Luca was sitting on the ground at the stadium when Hazel got there on Thursday evening, waiting for her. “Hey, Coach.”
“Hey,” she said. “Are you ready to go?”
“As ever.” He stood up. “What time are we on?”
“Twelve minutes and eleven seconds.”
He shook his head slightly. “Christ, that sounds like such a small number, doesn’t it? Just eleven seconds left to go. But each time it’s harder, you know?”
“I know. But it’s still totally doable, Luca.”
He nodded slowly. “No, I know that. I do. I’m just half-expecting to get down to twelve minutes and one second and then really break my leg or something and not be able to run for six months.”
She nudged him with her elbow. “Hey. Don’t even think about it. Let’s just get started, okay? Concentrate on getting rid of a few more seconds tonight, and we’ll keep going from there.”
Luca aligned himself behind the start line as he always did, and when he was crouched down into a comfortable stance, he fixed his gaze straight ahead, waiting for the command.
“Three. Two. One. Go.”
Luca lifted his front foot off the ground on her command and launched himself forward down the track. It took him a moment to get properly into his stride, but then he found the perfect pace and the rest followed naturally. Hazel shouted out his time every time he passed her until he was on the final stretch of his last lap.
When he finally reached her, she was standing up, a funny look on her face. Luca collapsed on the ground by her feet, exhausted. He lay on his back, staring up at the dark sky, his chest heaving as he caught his breath.
“Hey, Luca,” she said eventually.
He squinted up at her. “Yeah?”
“You did it.”
It took a moment for her words to sink in, but then Luca jolted upright. “What? I did it? Are you serious?”
“Yep. Eleven minutes, fifty-seven seconds.”
“Christ.” Luca was smiling so hard that his face ached. “Hazel, I—I can’t even tell you how grateful I am. This meant so much. This is such a milestone and you just … well. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Hey,” she said, sitting beside him. “I can’t take the credit. This was all you.”
He sighed happily and lay back down on the ground. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was, but something felt different—like something had shifted, or a weight had been lifted.
“We should go out for a meal,” he murmured after a while. “To celebrate. I owe you a dinner at the very least, to say thank you for all this.”
Something unreadable flashed across Hazel’s face. “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to do that.”
Luca knew he didn’t have to—knew Hazel would never expect anything from him—but that wasn’t the point. The point was that he wanted to. He wanted to let her know how much the past few months had meant to him, and how much he appreciated her help and support. How much her friendship had changed him. “But Hazel, I—”
“Really.” Hazel cut him off, her voice clipped. “You don’t owe me anything. You reached your goal, so we’re done here. That’s all there is to it.”
He looked up at her in surprise. “Sorry, what just happened? Did I do something wrong?”
She ignored him. “I need to be getting home.”
“Well, can I walk you?” he asked, confused and a little hurt.
“I don’t think so.”
“Hazel, wait!” he called after her, but she just turned and hurried away.
* * *
Red knew something was wrong when Luca got back from training with Hazel. Lately, Luca had swapped hiding out in his room for joining the rest of his family in the living room to watch some television, but tonight he slammed the front door behind him and went straight up to the garage roof.
Marc and Claire shared a look and then both turned to Red, who nodded.
“I’ve got it,” he said, and left the room, stopping by the kitchen to grab a couple of beers from the fridge. Luca hardly seemed to notice as Red joined him.
“Brought you a beer,” he said.
“Thanks.”
He waited for Luca to open the can and take a sip. “So what’s up? Haven’t seen you out here in a while.”
“Not a lot.”
“Luc.”
“It’s nothing.” He sighed. “I just … I think I screwed it up with a girl I might like today.”
Red cocked an eyebrow—because of all the things in the world he’d have guessed his brother was upset about, that seemed the most manageable. What a relief. “Yeah? What happened?”
“I asked her if she wanted to grab something to eat and she sort of freaked out.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think.”
“Yeah? She literally ran away from me.”
“Oh.”
Luca shook his head. “It’s fine. I wasn’t really expecting anything else. I knew she’d never look at me that way.”
“Why did you ask then?”
“Because I’m a complete masochist?”
“Maybe she just really had to be somewhere.”
Luca let out a snort and took a swig of his beer. “Yeah. Maybe.”
Red studied the side of his brother’s face for a moment and then looked across the garden to the beach. Sitting up here, he had the most perfect view of the sea—he’d have to come back up one day with his camera and take some pictures.
“You know what?” Luca said eventually. “I think I’m kinda glad she freaked.”
“You are?”
“We’re probably better as friends.”
“Cliché.”
“True. I mean, we’re good as friends. Really good. She’s good for me. I don’t want to screw that up.”
“Going out for a meal with the girl isn’t going to screw anything up, Luc. It’s just dinner.”
“Falling for her would, though, huh?”
“Well. Yeah. That’d probably do it.”
“She’s just … She’s awesome, you know? She’s just the best. She’s so funny, and she’s smart.”
“Cute?”
