The triumph in my pet’s eyes as he watches me spins my heart in crazy ways and, for this moment, centers and anchors me to his soul.
It’s another huge victory.
Once he’s before me, he sits on his knees and deeply bows, his forehead touching the tops of my bare feet.
I want to scoop him over my shoulder and haul him upstairs to bed, but I won’t.
Dinner first.
Fucking him on the kitchen counter can be dessert.
I finally find my voice. “Such a good boy. That’s a gorgeous sight.” I pat my thigh. He sits up and moves in close, pressing his face against me and wrapping his arms around my legs while I hold him. “I’ll have dinner ready for us in a little while. Do you want to sit here with me while I cook?”
“Yes, please, Master,” he mumbles against my shirt.
I scratch the top of his head. “You have to let me turn around, pet.”
He sadly sighs. Still, he moves and takes up position next to me, sitting with his back to the cabinets. He reaches out to touch me, or curl his hand around my ankle, whenever I’m standing close enough. I’m careful not to drop anything on him, and to step around him, and like hell will I make him move.
This is us. This hails back to all those hours of him sitting on a cushion on the kitchen floor in my apartment while I cooked. This is us at our core. This is the man he wishes he could be all the time, and the partner I wish I didn’t have to share with the world.
Once I have dinner ready, I plate our food and drinks and take everything out to the den, where we’re going to eat on the comfy sofa there. Then I move his walker and hold my hands out, wiggling my fingers at him.
He takes my hands and I help him to his feet, make sure he’s steady with his walker, and we settle in on the sofa, with his head in my lap so I can hand-feed him with the TV playing unwatched in the background.
Like this, Elliot looks completely contented. The lines at the outsides of his eyes ease, and the usual fatigue that furrows his brow isn’t in residence.
My pet’s relaxed. He doesn’t get to sink this deeply into pet mode very often.
Well, except for his cock. That’s as hard as mine is.
With every bite I feed him, he licks my fingers clean and knows damn well what he’s doing to me. Every swirl of his tongue, every playful suck, is like a hotline straight to my cock.
I try not to think about the countless times Jordan and I ate at home where I fed him like this. Times where he could downshift into boy mode and just…be for a little while.
Once we finish dinner, I realize watching TV isn’t going to happen. Not right now. He’s remained hard, and so have I. I lean in and kiss him, taking my time and savoring every bit of this. No telling how long it might be until our next interlude.
I selfishly want to hoard every second I can with him.
While I send him upstairs, I take our plates into the kitchen, rinse, and dump them into the dishwasher. I could leave them for housekeeping to do tomorrow, but I’m not a dick.
When I reach the bedroom, I find him kneeling next to the bed, exactly where I wanted him, his forehead touching the floor and the curve of his back making me fucking melt.
Twelve years on, neither of us are as firm as we once were, but we’re both still in pretty decent shape.
I’m still as in love with this man as I was that first night.
He put music on already. After I lock the bedroom door behind me, I pull my shirt off and drop it to the floor, working on my jeans as I walk, so I’m naked by the time I stand between him and the bed.
He scoots forward a little, his lips feathering across the tops of my feet.
Yeah, he’s getting himself fucked tonight.
But I promised him a spanking first.
I sit on the edge of the bed and pat my thigh. He rockets up, his eyes dark and hungry as he reaches out and takes my outstretched arm, holding it for balance while he stretches himself across my lap.
Taking my time, I redden his ass, biting and clawing his shoulders and along his back for extra funsies. I know he really wants a long, hard scene. Unfortunately, even I would have trouble sneaking implements into his residence. I mean, I could bring them into his residence, but I’d have to admit what they’re for, and Elliot would freak out if he knew I’d told them that.
The guys working The Shift aren’t stupid. The ones who’ve known me for years probably know damn well Elliot and I are more than just friends, but they won’t say anything.
They can’t. It’s their job not to. Just like we had to pretend we didn’t see what Fullmer was doing all those times he was fucking his mistresses. And others.
Elliot’s cleared me to have full access to his residence and office.
Not even his chief of staff has that kind of access.
Jordan also had that access.
Not difficult to do the math.
Once Elliot’s marked up and my hand is stinging from how hard I’ve spanked him, I roll us into the middle of the bed and pull him into my arms. Tonight, I’m taking my time, dammit. He can have the sadist, but I need my guy. At least for a little while.
Kissing him soothes my soul and helps me unplug my brain. He hooks his right leg around me and slowly grinds. He’s not supposed to do that—I trained him better than that.
Tonight, however, I need it.
I want my eager guy.
I want my sweet, needy man.
Stubble on our cheeks rasp together as we kiss. Between us, our cocks are hard and rubbing against each other.
Flipping him onto his back, I shove his thighs apart and kneel between them to worship his cock. He automatically raises his hands over his head, a trained reaction to how many countless times I’ve pinned him in place. Sometimes, he can’t stay hard if he doesn’t do that, if I’m not actually holding him down.
Settling in, I love teasing him, making him beg. Since we don’t get many leisurely nights like this, I’m going to take my time and make the most of it. Every sweet gasp and low moan burrows into my soul to take their places with other memories I cherish. I savor the taste of him and wish I was brave and selfish enough to give him the order I know he’d obey.
