by K. C. Lynn
“Can’t help but feel like it’s my fault. If I hadn’t asked him to switch shifts with me…” His words trail off, leaving a grim silence with them.
Rubin was supposed to be with us that night, but in a sick twist of fate he asked Declan to cover his shift because of a family gathering. I can understand why he’d feel blame, hell, I feel a lot of it but no one knew what could have come from that one decision.
“Don’t do this to yourself. You heard what Cap said. This isn’t on you.”
He remains silent, refusing to hear the words.
“This is the job, man. Honor Declan for it. Remember him that way.”
He nods but I know, like me, it’s going to take time.
“Should I request to bring the chaplain in for you?”
He shakes his head. “Nah. I’m good.” Picking up his bag, he stands and closes Declan’s locker. “Thanks for the talk, Lieutenant. I’ll see you next shift.” Without another word, he walks out.
I gaze back at the locker before me, and despite the pep talk I just gave Rubin, the guilt inflating my chest threatens to swallow me whole.
It’s then I make my own exit. Before going home though, I drive to see the woman I walked out on the other night, the same one whose pretty sad blue eyes torment me on the darkest nights.
CHAPTER FIVE
Zoey
The morning sun shines with promise as I walk out of my apartment building with my travel mug in one hand and purse hanging from the other. Despite my lack of sleep, the warmth on my skin gives me a sense of hope for the coming day.
I’m anxious to see Chrissy and pray the new meds the doctor put her on are still working. Her tremors are worse, a common side effect, but she is more alert and her muscle movement has slightly improved. Yesterday, she even cracked a smile. I will take the small feat.
Just as I round the corner toward my car, my feet falter at the truck I find parked on the side of the street. I would know that truck anywhere.
My heart stutters when Austin climbs out, holding a bouquet of daffodils and looking as devastatingly handsome as always. His expression is solemn, eyes shielded by aviators as he starts toward me.
“Hey.” His deep voice slides over every inch of my skin, warming me from the inside out.
“Hey,” I reply softly. “You’re out and about early.”
“Just finished my shift.”
I nod, hope and fear colliding in my chest as I wonder what brought him here.
Without another word, he passes me the bouquet.
“What are these for?” The question leaves me as I lift them to my nose, the soft aroma bringing a smile to my face.
“An apology.” Remorse enters his voice. “I’m sorry for walking out on you the other night. I was drunk and pissed off.”
My gaze drops, pain infiltrating my chest. I don’t blame him for being angry with me. Everything he said the other night is true. I shut him out, even as a friend.
“I miss you,” I confess, feeling vulnerable as the words leave my mouth. “I miss seeing you around the bar.”
He reaches out, touching the side of my face. “Me too, Zoey girl.”
I lean into his touch, craving the simple contact from him.
“How about breakfast?” he asks, before quickly adding, “as friends.”
Regret crashes down on me but I mask it with an apologetic smile. “I’m actually just on my way over to the hospital to see my sister. I want to get some time in with her before work.”
“I understand. Another time then.” Leaning down, he drops the softest kiss at the corner of my eye, the whisper of a touch reaching far more than skin deep.
Just as he steps back, I grab his arm. “Would you like to come?” The offer is out of my mouth before I can even think about it but as I ask the question, it feels right.
Surprise flares in his eyes. “Really?”
I nod. “I’d like you to meet her.”
None of my friends have met my sister, except Sam. Usually because she isn’t in any condition for visitors, but on this new medication, I feel confident she can handle it. I’m ready to share this part of my life with him.
His silence has me feeling unsure.
“I know you’re just getting off shift. So if you’re too tired we can do it another time or—”
“I’d love to meet her, Zoey.” He slings an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side and gracing me with that sexy smirk of his. “Come on. I’ll drive then take you to the bar after.”
“Okay.” I walk tucked into his side, his body heat enveloping me.
The short fifteen-minute trip is filled with small talk as we catch up on all the things we’ve missed with each other. It’s easy, comfortable even. Like we never missed a beat. It gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, we can get back the friendship we had.
The easy moment changes when we enter the hospital, nerves dancing in my belly. It makes me feel vulnerable to show him this part of my life but I’m hoping once he sees her, meets her, he will understand why I can’t commit to having anything more. No matter how much I wish otherwise.
Dina greets us as we walk off the elevator. “Well, you’re here bright and early.”
“I’m going into work earlier today. How is she doing?”
“Wonderful,” she tells me, her smile bringing truth to the words. “She had a great night and so far a very good morning. She was even able to hold her breakfast spoon.”
The information sends joy exploding through my heart. “That’s amazing. She hasn’t been able to do that in so long.”
“I know. This medication so far is doing wonders. I think we finally found something that works for her.”
I let go of a relieved sigh, feeling like the world has been lifted off my shoulders. She still has a long ways to go but this is a start. A very good start.
Dina’s eyes move to Austin and there is no denying the appreciation in them. Can’t say I blame her, he’s easy to look at.
“This is my friend Austin,” I say, introducing him. “I brought him along to meet Chrissy.”
