“It’s only been a day. Your mother was like that for months.” I can’t even imagine how horrible that must have been.
“I know.” He sighs. “He’ll recover, once the ring is off. He won’t stay like this.” But he doesn’t sound super confident about that.
I yawn and lie back, resting my head against the arm of the couch and stretching my legs across Amelrik’s lap. “You know, today might not have gone how I wanted it to, but I’m not dead, and we did figure out who the murderer is, so all in all, I’d call it a win.”
“Well, I’ve had worse days. You sure you don’t want to go back to the inn?”
“Is it still cold out?”
“It’s still winter, so, yeah.”
“Then I’m fine right here.” I shut my eyes to emphasize just how much I have no intention of leaving.
Amelrik moves so he’s on his side next to me, but since there’s so little room on the couch and I’m kind of hogging most of it, it means he’s practically on top of me. “Are you sure?” he whispers, kissing my neck. “There’s a lot more room there. And a lot more privacy.”
I smile at that. “Tempting, but it doesn’t make it any less cold out.”
He drapes an arm across me, his fingers caressing my side. “I promise I’ll warm you up.”
“It’s the in-between part I’m worried about.” I turn toward him, sliding my hand up his back and stopping at his shoulder blade. Right where the base of his wing was earlier. I hardly had time to process it in the moment, but now I think about the way his scales felt—soft, and smooth, and warm. I think about how the stem of his wing—for lack of anything better to call it—was both strong and delicate.
He stops kissing me, almost like he knows what I’m thinking about.
Not that it would be that hard to guess, considering that we’re basically in the same position we were in earlier, and I’m touching the same spot on him.
“Hey,” he says, his voice soft, half joking. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m trying to seduce you.”
“I had an inkling. What’s your point?”
“It’s going to be more difficult if you’re thinking of me looking like… like that.”
“You mean like a dragon?”
He tenses up when I say that, as if it’s an insult, or maybe just something he doesn’t agree with. “Like I’m not human.”
“Well, you’re not, though. And you are a dragon.”
“Yeah, I know, but you don’t have to think about it. Especially now.” He kisses my neck again, his hand finding its way under my shirt.
I move my hand down slightly, so it’s no longer resting on his shoulder, because I can tell it’s still making him uncomfortable. “Maybe I want to think about it.”
He freezes up. “Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not true.”
It could be, though. I mean, maybe. “I don’t see how thinking about you is a bad thing.”
“It is when you’re picturing me like that.”
“How do you know? Maybe, if I had a chance to get used to it, then—”
“I don’t want you to have to get used to it. Getting used to it means it’s something bad. I’d rather not be wondering if you actually like being with me or if you’re just… putting up with it. Because you think it’s what I want.”
I swallow, feeling guilty that there’s some truth to that. But only some, and only because if he’s never in dragon form, then by definition it’s something to get used to. Not because it’s bad, but because it’s so different. But I don’t think telling him that would go over well or do anything to help. “And it doesn’t bother you that there’s some part of you that you think I don’t like? That you can’t actually share with me?”
He goes quiet, so that I think maybe he’s going to actually admit that of course it bothers him, but then he says, “I love you, Virginia. And I know you love me. In either form. But is it so wrong if I don’t want you to ever have to look at me that way?”
“No,” I tell him, even though it doesn’t quite feel like the right answer. “But don’t you want more than that?”
He hesitates, and when he finally speaks, his voice wavers. “There isn’t more than that.”
My heart breaks a little, because he sounds like he actually believes it. And I so don’t want him to. But I’m not sure there’s anything I can say to convince him otherwise, because words wouldn’t be enough. Not when he’s had a lifetime of everyone giving him shocked, horrified looks whenever he’s in dragon form. And I’m not any different, because I did the same thing, even if I couldn’t help it at the time.
I still have my arm around him, and I hug him tight, pulling him closer to me. Trying to convey how much I love him and how much I wish I could fix this.
He relaxes, his breath warm on my neck as he exhales.
I kiss the side of his face, because it’s the only part of him I can reach right now.
He tilts his head, so that his lips are on mine. We’re so close, I can feel his heart beating. He kisses me, tentatively at first, almost like he’s not sure if it’s okay, and I kiss him like I mean it, because I do. He smiles, and I feel warm all over, and like I never want this to stop.
And it doesn’t, or at least not yet. We keep kissing, until it becomes more passionate, and our hands are sort of all over each other.
“We could still go back to the inn,” he whispers, a little out of breath.
And now I kind of wish we had, because then we’d already be there and the part where we had to stop all this and go out into the cold would already be over. And this couch really isn’t big enough for two people, and I’m not sure how we’re going to get any sleep anyway, because I don’t know about him, but being pressed this close together after making out so much is going to make it kind of difficult.
“You know,” I tell him, “your efforts to get me to go back to the inn are all in vain, because I’m not leaving this couch. So if you want to seduce me, it’ll have to be right here.” I don’t mean it, and I know he wouldn’t go for it anyway, even if I did. I say it to see the shocked look on his face, which doesn’t disappoint.
