by Jill Nojack
"Tom, how did I soak up the wisps? Did you do something?"
"I was sure you wouldn't mind when you felt again how brilliant it is...isn't it fantastic, having the magic there?"
"Tom, I said no when you asked me if I wanted magic. You know I don't want this. I don't know how you managed it—you've obviously learned lessons I didn't teach you, but you need to undo it."
Thomas looked at James for a long moment before he said, "I can't. The wisps are bonded. They're part of you now, as much as Myrddin is."
James's mouth clenched up small in suppressed anger, and he could feel the back of his neck beginning to burn with the heat of it. Without speaking, he walked past Thomas, out of the door, and into the night.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Are You Taking This All Down?
James walked through the brightly lit early morning streets of London, alone for the first time since Fae Day. No wisps followed him. Myrddin was no longer without his magic, and the wisps no longer sensed him as being incomplete.
James thought about what it meant for him. He hadn't wanted the magic because he knew if he'd had it when Thomas kidnapped him in Scotland, he would have brought down vengeance on his head and probably killed him outright. Myrddin had been the most powerful sorcerer of his age, perhaps of all ages. James was afraid of what having that kind of power would mean.
In Myrddin's time, he and Morgan had used their powers to heal, to protect their Kingdom, and to work to unite the humans and the fae in a peaceful relationship for their mutual interest. While James was interested in all of those things, he didn't think he had Myrddin's patience or wisdom. He was more likely to take action based on the way that he felt in the moment, and that impulsivity could have dire circumstances when it was backed by Myrddin's powers. Myrddin had elvin magic. His natural talent was for the magic of war even though he had fought his nature and mastered the magic of peace.
James wanted to sit, to think, to be silent, but the rush of magic inside him made him restless, so he walked on. He hadn't felt the energy of magic so intensely when he was Myrddin, he felt sure of that—what had Thomas done to him? How much magic had Thomas given him?
He was furious with Thomas, but why had he expected anything different? Perhaps the elves understood better than he had the persistence of personality throughout lives. He had begun to realize over the past month that Thomas directed all of his behavior toward only one end, and in this newest incarnation, that end was toward the support of the fae and their magic despite being hated by all of them. The fae live a long time and keep their history close. No matter how long Thomas lived, the fae were not likely to forgive him.
James had taken Thomas's education on instead of returning home after Fae Day. He’d done it to prevent Thomas being used by his brother monks for his new magic. He’d committed himself to Thomas for Myrddin, to see that Faolan's magic was not abused in this lifetime and to give Thomas a second chance to get things right. Had he failed? Or was Thomas simply not capable of seeing anything beyond his own worldview? Although Thomas had ignored James's wishes, he hadn't placed James in danger, and he was sure that Thomas truly believed he'd given him a valuable gift.
James sighed. It wasn't easy being a parent. What could he do but take Thomas back to Ohio as planned and hope that he could somehow teach him to temper his thinking to see other points of view?
The fae struggled to wake Lizbet's sleeping body. Lizbet had begun to fight back with more stamina, even though she was unaware of her nightly struggles. The girl had won the battle the night before, and Morgan had been unable to travel within the aether to her court in Europe as she had planned. Tonight, she was sure she would push through the girl's resistance again. Her spirit had been weakened by her father's harsh words.
Pushing hard, she managed to shove the girl's consciousness back into the space that contained the memories of her past lives. She would now be available but inactive like the memories of the human Morgan, the unfortunate Maude, and the six other lives whose memories had been delivered to Lizbet with the amulet she must always wear around her neck. Morgan was in charge again.
Morgan had tried to remove the amulet to rid herself of Lizbet, but she had been unable to do it. She didn't understand how this could be. Only Morgan could remove the amulets she had made, and when she did, the memories of all of the wearer’s lives would disappear. This is how Lizbet had destroyed Faolan at the base of the Tree of Life. Removing the amulet would remove Lizbet's memories and the memories of her past lives, leaving Lizbet's young body for the fae half of Morgan to claim as her own.
Still, the amulet had not yielded to her. It would yield if Lizbet tried to remove it, as it had when she had cut away Faolan’s: how could Lizbet have this power but she didn’t? How could Lizbet be more of the original Morgan than she was? She was half of Morgan Le Fae's essence. She was half of the original Morgan, and yet the amulet wouldn’t recognize her. It was absurd to think that this child, Lizbet, was more Morgan than she was.
Still, it would be a shame to destroy her—Morgan admired her courage and would have let her be if not for Myrddin. She might even have shared her magic, her rule, but she could never share her one great love. While she sometimes felt the stirrings of compassion, she quickly tamped them down.
No, there was no other choice. She would force Lizbet to live among her whisperers where she would be of no consequence. She dressed in one of the long gowns she had compelled Lizbet to buy and then faded into the aether. Lizbet was a silly girl to think that taking control of the ability to fly was close to the full power of her magic. Morgan had abandoned that ability long ago for anything more than a short trip. She preferred a quicker route.
Tanji woke suddenly as the ward she’d set before she went to bed sent a pulse of alarm through her body. Gotcha, she thought, who knew such a powerful fae could be so predictable?
