“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“That punch was fucking awesome, by the way.”
I chuckled, tucking my chin against his chest and looking up at him, “Self Defense 101.”
Scott’s smile fell just slightly and he tightened his arm around my back but didn’t say anything.
“I’m feeling good, Scott. Really. Seeing him, I finally realized he won’t ever be able to hurt me again. Not just because I now have people who care about me, have you, but also because I’m a stronger person now. The naive teenage guy who fell into his trap isn’t here anymore.”
Scott smiled at me again, widely this time, as he pulled his fingers out of my hair and caressed my cheek instead, “You’re so beautiful, so strong and I’m so fucking proud of you, love.”
Until recently, I wouldn’t have believed his words. I’d known he meant them, that he believed those words, but I hadn’t believed them. But now, I did. I knew I was strong and I knew I was beautiful. I’d always been that, but Marcus had made me forget that. His words, his cruelty, they’d led me to believe I was weak and damaged.
But then Scott had come into my life, and with his soft smile and gentle hands he’d reminded me of all those things about me that I’d forgotten. He reminded me everyday that I was beautiful. He made me realize that my past hadn’t really broken me, but made me stronger.
Leaning up on my elbows, I crawled forward until my face was hovering over his, our lips millimeters apart. “I love you,” I whispered against his lips before leaning down and kissing him, letting all my gratitude and love pour into the kiss. This was love. This was safety. This was home. Scott was home.
32 | Scott
After a half-heartedly eaten dinner, as we cuddled in bed I held Luke tightly against my chest. I knew he was feeling better, and I was glad for it. Honestly, out of the two of us, he’d taken the bastard’s visit far better than I had.
I’d tried to stay calm when Luke had called me, but the whole drive home all I could think was that I couldn’t lose Luke. And now, even though I knew he was safe, the fear was still there. I looked down at his sleeping face, his hair spread out on the pillow behind him, his face half-smooshed against my chest and tried to tell myself that he wouldn’t be going anywhere. My insomnia had gotten so much better recently. Apparently, cuddles helped me sleep just as much as they helped Luke. But I knew it for a fact that I wouldn’t be getting any sleep today
I ran my fingers through Luke’s hair in an attempt to calm myself, but I knew it was pointless. My mind was filled with the what-ifs. What if Luke hadn’t had the chance to call me? What if Marcus had managed to hurt him or take him away again?
I squeezed my eyes shut but snapped them open when the panic started creeping up at not being able to see Luke. I wasn’t sure why this was hitting me so hard. Was it because I’d already lost so many people I loved that even the thought of anything happening to Luke was unacceptable to me? Or because I loved Luke so much that I couldn’t imagine life without him?
I took a shuddering breath and smiled when Tressa hopped up on the bed and settled on my chest, giving my chin a comforting lick. If I hadn’t been barely holding on to my calm, I’d have teased Luke about caring more about the cat’s well being more than his own when I saw her in the bathroom with him, but I knew how much he loved Tressa and there was no way he’d have left her alone like that.
The way Luke had faced Marcus and given him that broken nose had made me feel so proud of him. He’d come so far from the man who’d shown up on my doorstep looking for a room to rent almost a year ago. Even then, he’d been the most beautiful guy I’d ever come across, but he’d had a shadow on his face, a darkness in his eyes that was now all but gone. Now, he was bright and cheerful, there was a sparkle in his eyes, a skip in his step and a lightness in his whole being.
I was so proud of the progress he’d made and I was so grateful to have found him. I pulled him closer to me and burying my face into his hair and breathing in the familiar strawberry scent, I swore to myself that I’d never let him go.
I woke up with a start and squinted against the bright light streaming through the window. I looked around the room and finding it empty, I shot up in bed, searching for Luke. The panic from yesterday crashed into me again, even as a small rational part of my brain tried to tell me Luke was probably somewhere in the house.
“Luke?” I called out as I scrambled off the bed, my feet tangling in the sheets and almost making me crash to the floor. As I was rushing to the door, Luke stepped out of the bathroom, his wet hair hanging down his back and a robe wrapped around his body.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, probably picking up on the anxiety that I was sure I couldn’t hide. I walked over to him and pulled him into a hug without a word, burying my face into the crook of his neck. This was something Luke did a lot with me and I realized now why he did so. The minty scent of his body wash and his own scent enveloped me and calmed my frayed nerves. I breathed in deeply as my heart rate slowly got back to normal. With a sigh, I pulled back from the hug and gave Luke a somewhat sheepish smile, though I knew it wasn’t a real smile and from the look on his face, Luke knew it too.
