“I just want it to be good for you.”
“It will be.”
Mikko sat back on his knees and ripped the condom open with his teeth.
“Do we really need that?” Jake wanted to feel everything.
Mikko frowned. “This is your first time, yes?”
Jake nodded.
“It’s not safe to do this without it, even if you think someone is okay.” Mikko rolled the condom down over his thick cock. “Promise me you’ll always use them. Top or bottom.”
Jake had heard of the deadly virus, seen the awful things people did to those who had it. “I promise.”
Mikko leaned down and hooked Jake’s legs over his outstretched arms. “Good.”
Jake closed his eyes and tried to force his body to stay pliant when Mikko stroked the head of his cock between Jake’s cheeks. Jake reminded himself that he wanted this, that whatever pain he’d feel would pass if he just gave it time.
“Take a deep breath,” Mikko said, “then let it go slowly.”
When Jake filled his lungs with cool air, Mikko pushed. The pain of the stretch was intense, and Jake struggled to exhale through it. With each deeper thrust, Jake controlled his breathing, convinced his body to accept what was happening. Mikko took his time, thrusting just a little deeper each time. When he was fully inside Jake, Mikko stayed there, unmoving.
Closing his eyes, Jake concentrated on the fullness, on the ache of allowing Mikko inside him. Mikko peppered Jake’s face with slow, soft kisses. When he opened his eyes, Jake finally saw the hazel he’d wanted all along.
Mikko smiled as if he understood Jake’s every thought, and he pulled out in millimeters until he was barely there. He returned with strength and speed that left Jake panting.
“Again,” Jake commanded.
Mikko pulled out and thrust deep and hard.
Jake could hardly breathe. “Again.”
Another pounding thrust.
“Again.”
Jake’s entire body shook with the force of Mikko’s movements. Mikko let Jake’s legs down and wrapped his arms around Jake. Jake in turn wrapped his legs around Mikko’s waist. The only word he could say turned into a plea.
“Again. Again. Again.”
Mikko’s pistoning hips never let up, never gave Jake a chance to catch his breath. They were powering toward release, and nothing was going to stop them. Mikko captured Jake’s lips, and his tongue was the only thing that kept Jake from continuing to beg for more.
Jake buried his fingers in Mikko’s hair and pulled back, baring Mikko’s neck. He licked and sucked and bit, never hard enough to leave a mark, even though he desperately wanted to.
“Do it. Just once. Please,” Mikko whispered.
Jake licked a spot over Mikko’s carotid artery and latched on, sucking a deep purple spot onto Mikko’s fair skin. Let them think a girl did it. It didn’t matter. He and Mikko would know how it really happened.
“Yes,” Mikko hissed. “Close now.” He wrapped his long fingers around Jake’s cock and stroked it. “Need you to be there with me.”
They looked at each other. No words. Just looked at each other.
As Jake tensed in anticipation, Mikko nodded and stroked Jake’s cock faster. Jake felt it bubbling inside him, felt his flesh burning. Then he came, his glowing glass body shattering into a billion flying pieces.
He was still flying apart when he felt Mikko stutter above him, his steady tempo becoming erratic. Jake watched as Mikko arched his back and cried out, his mouth a perfect, beautiful circle.
When it was over, they lay together, Mikko resting on Jake’s chest. Mikko didn’t ask Jake to stay, and Jake didn’t offer to leave. They simply wrapped around each other and drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 5: Nashville
DRIVING into Nashville was a relief. Jake was beginning to wonder why he ever thought driving across country by himself was a good idea. He was too old and too soft for this shit. It had been years since he’d traveled less than first class on a road trip.
Although he wasn’t exactly by himself. In addition to his buffalo fetish, two new friends occupied the passenger seat: Boomer and Sooner, stuffed toys Johnnie and his girlfriend had bought at the on-campus bookstore. Johnnie mentioned that his girlfriend thought it would be romantic if Jake gave one of the stuffed UO mascots to Mikko. Johnnie, however, thought that sounded more than a little goofy.
