by Jacob Chance
“Sorry, I’m joking. My apartment is only five more minutes up the road.”
“No worries. It’s a beautiful night for a walk, just not all the way to Watertown.”
“I love when fall rolls around. The temperature cools off some and it’s not uncomfortable to be outside,” she says, surprising me.
“It’s always been my favorite too. Although, I love winter sports, so I enjoy the cold weather too.”
“Does your family still live in Vermont?” she asks. I shouldn’t be surprised she remembers. That’s the kind of girl Piper is.
“They do. I spent the summer there and I’ll return for the holidays.”
I feel her eyes on the side of my face. “What’s Vermont like? You didn’t talk about it much when we were at camp.”
I’m stunned she’s encouraging conversation. “It’s beautiful. Our house is a large, rustic cabin, and the ski resorts are close by. We spend a lot of time outdoors, no matter what season it is.”
“It sounds amazing,” she replies. “Is your brother still at B.U.?”
“He’s a senior and he plays on the football team.”
She scoffs good naturedly. “Two jocks in the family, huh?”
“At least we play different sports. If not, there would be some bloodshed.”
“Are you guys competitive?”
“Not over girls, but when it comes to sports we are.”
“Does he also live at the frat?”
She knows I live at the frat? Has she been asking about me? It’s more likely that Rachel probably told her.
“He used to, but now he and his girlfriend live in an apartment. Actually, they had me over for dinner last night.”
“That’s good that you guys are close.”
“Yeah, we are. He’s been a solid older brother for me. He and his girlfriend are perfect for each other.”
“Really?”
“They’ve been together since his freshman year.”
“I guess you aren’t alike,” she replies with a little snark.
“I admire how committed he’s been to Perri from the start. He’s a loyal guy.”
“Unlike you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I never cheated on you.” It seems weird to say that when we were together for such a brief time, but I’m not going to allow her to falsely accuse me of things I didn’t do.
“You moved on fast enough.”
I catch hold of her arm and stop walking. “What makes you say that?”
Her dark eyes look enormous. “I didn’t hear from you at all.”
“I told you I wanted a clean break, but that didn’t mean I moved on. Christ, I still haven’t moved on completely.”
She frowns. “What do you mean?”
“You think I went back to Vermont and forgot all about you? I couldn’t just turn my feelings for you off. I missed you for a long time.”
“How long did it take for you to sleep with someone else?” She lobs the question like it’s not a loaded gun waiting to go off. No matter what I say, it won’t matter. There’s no amount of time that will be satisfactory for her.
“It was six months after us.”
She wrinkles her lips like she ate something sour. “Well, I guess it could be worse.”
“The only reason why I didn’t wait longer was because I missed you too much.”
She clicks her tongue against the back of her teeth. “That makes no fucking sense at all.”
“Sure it does. We were through and we were both going to different colleges. I figured you’d moved on and I needed to do the same.”
“You never said you were coming to Boston.”
“I didn’t know I was. They gave me the best offer.”
“Was the first time a hookup or someone you dated?”
Placing my free hand on her arm, I turn her to face me. “I’ve never dated anyone since you.”
“For real?” She drags her bottom lip through her teeth like she’s not sure if she should believe me.
“Yes. I never met anyone else that measured up to you. What about you?” I turn the tables on her.
“I’ve never had a boyfriend since you.”
“What about a hookup?” Please say no. I know the double standard makes me an asshole, but I never said I wasn’t one.
She shrugs nonchalantly. “I’ve had a few.”
A horn beeps, calling our attention to the street. Jeremy drives up in his truck with Rachel in the passenger seat. “Get in,” he calls out.
I’m tempted to say no and tell them we’re going to continue on with our walk.
“Okay,” Piper replies. I release my hold on her and wordlessly follow her to the truck. We settle in the back of the extended cab and, in less than a minute, Jeremy pulls into a driveway. We all exit the truck. Jeremy and Rachel share a hug. As much as I’d like to get Piper in my arms, I’m smart enough to know now isn’t the time. We made some amazing progress tonight and I need to be satisfied with that and not push for more.
