by Katie Reus
Compared to his experiences with women in his past, this was definitely different. He’d had one-night stands, though not many because of the nature of his work. The one woman he’d been in an actual relationship with had betrayed him in the worst way possible. But he shoved that thought out of his mind, not wanting to dwell on her or his past when he had a woman like Karen in his arms. She was like no one he’d ever met before. He’d actually kidnapped her, yet here she was, helping to clear his name.
“You’re so warm,” she murmured drowsily.
Ah, she was about to pass out. Explained why she was so willing to use him as a human pillow. Fine with him. Holding her like this was foreign in his experience, but perfect. She must have used some kind of vanilla shampoo. Or maybe that was just her. Whatever it was, she smelled amazing; something he tried not to pay attention to. It was difficult not to, though, when she was pressed up against him, all soft, gorgeous woman.
At least her entire body wasn’t flush with his or she’d feel his very-hard-to-hide reaction to her. Not that it would have mattered, as she fell into a deep sleep within five minutes.
As soon as she was under, he wrapped his arm just a little more snugly around her and let himself drift too. He couldn’t help thinking that if things between them were just a little different, if a woman like Karen gave herself to him, he’d never let her go. But he figured he’d fucked things up completely as far as that was concerned. She might be willing to help him, but considering that he’d kidnapped her, he doubted she’d ever want more from him.
Relaxing as much as he’d allow himself, he pushed out a long breath. He wouldn’t go into a deep sleep—he was too primed right now, but a quick rest was exactly what he needed.
Karen jerked awake with a start only to have Tucker’s heavy arm tighten around her.
“You’re okay,” he murmured, his hand smoothing up and down her spine in a gentle motion.
Though her heart rate had kicked up a couple of notches, she immediately settled at the feel of him next to her. Her internal clock told her not too much time had passed since she dozed, and it was still dark outside. “What time is it?” she murmured, her cheek pressed against his chest. His very bare chest. He had a smattering of dark hair, but he wasn’t smooth. Her fingers were splayed across his taut abdomen and it took all her self-control not to stroke up and down all his cut muscles. She knew he’d just been comforting her earlier when he offered to let her sleep on him. She couldn’t read anything more into it.
“A little after eleven.” His voice was quiet, without a hint of tiredness.
He was like a machine. Or just very, very trained to live in certain conditions. Not her; she needed her sleep to function like any sort of normal human being. “Hey, whatever happened to my clothes?” she asked suddenly. They hadn’t been on the floor when she got out of the bathroom earlier, but she’d been so exhausted she hadn’t thought about it.
“I threw them in the wash with mine. Got up an hour ago and put most of them in the dryer. Hung up the pants, since they’re those dri-fit material. Hope that’s all right.”
The thought of him touching her underwear made her blush, but whatever, she was past caring about something like that. It was really thoughtful that he’d even done that. “Thank you.”
He grunted a noncommittal sound that could have meant anything. “How’re you feeling?”
“Amazing. You’re like a furnace,” she said, savoring his warmth and wishing she was doing more than just lying in his arms. The last guy she’d been intimate with was her last boyfriend about two years ago. He hadn’t been able to handle her crazy work schedule and deep down, she figured he’d known she was holding back part of herself. She had to when she couldn’t even tell him what she did for a living. If she’d foreseen things getting serious, she would have been truthful with him, but if he hadn’t been able to deal with her work schedule she had little faith he’d have been able to deal with anything else.
With Tucker, it was so freeing that she could be real with him. Of course, the circumstances were different, since he’d kidnapped her, but she didn’t care. It was so damn liberating that he knew what she did for a living, that she didn’t have to hold back with him. With his arms around her, it was hard to ignore what being held like this—by Tucker—did to her body.
He chuckled low, his breath warm over the top of her head. “Try to get some more sleep. We’ve got a couple hours till they pick us up. Might as well take advantage.”
He was right, she knew. But she also knew that once they got picked up, things would start moving at warp speed. She might not ever see Tucker again. For some reason that thought set off a twinge in her chest. “Why’d you decide to join the DEA?” she asked. This wasn’t the kind of thing outlined in his official file and she was genuinely curious.
Tucker was silent for a long moment, his breathing steady in the quiet room. She wasn’t sure he’d even answer, but he did. “Max approached Cole and me. I’d never planned to stay in the Corps forever and it seemed like a good career change.”
“Do you like it?”
“The undercover work can be difficult.”
She knew he was thirty-four from his file and that he’d been with the DEA for six years. Yeah, that kind of work could wear on someone. “You plan on staying with them?”
His chest rumbled as he let out a low laugh. “If we don’t get arrested and thrown in prison for treason, I honestly don’t know. After the Tasev job . . . I’ve been thinking about a change.”
“I don’t blame you.” She had no idea what he’d done or seen over the last six years, but she knew what a monster Tasev was. Working for that guy, even for a couple of months, had to have been difficult.
His hand continued to stroke up and down her spine, the gesture so soothing. Her nipples automatically tightened at the feel of him. “What about you? How’d you end up with the NSA?”
