by K. C. Lynn
I barely shut off my truck before I’m running into the hospital and heading up to the third floor. My rain-soaked hair drips into my face, chest heaving heavy and hard as I try to calm my raging heartbeat.
Dina is there as I step off the elevator, her eyes red and swollen. “Thank God,” she cries, hurrying over to me. “I would have called you sooner but I didn’t have your number.”
“Where is she?” I ask, scanning the halls for her.
“Who?”
“Zoey?”
She falters, concern pinching her expression. “She’s not with you?”
“No. Her car is outside.”
“Well she’s not here. She never came back.”
Dread settles over me once again, sending me back to the elevator. “Goddamn it.”
“Austin, wait.” Dina catches up to me just as I hit the button. “When you find her please tell her…” She trails off, voice cracking. “Tell her I’m sorry. We tried. We really did.”
“What the hell happened, Dina?” My throat burns like a motherfucker as I ask the one question I can’t fathom. “How can she be gone? I just saw her this morning and she was fine. She looked…perfect.”
Guilt darkens her eyes. “She had a bad reaction to the medication. She went into cardiac arrest and we couldn’t revive her.” A sob falls from her before she claps a hand over her mouth to stifle it. “She was just too tired, Austin. She couldn’t fight anymore.”
The grief fisting my chest passes back and forth like a ball of fire but I shove it aside, focusing only on Zoey right now. It’s all I can take at the moment, the other reality hurts too fucking much.
“What was Zoey wearing?” I ask.
“A thin pink sweater and white jeans.”
“Thanks.” Once the elevator pings, I climb back on.
“Please let me know when you find her.”
I give her a nod just as the door closes. Heavy rain assaults me once again when I walk back outside. I look back and forth, trying to figure out which direction to take next. To my left, I spot a homeless man taking shelter under the bus stop awning.
I head his way in a rush, kneeling before his huddled form.
He flinches, cowering away from me.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” I yell to be heard over the rain. “I just need to know if you saw a blonde woman run out of here tonight. She was wearing a pink sweater and white jeans.”
A flash of knowledge enters the other man’s eyes but he hesitates, his narrowed gaze assessing. “What do you want with her?”
“She’s my girlfriend and needs help. Please, if you know where she is…”
He must see something he trusts because after a few agonizing seconds he finally gives me the information I’m desperate for. “She ran that way,” he says, pointing left. “If I were you, I’d take your truck. I’ve never seen someone run so fast and it didn’t look like she was stopping anytime soon.”
That doesn’t have me feeling any better. I push to stand and hand him a few bills, hoping he uses it to get him a dry place to sleep for the night.
Relief and gratitude fill his tired eyes. “Thanks, mister.”
I head for my truck and put in a call to a friend at the police department.
“Cunningham,” he answers, voice thick with sleep.
“Denver, it’s Austin. I need your help.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks, sounding more alert.
I explain what’s happened and give him Zoey’s description. “Whoever is on call tonight, can you have them keep an eye out for her?”
“Yeah, I’ll put in the call now. Keep in touch if you find her first.”
“I will. Thanks.” After hanging up, I pull away from the curb and start in the direction I was given. The continuous rain leaves me no choice but to lower my windows, my gaze scanning the streets and back alleys.
Block after block, my hope dwindles. It isn’t until about a mile from the hospital that something catches my attention, a flash of white enveloped in darkness. Despite the woman’s crouched position, I have no doubt it’s her.
My foot is heavy on the brake, truck skidding to a halt as I jump out into the downpour. “Zoey!” Her name pushes from my throat, penetrating the hammering rain as I race down the dark alleyway.
Knees hugged to her chest and face turned away from me, she doesn’t acknowledge my call.
I drop down before her, lifting her face to mine. “Look at me.” A sharp breath impales my lungs at her vacant, red-rimmed eyes. Soaked to the bone, devastation clings to her like second skin.
She looks so lost, so…broken.
She stares back at me like she doesn’t even know who I am, her drenched body trembling violently.
“Zoey girl, talk to me.” My hand strokes her wet cheek, willing her to see me—to feel me.
Just then something flashes in her eyes, the first sign of life, but it’s a painful one. “Help me.” The two words quiver past her lips, the most agonized breath falling with it. “Please, help me.”
The plea finishes me. I pull her into my arms, holding her shuddering body. “I’ve got you, baby. I’m here now.”
A sob shatters her chest, her devastation echoing through the deserted alley and decimating what’s left of my heart. For the first time since hearing the news, I allow my own tears to fall, sharing in her grief that will no doubt haunt me for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Zoey
There’s a gaping hole in my chest as I slowly come awake, my soul submerged in a sea of heartbreak. I dread opening my eyes, fearing the reality that awaits me. A reality I’m not sure I will ever be able to face.
The unavoidable happens anyway, my swollen eyes fluttering open. I squint at the sun dripping in through the floor to ceiling windows and take in my surroundings, realizing I’m in Austin’s bedroom.
Images from last night emerge, catapulting me into a nightmare I will never wake up from, a life I don’t want to accept. Not without my baby sister.