It had been more than a year since Jake had been to his daughter’s condo. Erin had balked at Jake buying it for her, but he and Marcy had insisted. Jake knew Erin was never going to get rich working for a hockey team, and he at least wanted to know she didn’t have to worry about rent.
A hockey team! Jake still couldn’t understand it. Erin had grown up surrounded by baseball players. She’d gone to games her entire life. But from the moment she could play a sport herself, his tomboy had wanted to play hockey. He wasn’t even sure how she’d learned about the game, but it was all she’d ever talked about. After college, Erin had immediately been hired by the Nashville professional team, and Jake was happy she’d found her dream job… even if it was with a hockey team. At least it was in the South.
Jake rang the doorbell and was surprised when a man answered.
“Hello, Mr. Wilson!” The man was extremely cheerful. He was at least six feet tall, and he was built like a brick shithouse. And he had an accent Jake couldn’t place.
Jake squinted. “And you are?”
“I’m Patrick,” the man said as he held out his hand. “I’ve heard so much about you, and I’m glad to finally meet you.”
Jake warily shook Patrick’s hand. Just as he let go, he heard Erin call from inside the condo.
“Patrick, is that Dad? Bring him on in. I’m sure he’s tired.”
Ah, that was his girl. Thinking about her poor, broken-down father and wanting to offer him some comfort. Unlike Patrick, whoever he was.
When he entered the living room, Jake was greeted with a bouncing bundle of auburn-haired energy. Erin jumped into his arms, and he gave her a tight hug.
“Well, hello, little girl!” Jake swung her around, which wasn’t as easy now that she was in her twenties. “So good to see you.”
Erin bounced back a step and brushed her long locks of hair from her face. “I’m so glad you’re here! We’ve cooked up such an awesome dinner for you. We’re going to spoil you rotten.”
We. Jake tried not to frown at his grinning daughter. Something was up, and Erin’s use of the plural pronoun only confirmed it.
“Do you want to change or wash up before dinner? Patrick can get your bag and take it to the guest room.”
“That would be great, sweetheart. My bag is right outside the door.”
Patrick dashed and retrieved the bag. He led Jake to the guest room, and Jake was glad for the privacy. He stripped off his sweaty driving clothes and changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and an old road jersey. Looking around the room, he saw several pictures of his family over the years. The first one, in a frame on the nightstand, had been taken when Erin was five and Johnnie was barely walking. It had been a supreme act of patience to get the children to sit long enough to take one good picture.
He and Marcy were so young in the picture. He’d almost forgotten ever being that young. In his mind, young was forever associated with Mikko, and Jake felt so much older after him. He’d grown up, learned not to take a good thing for granted. And then he met Marcy, who had been the absolute right person at the absolute right time. They hadn’t made it in the end, but he’d never regret a second with her and his children. He loved them more than he could ever put into words.
He walked into the kitchen and found Erin and Patrick, their heads bent over a pot of something that smelled delicious, Patrick resting his hand on the small of Erin’s back. Jake was busted as soon as his stomach growled loud enough to be heard three streets over.
Erin laughed. “There you are. Sounds like you’re ready for dinner.”
“Ab
solutely. It smells great.”
Patrick put on a pair of thick oven mitts and picked up the pot. “Hey, babe, can you get the trivet?”
Erin grabbed the trivet, and they all headed for the dining room. The table was small enough that everyone could reach the pot Patrick placed in the center, but Erin insisted on serving. She gave Jake the first bowl, and it was a thick beef stew, Jake’s favorite.
Jake grabbed a crusty roll from the basket and tore it in half. “So, Patrick, where are you from?”
Patrick settled over his own bowl of stew. “Edmonton, sir.”
Jake’s stomach sank. Patrick was huge, and he was Canadian. Please don’t let him be a player. Please don’t let him be a player. Jake wouldn’t wish a relationship with a professional athlete on his worst enemy, and he might just forbid it when it came to his own daughter.
