by Tamara White
Sonja whimpers as I crouch down in front of her, fear in her eyes. I smirk, enjoying how weak she is. “You think you’re strong enough to get the pack to turn on me?” I laugh humorlessly. “You and the others have been supporting a homicidal king ruling them for the past twenty years without doing anything to stop him, even when he almost killed his own son. What do you think the packs will think, hearing you pushed the only true heir to the throne away because you wanted more power than you are worthy of? Even if you got rid of me Sonja, you would have to kill me before the pack stopped trying to get me and my mates back.”
I get back up, looking at Lance, Erick Sammy and Jax, “If you want me to do things differently, then discuss it with me, don’t demand it. I’m not a little puppet that will let you walk all over me to further your own agenda. Now, my mates and I are going to relax and enjoy the party before we leave tomorrow. Anyone have any objections?” I ask, a hint of power leaking from my voice.
None of them say anything so, I take it as my cue to leave. I’m not sticking around when there is a party to be enjoyed. My mates have walked through the door when a gruff voice calls my name. I turn back to see Erick has approached me, walking around Sonja’s body. He barely glances at her, “You’re right. I’m sorry that we attacked you like that. I guess sometimes we forget we have a new leader taking over the pack. Luke did a lot of shit among the packs so we are naturally afraid of any anger being used. We would hate for you to turn out like him.”
I watch him, contemplating before answering, “I get it, I really do but you all need to discuss with each other what is best for the packs, me leading them or me gone. If I’m not wanted, I won’t stay. I’ll leave you without a second care in the world. My dad was the only thing keeping me here and now he’s gone. My mates are trying to hold me together but there is only so much they can do before I snap. Think about it and tell me what you want before we leave tomorrow. I won’t continue the trials if you want me gone,” I tell him, turning on my heel and slamming the door shut behind me. I lean against it, taking in a deep breath as the tears threaten to overcome me.
For all my bravado, Dad’s death is tearing me apart inside. But I can’t show it. I need to be strong. I’m supposed to be queen, I can’t afford to be weak, even in front of my mates.
“Dani?” James’s voice startles me. I thought I was here alone, my mates having gone to join the party. I cough, clearing my throat and quickly wiping away the tear, before he sees it.
I plaster a smile on my face, “Hey James, what’s up?”
He stares at me a moment before pulling me in for a hug, “I know you feel you have to be strong but if somethings bothering you, you can tell me. I can be a good listener,” he offers as I breath in his scent.
It’s different to the guys. Theirs smell like a variety of things and when combined give me the overwhelming feeling of safety. James’s scent is so similar to my Dad’s that it makes me cling tighter.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, pulling me back to look down at me.
I shake my head, ashamed. “It’s just, I miss my dad. With everything that’s happened, it feels like more time has passed but it’s only been a few days. Everyone expects me to move on, go through the trials and be happy being queen. That’s it. It’s like now that the funeral is over, everyone has gone back to their perfect little lives. How can I do that? Pretend to go on like he never existed?”
He watches me confess everything that has gone through my mind, not an ounce of judgement in his eyes. Instead, I see only compassion.
Wrapping an arm around my shoulder, he leads me through the house, out the front door and into the celebration. “Stick with me. I have something I want to tell you,” he says as we walk among the pack members. They reach out, touching me, revered to be in my presence. It’s way too creepy having strangers touching me like this, but my wolf is basking in it. As if we are somehow bonding with the whole pack.
James and I pass my mates as they gather around Lily and a few of the newly appointed enforcers and Josh. He leaves me for a moment, going over and whispering something in Cam’s ear. He looks over at me and I offer a smile. After a second or two, he nods at James, giving him a slap on the back.
James makes his way back through the crowd as the wolves relax having the time of their lives. He leads me towards the edge of the forest, pulling two chairs with him. Once placed where he wants them, he gestures for me to take a seat and sits in the other, giving us a perfect vantage view of the party.
“I brought you back here because I want you to hear my story. I want you to understand you don’t have to forget your father.”
