by R. Scarlett
But not lonely.
Alone, but not angry.
Alone, but not sad.
I was alone and peaceful.
Proud.
At last.
I fell to my knees, kneeling in front of my future, no longer a sinner.
I wasn’t forgetting Valentina and our unborn son.
But I was freeing them and myself from the guilt I carried.
Each day, my soul grew stronger, lighter, and soon, each chant was a melody to my body.
Clarity strummed through my bones and I thought of everything that had happened in my life.
I thought of Danny’s shady business and how I needed to clean the ugliness out of the Pit.
One morning, I left.
The pit was a chaotic mess of sweat and bodies grinding, and it hadn’t changed an inch since I last stepped inside its darkness. I told the group of soldiers from Scorpios to wait outside the Pit for me.
I could feel my chest throb as if finding that rare, lost connection that once tied my soul to this hell. Each step surprised me more than the previous. I found myself not craving the darkness, the intensity and chaos. I felt the gentle beat of my own peace inside of me. With time, the need to fight, the need for bloodshed eased. I had focused all my energy on cleaning the streets in Boston, of keeping the new Scorpios soldiers in line.
The vibrations from the crowd’s cheers and the fighters’ heavy feet stomping across the ring below moved through my body.
Each step closer into the depth of the crowd made my fingers clench. Everyone surrounding me was too invested in their own chaotic world to notice my return.
Wearing slacks and a black dress shirt, I stood out. I didn’t wear my old worn jeans or black t-shirts anymore. I wasn’t a reflection of my old self.
A few of the bouncers exchanged looks with each other and then turned back to me, examining me.
I wasn’t afraid to get dirty. I wasn’t afraid to wear my power in suits if it made men listen. That’s what I learned in Boston. A man in a suit running the streets terrified them more as I broke bones and limbs to prove a point.
Us, Knights, were a deadly family.
A hand landed on my shoulder and I tensed, glancing behind me.
“Savage returns at last,” Steel said, flashing his teeth, the piercing in his top lip shining in the dim lighting. He looked me over, his smile faltering and I knew he could sense a change in me.
I worked my jaw. “Is Danny still here?”
I didn’t have time to waste with chit-chat.
Steel froze and slowly nodded. “At his regular table.” Another smile began. “You fighting tonight?”
I frowned, looking back over to the ring below, a fight occurring right now. The sound of bones cracking, of flesh meeting fists, was like a distant memory. There were sounds I had heard every night and day for years.
“Not tonight,” I said, gruffly and walked away. As I moved through the crowd, some of the demons recognized me. A few whispers were exchanged, but most of them just stared back.
As I neared Danny’s table, I spotted Tegan by the railing, her back was to the ring, eyes on me, wide and unblinking.
I looked away. I didn’t have time to focus on her, and she wasn’t the girl I wanted tonight. No, that girl was back at Scorpios. So close, yet so far out of reach. But I needed to deal with Danny first before returning to Lex. I needed to clean the last of the darkness out.
People moved out of my way and I caught a glimpse of him. He was bent over his table, a joint tucked in his mouth, his hands full of cards, playing with his entourage. The taste of belladonna filled my own mouth, but it wasn’t what I craved. I craved Lex’s heart.
But for now, I needed to deal with this asshat.
I stopped at the edge of his table and I watched him closely. The noise of the crowd and the fighting grew louder, but his table quieted and a few stopped, their cards clenched in their grips.
“Well, well, well. Would you look at who the cat dragged in…” Danny didn’t look up, puffing on his joint. “What the fuck do you want, Knight?”
I licked at the tips of my teeth, hand clenched at my side. “Would you prefer to speak about your connections to Ares outside, or in front of your little harem?”
Danny’s hands squeezed the cards tightly, folding in his grasp. His dark eyes swung to mine, a glint to them. “Trying to taint my name, Savage?”
I clenched my jaw. “Don’t have to. You did that all by yourself.”
His table grew quiet, exchanging glances at each other.
