by Louise Hall
“Who is it?” Lola ran to the top of the stairs but Cate caught hold of her. “Lola, no.”
Lola didn’t understand what she’d done wrong. “Come on, let’s finish putting everything away.”
Cate heard Liv open the front door but it was Ben and not Kian who was on the other side.
“Where is she?” Ben pushed past Liv.
He stood at the bottom of the stairs, “Cate?”
“She’s not here,” Liv said, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist.
“I’m not an idiot,” Ben said, trying to get to the stairs, “her car’s in the driveway.”
As they were talking, Cate heard Irene’s voice. “Whatever is going on here?”
“Ben was just leaving,” Liv used the distraction to slip in front of Ben and block the bottom of the stairs.
“Cate’s here and I need to talk to her.”
“Not like that you don’t,” Irene said. “I don’t know what’s happened between the two of you but if you want to talk to Cate you can do it tomorrow, preferably when you’ve calmed down a bit.”
“But Mum…” Ben sounded like a petulant teenager.
“Go home, Ben,” Irene pushed him towards the front door.
Cate heard the front door slam shut and then Ben’s car reverse back down the driveway.
The bedroom door opened and Irene stood there, “Cate?”
“Granny Reen,” Lola jumped down off the bed and ran to her Granny.
“Hello, sweetheart,” Irene said, patting her granddaughter on the head.
“We’re on holiday,” Lola said. “But Daddy isn’t coming because he’s working.”
Irene raised her eyebrows at Cate, “I see.”
The doorbell rang again. Liv stuck her head around the door, “it’s him.”
Cate grabbed Lola and took her up to the attic. “Where are you going?” Irene called after them.
“I can’t see him, Mum.”
“Has she told you what’s happened?” Irene asked Liv as they walked down the stairs.
Liv shook her head, “she won’t tell me anything but I think it’s really bad.”
“Wonderful,” Irene said, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. There was a thumping on the door. “Oh well, better get this over with, I guess.”
Irene opened the front door, “Kian, what are you doing here?”
“Is Cate here? I need to talk to her.”
“She’s upstairs,” Irene said but when Kian took a step forward, she quickly put a hand out to stop him. “That doesn’t mean that I’m going to let you up there.”
“Please,” Kian begged. “You have to listen to me.”
“No, I don’t, this is my house,” Irene said. “My daughter is obviously very upset otherwise she wouldn’t have come here. If you go storming up there, you’re just going to make whatever has happened between the two of you even worse, upsetting Cate and Lola. You’re not going to be able to fix anything tonight. You need to go home.”
“You don’t understand,” Kian sagged, “I don’t have a home without Cate and Lola.”
That night, after Irene had gone to bed, Liv went upstairs to Cate’s bedroom. “Hey, you asleep?”
Cate sat up, “no.”
“Still don’t want to tell me what happened?”
Cate shook her head.
“What about a drink then?” Liv held up the bottle of wine. “Guaranteed to make you feel better.”
“Really?”
Cate scooted over and Liv sat down next to her on the bed. “Here, you go first,” she said, handing Cate the bottle.
Cate took a huge gulp. “That bad, huh?” Liv said, taking a swig from the bottle.
“Yep,” Cate said. “That bad.”
Liv took another swig, “Ryan dumped me two weeks ago.”
“But he was here at the house yesterday?”
“I wasn’t ready to admit it so I blackmailed him.”
That night, Cate and Liv fell asleep side by side for the first time since they were children.
CHAPTER 12
The following morning when Liv opened her eyes, Cate was already up and dressed. “Ugh,” Liv flopped on to her stomach, burying her face in the pillow. “How are you so wide awake?”
“Not thinking about it,” Cate shook her head. She left Liv to wake up and went downstairs.
“Mummy,” Lola lifted her arms up for a cuddle as soon as Cate walked through the door.
“Morning, sweetie,” Cate chuckled, smoothing down her daughter’s adorable bed hair. “What would you like to do today?”
“Hmm,” Lola thought for a moment, “The beach?”
