by J. A. Howell
“Nothing happened; I just messed up again...” Dillan immediately felt exasperated as she mashed the button for the elevator.
“You’re lucky you got here when you did. The meeting is in ten minutes.” Kay commented as they stepped onto the elevator.
“About that…”
“Dill?” She could feel Kay's eyes boring into the side of her head.
“I didn’t finish it.”
“YOU DIDN’T FINISH IT?!” Her friend’s voice jarred her, reverberating in the tiny metal elevator as it ascended to their floor. Dillan didn’t even bother looking over at Kay; she just stared at her blurred reflection in the elevator door.
“I didn’t finish...I screwed up.” She said. Her voice was hushed. Sad but strong. Dillan planned to take full responsibility for her mistake. She refused to cry about it.
“Dillan…. Jason is going to freak out.” Kay was only telling her what she already knew.
“Well there isn’t much I can do to fix it now. I just have to go into his office and hope he takes some sort of pity on me.”
“Well, you have been here a while...” Kay did her best to comfort Dillan, but her tone was unconvincing. The elevator doors slid open, and Jason’s office came into view. Kay offered a sympathetic smile as she watched Dillan trudge into her bosses’ office. Jason was sitting at his desk, feverishly typing on his laptop when Dillan knocked on the open door.
“Can I come in?” She asked meekly.
“Yeah Dillan, is everything okay? I was worried about you not showing up this morning. The big meeting is in just a little bit!” He looked up from his screen, studying her. Her face grew pale, and she looked down at the floor."I'm...fine...but I don’t have the project ready." She felt like she might be sick again.
“You have got to be kidding, Dillan! Do you realize how much trouble this is going to put us in?” He shot up from his chair, palms pressed against the desk. She only nodded, unable to even look him in the eyes.
“Sit right here... I need to go talk to Mr. Rickman.” He instructed her, before rushing out of his office. Dillan did as she was told. She kept her head down, too afraid to look up and see Jason’s boss glaring at her. Nearly a whole hour passed before she heard Jason walk back into the office. She looked up at him anxiously, only to be met with his disappointed expression as he avoided her gaze. This wasn’t good.
He walked around to his side of the desk, sitting down slowly. Her heart dropped as she watched his forehead wrinkle, and his lips purse into a frown.
“Dillan, you know how much I value the work you have done for us here.” He looked up at her finally. She nodded, looking away. She knew exactly where this was going.
“I know you’ve been with us for several years now, and you’ve provided phenomenal work...but this last year your performance has suffered tremendously.”
“But Jason,”
“I know Dillan, I know you lost Jamie, and I know how devastating it was for you. That’s why we have been trying to be sympathetic to that, because we valued you so much as a part of the team.” Jason leaned back against his chair, letting out a sigh.
“You know as well as I do that your behaviors have slowly been becoming more and more of a problem... and now, forgetting to finish a project for such a huge prospective client? We can’t overlook such an indiscretion.”
He shook his head looking down sadly. “We are going to have to let you go. I got Rickman to agree to giving you two months of severance. Believe me, nobody regrets having to let you go more than I do.”
Dillan nodded, standing up and turning back toward her office.
“I'll just get my things and go then...” Her voice trailed off. Dillan could feel him watching her with that sad pitying look. She grabbed the few things she kept in her office and put them in her purse. It took every ounce of her being to keep her composure, and avoid crying as she took one last look at her office.
“Dillan?” Jason stood in the doorway as she prepared to leave her office for the last time.
“Yes?” She replied. He looked hesitant to say anything, fidgeting with his tie as he stood there.
“Do me a favor. Please get yourself some help. Some counseling or something.”
“I'll be fine.” She bit her lip. Way to rub salt in the wound.
“I didn’t mean to offend you Dillan,” He apologized, “I know you’re a strong woman...but you’re still human. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.” Jason’s voice was sincere and she knew he was only trying to help, but his words still stung her all the same.