Danny pushed himself up, throwing his cards on the table. He gestured to me to follow and I did. As we reached the entrance, I glanced back, seeing Steel and Tegan both watching me from the bar.
The cool air struck my cheeks, but I welcomed it.
Danny turned in the alleyway, facing me. At the sound of the door opening behind me, I gritted my teeth.
His entourage, his fucking bouncers were surrounding me. I laughed aloud, the sound as sharp and cold as the wind.
Danny was afraid. Of me. Fucking good.
“You seem different,” he whispered, scanning me over. His hands shook.
I didn’t respond, only staring back at him coolly.
“Talk, Knight,” he hissed out, his face beet-red in anger.
“I managed the transfer of Scorpios taking over Ares,” I said, my voice clipped. “It didn’t take long before I came across folders and folders of information. Information of Scorpios’ meetings, their whereabouts. Information about the Pit.” I stepped closer, the bouncers edging closer with my every move. “And the contract of you agreeing to supply information to Ares. In exchange for money, for power. To run the Pit. To become a commander for them. I also found proof of your dealings with the hunters. Selling low-class demons for good cash. You forgot to clear your tracks, Danny. Bad move.”
Danny’s nostrils flared.
“The Pit was owned by Ares, wasn’t it? All these fucking years, these fuckers had an in right under our nose. Right on our fucking territory,” I snapped. “Attacking their own establishment… that was wise. Who would think they’d kill their own clients. And why? But if your clients are the enemy… take their money and kill them.” I shook my head. “Always thought it was really fucking convenient how you happened to not be there the night they attacked. Guess I should’ve caught onto that sooner.” There was an ugly sneer on Danny’s face, and a smirk appeared on my lips at that. “But… Ares doesn’t own the Pit anymore, Danny. Ares is now in Scorpios’ hands. In my fucking hands.” My voice rang out in the darkness. “So you know who it belongs to? Me. It all belongs to me.”
I didn’t manage Scorpios, but my brother did. I wanted to irk Danny. I wanted to make him uncomfortable and angry.
Instead of the anger I expected, Danny chuckled. “Bullshit. You’re not getting an inch of this place. Over my dead body.”
“As you wish,” I shrugged.
And then he snapped his fingers.
A fist met my face and my vision blurred, blood filling my mouth.
My beast surged forward and I attacked, twisting his bouncer’s arm and each time they cried out in dire pain was a victory to the demon inside of me.
One stabbed my arm with a knife and I paused, glancing at the few men left. Fear awakened in their eyes as I left the knife in and lunged.
When I stood, a few men staggered to their feet, but I didn’t stay.
“You’re outnumbered, Danny,” I hissed, wiping the blood from my bottom lip.
Danny frowned but stiffened at the sound of boots crushing the gravel behind me.
He turned, catching sight of the Scorpios soldiers.
He darted forward, but I caught his arm and bent it back, dislodging his arm from his shoulder.
He bit back a cry.
“You’re going to kneel,” I snapped. “For everything you did to Lex and my family.”
Danny couldn’t run from me. When I found the folders, everything made sense.
He had planned the attack with Ares. That’s why he hadn’t been there that night. He had been working with hunters to slowly rid Scorpios of their lower class and soon move his way up the ranks.
I shoved him into a soldier and they handcuffed him. I didn’t miss the white-hot glare Danny sent me as he turned.
“Lock him up at the townhouse. Tensley and I will decide what should be done with him,” I commanded.
Danny’s dishonor to Scorpios he would pay with his blood.
Tensley stared at me from across his office desk, his hands curled into fists on the desk. His jaw ticked.
“Nice to see you’re alive,” he said, coolly.
I shifted against the leather chair and didn’t bother responding to him. I knew I should have at least mentioned to Tensley where I was going, but I had to go without anyone chasing me or interfering in my healing.
My fingers tightened around the glass of whisky I was holding, the ice dinging against it. “I cornered Danny last night at the Pit. When I was in Boston, I looked through their correspondence. Danny had been working for them. He was selling low-class demons to hunters for good cash.”