“The beach,” Cate laughed, “Isn’t it a little cold for the beach?”
“But you said we’re on holiday,” Lola explained, “And when we’re on holiday, we go to the beach.”
Cate couldn’t argue with that, “okay, beach it is.”
When they went downstairs to the kitchen, Liv and Irene were both sat at the table. Liv had her hood pulled up and was nursing a big mug of coffee.
“We’re going to the beach,” Lola climbed up on the chair next to Liv and clapped her hands, “yay.”
“Inside voices,” Liv cringed, covering her ears.
“The beach?” Irene said, looking at Cate as if she was crazy. “But it’s December.”
Cate shrugged, “we’re on holiday. Do you want to come?”
“I’d love to,” Irene quickly got up from the table, “but I’ve got meetings all day.” She checked her watch, “wow, look at the time. I’d better go. You girls have fun.”
“What about you Liv?” Cate asked.
“Yeah, Liv-Liv, come to the beach with us,” Lola pouted.
“No,” Liv said grumpily, “Auntie Liv’s not feeling very well.”
“What’s the matter?” Lola put her little hand on Liv’s forehead, “are you poorly?”
“Hungover,” Cate coughed. “Come on, a bit of fresh air will do you good.”
“Please Auntie Liv,” Lola said, looking up at her with those big, black eyes, “Please.”
“That’s not fair,” Liv grumbled, “you know I can’t resist those doe eyes. Fine, let’s go to the beach.”
The three of them got wrapped up warm and drove to the beach. The seafront was deserted but they managed to find a lone shop that was open and bought a bucket and spade for Lola and a bottle of cheap wine for Liv.
Cate and Liv sat down on the sand with their backs against the concrete slope and watched Lola build her sandcastle. She didn’t seem to care that it was December and freezing cold.
“Can I say something?” Liv asked, “promise you won’t get mad.”
“I promise,” Cate said, offering her pinkie.
Liv smiled, “seriously though, promise you won’t bite my head off.”
“I promise,” Cate said.
“You seem awfully OK for somebody who has just L-E-F-T their husband.”
“Shush,” Cate said, looking over at Lola, “we’re on holiday, remember?”
“Fine, whatever,” Liv took another swig of wine, “I’m just saying, you seem awfully OK for somebody “on holiday””.
“I didn’t have a choice,” Cate stared out at the horizon. As if she’d said too much, she got up and went to help Lola with her sandcastle.
After they’d finished the sandcastle and taken lots of photos, the three of them walked down the beach to find the sea, which was really far out. There were lots of little pools of water and Lola wanted to dip her feet in them. “No,” Cate said, “it’s too cold, you’ll get frostbite.”
“What’s frostbite?”
Liv was feeling a little merry from the wine. “It’s like this,” she said, getting down on her hands and knees and pretending to bite Lola’s ankles.
Lola ran away giggling and Liv chased after her for a while. Eventually she caught up with her and swung her up in the air, which made Lola giggle even more.
After they’d walked out so far t
hat the car parked in the car park was like a tiny dot on the horizon, they found the sea. “Please can I take my shoes off,” Lola asked, looking pleadingly at Cate.
“It’ll be cold,” Cate said, looking down at the swirling white froth.
“Come on, let’s all do it,” Liv said, bending down to undo her trainers. “Unless you’re chicken, Cate?” Cate scowled. “Is Mummy chicken?” Liv asked Lola. “What do chickens do, brrk, buck-buck-buck-brrk.”
The two of them danced around her making chicken noises until she gave in. “Fine but just for a minute, okay?”
“Yay,” Lola said and quickly began pulling apart the Velcro on her shoes.
When all their shoes and socks had been taken off and they stood barefoot on the sand, Cate said, “I don’t know if I can do this?”
“Course you can,” Liv said, “we’ll all hold hands. Come on, Lo Lo dance in a row, hold Mummy’s hand.”
They stood in a row holding hands, Lola in the middle, watching the water come nearer and nearer their feet. “Ready on 3,” Liv ordered, “1, 2, 3”.