To promise me not to run.
To retire from politics after Shae’s second term ends, and to be mine.
Except it would poison us, I’m sure. Maybe not at first. Maybe years later, but eventually, it would.
He has to ask for it.
When I finally feel close to the point of no return from my cock rubbing against the bed, I grab lube and a condom and roll him onto his side so I can spoon behind him. I hook one arm under his knee to hold him open, and cradle his head on my other arm as I work myself into him. I have him wrapped in my arms and he tips his head back so I can kiss him. Like this, I can last a while.
I drape his leg over me and reach around him to find his cock. “Love you, baby. Love you so much.”
The smile I get in return is sweet and more than a little subspacey. “Love you, too, Master.”
I don’t rush. We’ll end up falling asleep once we’re done. Probably wake each other up in the middle of the night, fuck some more, and then fall asleep again. Maybe more than once.
Elliot’s body feels warm and solid stretched out against mine. I’m struck once again how much larger he is than Jordan. Unlike on our trip out to California, at least Elliot doesn’t feel frail now. Our time together during the trip helped him, and so has tonight.
Teasing him takes me close to the edge but I want to get him over first. I nip his lower lip as his cock glides inside my fist. “Come for me, baby. Give it to me.”
There’s always something magical in this moment. This isn’t one of the fast, hard fucks stolen before exhaustion takes us. This is making love. Sweet desperation fills his gaze before I feel his release start. I hold back while he hotly spills in my hand, and then I can finally follow him over the edge. As we fall still, kissing and nuzzling each other, my mind blessedly goes quiet for a
little while.
We need to clean up but, for this moment, I want to freeze time.
When I look, he’s staring into my eyes. “Shower, pet?”
He nods and I see the exhaustion return to his features. Fifteen minutes later, we’re back in bed and I’ve turned on the TV, the volume low. We lie tangled together, fingers laced, Elliot using me as his pillow.
He squeezes my hand.
I squeeze back.
In this moment, I am contented, and I try not to think about the first time the three of us slept together in this bed.
Because it’ll break my heart all over again, contemplating Jordan’s absence now.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Then
“You sure about this, Sir?” Jordan stands naked in front of the closet and surveys his tux, where it’s hanging on the door.
Since he’s not officially a government employee for a few days yet, there’s nothing that says I can’t buy things for my guy.
Not just a tux—which he’ll need over the next several years for more than the inaugural balls—but several suits, too.
Because he’ll need them for his job working in the East Wing.
I had a lot of fun taking him suit shopping. Maybe to a silly amount. Just one of those mundane things I’ve never been able to do with Elliot. Not as a “couple,” anyway.
I step behind Jordan and wrap my arms around his waist so I can nibble on the side of his neck. “Damn right, I’m sure. You’re going to look like a million dollars, baby.”
He absofuckinglutely will.
Both my boys will, since I chose Elliot’s tux for him. It takes a little of the sting out of not being able to publicly claim him.
That was a fun shopping trip for the three of us. The fact that I had Elliot blow me in the dressing room of the formal wear store while Jordan kept the sales clerk distracted helped Elliot understand that no, I’m not abandoning him.
I’ve done my best to fit in more texting and personal contact with Elliot whenever possible. Thank god Jordan understands.
Although I did include Jordan in our Christmas tradition of giving each other ties. Matching ties. One way Elliot and I have of feeling connected, since he won’t let me give him a day collar.
To my utter shock, Elliot gave Jordan a matching tie, too.
No, I didn’t ask him to do that. He came up with that on his own, which is why I have hope this will work out the way I want it to.
Elliot’s been so busy with the transition that it’s helped keep his mind off personal matters. But he’s usually surrounded by staff now, making it difficult for me to find alone time with him.
The Secret Service finally moved Elliot to Blair House just before New Year’s, citing logistics and security concerns. Turns out someone in his building had ongoing legal issues resulting from a divorce, and was deemed a potential security threat. Rather than put them out of their home, Secret Service expedited moving Elliot.
I’ve been holding back another gift for Jordan that I plan on giving to him the night of the inauguration.
Two gifts, really.
I know I’m in love with him, even though I haven’t said the words to him yet. Everything between us is perfection, the way I wish things could always be between me and Elliot. We’ve fallen into a routine and nothing Jordan has done has triggered any red flags for me. If anything, he’s worked harder every day to reinforce my faith in him, and to show me how determined he is to win Elliot over.
Trust doesn’t come easy for me, but Jordan has earned my trust.
For the first time in years, I don’t feel lonely or resentful. I feel like the future is full of potential.
One way I’ve structured this situation is I call Elliot pet and Jordan boy, and I don’t mix the two. Jordan usually calls me Sir, even when we’re alone. Sometimes, in bed, when he’s deep in subspace, he’ll call me Master, but I don’t force the issue. Elliot calls me Master, although he defaults to Sir when there’s a chance of being overheard.