Tensley shook his head, tsking. “Fucking bastard.”
“He’s down in the cellar,” I said, twirling my drink. “I might want to interrogate him myself though.”
Tensley nodded and a silence followed. My fingers ran along the cool glass, desperate to ask a question.
“Has she been doing better?” I asked, carefully, gently, my eyes scanning his features for any signs of distress.
Tensley shifted in his chair, leaning back. “Lex…Lex always tries to act like she’s fine. The truth is she’s been damaged for a long time. She still has her guards up. I don’t know if they’ll ever fully come down.”
My mind went back to over a year ago—how much it took for her to trust me, to open up to me in the middle of the night when she’d wake up screaming. Even when she gave me her body that first time, she still hid from me. My chest tightened and I cleared my throat. There were things I craved more than her body.
I wanted that delicate soul. I wanted that brave heart. If I had to prove to her that I changed, I’d do it. I wouldn’t touch her until she saw I wasn’t the same man anymore.
It was those sleepless nights with her that made my chest ache the most. She’d made me feel like a man in those stolen moments, not a beast. Because Lex didn’t see me as a threat, as a monster.
She saw me as a man.
And now I saw myself as a man too.
“I was going to ask you something,” Tensley said, his smooth voice bringing me back to him. He stared at me, pausing for a moment and then leaned forward. “I need a man I can trust to be positioned in Boston. To be a symbol of Scorpios there.”
I looked away, snorting. “Are you offering me, the disgraced son, to rule over Boston for you?”
“The feared son,” Tensley corrected, and my eyes snapped up to his. “You ruled with an iron fist there for the last year. You know the men, you know the ins and outs. You’d be my second-in-command.”
I took a gulp of my whisky and barely felt the burn. I saw Lex’s baby blues and the way they flickered in the darkness. With fire and sin and lust and most of all—hope. “I have unfinished business here first.” I stood, unbuttoning my suit jacket. “I’ll think about it.”
Tensley smirked. “You’re going to have to grovel if you expect her to give you another chance.”
I glanced down at him. “I’ll kneel for her if it means she’ll forgive me.” I turned, marching out of the room and down the hallway, into the night.
She’d be the only woman I would bow to.
LEX
I wrapped the white towel around Illya, laughing as he cooed back at me, loving the feeling of the soft cotton on his skin.
“All clean,” I whispered to him, smiling as I poked his chubby cheek.
He broke out into a wide smile, a few teeth popping through his lower and upper gums.
I hadn’t seen Beau since that night of Illya’s birthday party over two months ago now and when I asked Tensley about it, he said he assumed he went back to his old ways, of hiding in the darkness. My heart ached for him.
I had walked by the Pit and had gone inside once and when Steel told me Beau hadn’t been there since a year before, my stomach dropped. He was truly gone.
I busied myself with Illya and taking him to the park and studying. Molly took me out for lunch sometimes, but the entire time she continued to mention Beau in every conversation. I stared at her stone-cold, refusing to indulge in her matchmaking. She wanted me to express myself, to tell her I loved him. But it was too late.
He was gone again.
He hadn’t fought for me, for us, or himself.
He had given up. So easily.
I shook off any thoughts of him and focused back on Illya who was snuggled in my arms, wrapped in his white towel, falling fast asleep.
The first time Molly had asked me to hold him, he’d only been a handful of hours old. I’d been absolutely terrified. It took a bit of getting used to, but now I felt comfortable caring for him. Everything became second nature.
The floorboards creaked, and I glanced up to see a frame of a large man in a tailored suit. Scorpios soldiers came in and out to check on us all the time. It was normal, but I didn’t recognize him.
A shaved jaw accompanied by a full mouth and—
I froze.
The man before me was Beau Knight, standing in the doorframe of the nursery. His shadowed features of ink and scars tugged at my heart, but I tightened my grip on Illya.
“What are you doing?” I asked, hating how breathless I sounded. I wondered how long he had been watching me, his body leaning against the wood frame. I wondered where he had gone to, how he could just leave again without a single word to anyone.