Erin patted Jake’s hand. “He’s a team doctor, Dad.”
Patrick nodded. “Yep. I blew out my knee early in college, but I still wanted to be close to the game. I decided the best way to do that was to become an orthopedist.”
“Oh, a doctor,” Jake said with a smile. “You should have led with that.”
“Come on, Dad, you didn’t think I’d date a player, did you?”
Patrick reached out for Erin, and she took his hand. “Good thing I have a bum knee, then.”
That was when Jake saw it: a big, sparkling diamond ring on his little girl’s finger.
“Is there something you two need to tell me?”
Erin looked at her father then followed his gaze down to her left hand, which she immediately jerked back. “Oh, shit, I forgot to take it off. We were getting to that.”
“Well, get to it now.”
Patrick swallowed hard. “Sir—”
Jake grimaced. “Quit calling me sir. It makes me feel old. Call me Mr. Wilson.”
“Dad!” Erin glared at him.
“Okay, fine,” Jake said with an eye roll. “Jake, then. You happy?”
“Jake,” Patrick warbled as he began again, “your daughter and I have been together for six months—”
“Then why have I never heard of you before now?”
Erin huffed. “Because telling you anything during baseball season is useless.”
Jake had to give her that, and it made him feel like shit. “Go on.”
Patrick sat up straighter, as if he’d gotten a second wind. “Here’s the long and short of it. I love Erin. Erin loves me. We make each other happy, and I can make sure she stays that way. We’re getting married after next hockey season.”
“Well, when you say it like that….” Jake held out his hand. “Welcome to our crazy family.”
Patrick’s face lit up, and he shook Jake’s hand. “Thank you, s…. Jake. Thank you so much.”
Erin beamed at her father. “Dad, thanks.”
“Of course, sweetie.”
“Now let’s eat this stew before it gets cold. I used Mom’s recipe.”
Jake spooned a bite into his mouth and chewed slowly. The taste always took him back to college and his different life there. “It was a recipe I got from a college friend a long time ago. I think you make it the best, though.”
“Thank you, Dad. I’m so glad you like it.”
After dinner, they spent the evening watching the baseball playoffs on TV and going back for more stew several times. It really was the best version of that recipe Jake had ever had, and he hadn’t even known Erin could cook. It seemed Erin and Johnnie had lives that didn’t necessarily involve their parents. It was hard to accept that his kids had grown up, but Jake was glad to see them finding happiness of their own.
JAKE woke up bright and early the next morning, and padded into the kitchen. He was sad to see that someone had finished off the stew overnight. He didn’t think he’d ever eaten so much in his life, and he felt heavy. But it was a good kind of heavy.
He made a pot of coffee. He couldn’t cook, but he could manage that. He liked having a little time to himself before the last leg of the trip. He’d thought he’d be nervous, but he was very calm. Even if things didn’t go entirely his way in Savannah, at least he’d have made his wishes known.
“Hey, Dad,” Erin whispered. Her hair stood up in twenty different directions, and she wore an oversized Nashville jersey. “Oh, coffee. Awesome.”
She grabbed a mug and filled it. She added nothing, just like her father, and sat on the stool at the kitchen bar. Jake found the ingredients for the only other thing he was good at making—pancakes—and got to work.
Erin took a sip of her coffee. “Johnnie says there’s something you want to talk to me about.”
Jake whisked the batter a little more forcefully than necessary. “What else did he tell you?”
“I made sure you weren’t dying and didn’t have some mystery love child somewhere, but he didn’t tell me anything else. I figure I’m good otherwise.”
Jake smiled. If Erin had gotten anything from her mother, it was her laid-back attitude. “Well, that’s good to know.”
“Come on, Dad. I know we caught you off guard with our news last night. But Patrick’s still asleep, and you and I have time to talk. Just the two of us.”
Jake poured batter into a large skillet. “When your mother and I met, we fell very much in love very quickly. I told her everything there was to tell about me, and she accepted me.”
“I’m glad,” Erin whispered.