“Nice to meet you, Austin,” she returns, extending her hand. “I’m Dina, the head nurse in charge.”
“Nice to meet you, as well.”
Her eyes narrow for a fraction of a second. “I recognize you. Have you been here before?”
“I’ve been in the emergency quite a few times with the fire department.”
“That’s right,” she says, realization dawning on her. “You’re with Fire Station Two. Captain Gyepesi’s crew.”
“That’s correct.”
“Austin’s station is also the one who did the charity event to raise money for the center,” I tell her.
A grateful smile takes over her face. “Well, thank you for that. We are always in need of donations and it makes a difference for our patients.”
“Anything for Zoey,” he says, looking down at me in a way that has butterflies dancing in my belly. I cling to the feeling, getting lost in his warm brown eyes, as if the irises hold all the answers I’ve been looking for.
Dina clears her throat, yanking me back to reality.
I give my head a mental shake for the silly thought. “Do you think she’s well enough for us to take her for a walk outside?”
“I think she would love that. Just let me clear it with Dr. Carver first. Go on and I’ll let you know when I speak with him.”
“Thanks.”
I lead Austin down the hall, anticipation fueling each step. I’m even more anxious to see her now, to see these results with my own eyes. Opening the door to her room, I find her sitting up in her wheelchair, facing the window. This sight alone is improvement.
“Hey, Chrissy Bee.” I walk around to the front of her chair, knowing she isn’t strong enough to turn her head, and see she’s holding her favorite stuffed animal.
“D-Doey.” Despite the tremors, there’s that same light in her eyes that’s always there.
“Nurse Dina tells me you
’ve had a good morning.”
“Ve-ry go-ood.” Her eyes move to Austin as he comes to stand next to me, curiosity adopting her face.
“Chrissy, I want you to meet a good friend of mine, Austin. Austin, this is my sister, Chrissy.”
He crouches down before her, taking her small hand racked with tremors into his large one. “Nice to meet you, Chrissy. I see you’re just as beautiful as your sister.”
A light blush stains her cheeks, the slightest hint of a smile playing at the edge of her lips. Her eyes come back to mine. “B-B-Boyfrie-end?” The question ends on a giggle and it triggers my own.
“No. Not boyfriend. Just friend.”
I’ve never felt more like a liar than I do now, because what I feel for this man is so much more than friendship. If only circumstances were different…
“Too bad for me, isn’t it?” Austin jokes, making her giggle again. “Who’s this?” he asks, reaching out to touch the stuffed yellow Labrador she holds.
“G-us,” she answers.
“Cool name for a cool dog.”
“Chrissy and I have always wanted a dog like this one,” I confess. “When she comes to live with me, we’re going to make that happen, aren’t we Chrissy?”
She doesn’t respond with her usual excitement. Her attention is anchored on Austin, studying him in a way I’ve never seen her do before. It’s then I notice her eyes on the crest of his jacket.
“He’s a firefighter,” I tell her.
“He-ero.”
Austin quickly shakes his head but I don’t let him deny it, my hand moving to his shoulder.
“Yes. He is.”
His eyes meet mine over his shoulder, that ever-present pull passing between us. He has no idea just how many times he has saved me from darkness, from my own personal guilt and despair.
Our moment is broken when Dina walks into the room with the okay from the doctor. “A new playground was built out in the left sector,” she says. “There’s a swing she can be strapped into if you want to take her there. It should be fairly quiet right now. If you need help lifting her, I can send an orderly.”
“No,” Austin declines. “We got her.”
We. How less alone one word can make someone feel.
Dina nods, her attention coming back to me. “Just make sure you’re back by lunch. Dr. Carver will be doing his rounds after that.”
“Thanks, Dina.”
After she leaves, I grab Chrissy a sweater from her closet, putting her arms through it. Despite the warm weather, there’s a slight breeze and she doesn’t have good circulation.
Austin grabs the door as I wheel my sister out of the room and into the elevator. The moment we step outside into the sunshine, a noise leaves Chrissy’s throat, an almost sigh drifting among the breeze.
I look around the chair and into her face. “Good?”
“N-n-ice.”
It’s something that most people take for granted. Even I have come to learn that getting to feel the sun on your skin or breathing in the outdoor air is a privilege, among many other things Chrissy misses out on daily.
We come up to the playground Dina told us about and find it empty. A large seat with black straps hangs in the middle between two others. I push Chrissy’s chair close enough and begin unstrapping her before Austin steps in.
“I got her.” He bends down, lifting her out of the chair and into his arms.
My heart stops, a moment in time coming to a standstill. Seeing my sister’s broken body in his strong arms is one of the most breathtaking sights I’ve ever seen.
By the color that invades her cheeks, I’d say she likes it, too. “S-S-trong,” she says.
“No way. You’re a lightweight.”
He straps her in and I’m about to walk behind her but Austin does first, gently pushing her. A choppy giggle leaves her, drifting through the air and filling my heart.