On the count of three they all rushed forward into the surf. “Ow,” Cate said, as her feet hit the water. It was like a slap in the face.
“That is cold,” Lola said.
“Yeah, who’s daft idea was that?” Liv said, looking around.
When she turned around, Cate and Lola were looking pointedly at her.
“Mummy, cold,” Lola shivered so Cate picked her up and carried her on her hip.
“Do you reckon it gets warmer if you stay in?” Liv asked.
Cate looked down at her toes which were turning blue. “No.”
As they walked barefoot back up the beach, Liv turned to Cate and said, “I’m glad I did it though. I needed it.” Cate nodded, she knew exactly what Liv meant.
When they got back to the car, the sky was starting to turn dark. Cate sat Lola on her knee so she was near the heating.
Liv held her hands over the vent. “Did you enjoy the beach?” she asked Lola.
“Yep,” Lola said.
“What was your favourite bit?”
“Putting my feet in the sea,” Lola said, without hesitation.
“Ooh, you know where we should stop at before we go home?”
As if they could read each other’s minds, at the same time, both Cate and Liv said, “O’Donnell’s.”
As they parked up outside O’Donnell’s fish and chip restaurant, Cate marvelled to Liv, “it hasn’t changed a bit.”
“I’m glad,” Liv said, “even just seeing the sign makes my mouth water.”
As they walked inside, it was like stepping back into their childhood, they had spent so many happy days in this place. Seamus O’Donnell was still there and greeted them like family even though it had been years since they’d last seen him. “And who’s this?” he said, looking down at Lola.
“This is my daughter, Lola,” Cate said, patting her on the head. “Say hello, sweetie.”
“Hello,” Lola said politely, offering her hand.
“Well, isn’t she a cutie?” Seamus said, shaking her by the hand. “Come on through, I’ve got a really nice table for you.”
Seamus led them to one of the booths and left them alone for a little while to look at the menus. “I love it here,” Liv said, running her hand over the wooden grooves on the table.
After they’d ordered, Cate got up to use the restroom and left her phone with Liv. Liv looked down at the screen and did a double-take; Cate had so many missed calls and messages. When Cate came back, Liv watched as Ben’s number flashed up and her sister calmly pressed “Ignore.” When Sinead called, she did the same thing and with Erin and Jean.
“Is there anyone you do want to talk to?” Liv asked, trying to make a joke out of it.
Cate gave her a look, as if to say “just drop it.”
Liv and Lola both had the cod and chips that O’Donnell’s was famous for while Cate had a veggie burger. After the meal, none of them wanted to leave. “Don’t leave it so long next time,” Sue, Seamus’s wife said, giving all of them a hug as they said goodbye. “Give your Mum our love.”
Lola fell asleep on the drive home. Cate smiled as she looked in the rear-view mirror, “she had fun today, didn’t she?”
“Of course,” Liv said.
When they got back, Kian’s car was parked in front of the house. “No,” Cate panicked. She quickly looked around but they lived in a cul-de-sac and she couldn’t concentrate enough to do a 3-point turn. Feeling trapped, she covered her face with her hands. All she could hear was Jenna’s voice repeating over and over again, “I had sex with your husband; I had sex with your husband.” She pictured the two of them together; Jenna running her hands through Kian’s hair, her fake breasts rubbing against his bare chest; his hands on her waist, his gravelly voice as he told her all the dirty things he wanted to do to her.
“It’s OK,” Liv said softly, putting a hand on Cate’s arm.
“I can’t see him,” she struggled to breathe. She thought about all the people who must have known: Her, Kian, Ben, Erin, Sinead, Fabrizio, Jean, Yoakey, Sara… She could imagine them all laughing at her stupidity. “I can’t see any of them.”
“I’ll talk to him,” Liv said, unlocking the car door. “Stay here, OK?”
As she walked down the driveway, Kian got up from the front porch. “Is Cate with you?”
He looked like shit; there were dark circles under his eyes and he hadn’t shaved. “She doesn’t want to see you.”
“Is she okay?” Kian asked.