“You okay?” Luke asked as he placed his palm on my cheek. I debated for a second whether I should lie and say yes, but then haven’t I always been the one to tell Luke to always talk to me? Wouldn’t it be hypocritical of me if I stayed quiet?
I shook my head with a heavy sigh before pulling him to the bed with me. He came willingly and once we were seated on the bed, he nudged me closer until I was somehow lying on my back with my head in his lap with no idea how I got there. He ran his fingers through my much shorter hair before scratching my scalp and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling as I gathered my thoughts.
“Yesterday, when you called…I tried to stay calm but inside I was freaking out. Even as I talked to you and the cops, all I could think was I couldn’t lose you too.” My voice faltered and Luke squeezed my fingers comfortingly and waited for me to speak again.
I cleared my throat so I could continue, opening my eyes so I could watch him as I spoke, if only to make sure he was till here, “Every person I’ve ever loved has been taken away from me. Mom, Dad and then Pops. All I could think was that if you were gone too, I wouldn’t be able to survive that. I couldn’t sleep at all last night because every time I closed my eyes, my heart would start thundering in fear. I don’t know how or when I fell asleep but then I woke up and you weren’t here and the panic came back with a vengeance. I’m sorry I overreacted.”
Luke narrowed his eyes at me and I knew I’d said something wrong, “Aren’t you always the one telling me to never apologize for how I’m feeling?”
I grimaced and gave him an apologetic smile.
He leaned down and pressed a kiss on my forehead before sitting up. “I understand, Scott. I know how panic works and I know it’s never rational. You don’t need to apologize for anything.”
I smiled gratefully at him before turning around and pressing my face against his stomach and curling my arms around his back. He leaned forward and cuddled like that for a few, slightly awkward minutes before leaning back and patting my head, “We both have a day off courtesy to our awesome employers, so how about you make me an awesome breakfast while I get dressed and then try to stick to me like glue after that?”
I could hear the smile in his voice, which made me smile. I pressed a kiss on the robe before pulling back and sitting up. I leaned forward and kissed him softly, keeping it chaste because I hadn’t brushed my teeth yet. Moving back, I gave him a mock salute as I stood up. “Yes, sir!”
Freshening up, I made my way to the kitchen and quickly made some waffles before drowning them in whipped cream and chocolate syrup, creating the perfect comfort food. We ate while watching TV and then decided to spend much of the day reading in bed because neither of us was in the mood for the outdoors. What a shocker.
By evening I was feeling much better and I
was glad we’d taken this day off to recuperate because I knew I wouldn’t have done anything but worry if I had gone to work. There were definitely a few perks to having your best friend as your boss. Or your mom.
As we went to bed that night, I held Luke close and knew that we were meant for each other, and nothing or no one could take him away from me.
33 | Luke
“Grab a seat and I’ll get some sweet delicacies for us,” I said as we stepped into Bean Yourself. The heavenly aroma of caramel and vanilla made my mouth water and I knew without checking that Scott felt the same. He had the sweetest tooth and baked goods were right there on top of his favorites list with kissing and cuddling.
I chuckled at his star struck expression that never changed—no matter how many times we came here on a regular basis—and nudged him towards the seating area as I walked towards the counter. Kasey, one of Brady’s full-time baristas waved at me when she spotted me. “Hey, Luke! Haven’t seen you around much. How are you doing?”
“I’m good, Kase. Where’s Brady?” I asked since I hadn’t seen him anywhere around the cafe. If Brady was in a room, you immediately knew it.
“Oh, he’s in the kitchen. One of the bakers took a half day because of a family emergency, so Brady’s helping the others out. I’ll let him know you’re here.”
“Perfect, thanks. As for my order, my usual coffee and a slice of lemon cake and a caramel latte with one of your gooey chocolate cakes with a whole lot of frosting and choco-chips.”
“You don’t like chocolate cake.” Kasey told me as if reminding me of that fact about myself.
I chuckled as my cheeks colored, “It’s actually for my boyfriend.”