“They recruited me while I was still in college.” Given her test scores, her major, and her analytical mind, it wasn’t really a surprise they’d approached her.
“And?” he pushed, when she didn’t continue. “You didn’t have to say yes. Why’d you go with them?”
“I . . .” She thought about lying but decided to just be honest, especially after everything they’d been through the past day. “I was just finishing up with my master’s when my brother died over there.” Since Tucker already knew her brother had died in Afghanistan, she didn’t spell it out. “He was the only family I had and I know it sounds cheesy, but I wanted to make a difference for our country. I think it’s part of the reason they approached me, but I could be wrong. And at the risk of sounding even cheesier, when I was growing up my brother protected me and I think it helped instill this need in me to help those who can’t help themselves. I don’t care that pretty much everything I do is behind the scenes, I sleep better at night knowing I have a part in keeping our country safe.” Keeping the very real monsters at bay. Though it wasn’t all just out of the goodness of her heart, she knew. Some of it was about pure control. She needed to feel in control and she didn’t need a psychology degree to know it was because of her lack of control as a kid.
“You two were close?”
“Yeah.” She realized she’d started drawing little circles on his stomach, but he didn’t seem to mind. Even so, she stilled her fingers. “I’m about to overshare, so if you don’t want to hear all this, tell me to stop.”
“I want to hear.”
“My father was an alcoholic and Clint basically raised me. He joined the Marines when I was seventeen. I think he wanted to hold off another year, but by then I was pretty self-sufficient and had already landed a bunch of scholarships. We grew up pretty poor.” She’d been considered white trash but didn’t tell Tucker that because it still shamed her. Intellectually she knew that was stupid, but some things ran deep. Being from a small town where everyone knew everyone else’s business made it hard to escape the scorn or, worse, pity of others. She could de
al with scorn, but people feeling sorry for her was somehow worse. It was why she’d been so determined to get out of the town she’d grown up in and put miles and miles between her and everyone in her past. “My dad was a dick, but he wasn’t abusive. Just a freaking waste of space.”
She waited a moment, to see if he’d judge her, but he kept rubbing her back. She hadn’t even realized she’d tensed up. When he didn’t respond she relaxed and continued. “When girls my age were going on dates and excited about the prom or whatever school function, I was studying my ass off.” And she’d worked two jobs but didn’t say that. “Nothing was more important to me than getting out of that town. Clint saved what money he could for me. Said he didn’t need it while he was deployed anyway. All that combat and hazard-duty pay added up.” Her throat tightened and it took a moment for her to gather herself. She wasn’t even sure why she was telling Tucker all this. For some reason she wanted him to know something real about her.
“Anyway, thanks to scholarships and my brother’s help I was able to get a good education. He wasn’t that much older than me, but he was always more like a father to me. I didn’t think about it until I was older, but a kid that age shouldn’t have had so much responsibility thrust onto him. He did and never complained about it, never made me feel guilty or like a burden.” Her throat tightened again and despite her best effort, a few tears escaped.
“Shit, don’t cry, honey,” Tucker murmured, swiping at her cheek with one of his thumbs.
She didn’t look up at him, though. If she did she was afraid she’d kiss him or do something else equally stupid. She let out a watery laugh. “I’m fine, I swear. I just don’t talk about him much.”
“I’m sorry you lost him,” he murmured, his grip tightening just a fraction.
“Thanks.” He’d been in the Corps, so it was easier telling him this.
They were silent for a few minutes, but it didn’t feel awkward. The rumble of his voice actually surprised her when he spoke again. “About four years ago I almost died on an op. I can’t give specifics, but you might have seen a note about it in my file.”
She’d read his file thoroughly, and though good portions had been redacted she’d been able to glean enough information. “In California, right?” The file hadn’t said anything about him almost getting killed, though, just that someone else had died. A female agent.
“Yeah. I’d been on the op for about six months with my . . . partner, I guess you could say.” There was an odd note in his voice. Almost like muted anger. “We were more than just that, though. At first it’d been part of our cover, being lovers, but eventually it became real. For me anyway. I ignored things I shouldn’t have ignored, didn’t want to see that she was dirty.” He let out a sigh, the sound resigned, as he continued. “She betrayed me, thought she’d gotten me killed. It’s how I got this.” He tapped the scar on his throat. “We let her believe it because it was easier for me to extract myself from the op that way.”
“What happened to her?”
“Got killed a week later. Her own fault too, got greedy.” He let out a bitter laugh, the tension in him mounting.
Karen could feel his muscles pull tight under her fingertips. Against her better judgment, she smoothed a hand down his stomach. She wasn’t quite brave enough to wrap her arm around him. “Why’d you tell me?”
He shuddered under her touch but didn’t seem to mind. “You told me something personal and . . . I wanted you to know something personal about me. Something you couldn’t get from a file. Just so you know, I’m not fucking sorry she’s dead either.” There was a bite to his words.
“I don’t blame you.” From his tone she felt as if he expected that admission to revolt her or something.