I take a seat, watching as Chrissy’s eyes close. The breeze hits her face, a hint of a smile touching her lips. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her happy. It has me reaching for my phone and snapping a picture, wanting to capture this moment forever, to remember this look on her face when the hard days emerge. Where there is no pain, no frustration or sadness, only…peace.
“Come here, Zoey.” Austin’s deep voice drags my attention away from my sister. He nods at the swing next to her. “I’ll push you, too.”
Smiling, I walk over and take a seat, lifting my feet as Austin gives me gentle pushes the same way he does my sister. I reach for Chrissy’s hand, taking it in mine and embracing a moment I’ve never been able to have with her. A moment that sisters should always share at some point in their lives, but we were robbed of it because of the hand we were dealt.
I look over my shoulder, my breath halting when I find Austin watching me. He looks at me in a way no one else has before, like I’m the center of his universe when usually I feel like I’m nothing more than a lost soul in a sea of bodies.
The rest of the morning consists of beautiful memories that I will hold in my heart forever and it’s two hours later when we take Chrissy back to her room. We stay with her while she eats her lunch then tuck her in for a nap, all the fresh air wearing her out.
I drop down, giving her my usual kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back late tonight.”
She nods before shifting her eyes to Austin behind me. “Y-ou co-me baack?”
“Definitely.” He takes her hand in his, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. “It was nice to meet you, Chrissy. Thanks for letting me hang out with you and your sister today.”
We leave her with a smile on her face, one I will carry with me for the rest of the day.
On the drive over to the bar, I reflect on the last few hours and how amazing Austin was with my sister—how gentle and sweet he was with her. Not that I’m surprised, I always knew he would be accepting of her. I just never expected for it to feel so right.
It isn’t long before he pulls up to the bar, parking along the street, and I’m sad our time has come to an end.
I finally look over at him, resting my head back against the seat. “Do you understand now? Do you see how much she needs me and why I need to be there for her?”
“I always understood it, Zoey. I never faulted you for it. I just want to walk it with you. Whether it’s as a friend or more.”
I wish he understood just how much I want that too, but I also don’t want him to shoulder any responsibility, and I know he would. That’s just the kind of man he is—good, kind, and compassionate.
I don’t like to think of my sister as a responsibility because she isn’t, but her disability is and it can be draining.
“I had fun today,” he continues.
“I did too but it’s not always like that,” I whisper. “Today was a good day, but most aren’t like this. Most are hard and painful, especially for Chrissy.”
“You think I’m going to just bail when things get tough?”
Everyone else has… I manage to bite my tongue and refrain from saying that out loud.
He lets go of a frustrated breath. “Tell me to mind my own business but where are your parents in all this?”
A rush of emotions explode to the surface, the most prominent one being anger. “My father abandoned us when I was fifteen, Chrissy was only a newborn. I have no idea where he is, and my mother,”—my teeth grind as I think about her—“she’s never given a damn. The only thing she cares about is drowning herself in the next bottle and boyfriend.”
The hatred that always bubbles up when I think of the woman who birthed me threatens to spill over. How a mother can just check out on her kids, especially when it comes to Chrissy, is beyond me, but I gave up trying to figure her out a long time ago.
“It’s always been just Chrissy and I for the most part.”
“I’m sorry,” he says.
“Don’t be. We have each other and that’s all that matters.”
He reaches for my hand, taking it in his large one. “Y
ou have me, too,” he says, making my heart swell in my chest. “I’m not going anywhere, Zoey. I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”
I shake my head, feeling so undeserving of this man. “Why do you waste so much time on me?”
“You say it’s a waste, I say it’s time well spent.” His words are like a soothing balm, blanketing my soul. “Even if you are stubborn as hell.”
A smile eases on my lips as I enjoy this lighter moment with him. “It’s a gift,” I tease.
He grunts but lifts my hand to his mouth, kissing the inside of my wrist. “Thank you for letting me meet her.”
Taking off my seatbelt, I reach over the console and press a kiss to his jaw, letting my lips linger as I fight the urge to give him so much more. “Go get some sleep, Hawke, before you wear down all the reasons why this isn’t a good idea.”
“In that case, I’ll be back later.”
A giggle escapes me as I jump out of his truck. “Bye.”
“Later, Zoey girl.”
Closing the door, I walk inside the bar, wishing more than anything I was walking toward the man who owns my heart rather than away from him.
CHAPTER SIX
Austin
Adrenaline pumps through my blood, our sirens piercing the air as the fire truck speeds through the night. We blow through red lights, forcing vehicles to slam on their brakes, making the entire world around us come to a stop.
In this moment, nothing else matters but this call and the lives we will potentially save.
Orange flames roar in the distance, lighting up the dark sky as we approach the blazing apartment building.
“Jesus, she’s fucking raging,” Cam murmurs, ducking to get a better look out the window.
Tenants from the building stand across the street, watching the scene unfold as we pull up. Truck seventeen parks behind us while Cap comes to a screeching stop directly beside us, assessing the inferno.
The second we jump out to join him, a man comes running over in a frantic state. “I’m the manager,” he tells us, his words rushed and panicked. “It came out of nowhere. I have no idea what could have started it.”