“Goodnight, ladies,” I say, climbing into the passenger seat.
Rachel is too busy speaking with Jeremy to hear me. Piper gives me a small wave and her lips form the word “night,” but I don’t hear her. She walks to the front door, disappearing inside.
Leaning back on the leather headrest, I replay our conversation in my mind. We talked a lot and it wasn’t all inconsequential stuff. We tackled some heavy material. We may not have resolved all our differences, but we took solid steps forward. It’s more than I could ask for.
For the first time in two and a half years of thinking about Piper, I feel something other than shame. I feel hope.
Chapter Sixteen
Piper
Chewy greets me the instant I step inside our apartment. Squatting down, I let him bathe my face in warm, wet kisses. “I missed you too, handsome.” I scratch behind his ears and his eyes close. “Were you a good boy while mommy and auntie were out?”
“He’s always a good boy,” Rachel says, toeing her shoes off. She drops her purse and keys on the small black table just inside the door. “Want a drink?”
Rising, I say, “I’m good for now.” I kick my shoes off and follow Rachel to the kitchen. In the pantry I find my stash of chocolate that I keep for special occasions or for those emotional moments where I need something to make me feel better. Tearing off a square of milk chocolate, I shove it between my lips and let it melt in my mouth while I think about Donovan.
“What happened with you and Donovan?” Rachel’s question echoes my thoughts.
I turn from the pantry. “Want a piece?” I hold up a chocolate square.
“No, thanks. I just want to know how you ended up walking with Donovan.”
I eat the other piece and grab a bottle of water from the fridge to wash it down. When I’m finished, I address Rachel’s question. “I left when you went to the bathroom. I was pissed off and didn’t want to sit there with him and Jeremy any longer. He followed me and said he was walking home with me.” I shrug as if there’s not much more to it than that.
“What else? There has to be more to the story than him walking you home,” Rachel astutely says.
I sit on one of the barstools at the counter and place my bottle of water down. “Somehow, we ended up talking about normal stuff. I think he asked about my mom and a conversation evolved from there.”
“Did you guys work anything out?”
“I gave him shit for some things in the past, and he tried to explain why he acted the way he did.”
“Does this mean the two of you can be in the same room without you wanting to kill him?”
“I might still have murder on my mind, but it’s a more humane version than before,” I joke.
Rachel takes a sip of her beer. “That’s an improvement, at least.”
“He told me he still hasn’t moved on from me,” I confess.
Rachel’s eyes open to the point of bursting from her skull. Placing her bottle next to mine, she props h
er arms on the other side of the counter. Leaning toward me, she says, “Tell me everything.”
“Who thought of this fundraiser anyway?” I whine, slipping on elbow pads and knee pads.
“I did,” Rachel reminds me. “Having a roller derby is such an original idea,” she brags.
“If you do say so yourself.” I harrumph.
“Don’t be salty because you’ll have to see Donovan. I thought you guys worked your shit out.”
“I said we talked about some stuff. I never claimed to have forgiven him.” It’s been over a week since that night, and we haven’t seen each other since. The more I’ve thought about our conversation, the more I’ve convinced myself that he had to be playing me. Why wouldn’t he tell me what he thinks I want to hear? But for every cautionary thought I have about him, there’s an equal reactionary one telling me he was sincere. I’m at an impasse between the two mindsets.
“You’ll just have to suck it up if you don’t like it. We’re going to make a killing today, and we can slam the guys’ hockey team while doing it.”
“If you say so.” I finish lacing the roller skates and put my helmet on. It might be fun to run Donovan into the railing or knock his ass down. “Fuck it. Let’s do this.” I clap my hands together. The universe, or should I say Rachel, has presented me with an opportunity to exact some revenge under the guise of holding a roller derby fundraiser for both of the B.U. hockey teams. It’s the men’s team against the women’s. My teammates may be saying they’re out for blood, but I’m literally out for Donovan’s blood.