“What, here?!” he says, pulling away from me. “Cedric and Leif are in the next room!”
“Asleep. And even if somebody did come in, the back of the couch would block us from view.”
He huffs at that. “You’re not serious.”
“I might be.”
“Uh-huh.” He narrows his eyes.
“I mean, I am.”
“Right,” he says, totally not believing me. “Fine. Since you’re so okay with it, you can go first. Take off your shirt.”
“Um.” My shirt is already half off. I pull it back down. “I would, but it’s too cold. I’ll leave it on.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“How about you get undressed? Since you’re also so okay with it.”
He moves like he’s going to pull his shirt over his head, then waits.
“Well?”
“I thought you were going to stop me!”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because you don’t really want to do this?”
“Neither do you.” I clear my throat. “And for the record, I do want to do this. Just… not here.”
He grins at me, like he knew it all along, which I guess he did. “You want me to get your coat?”
He’s so sure I’m going to say yes to going back to the inn. I mean, I am, but still. I’m just about to ask him if we should leave a note saying where we’ve gone when there’s a shout from the bedroom.
It sounds like Leif. Terrified and frantic. The sound makes my blood run cold, even though I tell myself nothing bad could have happened. We’re all safe here. It must just have been a nightmare.
There are muffled voices now. It sounds like an argument, though I can’t make out the words. It takes me a second to realize it’s because they’re not in English. But it’s not hard to te
ll that Leif’s freaking out and Cedric’s trying to calm him down.
Then the bedroom door bursts open.
Me and Amelrik jump apart and sit up, as if we’ve been caught doing something wrong. Even though technically we weren’t doing anything. Sort of. But I still smooth my hair back, just in case.
Leif’s eyes are wild and bloodshot. His face is clammy and pale, and the black tendrils under his skin look like they’ve spread since even just a few hours ago. He looks right at me and gestures at the dragon ring. “You have to make this stop! You have to get this off me!” His voice breaks. He sounds like he’s about to cry or maybe just have a nervous breakdown.
Cedric’s right behind him. He puts a hand on his arm, but Leif pulls away. Cedric’s eyes wander over us, and maybe what we were very clearly not doing just a minute ago is more obvious than I thought, because he gives Amelrik a very curious, very knowing look.
Amelrik glances away, pretending he didn’t see, but his face turns red, and it’s obvious that he did.
“Leif,” Cedric says, keeping his voice calm. “Come back to bed. It was a nightmare. That’s all. Getting yourself worked up isn’t going to—”
“I can’t take this!” His hair is in his eyes, but instead of pushing it away, he pulls on it, like he’s trying to rip it out.
“Leif!”
“I hate feeling like this! There are things everywhere.” He waves his hands, gesturing all around him. “Everywhere, and now I see them when I close my eyes, too. They’re in my dreams. And everything feels wrong, like this magic is going to burst out of my skin. I don’t want to die like this! Just let me transform—I don’t care what happens!”
Cedric’s eyes are wide. A hurt expression settles over him. “Don’t talk like that. You know what they’d—”
“I don’t care!” He covers his face with his hands, a whimper that might be the beginning of a sob escaping him. “I don’t,” he repeats, but this time it’s just a whisper and far less convincing.
“You’ll be okay,” Amelrik says, his voice calm and steady, even though he looks just as freaked out by this as I am. “Once the ring is off, you’ll—”
“Take it off now!” Leif screams it at me, dropping his hands from his face, so I can see in his eyes how absolutely terrified he is.
Cedric puts an arm around him, both like he’s comforting him and like he’s afraid he might actually attack me.
Amelrik’s on his feet, standing beside me.
I’m still sitting on the couch, my mouth hanging open, like an idiot. I get up and look Leif in the eyes. In his bloodshot, scared-out-of-his-mind eyes. “I’m not going to do that.” My voice shakes from nerves, but underneath that, my intentions are clear. Or, at least, I think they are.
“Please,” Leif says. “Just let this be over.”
Cedric’s mouth moves, but no words come out. Hearing that obviously hurt, because his face wilts, and his arms start to tremble.
“It won’t be for much longer,” I tell Leif, even though I don’t know if that’s true. But I want it to be. And there’s no reason to think that it won’t. But if he’s like this after only twenty-four hours, I can’t imagine what he’ll be like in another day or two.
“If I have to die, just don’t let it be like this.” Tears fill his eyes.
Cedric holds him closer as Leif starts to sob, and this time Leif lets him, putting his arms around him, too.
Amelrik’s hand finds mine. He leans in and whispers, “I think we should go.”
I nod. Us being here obviously isn’t helping things, and I’m more than ready to get out of here, even with the cold.
22
WE’LL BE ENEMIES
I’m almost afraid to knock on Cedric’s door when we come back the next day, worried that Leif will be even worse off than he was last night. But I suck it up, taking a deep breath—even though the air’s so cold that it stings my lungs—then chicken out and let Amelrik do it.