“Goodbye Jason. Thanks for everything.” She nodded, patting his arm, then headed for the elevators. She pressed the button once again, still feeling his gaze as he watched her. Jason still had that sad expression, full of pity for poor, poor Dillan. Dillan gritted her teeth, standing up as straight as she could. As the elevator doors opened, she stepped on and gave him one last wave as he stood there, even offering a kind smile. But as soon as the doors shut, her tears burst forth and her shoulders crumpled forward. She prayed that nobody else would get on the elevator before she reached the lobby. She didn’t want anyone to see her this way. She just wanted to get out of there.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
It was just before 9PM when Trey knocked on the door. He had left Dillan’s apartment shortly after he had woken up. He felt out of place waiting there for her, but he remained there for a couple hours in hopes of hearing from Luciano. Luciano never called, and Trey had eventually given up on hearing from him. It didn’t really surprise Trey that Luciano did not call. If there was one thing that this whole ordeal had taught him, it was that he couldn’t trust anyone but himself when it came to justice over his brother’s death.
No matter the evidence, or the supposed alibis, Trey knew Carlos was responsible for his brother’s death. Luciano held a similar opinion, but he was “bound by law” to follow a few bullshit fabrications. Luciano had to know that Carlos’ pockets ran deep, and he could easily buy his way out of trouble. Maybe he already had with Luciano. At this point it didn’t matter. Trey was keeping his word. If the DEA wasn’t going to do anything, he was going to take matters into his own hands. He had gotten the information he needed, booked a flight with the last bit of money he had, and by this time tomorrow he would be arriving in San Diego. Trey would find Carlos himself.
It wouldn’t be very difficult. He just needed to make his presence known to Carlos’ people. If he beat the shit out a few of Carlos’ drug-peddling thugs, Trey would surely hear from him. It sounded like a good plan. He would kill Carlos if it was the last thing he did, and Trey was pretty sure that it would be.
Trey grew concerned after nobody answered the door. Had she seen it was him and just refused to answer? He tentatively pulled the spare key from his pocket and turned it in the lock. When he walked into the apartment it was dark. Had Dillan never come home? Since she probably assumed he was there, it didn’t really come as a shock to him that she might avoid coming home for a while.
Flipping on the light, he looked around the room. Everything was just as it had been when he left. With a sigh, Trey grabbed the phone and dialed Luciano’s number. It went straight to voicemail. He didn’t bother leaving a message. He hung up the phone and sank into the couch. This only confirmed what Trey needed to do. When Dillan came home, he would tell her everything. He had no doubt that she would kick him out immediately, and he certainly wouldn’t object. Still, he felt a twinge of sadness at the thought of leaving. While their short time together had been a bit strained, he knew there was a tangible connection between the two of them. It had been a comfort to him, as Dillan had shown him more kindness than anyone in a very long time.
Maybe in another life, in a different situation I could find someone like her. He shook his head at the thought. Dillan wasn’t his to think about like that. She belonged to his brother. He wasn’t allowed to think about such a completely impossible scenario like that. Thinking of Dillan with any sort of romantic notion would just make
what he had to do even more difficult.
The ringing phone in his lap jarred him from his thoughts. Maybe Luciano isn’t letting me down after all.
“Hello?” His voice was anxious as he answered.
“Um...Trey? It's Dillan's friend, Kay.” a female voice answered.
“Oh...hi, she isn't home.” He said. He couldn’t hide the disappointment in his tone. A troubled sigh came from her end.
“Have you talked to her at all?” Her voice was tinged with concern.
“No, did something happen?” He asked.
“She got fired today. She left before I could even find out. I figured she would be home and was calling to check on her.” Kay said in a sad tone.
“I haven’t seen her at all. Did you try her cell phone?”
“It's turned off. I tried to call a few times throughout the afternoon.” The frustration was clear in her voice. Kay paused for a second before continuing. “Trey. I know I don't know you all that well, but I'd like to think that you at least care a little about that girl, given how important she was to your brother.”