Tanji moved quickly to perch on the edge of her bed, fully dressed. Across from her, the fae who wore Lizbet like a costume was illuminated in the pale blue light cast by the magical net that surrounded her. She stood with the ancient book on the dresser open to a page of spells, and her eyes moved along the page hungrily.
Morgan nonchalantly turned away from what she was reading and said, "Oh hey, Tanj, your dad let me in...I would have asked first if I’d known you had a ward around the book…"
"Really? I mean, really? You think I can't tell the difference between some hagged out old fae and my awesome BFF? Have you forgotten how well Langoureth knows you? Have you forgotten she promised to prevent you from abusing your power?"
The fae's expression quickly changed to a snarl. "And how will you stop me, little girl? Langoureth may be with you, but you are not her. You do not have her power."
"And you don't have Morgan's power, or you would have won your battle with my friend already. You won't win."
"You know so little. I always win."
"Not this time. Not here. And not against my friend. You can't even get the book you're here to take. Funny, isn't it? The great Queen Morgan trapped in a simple ward that was conjured by a half-fae."
"Are you prepared to keep me here forever, then? Your ward won’t help you when you have to release me."
Tanji waved her hand and the fine, blue netting woven from light disappeared. "You're free now. As long as you don't try to touch what's mine again. By the way, if you try to harm me in any way so that you can take the book, the book will sense it and burst into flame. One that can't be extinguished until every bit of it has been consumed," said Tanji, grinning at the fae, "We were always evenly matched in power, Morgan, just not in ambition. You're right, I'm not Langoureth. Unlike Langoureth, I won’t run from you. Harm my friend and learn exactly what I am capable of."
"You’ll cede the book to me soon enough. I can wait," Morgan said as she faded from the room.
Tanji stood up and walked to the closet door, opening it as she took deep breaths, finally able to admit to herself that her heart had been beat
ing so hard she was sure the neighbors could hear it. "She's gone."
Eamon walked out of the dark closet and looked up at her in the gloom, "You did well, lass. I knew you wouldn't need the backup. And now we have the measure of her—she doesn't have her full strength or that ward would never have held her."
James sat across from Thomas, and for the first time, he wished that he was able to channel more of Myrddin. He wanted to be the elderly druid with beard, sandals, and robe for this conversation. It would lend more gravity to his words than his 19 year old mug, hairless chin, and pleasant, geek-guy appearance could possibly convey.
"I've spent the morning thinking long and hard on this, Thomas. I considered leaving you here and returning home alone. I feel betrayed. You discounted everything I told you and did what you wanted to do instead of respecting me.” James paused, gathering his thoughts, then continued, “You don't owe me anything. I know that. I stayed here with you free of all expectations. But before today, I believed that I'd earned your respect. It's upsetting to learn I haven't."
"But I did it because of my respect for you..."
"You did it because you wanted to impose what you believe on me."
"No..."
James searched his mind for what Myrddin would say. "Be silent, Thomas. If you respect me, you'll listen."
"As you say," Thomas replied, echoing the formal language of the elves he so hoped to be united with.
"I've told you about Faolan…that he was Myrddin's grandson, that he murdered Myrddin and bound the fae. I've told you that Lizbet, Eamon, and I captured you, and Lizbet destroyed your amulet and memories so that she could free the fae. But I haven't told you why I stayed with you instead of returning home with Lizbet."
Thomas nodded and remained silent.
"I haven't told you because I thought it would hurt you to understand how much you are despised. But Thomas...you are despised. Without me, the elves would have killed you as soon as they found you. I wanted to give you the opportunity to finally live a life free of the influence of all of your past lives. But you seem determined to take the same path by dedicating yourself to a cause and not hearing anything that doesn't fit with what you believe. If you live your life like that again, I'm afraid it will have a disastrous outcome. You can't help but have the magic, but you also can't continue to pursue the attention of the fae."
James stopped talking, and Thomas looked at him expectantly.
"Go. You can talk now," said James.
"I meant no disrespect, James. You're my only mate. I just wanted to share my joy with you. I've never had a friend, at least, not one that I remember. I guess I don't know how to be a friend. I'm sorry."
"Being sorry is a start, if you mean it and aren't just saying what you think you should say. Paying attention to what I just said is critical. Do you understand that you're in danger from the fae if you continue the course you're on? And that you endanger everyone around you?"
"I don't understand that, no. The fae respect Myrddin because of his great mastery of magic, and he was only partially fae. Why can't they grow to respect me, too, and allow me to join them?"
"Thomas, you're not even half-fae. When the realms split, your magic existed as a wisp—a lost, soul-less thing that the fae abhorred. They would have destroyed them all if they could. Humans who have magic through rejoining with a wisp are on the fae most-hated list. And although most of the other fae accept them, elves hate all mixed blood humans. But even the accepting fae don't feel the same about the wisp-joined. None of the fae want anything to do with them. And now you've turned me into one of them."
"But you're Myrddin. They won't turn against you."