Liv could see real anguish etched deep across his face and she softened just a little, “you know how she is.”
“I do,” Kian sagged. “Keep an eye on her, okay? She’s not as strong as she thinks she is.”
“I will.”
Kian walked up the driveway and stopped on the driver’s side of Cate’s car. She was right there, separated from him by just a single pane of glass. He planted his hands on the window. He couldn’t see her face; she’d covered it with her hands but he saw her flinch. Kian stuffed his hands back in his pockets. He couldn’t believe she’d flinched at him. The thought that it wasn’t just past tense, that he was still hurting her… He looked in the backseat and saw his daughter fast asleep; cuddling the toy monkey he’d bought in New York.
“He’s gone,” Liv waited until his car had turned the corner before getting back into Cate’s car.
“Thanks,” Cate wiped her sweaty palms on her thighs. She checked on Lola but she was still asleep.
The next morning, when Cate took Lola downstairs to the kitchen to get some breakfast, Irene was sat at the kitchen table reading the newspaper.
“Morning,” Lola said happily, climbing up on to the chair next to Irene.
“Good morning,” Irene said, putting down her newspaper to give her granddaughter her full attention. “Did you have fun at the beach yesterday?”
“Yes,” Lola nodded vigorously. “Mummy bought me a bucket and spade, Mummy and me made a sandcastle and Auntie Liv drank lots of wine. Then we paddled in the sea but just for a little bit because it was so cold my toes turned blue. Then we had fish and chips.”
“Wow,” Irene said. “That sounds like so much fun. Where did you go for fish and chips?”
“O’Donnell’s,” Cate said.
Irene sighed, “I haven’t been there in ages. Is Seamus still there?”
“Yep and Sue, they send you their love.”
“Really?” Irene smiled, “I can’t believe they remember us after all these years?”
Cate sensed that Irene wanted to talk to her about something. “Sweetie, didn’t you get Granny Reen a present yesterday? Why don’t you go and get it?”
“Okay,” Lola said, jumping down off the chair.
As Lola ran up the stairs, Cate turned back to Irene, “out with it.”
“What?”
“You’ve got that look.”
“Fine,” Irene said, “I was just going to ask if yo
u had any uni work to do over the holidays?”
Cate shook her head, “no, I’m not going back to uni.”
“What?” Irene spluttered.
Cate repeated herself, “I’m not going back to uni. I’m going to spend the rest of this week with Lola and then after New Year, I’m going to look for a job.”
“No,” Irene said, “absolutely not.”
“You can’t stop me, Mum. I need to be able to support myself and Lola and the only way I’m going to be able to do that is by getting a job.”
“Like hell, I can’t,” Irene said. “If you think I’m going to let you drop out of university, you’ve got another think coming.”
“Shush,” Cate said, pointing at the ceiling.
Irene lowered her voice. She sat back down at the table and clasped her hands together. “I sometimes think I neglected you. Not intentionally. When you were born, I was a mess. Your Dad had just left and I had three children already and no money. You were so quiet and good, Jean used to say that you’d read the book. I thought because you didn’t scream and shout like your brother and sisters that you didn’t need as much of me. I was wrong though.”
Cate had never heard Irene talk so frankly before. She put her hand over Irene’s, “it’s fine, Mum.”
“No, it’s not fine, Cate. I can’t change the past but I can be your Mum now. And being your Mum means telling you that you are not dropping out of university. You have worked too hard for this. If it’s about money, you and Lola can stay here as long as you want. Kian…”
“No,” Cate shook her head. “I won’t take anything from him.”
“He’s Lola’s dad,” Irene said.
“We’ll manage on our own,” Cate said. “You did.”
“Oh sweetheart, I had no choice, your Dad left without even a forwarding address. Believe me, if I’d known where he was, I’d have made him pay his fair share. Not for me but for you kids, you deserved better.”
“It’s not just that,” Cate said. “Who’s going to watch Lola?”
“I thought Jean looked after Lola while you were at uni?”
“She did but now with everything that’s happened… He’s her son.”