Not that he notices that I’m chickening out or that I had any intention of being the one to knock and bravely face my victims. I mean, patients that I’m totally helping by keeping them sick with the magical bracelets I won’t take off of them, even when they beg me to.
Even if that involves one of them breaking down sobbing.
Leif answers the door, though it takes him a minute. His eyes are still bloodshot, but he looks calmer. Well, more pained, in a way, but less insane, at least for the moment. He glances down guiltily when he sees it’s us. “Cedric’s not here,” he mutters, then, almost as an afterthought, moves out of the way for us to come in.
The fire in the hearth is blazing, and even though we all kind of stand around awkwardly, none of us really knowing what to say, it’s still better than being outside.
Amelrik and Leif break the silence at the same time.
“When’s he coming—”
“I’m sorry about—”
They both stop. There’s another awkward silence.
Then Leif sweeps his hair out his face and sighs. “I’m sorry about last night.” He doesn’t quite say that to me, but he doesn’t not say it to me, either. “I was out of my mind.”
“It’s… it’s okay,” I tell him, even though I’m not sure that it is. Not that I blame him for freaking out or anything.
“Where’s Cedric?” Amelrik asks.
Leif sort of shrugs. “He went to go tell people about Warwick St. George being the murderer.”
“He what?!” Amelrik glares at him, as if it’s his fault.
Leif doesn’t look like he has the energy to care. He turns toward the kitchen. “Can I get you anything? I can make tea, or there’s leftover porridge from breakfast.”
“I’m going to kill him,” Amelrik says, ignoring Leif’s offer.
“Who’s he telling?” I ask.
Leif shakes his head. “He didn’t say. He just said that after last night, he didn’t think we could wait.”
Amelrik rubs one side of his face. “That idiot. I told him—” He stops himself. “How long ago did he leave? If we figure out where he was going, maybe we can—”
The front door opens, interrupting him. Cedric walks in, looking really pleased with himself and carrying a basket of groceries under one arm. He grins when he sees us, even though we’re both scowling at him. “You’ll never believe where I’ve been.”
“Oh, I think we might.”
The grin falls away. Cedric’s nostrils flare. “I see Leif already told you.”
Leif shrugs again. “He asked.”
Amelrik’s eyebrows come together. “Cedric, what did you do?”
“The only thing I could do. I know you didn’t want me to, but after what happened last night, I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing!” He sets the basket down on the dining table, then folds his arms. “If you were in my position, you would have done the same thing. Don’t even try to tell me you wouldn’t.”
“I—” Amelrik swallows back whatever argument he was going to make, maybe because there’s some truth to what Cedric said. “I don’t know what I would do. How bad is it?”
“I told the authorities and basically everyone I know.”
“Yeah, well, you conveniently missed the inn.”
“Because you would have tried to stop me.” He rolls his eyes. “I told them that Warwick St. George, the leader of the paladins, is the one who’s actually been doing the murders. That he’s been faking dragon attacks.”
“Seriously?!”
“Yes, seriously. And before you freak out, you should know that it went really well.”
“It did?” I ask, trying not to sound too skeptical.
“It didn’t,” Amelrik says.
Cedric gets a sour look on his face. “Do you have to be like that? I just told you—”
“So, people actually believed you?”
“I’m a respected member of the community.”
Leif makes a garbled sound in his throat, like he doesn’t quite agree with that.
“And the authorities?” Amelrik asks.
“They said they’d look into it. So, problem solved. They’ll figure it out, see that there really is no dragon—well, no dragons who are murderers, I mean—and then the barrier will come down.”
Leif holds in a breath, like he’s afraid to believe that, but really, really wants to.
“Or,” Cedric adds, “the paladins will be scared that they’re going to get found out and leave. Which they can’t do without taking down the barrier, so, again, problem solved.”
I exchange a glance with Amelrik, not quite liking Cedric’s logic.
“They won’t be scared,” Amelrik says.
“And like I said before,” I remind them, “I don’t think the other paladins even know about it.”
“And they won’t like you accusing their leader.”
Cedric rolls his eyes at us and waves away our concerns. “At least I did something. The barrier’s going to get taken down sooner, the murderer’s going to get caught, and nothing bad is going to happen. You’ll—”
There’s a knock on the door, interrupting him. Kind of a forceful knock.
We all freeze. I’m pretty sure Cedric was going to say, “You’ll see,” but he doesn’t finish it, letting the words hang in the air.
“That sounds like a paladin,” Amelrik whispers, glaring at his cousin.
Cedric’s eyes are wide, and he looks kind of freaked out.
There’s another knock, even louder this time.
I go and answer it, since it doesn’t seem like anybody else is going to.
Celeste is standing there. She automatically launches into her spiel, then stops when she notices me. “On the authority of— Vee?” She squints at me, then double checks a scrap of paper, like she’s trying to make sure she has the right address. “What are you doing here?”
Honorbound Page 17