I’m a little shocked to say the least. Especially that Cam let him bring me back when I thought for sure once he knew I was upset, they’d all be swarming me, trying to make things better. I nod, allowing him to tell me his story. I’m actually very intrigued to know how he lived.
He stares off into the crowd before speaking, “Well, after my family died, I left the pack. I should have stayed behind but I couldn’t. I left my grandchildren to lead the pack and keep handing down the traditions that were cemented in our time.”
I watch as he gets lost in his words, mesmerized by the emotions playing on his face.
“I had already been a human all my life, so I knew how to live out in the world without the help of wolves. I moved from place to place for hundreds of years, just drifting when I was attacked by wolves. I thought for sure I was going to die before I could fulfil my last promise to my mate but that wasn’t meant to be. I awoke days later, unaware of where I was until an alpha came in and told me he was the leader of the rogue pack.
“John was a very kind man and took care of me until I was healed. I thought for sure he would kill me when I least expected it but not once did anyone from their pack offer me harm. One day, John approached me holding a tray of items, things I thought were useless, like candles, incense, a scarf, sticks from various trees, and a few other bits and pieces. He told me the pack could feel my pain and wanted to help me.”
He looks at me, “The rogue’s pack was different to our own. They showed great compassion for everyone around us. He gave me the tray of objects and told me to follow him. His whole pack met around a beautiful waterfall that flowed into a sparkling blue pool of water. It was absolutely magnificent. In all my years, I don’t think I had seen something so untainted in the human world.
“He went into a speech telling me that when we leave this life, we need to be cleansed of our pain and accept their loss. He took the candles, placing them around the pool, his Beta did the same with the incense. His wife, Vivienne, came forward tying the scarf around my eyes before leading me to the pool. Once I was waist deep, Vivienne left me, blindfolded in this pool with the pack surrounding me. John spoke again, telling me, until I have been cleansed, I won’t be able to leave.”
James takes a stuttered breath turning away from me, a shine of tears in his eyes, “I was in there for three weeks. I know now that the pool was made from your lines magical ability. I can’t tell you what I saw, only that the visions gave me peace. I’m telling you all this because I want you to go to the pool. Your mates will understand and I think you need it to heal your soul before something dark overtakes you. Maybe after we finish the visit to the packs, you might be willing?”
His story hits me on a level I thought I didn’t have. How can a pool cleanse my soul? It honestly sounds better than what’s happening to me now. I feel as if he already knows the path I’m going down or he wouldn’t have mentioned something dark overtaking me.
Since I got here, my wolf has been quicker to anger, and very easy to summon. At first, I assumed it was from not being able to shift but I know that’s not it. There’s something dark hanging over us, affecting us. This ‘Cleansing’ ritual that James is talking about has me very curious. Not only would I have expected the rogues to be cruel, I expected they would have killed him on sight, not helped him.
“I think, that once
this is over, I would definitely like to see this pool. Will we have to contact the rogue pack or something before we are allowed to visit?” I ask, voicing my concern. I don’t want to be in a huge fight to get to the cleansing pool if it won’t help.
“I’m still on good terms with the pack, so I’m sure they won’t mind. Actually, I wanted to mention something else. I know you are doing your trials through each of your mates’ packs, but something for you to consider, maybe we should visit the rogue packs?
“They’ve been isolated for centuries for things their ancestors did. Maybe it’s time we bring them back?”
I smile at his request, not because I think it’s funny but because I was already thinking about approaching them for the exact same reason. I had thought about making them their own official pack, I was just hesitant how my mates would take the news. “I like you James. You think the same as me,” my voice squeaking on the last word.
He grins shaking his head, “Stop talking, Dani. I keep forgetting your voice still hasn’t fully healed. I’m sorry for that. We’ll talk about this another time. Sit back and enjoy the party. I’ll protect you,” he sighs, leaning back in his seat.
Relaxing, I look around at everyone having fun. A few people have shifted and are enjoying themselves. I can see Nate over by the little kids, playing hide and seek with them. The rest of my mates are among the pack, talking to various members laughing at jokes and enjoying their company. I want to join them, I just don’t feel it.