“I do care about her.” He answered without hesitation.
“Then she needs your help.” Kay was stern, “I know where she might be right now, but you’re closer, and I don't know that she will even talk to me. You may want to check out the bars near her apartment building, and the cemetery too.”
“I'm leaving right now.” Trey was already heading for the door.
“Trey...Thank you. If you can, give me a call back or have her call me.” She said before hanging up with him.
***
Dillan traipsed down the cobblestone walkway of the cemetery toward Jamie’s plot, every now and then taking another swig of beer from the bottle she had been nursing since she left Finley’s. After leaving her office, she caught the bus back to her end of town. She couldn’t bear to go home though. Not with him there. She needed to be alone. Instead she had spent the better part of her day attempting to wash her sadness away with drinks. Dillan had finally found her way here after buying one last beer before the bartender had cut her off.
How is it that, in one year my life has become such a jumbled mess?
“Because of you,” Her eyes fixed onto his headstone as she looked up, now only a couple feet away from it. “You realize this is all your fault, right?!” Dillan blurted out before collapsing onto the grass. She didn’t care if anyone overheard her; she doubted anyone else was even there this late.
“We would have been married by now, or on our honeymoon. Not here, not sitting in a cemetery…” Her chest heaved as the tears silently returned, “Why did you have to die?”
No answer came. It was not as though she thought it would. Whatever the answer was to that question, it wouldn’t change anything. She was still just a sad drunk girl yelling at a grave in the middle of a cemetery.
Hugging her legs against her chest, she rested her head on her knees as she wept and stared at his name carved into the stone. The name she had loved to whisper into his ear, the name that used to fill her with such happiness. Now it only reminded her of what would never be, what had been taken away from her.
“This isn’t how my life was supposed to go.” She whispered.
***
Trey breathed out in relief as he spotted Dillan sitting in front of his brother's headstone. He had broken into a sweat running here. His conversation with Kay had made him concerned that Dillan might do something rash. He was glad that she appeared to be okay. Trey initially feared the worst, given how on edge she was the night before. A slight drizzle had started as he reached the cemetery. The lamps that lit the path illuminated the thin downpour as he followed the gently winding path towards Jamie’s grave.
As he approached, Dillan showed no sign of noticing him, as she sat with her legs curled beneath her. Dillan’s fingers absently twirled the neck of an empty beer bottle. She seemed somewhere else completely, until Trey was a couple feet behind her.
“Dillan?” His voice didn't garner much reaction from her. She turned her head slightly, as if to better hear him, but made no effort to say anything. Her eyes remained forward. “Kay called me. She told me about your job. She is really worried about you.” He said, then hesitated. “I was too...” She just sat there.
“It's starting to rain, and you can't sit out here all night. You could get sick.”
Dillan laughed, her gaze still fixed.
“Big deal…It wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to me lately.” Her voice was cold, angry.
“Dillan…come on, you’re drunk.”
“I’m not going anywhere… not with you.”
Trey let out a sigh, then without warning he grabbed her arm and forced her to her feet. She might have every right to hate him, but he wasn’t about to let her sit in the cemetery all night, drunk off her ass, and drowning in misery.
“What are you doing? Let me go!” She growled, pulling back unsuccessfully. She dug her heels into the ground, but they only slid over the slicked grass as he ignored her plea. She went to punch his shoulder. Unfortunately it was then that she realized the effects of her drinking binge had hit her pretty hard. She lost her footing, and tumbled forward. Trey turned just in time to catch her against his chest. He carefully steadied her on her feet and her fiery glare narrowed as she looked up at him.
“Just leave me here!” She crossed her arms like a spoiled five year old. Trey wasn't about to sit and fight with Dillan while she was intoxicated. His clothes were already quite wet from the increasing downpour and he certainly didn’t plan on leaving her here alone.
“We can do this one of two ways Dillan. Either you walk with me, or I pick you up and carry you unwillingly for the next five blocks. Either way I am NOT about to let you sit in the cemetery drunk all night.” It was Trey’s turn to cross his arms. With his stature, it was a bit more intimidating than when she did it.