My watery gaze wanders over the room, trying to find something to cling to before I’m dragged even deeper into this hell.
It’s then I find Austin. He stands strong and tall, leaning against a window and wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. His arms are crossed over his bare chest as he watches me, the misery in his eyes reflecting the one in my heart.
For a single moment, I’m anchored and my world stops spinning into a dark madness. “What time is it?” I croak, my throat feeling damaged from the aftermath of last night.
“Noon.” His voice is as solemn as his expression. He moves to the nightstand and passes me a glass of water along with some aspirin. “Here. Take these.”
I carefully sit up and comply, the cool liquid burning my raw throat. Afterward, I put the glass down and look away, unable to bear seeing the disappointment I know he must be feeling at the way he found me.
Events of last night are muddled at best, my mind not wanting to revisit, to remember the tragedy I was faced with. Regardless of my best effort, the pain is too raw and real to ignore.
“Tell me it’s not true,” I whisper, sucking in a painful breath. “Tell me my baby sister isn’t dead.” Speaking the devastating words has a sob tumbling past my lips.
Austin drops down next to me, pulling me into his strong arms, but I don’t feel their usual comfort, I’m too cold. Too…dead inside.
“I’m sorry, Zoey girl. I wish I could tell you what we both want to hear but I can’t.” He sounds as defeated as I feel. He may not have known my sister long but he loved her too, as much as she loved him. “We will get through this though. I promise you that.”
Right now that seems impossible. Days ago I had so much hope for the future. We were supposed to have more time to build the life together I always promised her, and now I will never get that chance. I will never get the chance to make it right.
A knock on the front door breaks us from our embrace. “I’ll be right back.” He drops a kiss on my he
ad before climbing to his feet and leaving the room.
I pull the covers closer around me, reaching for a measure of warmth but there is none to grasp. Everything feels a million miles away, a never-ending tunnel of heartbreak I’ll be lost in forever.
“Zoey.”
My head snaps up at the familiar voice, surprise rendering me speechless for all of a second when I find my best friend standing in the doorway. “Sam?”
We move at the same time, both of us falling into each other’s arms.
“I’m so sorry, Zoey. So sorry.” Her sorrow runs as deep as my own. She’s known Chrissy since she was a baby. If anyone can understand the depth of my pain, it’s her.
“How did you find out?” I ask, lifting my head from her shoulder.
“Dina called me after you left the hospital.”
My eyes close as I’m reminded of those few fateful seconds before I ran off. I didn’t even give her a chance to explain. I couldn’t bear to hear it. I didn’t want to believe it. I still don’t.
Austin and Jase appear in the doorway just then, Jase walking in to drop a kiss on my cheek. “I’m sorry about your sister, Zoey.”
“Thanks,” I whisper. “Thank you both for coming.”
Sam reaches for my hand, covering it with hers. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
She’s always been there for me through the most trying times and right now I need her more than ever before.
“I don’t know what to do,” I say, feeling lost and broken. “I don’t know where to go from here.”
Austin clears his throat. “I spoke with Dina this morning. Chrissy…” He pauses, taking a hard swallow. “She’s still there if you want to see her and say goodbye.”
My heart sinks at the thought. The last words my sister and I spoke to one another were “I love you,” I kissed her goodbye then walked out with the intention of seeing her hours later. A part of me wants to remember her that way. I’m not sure I can handle seeing her cold, lifeless body because then I’ll have no choice but to accept this.
“What do you think?” Sam asks gently.
Despite my internal battle, I find myself nodding. As hard as this will be, I need to do it. I need to see her. To tell her I love her one last time.
We all end up going, something I’m thankful for, because right now I need all the support I can get. To keep me from being swallowed into this black hole I’ve found myself in.
Austin keeps me close, tucked into his side as we enter the hospital. His comfort and presence is my life preserver in the devastation I drown in.
When the elevator pings with our destination, dread settles over me. It’s everything I can do to put one foot in front of the other as I step out.
Dina spots us from the nurses’ station, her grief as raw and fresh as it was last night. She pulls me into her arms, hugging me close. “I’m sorry, honey. We did everything we could.”
“I know.” My words are as mechanical as my arms, my mind and heart lost in darkness.
She grasps my face between her hands. “She fought a long time, Zoey. She’s not in pain anymore.”
They are words meant to comfort but they don’t bring any peace. In all fairness, nothing can, not at this time and maybe not ever.
“She’s back in her room for you to have some privacy. If you’re ready?”
I want to rage that I’m not ready. That I will never be ready for this, but instead I find myself nodding, knowing it’s inevitable.
Austin pulls me in close again, pushing me to get my feet moving while Sam walks on my other side, holding my hand. Every step is weighted as I cling to their silent strength, praying it can get me through this.
“We’ll wait out here,” he says, stopping just outside her closed door. “Unless you want us in there with you?”
“I’ll be fine.”
It’s a lie, a big fat lie. I’m not fine and I won’t ever be.
His large warm hands frame my face before he leans down, brushing his lips across my cold ones, just a feather of a touch but it instills a small measure of peace into my shattered heart.