Too much is happening. The Elders are pushing their own agendas, my mates all want me but I’m not sure yet if I’m ready to go that extra step yet and I have so many packs to meet. I just hope they’re as easy as this one.
Chapter 9
The party last night was pretty spectacular. I got to witness multiple shifts before we all went on a pack run through the forest. That’s the last thing I remember before strong arms scooped me up and took me to bed. The only reason I knew it was Pete, was his aroma. The fresh mint drawing me in as I nuzzled his neck. I vaguely remember hearing his groan but I can’t be sure. Maybe he just grunted from my weight?
I look in front of me to see Jason spread out beside me. I can still feel Pete behind me and someone at my feet. It looks like the others are all up already.
I reach out, grazing my hand across the stubble on Jason’s face, smiling at the coarse feeling. His lips curves at my touch, releasing a soft sigh, “I love when you touch me like that,” he murmurs. I go to pull my hand away but he reaches up, holding my hand to his cheek. “Don’t stop, It’s nice.”
Grinning, I keep my hand on his cheek, stroking across the high edge of his cheekbones with my thumb, enjoying the different feelings it ignites. Ever so slowly, I move my hand down, trailing across his jaw, down his neck, over his collarbone before ending up on his bare chest.
A light smattering of hair covers his chest, so pale compared to his dark hair that it takes me by surprise. How come I didn’t notice it before? Then again, Jason is the more reserved of the guys, not pushing his nudity on me like Pete who I can feel pressed against my ass. I guess after we shifted back last night, he decided no clothes was a better option than dressing either of us.
I pull my hand back. As much as my wolf screams in my head to keep going, I can’t. It feels wrong to take advantage of them. They’re men, in a bed with me, a woman, and if I touch them, it just gets too complicated and will lead to frustration.
The person at the foot of the bed moves, and seconds later, Nate is looking down at me. “Hello princess. How’d you sleep last night? You were pretty exhausted,” he says, concern in his eyes. I move away from Jason to pull Nate down for a hug. His arms give out making him land on me in a whoosh of air. I tap his back in exasperated panic, “Can’t breathe, lungs squished,” I fake gasp as he rises above me.
As soon as he sees my grin, he relaxes, “Jeez Dani. Don’t do that! I thought I hurt you,” he says, a frown on his face.
Seeing this has me feeling guilty. “Sorry Nate, I didn’t mean to make you upset, I was just playing,” I tell him, offering a soft kiss on his cheek. When he pulls back, a massive grin is on his face before he turns and grins down at Pete, “I win, pay up,” he laughs.
Wait, What?
Pete grumbles and leans over the bed for something. I look at Jason to see if he knows what’s going on only to see he is just as confused as I am. Nate, meanwhile, is still grinning.
“Guys? What did you bet on?” I ask, not letting my irritation seep into my voice. I want them to get the full effect after I find out if they did what I think they did or not.
Jason watches with a smirk as Pete grumbles, “he bet he could make you feel guilty by you doing something to him. I promised him a night with you without the rest of us if he could, plus all the money in my wallet, which is just over two hundred dollars,” he sighs, irritated.
My face goes blank, anger taking root in my heart. “Oh, so you two thought it would be fun to make me feel guilty with everything that is going on? My dad being dead, trials to complete, almost being kidnapped and you think now is the right time for this kind of shit?!” My voice is rising as my frustration does, “Are you both really so petty? How do you think that makes me feel?”
They finally seem to realize something is wrong with what they did. It’s a little too late though because my anger is taking control. I bolt from the bed, not caring that I’m still naked, I point to the door to the room. “I’d like the two of you to leave, please.”
I watch as Nate scrambles up, looking confused and Pete dives from the bed, pulling on a pair of boxers trying to approach me, “Dani, I…”
I shake my head, not ready to hear their apologies, “Just go. Find me later when I’m in a better mood.”
Nate looks crestfallen but I just don’t have the energy to deal with them. Jason has propped himself up in the bed, watching me with a contemplative look in his eyes. I walk around the room, gathering up clothes and putting them on, waiting for him to speak. He is too compassionate not to.
