut me out from this, but I'm not missing it. I'm going to support her no matter what, in person. I rush out of the Stag Law building to catch the first flight I can find.
Twenty-Nine
JUNIPER
"All right, ladies, I want all of you in bed by 9,” Derrick says as he slides his credit card to the server at the restaurant. “Tomorrow is a big day for some of us, and a huge day for Juniper.”
I blush immediately and look down as he draws attention to the fact that I’m here as a separate entity. A sort of tag along with the team. “Cheers to that,” says Ashley, one of the rowers from the team boat. The women on either side of me clap me on the shoulders. They wish me luck. I’m stunned by their support for me, which I don’t feel like I’ve earned, but all they care about is that the Pittsburgh team gets mentioned when they put out the list of rowers for Tokyo. “Our city is going to be known for producing Olympic-caliber crew,” Ashley says, winking.
We all walk back to our hotel rooms and start our pre-race rituals. I’m not even sure what to do for mine, since I’m not going to be on a team tomorrow. I’ve got my uniform laid out, my sunglasses and sunscreen. We’re all checked in at the docks already. There’s not much to do but sleep and show up at this point.
Nobody chats much as we get ready for bed. There’s one thing you can count on with rowers, and that’s an eager, early bedtime. Years of getting up at 5am means we’re all ready for sleep practically as soon as it gets dark, if not before.
I lie in my bed and think about the past week, about the Stag brothers. When I went to talk with Tim about taking off on Friday for the race, I reiterated that I wouldn’t consider traveling to support the Cleveland account. He surprised me by telling me he decided not to go after that client. I know he’s worried about the reputation of the firm, since he wooed them hard core, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be ok in the end. Ultimately it's better not to expand too rapidly, too wide.
While I was in his office, I talked to him about my idea about the women’s hockey team from Ty’s promo shoot. Tim was surprised to learn about all the pay inequities with women’s sports. A huge smile spreads across my face as I think about our new agreement. I convinced Tim to let me represent the women’s hockey team pro bono in their case seeking equal treatment. Tim had no idea these women weren’t even offered disability insurance to compete for our country, let alone were being crammed in coach when they flew to away games. The US men's team gets private jets! The next winter Olympics, I vowed to Tim that I'd make sure our national women's teams received equal funding to represent our country. "Think of the publicity opportunities for Stag Law surrounding the Olympics," I'd told him. A few hours later, Tim had emailed me to ask about women’s basketball and soon, we had mapped out a plan of Title IX opportunities that would keep me busy for the next few years.
Of course, these cases will never bring in a fraction of the income even something simple like Ty’s endorsement contracts can swing, but I told Tim that profit can’t always be the bottom line. I got really fired up, telling him how much diversity and inclusion matters to communities, and how proud I would be to help shepherd Stag Law through these endeavors. Pittsburgh and Stag Law will be famous for defending women's rights and athletic equality. I get chills just thinking about it.
I headed off to Connecticut today feeling confident in my work at least. I decide to put off thinking about Ty until I have more energy to focus. I need to make sure I get enough rest so I can perform well, make it worth it for the national team staff to have traveled here for my own Olympic dreams. I drift off to sleep thinking about the rhythm of the oars, the pull of the current, and the slip of my boat in the water.
Thirty
TY
A few minutes with Google is all I need to find my way to the regatta early Saturday morning. According to the schedule, Juniper’s race starts around 8am, but I want to get there early enough to see if I can find her coach and find the best place to watch.
Some of the women milling around start calling my name, and I recognize them from the Pittsburgh team. "Ty! You made it up here to watch us! That's so nice of you." The short girl named Tina grabs my arm and pulls me to the Pittsburgh team. I immediately relax as I head over to them and get the scoop.
Apparently Juniper is in the zone getting ready for her race, and I'm not going to mess with that, so they show me where I can sit in the bleachers near the finish area. I settle in with them, waiting for her heat. I can see the officials and the men with clipboards on the floating dock, and I know those are the guys determining Juniper’s rowing future.
There are four lanes set up for the race, and I see four women getting their boats set up way up river. Ashley hands me binoculars and points out Derrick at the start area. He’s hanging onto the ball on Juniper’s bow, I guess so her boat doesn’t drift over the start line. I try to fight back my jealousy that it’s not me there whispering encouragement to her before the race. I try not to remember that she didn’t even call me before she left. We’ve both had a really intense week.
I steal Ashley’s binoculars so I can see every second. She only half protests until the gun goes off. Then she and everyone else around me starts screaming for Juniper. I wish I could see her face, but her back is toward me as she races down the water. Juniper is two lengths ahead of the f
ield within a minute of shoving off. I can see the muscles of her back working, can tell she’s clenching her jaw in concentration. Relax, baby, I think, and as if she heard me, I see her shoulders drop and her body tension eases. Now she’s really flying down the water.
The beads of water off the end of her oars glisten like diamonds in the sunshine. Every person here is on their feet screaming for her. It’s not even a race anymore, but an opportunity to see just how fast my girl can get here. I look at the judges, and they’re all either grinning like fools or have their jaws dropped in shock. My girl is fast as fuck, and now everyone knows it.
A few strokes to go and she’ll be here. I’m flying out of my seat and down the bleachers. I want mine to be the face Juniper sees when she crosses the line and pulls up her oars. I get as close to the water as I can. Bam! She’s past. Her chest heaves as she pulls up and just leans back, gliding to a stop.
But then our eyes lock and we are the only people in the world. She makes her way to the dock to climb out of her boat, and I’m stumbling over to her. I crouch down and lift her out of the seat and into my arms. My lips crash into hers as she melts into my arms. This is all I want. Right here. This moment, this woman.
“You came to see my race,” she whispers against my chest.
“Baby, you’re going to have to do more than not tell me about it if you plan to keep me away.” I start laughing and kiss her some more. I can never get enough of how she tastes, and the salty musk of her sweat just adds to her appeal for me right now. Finally, I pull back and cup her chin in my hand. “Juniper Jones, I love you,” I say. I can’t hold it in anymore. “I love you.”
She starts crying then, which I was not expecting, but I also know how emotional I get when I’m competing. She buries her face in my chest and, with a muffled voice, she says, “I never thought I would have any of this.”
“Any of what, JJ?”