“Beautiful.”
“Accent?”
“I could literally listen to her talk for hours.”
“There’s definitely something cool about the British, huh?”
Luca froze. “Wait, what?”
Red just shook his head, amused. “I’m not an idiot, Luc.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“But I know who you’re talking about. Come on. Give me some credit.”
“How … How did you know?”
“Well,” Red said slowly. “When you think no one’s looking, you kind of stare at her.”
“Okay, now you’re making me sound like a creep.”
“It’s true!” He laughed. “But not in a weird way. Just—you look at her like she hung the moon, all right? Like she’s the only thing in the world you see because she completely eclipses everything else, and nothing and no one will ever come close.”
“Shit,” Luca said.
Red just grinned at him again. “Yeah.”
“I feel like a tool.”
“You shouldn’t. She’s kinda special.”
“And you don’t think she knows?”
“Positive.”
Luca was quiet for a moment. “Do you think it could work, me and her?”
“I think it’s worth a try, don’t you?”
He stared down at the can in his hands for a long moment and then took a swig. “Yeah,” he said finally. “I think it’s worth a try.”
“You okay?”
Luca nodded. “I think so.”
And Red believed him. For the first time in ages, Luca was okay, or he was well on his way to getting there. They’d moved to Port Sheridan to help him survive, and he’d done just that. Survived.
“Look, just don’t overthink it, all right?” Red said. He climbed to his
feet, patting Luca on the shoulder as he headed to the window. He paused halfway through the frame, turned back to face his twin. “And you’re wrong, you know. About her. She does care about you.”
“How do you know?”
“You remember all that stuff I said about you looking at her like she hung the moon?”
“What about it?”
“Well,” Red said, “when she thinks no one’s looking, she looks at you the exact same way.”
39
Hazel decided on the bus to school the next day that she was going to save herself the humiliation and avoid Luca, and by the time she arrived in homeroom she’d already evaded him a few times, pretending she didn’t see him when she passed him at the school gate and steering clear of her locker so he couldn’t find her.
Luca turned up a few minutes later and tried to catch Hazel’s eye, but she ducked her head. When she looked up again, he’d taken a seat on the other side of the room.
“What was that about?” said Hunter, looking back and forth between them in confusion. “Are you two fighting, or what? Lovers’ tiff?”
Maddie elbowed him in the side, but she looked concerned too. “Did something happen? He looks pretty upset.”
Hazel shook her head, watching Luca out of the corner of her eye. He was avoiding eye contact, conveniently fascinated by his phone. She felt another hot stab of humiliation in the pit of her stomach, recalling his words from the night before. The way he’d said I owe you and to say thank you, like all the time they’d spent training together had been part of some business transaction. Just a favor, an obligation.
Because that wasn’t what it had been for her. Not at all.
“No,” she lied. “Nothing happened.”
“Sure?”
No, she thought, but thankfully they both let it go.
Hazel spent the rest of the morning rushing between classes to avoid bumping into Luca in the hallway, and at lunch he was oddly silent, staying out of the conversations. It reminded her of how things had been back when she first arrived, and she hated it. She was angry at herself too, angry at how disappointed she’d felt and how much she’d let it affect her. It wasn’t Luca’s fault that at some point in the last few months she’d started having feelings for him.
She made it through the day, but it was a relief when the last bell rang, and she got on the bus home with Hunter and Maddie where she could finally relax.
She was walking through the door when Red rang. “Hey! Want to come over for dinner? Mum’s making burgers to celebrate the end of term.”
Hazel hesitated, glanced at the fridge, at the timetable Graham had drawn up for her of his shifts. He was on a late. “Is Luca in?”
Red was quiet for a moment. “Haven’t seen him,” he said eventually. “Why?”
“No reason.”
“You’re coming then?”
She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “On my way.”
* * *
Sure enough, Luca was nowhere to be seen when she arrived at the Cawleys’ house. She and Red helped Claire and Marc in the kitchen, preparing the salad and making the burgers from scratch. She let herself relax and enjoy the cooking and the company, and she’d just about stopped worrying about Luca when she excused herself to use the bathroom and saw him coming down the stairs.
“Hazel,” he said. “Can we talk?”
“Actually, Red needs me to—”
“No, he doesn’t.”
He moved toward her, and she took a step backward. He was so close she could count his eyelashes. “Red really is waiting for me. I need to—”
“Look, I just want to apologize about last night. That’s all.”
Hazel did a double take. “You do? For what?”
“Well, I—I’m not sure,” he said, running a hand nervously through his hair. “Crossing the line, I guess? I shouldn’t have asked you out for dinner.”
She felt her stomach drop in disappointment. “You shouldn’t?”
“It wasn’t right,” he said. “I don’t want you to think I was trying to take advantage of you because of the running thing, because I really wasn’t. I wouldn’t. I know it made you uncomfortable, but please don’t be mad at me.”
“Mad?” she echoed. “Luca, what are you talking about?”
“You’ve avoided me all day!”