Once I’m fully dressed, he finally speaks up, “Are you ok?” he asks me softly, climbing out the bed and approaching me slowly as if one wrong move will set me off. Which honestly is how I’ve been feeling. As if every little thing is going to set me off.
I allow him to pull me into his arms, almost melting into a puddle at the feel of his wolf, offering me comfort. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I mutter against his chest. Looking up at him, I see the sympathy in his eyes, as he strokes my back soothingly.
The concern in his eyes, has me spilling everything. “I’m tired, Jason. It hasn’t even been a month of being amongst you all and I understand completely why Dad kept me away. If I grew up in a pack, I would be just as ruthless as Luke, and that scares me. Even now, I noticed I’m getting angry and frustrated by every little thing. If it’s not the Elders, it’s you guys.”
He raises his eyebrows ready to tell me I can be with whoever I want to but I stop him before he starts.
“No, I don’t mean being with you all but how will it work. I know sharing females is a concept accepted among the packs and I want all of you but I fear the jealousy is going to be too much. Already, things have got a little out of hand with a few of you and I still don’t understand what happens with mates or the mating ritual. Do we just have sex? Is it a marriage? Is it meaningless? All of these questions are constantly swimming around in my mind leaving me so confused, frustrated and angry. Not to mention, I’ve overheard many pack members whispering that I’m overly emotional. Are they expecting me to be an emotionless robot? Not to mention my own body is out of whack since being here. My cycle is two weeks late and I have no goddamn idea why!”
I clasp a hand over my mouth, shocked I just said that last part. Way too much information. Jason however, doesn’t even let that bother him. “Dani, I’ve been an idiot. No, we’ve all been idiots. You’ve just shifted honey, so it’s like puberty all over again. You’ll be hormonal for the next couple
of months until your first heat triggers. Once that happens, everything, including your cycle, will settle down. I’m sorry none of us bothered to explain this to you sooner, we just naturally assumed you would know,” he sighs, placing a kiss against my temple.
I sigh too, relieved to know there isn’t anything wrong with me. I started freaking out, thinking I was losing myself. It’s nice to know there’s a reasonable explanation for all my emotions. “Thank you for telling me. Honestly, it’s nice to know there is an answer for all of the anger I’m feeling. Speaking of anger,” I continue, “I’m going to go find Pete and Nate to apologize.”
He grins down at me, “I knew you would. You never stay angry for long. It lasts maybe a minute before you go back to being all forgiving. It’s why I like you so much. Other women would hold onto their anger, never letting it go and constantly making us live through every little thing we did wrong. It’s refreshing being with someone who has our best interests at heart, all whilst still taking care of herself.”
I look up at him, as he bends down offering me a chaste kiss. Well, it starts out chaste. Kissing Jason is always like opening Pandora’s box, it unleashes a wave of need though instead of destruction. We end up pressed against the bedroom door, my legs wrapped around his waist as he kisses me with abandon, tasting me, driving me to that very edge. Of course, that’s when he pulls back panting. “Dani, I’m sorry, we need to stop. Shit!” he throws himself away from me, placing as much distance between us as he can.
I stand here, panting with need, my wolf pacing in my mind. “Dani? I’m sorry I have to leave. My wolf is going wild. I think your wolf is going into heat,” he pants, edging around the wall to the window. “I need you to stay here until your wolf is calm. I’ll send Lily up, she’ll be able to explain things better than I can,” he groans, steps forward and visibly fights with himself to go back to the window. He rips it open and throws himself out in the blink of an eye. Running over to the window, I’m glad to see he landed safely. All the guys are gathering around him, obviously asking what’s wrong. I see him gesturing wildly between Nate and Pete before gesturing back up to me. He sees me watching and grins at me, his wolf still peeking out of his eyes, the amber making it obvious. As I watch, the rest of the guys look up and as if it’s choreographed, one by one they take in a deep breath. Oh shit. I slam the window shut as their eyes turn amber but I still hear them when they shift and run off into the woods howling.