"They will if they learn how I got my magic. You better hope they don't, because Myrddin and I are all that stand between you and death. And again, Thomas, you need to hear me...if you continue along this path, you risk everything, including the respect the fae have for Myrddin. I've extended you my protection. If you continue to behave in ways the fae wouldn't accept, they'll start to question my judgment. If they decide I've extended my protection unwisely, they'll come for you, and they may also come for me. That's not an outcome I can get behind, so are you listening? If you can't agree to look for interests outside of this single-minded obsession with impressing the fae, I'll leave you here when I go home. You'll be on your own, then, without Myrddin's protection."
"No, James, I don't want that. I can try, if you show me how. But I can't give up the magic."
"I haven't asked you to. I just want you to realize that you need to be human as well as fae—have interests, make friends, read a book or watch a movie once in a while. Playing a fracking video game! I understand now that I did this wrong when I started in training your abilities right away. That was Myrddin, the teacher side of me, kicking in. I should have started with just helping you to be a guy. Because I, James, am really good at just being a guy."
"Well, then I guess I could use some lessons in being a guy. How do I start?"
James held a hand up, palm out, "A high five would be a good first step."
CHAPTER NINE
You Make Me Feel Brand New
Lizbet was feeling down when she first woke up, but she broke into a wide grin when the phone on her nightstand vibrated, signaling the arrival of a text from James.
"we r @ heathrow. flt out soon. cle-hopkns @ 9:30 pm"
She quickly texted back.
"do u want 2 b picked up"
"can u?"
"chking w/ tanj"
Lizbet fired off a text to Tanji asking if she would be available to pick James up that evening and got the response she was hoping for.
"we cn get u - send flt #"
She realized she hadn't asked her mother if it would be okay to go. She ran down to the kitchen, fearing she would take off flying as she went down the stairs. She was so light, so happy, even though she felt like she had barely slept.
She grabbed her mother, who was making a stack of pancakes for breakfast, and gave her a big hug. "James is coming home tonight! Can I go with Tanji to pick him up? Say yes, say yes, say yes!"
Lizbet's mother smiled, "It's been a while since I've seen you this happy, kiddo. So, okay, I'm saying yes."
"Woohoo!"
"But...and this is a big 'but', you've only just turned 16 and James is 19. And, let's not forget a little something about a trip to Scotland he involved himself in without mentioning to your mother where the two of you would be. So...I need to get to know James better before you two start running around town together. You can pick him up, but then you come straight home. Understand?"
"Yes! You are the best mother in the world."
Lizbet continued to beam as she ate her breakfast. There was no way she was going to be able to focus at school. James was coming home. Having him back where she could hold his hand wouldn't fix everything, but she was confident it couldn't make things worse.
Lizbet racked her bike and locked it up. Behind her, from the loose group of boys loitering on the school steps, she heard catcalling, and then one of them called out, "Nice rack."
She chuckled to herself. Tanji sure knows her jerks.
As she walked up the steps, Tanji came clattering up the stairs behind her and fell into step with her as she entered the school hallway. "Are you so excited you can barely stand it? Your geeky hottie is coming home!"
"Like I need to be reminded! I don't know how I'm going to stay focused in school today. This morning over breakfast, I was trying to review everything I studied last night for Physics, and I kept blanking out, grinning to myself like a big goober and thinking about James instead."
Tanji opened her eyes wide and nodded her head with big, exaggerated movements, "I'm sure that will go away once he's here. Focusing on school will be much easier."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care. I'm walking on clouds today. I can hardly wait to see him."
"Don't forget, Langoureth gets to see her brother again for the first time in over a thousand years,
so I’m a little excited myself now that James and I are kind of related. I've been Little Miss Envy for years because you get to have a cool brother. So, maybe I've got me one now, too."
"I hadn't thought about that. It's weird, but what isn't anymore?"
Tanji put on a more serious face and said, "'But chica, it's not just James arriving on that plane tonight..." as Lizbet opened her locker and chucked in some books she didn't need until after lunch, "...how do you feel about James bringing company?"
"You had to mention that when I was trying so hard to forget it. It's going to be uncomfortable, what else? I have all these conflicting memories and thoughts about him—a lot of them from Morgan, but some of them mine. At one point a month ago, he was stalking me, James, and Eamon around Scotland, probably completely willing to kill all of us, so it's hard for me to see Thomas as someone safe, no matter what James says about him. James actually likes him even though he's the reincarnation of the guy who murdered Myrddin...and the whole 'he's my grandson' factor is more than a little weird, too. My ancient Morgan has all these memories of him as this sweet-faced, serious little boy that she adored."
The crowd in the hall was rapidly thinning, so they did their quick BFF hug and took off in opposite directions down the hall to class. As they parted, Tanji said, “I need to talk to you about something soon, but I want to wait until after you can think about something other than James, so be ready for a big, serious talk tomorrow.”
Lizbet nodded, not really registering her friend’s serious expression. She almost passed right by the door to her classroom, distracted by the happy cloud of bliss that surrounded her. It was a strong day. No headache. Lizbet had faith now that whatever had been hurting her since Fae Day was going to be easier to handle with James around. They'd already been through so much together, and he always had her back.