“Do you think the guys will be ballsy enough to actually knock us down?” one of my teammates questions.
“Why wouldn’t they?” Rachel asks. “Even if they start out with good intentions and go gentle on us, by the end of the derby they’re going to be aggressively coming after us.”
I nod. “Right. No guy is going to get repeatedly slammed by us and not start to retaliate. It’s human nature to fight back.”
“Especially when they’re getting embarrassed in front of most of the school.” Rachel snickers. “All right, ladies, it’s time to kick some ass. Bad bitches--on three. One. Two. Three.”
We shout in unison, “Bad bitches.” And then we all clap our hands and cheer as we leave the locker room.
We skate out to the entrance to the roller rink where the guys are already waiting. I slip my mouthguard between my lips and roll my neck. Leaning over, I adjust the knee pads over my black leggings. I thought about wearing shorts like some of my teammates, but the thought of falling on the wood with my bare skin exposed makes me cringe. At least on the ice when you fall, you slide. I’ll take an ice burn over a friction burn anyday.
Coach Cutter ushers us out on the wooden floor. It’s amazing how much easier it is for me to balance on half an inch of tempered steel coated in chrome than it is to be on four wide wheels. Pushing off, I take a few tentative strides and glide around a bit. At first, I feel stiff and ungainly, but I remind myself to bend my knees, and that helps. I decide to pretend I’m wearing hockey skates and not think about being on wheels.
Coach blows a whistle and we line up on one side at the end of the arena. He blows his whistle again signaling the start of the derby and it’s every person for themself. I take off as fast as I can, bending low and putting power behind each stroke. Donovan breaks away from the rest of us, moving ahead, and that’s just not going to work for me. I dig deep and catch up to him. As I’m about to pass him, I hip check him into the boards with everything I’ve got and keep going.
Piper one—Donovan zero.
One of his teammates saw what I did and now he’s chasing me. Slowing down slightly, I let him get closer, lulling him into a fall sense of superiority. Right when he’s about to drive into me, I get the jump on him, smashing my shoulder into his ribs. He bends over in pain and I shove him to his knees before skating past. I’m not even sure I’m doing legal moves, but at this point, all I care about is taking out the guys.
I’m still gloating over my victory when someone catches hold of my hand as they pass by, dragging me along with them. It’s Donovan. Oh, crap.
He increases his speed, skating faster and faster. I don’t know what he’s got planned, so I place both skates down and glide along, letting him tow me around like a wagon. He’s doing all the work and I’m getting a free ride.
When he glances back at me and catches on to what I’m doing, his mouth curves upward on one side. I almost trip over my own feet. That damn crooked smile of his packs a powerful punch.
“Let me go,” I lisp through my mouthguard.
He grins wider, showing off his mouthguard and shaking his head. Guiding us along the end of the rink, he stops, trapping me between him and the wooden railing. He inches forward until his chest is pressed to mine. My palms raise between us, resting on his stomach. Gazing up at him, my lips part, but with all the natural magnetism he’s giving off, I’m at a loss for words. He looks equally as stunned as I am.
The powerful attraction sparking between us is as strong as ever. His eyes lower to my mouth and I suck in a quick breath. He wants to kiss me in front of all these people… and I don’t care. In fact, I wish he could, but these goddamn helmets we’re wearing will kill any chance of that happening.
His head slowly lowers, inching our face shields closer together, and somehow, he makes it provocative. My eyes reflexively fall closed just before the plastic barriers knock together. The sound of a shrill whistle tears us apart like a cold bucket of water has been dumped on our heads.
He drops his hands, releasing me. “Goddammit,” he curses before skating away.
“Archer, you can’t pin someone to the boards like that. Make the play and move on,” Coach reprimands him.