“You avoided me too!”
“Well, you avoided me first!”
“Yeah, but not because I was angry at you!” she said. “I thought—I didn’t think you’d want to spend time with me anymore now we’re done with the running. It’s not like you have a reason to.”
“A reason? Does being your friend not count?”
“Is that what we are?” she said. “Friends?”
Luca seemed to flinch. “What else would we be?”
“I used to think you hated me.”
“Hate’s a strong word,” he said.
Hazel smiled despite herself, but it faded quickly. “I just … I didn’t want this to end.”
“Why does it have to end?”
“Everything ends, Luca.”
“God,” he said, digging her lightly in the ribs. “Way to lighten the mood, Coach.”
“Hey, I told you to stop calling me that!”
“Make me.”
“Is that a challenge? Did no one ever tell you we English never back down? We’re all extremely stubborn.”
“You’re all crazy,” he said.
“Maybe, but you totally dig it.”
“Well, there’s no accounting for taste.”
“See?” Hazel said. “I’d miss this! I’d miss you rudely insulting my heritage.”
“I’m endearing,” he said.
“Hardly.”
“You think it’s cute.”
“I think you’re worse than your brother!” she said, laughing, and Luca laughed too, and then they were both laughing in the hallway, laughing until Hazel felt dizzy with it. Until, suddenly, they weren’t laughing anymore. They were just standing there, staring at each other.
“Loser,” she murmured, and he leaned forward and kissed her. His lips were pressed softly against her own, his hands cupping her face. The kiss was painstakingly slow and sweet, and then suddenly he was pulling away.
“Had to shut you up somehow,” he mumbled. “Right?”
“Right,” she echoed dumbly. She leaned back against the wall, heart pounding.
“That was stupid,” he said.
“Yeah.”
“Really, really stupid,” he added, his brown eyes finding hers again.
This time it was Hazel who leaned in, but Luca responded immediately. When they pulled apart for the second time, they were both breathless.
“Luca—” she started to say, because what the hell just happened and how are we going to make this work, but he cut her off by pressing his lips briefly against hers again.
“Don’t,” he whispered. “Let me have this.”
She nodded and stepped closer to him, her hand on his chest. He smiled down at her, warm and relaxed and happy, and it was such a beautiful sight that she couldn’t help but rock up on her tiptoes to kiss him once more.
* * *
That night on the beach, Red kept glancing over at her, looking like he’d just won the lottery.
“Would you quit that?” Hazel said eventually. “You’re creeping me out.”
“I’m just happy for you!”
“Don’t make me regret telling you.”
“What, you think he’d have managed to keep it a secret? He’s spent the entire last month mooning over you. I bet he’s lying in bed writing you poetry as we speak.”
“Shut up,” she said. “Did you know?”
“What, that he liked you?”
“That I liked him.”
“Yeah,” he said. “It was obvious how much you care about him.”
“So? I care about you too.”
“Yeah, but not in the same way. So do I have to give you the talk?”
“What, the sex talk?” Hazel said, horrified. “No, thanks, I’m good. I had it in school.”
“You—what? Gross!” he said. “Oh my God, gross gross gross! That’s my brother! Hazel!”
She giggled. “What talk did you mean?”
“The if you hurt him I’ll make your life hell talk!”
“Oh!”
“Yeah.”
“I’d never,” she promised, ignoring the way the words tasted bitter in her mouth even as she spoke them. “Anything else?”
“You just … You make him so happy,” Red said. “So thank you.”
“Anytime,” Hazel said.
40
The next morning, Hazel woke to a text from Luca asking—rather tentatively—if she wanted to go back to Bluehill with him that evening.
Like on a date? she texted back.
Like on a date, yes, he replied, followed immediately by, If you want??
Hazel smiled stupidly, giddy. She’d never been on a date before, but she wasn’t nervous. What did she have to be nervous about? This was Luca. The boy with the gentle hands and the careful heart.
I want, she answered, and buried her face excitedly in her pillow.
* * *
Luca picked her up from outside Graham’s house at just after six o’clock, and they rode their bikes side by side. Conversation between them was blissfully easy, which Hazel was glad about—the last thing she wanted was for what had happened yesterday to change anything about their relationship. Other than the obvious, of course. The new kissing aspect was completely fine by her.
Their date was simple, and casual, and perfect. Luca had packed a picnic for them to eat while they watched the sunset, and by the time they’d finished eating, the sky above them was dark. Luca packed up their empty things, and the two of them stretched out leisurely on the blanket. They talked about anything and everything—like Ryan, Red, Luca’s running, and their plans for after graduation next year.
After a while, Hazel shifted so that she could rest her head on Luca’s chest, reaching for his hand and tangling their fingers together. He ducked his head to look down at her, and he was quiet for a moment, fingertips tracing gentle patterns onto the back of her hand. He was so close, close enough that she could just about make out the curve of his Cupid’s-bow and the scattering of faint freckles across the bridge of his nose.
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