Jordan also knows not to disturb me during what little alone time I get with Elliot, and that, at any time Elliot contacts me, he has to come first. Because Jordan is in bed with me every night I’m not traveling for work, he accepts this and understands. I’ve nearly spent as many nights with Jordan in our short time together as I have with Elliot throughout the years combined.
Once we’re through the inauguration, Jordan knows he’ll be used to help me spend time with Elliot without triggering questions. There’s less chance of people suspecting anything if there’s three of us there. Just like I help run interference for Shae and Kev.
Taking Chris’ advice, I’m also laying foundations between Elliot and Jordan, although I can’t undertake that task in earnest until after the inauguration.
My boy loves the sadist, but he doesn’t need that side of me the way Elliot does. With Jordan, most of our dynamic is comprised of rituals, protocols, with some sexy slap and tickle thrown in. He loves to be tackled by me when he acts playfully sassy. Not obnoxiously bratty, but on the fun side of the spectrum. He doesn’t need the vicious, feral play, either. When I jump him in bed, he immediately melts and loves being pinned down by me, whereas Elliot wants a brawl, wants me to work for it and take him down, force him to submit.
With Jordan, I find my sprit replenished and my patience restored. What time I do get with Elliot is no longer divided between me focusing on him while trying not to feel resentment over his fear keeping us apart. I can now meet my pet’s needs without draining myself empty in the process.
Jordan reaches up and back, hooking his hand around the nape of my neck and rubbing that tight, gorgeous ass of his against me. “I wish we could dance together in public.”
So do I. I grind myself against him. “It’s Shae and Elliot’s big day, baby. I don’t want to do anything that would take the focus off of or cause trouble for either of them.”
“Or upset Elliot?”
I turn my playful nibbles into a hard bite along the top of his shoulder, nearly to the point of drawing blood, until he whines and his knees start to unhinge.
I ease up and lick the sting away. “Behave.” If I let him go off on Elliot it’ll be too tempting to join in on it, and I won’t have either of them running the other down. That’s not how this works. Damn sure not how it’ll thrive.
His fingers tighten around the back of my neck. “Sorry, Sir.” He turns in my arms so I can kiss him. I feel his sexual frustration building.
I also feel his hard cock pressing against mine through my jeans, but we don’t have time to play around right now.
“He’ll come around, baby. Elliot knows how well it works for Shae and her guys. He’ll see this’ll work, too. We have to give him time, that’s all. He’s stressed and overwhelmed right now. You’ll see. The fact that he gave you a matching tie, without me asking him to, tells me he’s trying.” I nuzzle his nose with mine. “Meanwhile, take comfort in the fact that you get me to yourself most of the time.”
At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
Hopefully, if I say it enough, it’ll come true. That Elliot will come around.
We need to get ready because a car is supposed to pick us up in less than an hour. We’ll spend the next four nights at Blair House with Shae, Elliot, and others. Jordan and I will share a room.
Because Elliot’s parents and sister will be staying there, too, I doubt Elliot will allow me to sneak into his room late at night.
Not for anything other than a quick kiss and cuddle.
What Elliot doesn’t know is that, on the night of the inauguration, after the balls have ended, I’m going to push the envelope. Over the years, I’ve allowed Elliot to coast in many ways, to avoid responsibility for us. Neither of us can indefinitely live like that and not start to resent or hate each other. Elliot either accepts Jordan’s now a part of my life, or he steps up and demands I let Jordan go so I can openly be with Elliot…
Or Elliot ends things with me once and fo
r all, meaning Jordan and I have a future together.
I’ve been patient for six fucking years when the average person probably wouldn’t have put up with this for six damn months.
Jordan’s on board with us being a triad, although—yes, I’m an evil asshole—I haven’t brought up the possibility to him that Elliot could order me to dump Jordan in exchange for being exclusive and publicly out with him.
It’s one of the options I’ve put on the table for Elliot. All he has to do is speak up and tell me. I’m reasonably certain that’s not the option he’ll choose. He would’ve said it by now if he was going to.
He damn sure wouldn’t have given Jordan a matching tie for Christmas.
I don’t want to lose Jordan. I’m not prepared to give him up for anything less than Elliot publicly coming out and marrying me.
Jordan’s young. Resilient. As brilliant and talented as he is, I know he’d be okay if that’s the way this goes.
Although, yes, I’m hoping Elliot says okay to us being a triad, and then it’s the best of both worlds. Except I have no reason to think Elliot will choose that option.
All signs point to maybe could be Elliot’s mantra in life when it comes to facing his emotional fears.
Meanwhile, I have a life to live. Elliot needs me but I’ve needed more than he’s willing to give me, and I’m done trying to pretend that I don’t. These past couple of months with Jordan have shown me that. I need the balance the two of them, together, bring to my life.
I won’t willingly abandon my pet. I’m also not willing to wait Elliot out with no assurances he won’t end up dumping me at some future point.
Let’s not forget Elliot’s the one who offered to let me be date others in the first place. It’s not like I forced him into this option.
I would even settle for Elliot and I being exclusive, without him publicly coming out, if he would simply let me move in with him. Maybe not on paper. I could still keep my apartment while living with him. That option would be almost as good as being publicly out with him.
Indiscretion (Inequitable Trilogy Book 1) Page 36