“I’ve got you, Zoey girl. Always and forever. Never forget that. If you need me, I’m right here.”
It was the exact words I needed to hear in this moment.
Sam pulls me in for a hug next. “Take as much time as you need.”
After a deep breath, I grasp the handle then walk in, letting the door close behind me. For the first few moments I don’t look over in her direction. I keep my gaze straight ahead, my feet moving numbly as I stare out a window that she did so many times before.
In this moment, I wonder what she thought about as she did. Did she wish to be out there with the rest of the world? Was she lonely and sad, despite my best efforts?
The thought only adds to the sorrow gripping my heart. Once I make it to the side of her bed, I finally find the courage to look at her and the sight of her is heart stopping.
Her body isn’t tensed or curled in an unusual painful form as it used to be. It’s relaxed, her face soft and peaceful. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was sleeping.
“Hey, Chrissy bee.” The words grate past my throat as I reach for her hand to find it ice cold. It drives the painful reminder home that she is not sleeping. That she will never open her eyes again.
Gus sits next to her pillow and it’s the stuffed animal, the dream I didn’t have a chance to make a reality that sends me crumbling to my knees on a sob. Devastation consumes me as I drop my face on her lifeless hand, wishing she could feel my tears and love.
“I’m so sorry. So sorry I wasn’t here with you.”
It’s something I never wanted to happen. That if or when this time ever came I would be there, holding her hand and making sure she knew she was loved beyond measure. Now I will never get that chance.
“I’ll love you forever, Chrissy bee.”
My sorrow consumes the room as I say goodbye to the one person I lived and breathed for. The only family I ever truly had.
A girl I will never be whole without again.
*
Hours later, I’m back in Austin’s bed, wrapped in blankets with Gus on my lap and Sam next to me. She holds my hand as I stare vacantly at the wall, lost somewhere between numbness and grief.
Eventually, Austin, Sam, and Jase came into the room too, and watching their goodbyes hurt my heart even more. Since then, I’ve been shoved deeper into this grief-stricken state, unable to grasp that this has become my reality.
Before we left the hospital, the doctor prescribed me something that would help me “cope better.” It hasn’t. A part of me wonders if I will ever feel warm again. If my heart will ever beat the same way without my sister.
“Can I get you some more tea?” Sam asks gently, continuing to be attentive while Austin and Jase are out getting something for dinner.
The thought of eating anything right now has my hollow stomach churning.
I shake my head, feeling too broken to speak.
“Is there anything I can do to make this better?”
The crack in her voice has me finally looking over at her, my battered heart bleeding at the helplessness on her face. The same defeat I’ve seen on Austin’s all day. I’m hurting so badly and dragging them down with me.
I squeeze her hand, her warm temperature a contradiction to my ice cold one. “Just being here with me helps.”
She flashes me a sympathetic smile but it does nothing to hide the remorse etched on her face.
“Tell me something good,” I whisper. “Tell me about the wedding.”
“We sent out the invitations yesterday,” she says, a small note of excitement entering her voice. “All I have left is finalizing the delivery of the peaches with the McNallys.”
“It’s going to be amazing, Sam. I can’t wait to be a part of it,” I tell her, meaning it.
“Me too. It’s hard to believe that only months ago we were bidding on Jase and Austin at that auction, isn’t it?”
/>
“Yeah, funny how that worked out.” My response is halfhearted at best as I think about the last few months I’ve spent with the man who stole not only my heart so quickly but also my sister’s.
“I’m glad you have him, Zoey, especially right now. I can see how much you two care about each other.”
“I more than care about him,” I tell her softly. “I’m in love with him.” The confession flows freely past my lips but is weighted with sadness.
“Then what’s wrong?”
It takes me a moment to answer as I try to find the right words. “I don’t know. I guess I just feel bad. From the moment we met all he’s shown me is love and affection and all he’s gotten from me is grief and responsibility. Now this…” I shake my head. “I feel like all I ever do is hurt him. I’m hurting him so much right now.”
“We’re all hurting right now, Zoey, but that’s not on you. It’s never been on you. Austin knew what he was getting into when it came to Chrissy. He loves you, regardless of your hardships. I can see it.”
“For how long?” I ask, voicing my biggest fear. “How long can he keep going like this, because I don’t know if or when I will ever get over this, Sam. How do I go on living without my baby sister?”
She pulls me into her arms as another sob breaks from me. “You cling to the people who love you. You let us help you through it and we will. I promise, Zoey. I won’t leave your side. Near or far, I’ll always be here.”
Her friendship means a lot but the truth is no one will be able erase this unfathomable pain. It’s embedded into my soul forever.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Austin
I sip the amber liquid from the tumbler I clutch in my hand, relishing the burn in my throat that spreads to my chest as I stand on my porch, staring out across my property.
It’s hard to believe that days ago I was making plans on how to make my home wheelchair accessible so I could give Zoey and her sister the life they always wanted, but now that day will never come and I’m not sure how to accept that.
I’ve witnessed death too many times to count; it comes with being a firefighter. We can’t save everyone no matter how hard we try.