He stilled for a moment. “Really?”
“Why would I? She betrayed you and her country. And for what? Fuck her. If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else she stabbed in the back.” That kind of betrayal was the worst. When you worked in certain fields, the men and women literally depended on you to have their back, to keep them alive. To turn on people you worked with day in and day out was so many kinds of wrong.
“I’m not a good man, Karen. I . . . I know you’ve read my Grisha file. Not all of it’s fake.” The words came out almost stilted. As if he didn’t want to tell her but was doing it anyway.
“I figured.” Did he think she wouldn’t understand that he’d done violent things to create his cover? It took a moment for it to register why he was telling her. Did he want to warn her off . . . him?
Silence descended on the room again, but this time it wasn’t calm. It wasn’t awkward either, but there was a palpable tension lingering in the air. It could be her imagination, but she didn’t think so.
Even with the faint light from the night-light and a few streams of illumination from the streetlights outside peeking through the windows, she couldn’t tell if he was aroused. The covers were bunched too much by his waist and she wasn’t completely draped over him.
She wished she was, though. Which was probably insane, considering the circumstances, but this man affected her in a way she didn’t completely understand.
Taking a chance, she shifted her body, moving her leg and hip so that she was cuddled closer to him. The second her leg brushed against his erection, he let out a quiet hiss.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“You shouldn’t be,” she whispered, then cringed at herself. She risked a look at him. Being so close to him was wreaking havoc with all her good sense. Her nipples were already hard and she couldn’t help wondering what it would feel like to have those callused hands and hot mouth on her. She wondered if he’d be gentle or rough and realized it didn’t matter. Both options were arousing.
When she looked up into his eyes, only inches separated them. Despite the dimness, it was easy to make out the harsh planes of his face. It was clear he was turned on even without the physical indicator.
She shifted against him, moving up, ready to kiss him, but froze when he pulled back, his message clear. Oh God, she’d read the situation entirely wrong. Her face heated up and she was thankful for the dark as she pulled away and rolled over. How absolutely embarrassing.
“Karen, I . . .” His fingers skated over her spine. “You’ve been through a lot the past twenty-four hours. I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret later. I . . . can’t take advantage of you,” he muttered. His voice was tight and raspy and he let out a low curse before she felt the bed dip as he got up.
Surprised, she turned over to find him striding from the room in quick, hurried movements.
She told herself to go back to sleep, to forget what had just happened. Of course that was impossible now. Flopping onto her back, she let out a groan. Why had she done that?
When she heard the shower in the guest bathroom start, she cringed again—until his words registered. Words that had been in direct contrast to the signals she’d read in his face and body. He didn’t want to take advantage of her? Fine, she’d take advantage of him.
Chapter 12
Safe house: a house in a secret location, used by spies or criminals in hiding.
Tucker let the steaming water rush over him and inwardly cursed himself. What the hell was wrong with him?
The sexiest, smartest woman I’ve ever met makes a move to kiss me, and I pull back like a fucking pussy? He should seriously be committed. He had more important shit to worry about right now, but thoughts of Karen consumed him. When she’d been practically draped across him, all he wanted to do was devour her mouth, to taste and tease every inch of her. His cock ached as he thought of her.
Groaning, he scrubbed a hand over his face, then paused at a slight shuffling sound. He’d brought his weapon with him, but it was on the back of the toilet tank. The shower curtain had some kind of Parisian theme on it and was too opaque to see through. Moving quietly, he started to reach for it but stopped at Karen’s voice.
“It’s just me.” She sounded nervous,
unsure of herself.
That was his fault and he hated it. He stood there under the pulsing water, wondering what the hell to say. If she touched him now, there was no way he could turn away a second time.
“I . . . could be embarrassing myself here, but when you said you didn’t want to take advantage of me, did that mean you don’t want me?”
“No!” The denial came out harsher than he’d intended. Which earned him a sigh of relief from her. His fingers itched to pull the shower curtain back, to drag her in here with him, but he resisted. Barely. “It’s just been a crazy day. We shouldn’t make any decisions that you’ll regret in a couple of hours.” She’d been through so much and he’d kidnapped her. It was one of the things holding him back. Sure, he’d given her the chance to leave, but it was impossible to forget what he’d done.
“Me?” She sounded incredulous.
He let out a harsh laugh. “Yeah. Trust me—you’ll regret it.” Why would a woman like Karen want him? He’d fucking kidnapped her, held her against her will. Under normal circumstances she probably wouldn’t have looked at him twice. Not with his scar. They were in an intense situation and emotions were high. People made stupid decisions when they were out of their element.
“How about you don’t make decisions for me?” she snapped.
Before he could respond, he heard her practically stomping from the bathroom.
Damn it. He turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. He’d only come in here to find some damn relief and get some space from her. Just being near her messed with his head. Quickly drying off, he tugged on his pants and picked up his weapon before hurrying after her. He shouldn’t have run off like a coward, but he’d known what would happen if he stayed.