“Whatever...let's go.” She turned and walked ahead of him. Dillan passed the cemetery gates and headed toward the road before she hailed an oncoming cab. She was not in the mood to walk all the way back home in her work heels after downing so many drinks. The cab ride back to her building was silent and awkward. She and Trey both stared out of their respective windows, equally annoyed with one another at this point. When they reached the building, Dillan paid the driver, then clumsily stumbled out of the cab, refusing Trey's assistance when he tried to help her.
“We should probably take the elevator--” He suggested.
“I'm fine with the stairs.” Dillan grumbled, cutting him off. Like I want to be trapped in a confined space with him? He only shook his head and followed closely behind her, watching her teeter on nearly every step. Dillan refused to look back at him. She didn't want to deal with anyone. She wanted to be left alone. Why can’t he just leave me alone? Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?
“Dillan, watch your step!” Trey's warning came too late, as she had already lost her footing and stumbled forward onto the landing. She put out a hand to catch herself, but the impact sent pain shooting up her wrist. She bit her lip, holding back tears as the sharp pain spread through her hand. Trey was next to her in a second, sliding his arms under hers and gently lifting her to her feet.
“I can get up on my own!” she snapped at him, immediately regretting it as he recoiled with a wounded look on his face. She did not want to feel bad right now; she didn't want to feel anything. He walked ahead of her by a few feet and unlocked the door, holding it open for her. She walked past, glancing at
him, but he looked away.
“I'll grab us some towels,” He said quietly and disappeared into the bathroom. Dillan groaned in frustration. She knew he was only trying to help, but her life was falling apart, and there was no stopping it. She wasn't sure that she wanted to stop it anymore. While he was out of the room, she kicked off her heels and pushed them against the wall. Dillan then quickly rummaged through her purse to fetch her prescription bottle, and dumped a few pills into
her injured palm. She walked into the kitchen, grabbing an empty glass from the cabinet then turned toward the sink to fill it when she bumped right into Trey. She gave a small shriek out of surprise, dropping both the pills and her glass. The glass shattered and as she moved a small shard embedded itself right into the side of her foot.
“Dammit Trey!” She yelped in pain, and more tears welled in her eyes as she tried to lift her foot.
“Whoa, be careful.” He grabbed her around the waist to steady her. “Don't pull it out right here, you'll get blood everywhere.” He moved her arm over his shoulder so that she could use him as support while she hopped to the bathroom. Once they managed to reach the bathroom, Trey carefully sat her down on the toilet with the lid closed. She watched him as he found her first-aid kit under the sink and opened it, pulling out a few supplies. Tweezers, gauze, alcohol swabs, and medical tape.
“Grab my shoulder, this will probably hurt.” He told her as he knelt down between her legs, gently lifting her foot. He examined it, and was relieved to find that the shard didn't go deep enough to warrant a visit to the ER. “On the count of three... One, Two, Three!”
“Oww!” Dillan's fingers dug into his shoulder as he pulled the shard out. Blood trickled out of the open wound and he quickly pressed gauze against it, then looked up at her.
“I'm sorry. About this and everything else,” His blue eyes caught hers. In that moment, his eyes were like deep pools of regret. He then returned his attention to her injury as he carefully cleaned it with an antiseptic.
“But I know what you’re doing Dillan, and it’s not going to help you.”
“I don't know what you are talking about...” She said quietly as she shifted her gaze away from him.
“Yes, you do. The drinking, the constant pill popping? It isn't healthy Dillan. I'm just looking out for you.”
“Just looking out for me? Is that what you call going through my stuff after I was nice enough to let you stay here? You are such a liar.” She grumbled. Trey froze at her last comment. If only she knew how right she is. As their eyes met, she glared furiously at him. Her eyebrows bunched together and her lips scrunched into a pout. He looked back down at her foot, holding it between his hands and wrapping it gently.