He didn’t speak at first, his eyes scanning me and then staying on Illya. My thoughts ran wild, wondering what he was thinking. Of Valentina? The woman he barely ever spoke of. Or his unborn child?
“Were you thinking of Valentina?” I asked and instantly regretted it as his entire body tensed.
He swallowed thickly, the tendons straining in his neck, but as I watched him, scanning me again, he looked different. I licked my bottom lip, tasting something different in the air. Something sweet and light and warm.
“No, I was imagining if that was our child in your arms,” he said, his husky voice making me shiver.
Heat scorched my cheeks and his dark eyes drilled into mine. I looked away, back to Illya, rocking him in my arms. I carefully put him down in his cradle and felt Beau move into the room. Filling it up. Not with his darkness…but with something lighter.
His fingers ghosted over my shoulder and I spun around, eyeing him. “Don’t Beau.”
He frowned at my soft tone. He took another step, this time letting his body touch my own. “Don’t what, Alexandra?”
His fingers touched the edges of my dark hair, stray strands framing my face. When his eyes met mine, I felt on fire. I felt naked and exposed and yearning for him to touch me—only with his eyes. “We can’t do this, Beau,” I said on a gasp. “Not again. We can’t go down this path again, you and I.”
His dark eyes flared at that. But instead of reacting out of anger like I expected him to, like he would’ve reacted a year ago, he only moved back, stuffing his hands in his slacks, giving me the breathing space I needed. “After Valentina and our unborn child died, I thought I’d never want a family of my own. I hated the idea actually. Thought of the whole situation as a few careless mistakes that had cost me more than they’d been worth.”
My throat grew tight.
He sighed, never looking away from me. A sad smile formed. “But you came into my life. Fierce and stubborn and beautiful and so goddamn tempting.” His eyes returned to that hard glint of his. “Everything I wanted to hate. You were a threat to the best I’d found comfort in being and knowing that; I wanted to push you away. To hurt yo
u. Eliminate the threat. But I couldn’t. Because your soul sings to mine. Always has. It called to me in the darkness and it calls to me in the light.”
Wetness built in my eyes and I blinked it back. “Beau, it’s been over a year.” I tried to think of anything. I tried to think of any excuse. I came up with nothing.
“And I haven’t stopped thinking of you. If anything, being apart brought me more clarity of what I will not accept to lose, of what I can’t live without,” he said, calmly, but I felt the change in the air. The intensity of his words. “Our souls touched, Alexandra. I’m addicted to you. Not just because you’re fucking beautiful or because you’re a souleater. I’m addicted to your heart. Your love.”
Beau, the beast, the savage, who had lost his heart years ago—wanted mine.
My breathing grew harsh and shallow. He moved closer, invading my space once more, his rich cologne filling my nostrils with reminders of the past. Of him stroking my hair in the shower while I cried, of him kissing the bruises away on my knee when I fell. We had been a mess, but we had been our mess of affection and addiction and love. Fucking love.
Tears pricked the back of my eyes. Demons weren’t supposed to love. Beau had learned that so long ago, yet here he was, confessing his need to be loved. By me.
“You’re teasing me,” I hissed lowly, afraid Illya would wake.
“No, cucciola,” he whispered, not looking at me, but I felt his fingers trace the curve of my ass and in-between them, wrinkling the sheer fabric to his will. “I’m challenging you. And I know how you hate to back down from a fight. I’m challenging you to let go of the past and see where a future together could take us. I’m challenging you to love me and let me love you. I’ll spend a lifetime proving to you I won’t leave you, I won’t ever stop caring for you,” he whispered.
I opened my mouth to speak but two gentle fingers on my lips stopped me. “Don’t refuse so soon. Please, think about it. Take all the time you need. And when you’re ready, come find me, Alexandra. I’ll always wait for you, no matter how long it takes.”
I glanced up at him, holding my breath and slowly, he let go, moving out of the room.