“Thank you, sweetheart.” Jake watched the batter begin to bubble over the heat. “One of the things I told her, I’ve never told you because there wasn’t a reason to.”
“But now there is.”
Jake nodded. “Yes, now there is. I’m bisexual.”
“I know.”
Jake looked up at Erin, who was taking another sip of coffee. “Johnnie did tell you.”
“No, he didn’t. I just noticed things when I was a teenager.” Erin shrugged. “I figured that maybe you didn’t understand it yourself.”
Jake flipped over the pancake, which was just starting to burn. “What things?”
“You seemed to get little crushes on some of the other players.” Erin waved her hand when Jake opened his mouth to reply. “Now, I’m not saying you were fanboying over them or anything, but it was like you felt the same way that I felt about a few guys I crushed on back then.”
“Holy shit,” Jake said. “I didn’t think anyone knew, especially not you.”
“I thought maybe that’s why you and Mom got divorced. But you are really good friends now, so I figured maybe it was another reason.”
“No, it was because we grew apart. I know that sounds lame.”
Erin shook her head. “It doesn’t. Now that I’m older, I’ve seen it happen to people.”
Jake plated the pancake and handed it and some syrup to his daughter. “Are you okay with this?”
“I think so, yes. I’m worried about what will happen when you come out, but I want you to be happy.”
Jake watched her eat and reminded himself that this wasn’t the four-year-old who begged him for ice skating lessons. This was a very mature young woman, and he was just learning who she was. “I’m coming out soon.”
“Good.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I need to tell you something else.”
Erin popped a slice of pancake into her mouth. “Okay.”
“There’s a man, in Savannah. We dated in college, and I’m going to see if there’s still anything there.”
“Sounds like there’s obviously something there on your side. How ’bout his?”
Jake shrugged and walked to the stove to start another pancake. “We’ve talked some on Facebook and in e-mail. Nothing romantic, though. His partner died last year, and he’s just started dating again.”
“Ah, so now you have competition, and you need to go stake your claim.”
“Something like that.”
Erin laughed. “Good to see you haven’t lost your old competitiv
e spirit in your retirement.”
Jake stuck his tongue out at her. “I’m not dead yet, missy.”
“So why did you two stop dating? Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you did or I wouldn’t be here. But how did you end things in college?”
“I was a selfish dick.”
“Dad,” Marcy whispered. “You were a kid, and it was the eighties. It wasn’t easy back then, I’m sure.”
“No, it wasn’t. What little gains queer people had made by then were pretty much wiped out by the fear of AIDS. People are ignorant and bigoted now, but there were lots more of them back then, it seemed. Still doesn’t excuse me.”
Marcy stuck her plate out for the new pancake. “You might be surprised. He may have forgiven you by now.”
“Maybe,” Jake said with a shrug. “At least I hope so.”
Chapter 6: 1989
THE first season of AA ball sucked. When Jake was drafted after his junior year, he thought he’d light up the minors and be called up to the show in no time. Instead, he found the change from aluminum to wooden bats killed his batting average, and the long season as well as night games played havoc with his stamina. The packed schedule left little room to rest up for the next game.
He also hated not seeing Mikko for weeks at a time. He’d gotten used to seeing him almost every day and waking up with him a few times a week. In this new world, he was lucky to phone Mikko once a week. Mikko said he understood, and they more than made up for it when Jake could make quick trips back to Atlanta.
During the long stretches between visits, there were two things guaranteed to keep him occupied: alcohol and baseball groupies. He drank to forget how lonely he was, and he fucked all the groupies because… well, because they let him. They were just like the girls in college. They had no expectations. They just wanted to see how many players they could hook up with. It increased the chances of them one day saying, “Yeah, I fucked the MVP when he was in AA.”
Every once in a while, Jake had the opportunity to have sex with another man. Jake wouldn’t fuck them or let them fuck him. He would exchange hand jobs or blow jobs, just like he did in high school. He would close his eyes and thrust into some stranger’s mouth and imagine it was Mikko at his feet.
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