Half of me wants to hurt Coach Cutter for ruining our moment. The other half of me wants to hug him for saving me from making a huge mistake. Even though it sure didn’t feel like a mistake in the heat of the moment.
So I’m that girl, huh? The girl who forgets how badly she was hurt when the ex pays a little attention to her. I cannot be that girl. I never have been and I don’t plan to start now.
With my resolve to make Donovan pay firmly back in place, I line up again. The whistle sounds and I bolt in front of most of the other players. Once again, Donovan is in front. I slam into another one of his teammates, knocking him off balance so much so that he falls and causes a mini pile up.
I take advantage of the distraction to race up behind Donovan. He doesn’t know I’m approaching. Bending low, I take him out at the knees and he crashes to the hard floor with a pained grunt. Unfortunately, I lose my balance in the process and I land on him. Before I can scramble away, his hands grip my arms, pulling me upward until I’m sprawled completely on top of him. His arms wrap around me and he groans in my ear, “You’re a bloodthirsty little vixen.”
“I only dished out what you deserved.” I spit my reply back at him.
“I’m sure I deserve worse, and no matter how many times I say I’m sorry, it’ll never be enough. But I am sorry for hurting you.” His arms tighten in a quick hug and he rolls me to the side. We both get back up and I skate toward the exit. I’m done with this game. I got a couple of solid hits in on him and, sadly, it didn’t make me feel any better. I’m beginning to realize nothing I have done has helped to ease the ache in my chest. As much as it pains me to admit to myself, I’m slowly coming to grips with the fact that I might need to forgive Donovan. Maybe by doing so it will be the answer to putting all the sadness behind me. I’ll never forget, but I can forgive if I allow myself to.
Chapter Seventeen
Donovan
“Dude, you got your ass beat by a girl,” Marshall tells me.
I shrug, thinking of Piper lying on top of me. “It was worth it.”
Jeremy scowls, handing me another beer. “That whole situation was fucked up. It’s not like we could slam them down to the ground. The entire derby was in favor of the girls’ team. If we had re
ally gone after them hard, then we’d have been labeled as abusive assholes.”
I pat Jeremy on the back. “Let the anger go, man. It’s not a big deal. The event was a fundraiser and it was successful. That’s all that matters. My ego isn’t bruised and yours shouldn’t be either.” I tip the bottle back, swallowing a large sip of the cold beer.
“Maybe so, but Rachel tripped me,” he huffs.
“Don’t whine,” Marshall tells him.
“I’m not. I’m stating facts. She tripped me. How’s that fair?”
Rachel sneaks up behind him and jumps on his back like a monkey holding on to a tree limb. “Damn right, I did.”
He growls and tries to shake her off, but it’s no use. “Face it, Jeremy. I’m a badass and you’re my bitch,” she teases, but he’s not amused. I’ve never known him to be angry at Rachel. I get his pride is really stinging. “But you don’t have to cry about it,” she continues.
Glancing around, I sip my beer and search for Piper, but I don’t see her. Ignoring the conversation going on around me, disappointment assails me. I was hoping she’d show up and we’d have a chance to talk. But I should’ve known she wouldn’t want to come here. During the derby it felt like we shared a moment. Even though she kicked my ass a couple of times, there was a spark between us. I’m almost sure we would’ve kissed if not for our helmets getting in the way.
I wish Piper were here so I could chip away some more at the wall she’s erected to keep me out. She was the only reason I was looking forward to having this party. I deluded myself into thinking she’d show, and now that she hasn’t, this night seems pointless.
Heading into the kitchen, I tip back the bottle, downing the remainder of liquid. Grabbing another from the fridge, I pop off the cap and step outside onto the back deck. The firepit that Jeremy and I built has been lit and flames are flaring up above the top stones. Jogging down the stairs, I move across the grassy yard and sink into one of the vacant chairs.