“Ah-ha! I’ve heard so much about him from the others. Where’s he at?”
I turned to find Scott seated at one of the window seats. He grinned at me when I caught his eyes and Kasey whistled behind me. “Damn, he’s a hottie. I’m so happy for you, Luke.”
I grinned at her as my face heated up even more. “Erm, thanks.”
Once I had our orders, I made my way to Scott, balancing our treats carefully. We were celebrating a year together as roomies, even though we were so much more now. But a year ago, on this day my life had changed for the better and we’d both wanted to celebrate it in some way. Eating a lot of desserts and then cuddling together for a Harry Potter movie marathon had seemed like the perfect thing to do.
“Here we are,” I said as I placed the tray on our table with as much of a flourish as I could.
“Oh my god,” Scott whispered as his eyes fell on the chocolate bomb. I chuckled as I placed it and his caramel latte in front of him. He immediately grabbed his fork and stuck it into the cake before looking up at me with a sheepish expression, as if he’d just remembered that I was here too.
“Go ahead.” I took my seat and grabbed my own fork but took a moment to watch Scott savor his first bite. It still surprised me sometimes, how much I cared for him, how much I loved him. It even scared me sometimes, the intensity of my love for him. But then I’d look into his eyes and I’d see everything I felt reflected back at me and that always comforted me.
It had been two months since the whole Marcus fiasco, and things were pretty much back to normal. Scott had clung to me a bit tighter that first week every time he held me, as if he was afraid I’d disappear any moment, but he was doing much better now. My heart hurt for him sometimes, remembering how lonely he’d been before he’d met, how scared he’d been to let someone in for fear of losing them. And then he’d met me and he’d buried all his worries to care for me and help me through my shit.
But we were together now, and in the end, that was all that mattered.
I was pulled out of my thoughts as Brady appeared in my periphery. He was looking out the glass front of the cafe and frowning at something.
“Hey, Brads. What’s wrong?”
“Huh?” He turned to look at me before shaking his head and slumping into a chair. “Hey, Luke. Hiya, Scott.”
Scott chewed a rather large bite of cake as he waved at Brady with his mouth full. He was so adorable when it came to chocolate.
“You okay?”
“Ugh, yes. There’s just this guy. He’s been coming to the shop for the past three days. He gets a coffee and sits here for hours and I swear, every time I turn around, he’s staring right at me.”
My eyes widened as I turned to look out the window as if the man would still be around. There was no shortage of shitty people in this world, and since Brady wore his pride flag proudly, he could easily be a target of some homophobic asshole.
“Shit. Did he try something? What are you gonna do?”
“Can we help?” Scott added and my heart warmed. He’d hung out with Brady a few times now, and I loved watching them get along since they meant so much to me.
“Nah, maybe he just needs a makeup tip or something. I’ll see if it continues and if it does, I’ll confront him.” Brady said with a shrug.
“Be careful.” Scott said and I grinned.
“Oh no. If that guy wants to pick a bone with Brady, he’ll realize Brady isn’t as sweet as all these desserts he sells.”
Scott quirked a brow at me so I explained, “Brady teaches self-defense at the NGO with Angie. And let me tell you, he has some moves.”
Brady grinned with pleasure as he stood up and took a bow. “Alrighty, then. I need to get back to the kitchen. Enjoy your food.”
“Text me what happens with the man.”
“I will!” And within a few seconds, Brady was gone.
“Oh my god, that was the best damn chocolate cake I’ve ever eaten.” Scott groaned, rubbing his flat stomach as we stepped into the living room. I chuckled at his antics as he walked over to the couch and slumped on it.
“I’m gonna go freshen up. How about you set up the movies? I’ll grab some blankets on my way.”
“Perfect,” Scott sighed and I headed over to our room. I changed into a pair of pajama shorts and one of Scott’s old t-shirts before tying my hair into a ponytail. Grabbing the extra blankets from the hall closet, I walked into the living room and over to the couch. Scott had the first movie up and ready to play, so I quickly settled down beside him on the deep couch. He curled his arm around me and pulled me closer to him and I sighed in contentment as I covered our feet with a blanket.
“Ready?” He murmured, his breath tickling my earlobe.
“Yes,” I replied in a breathless whisper, snuggling into him.
Scott pressed play and as the familiar theme music played out, I sank back against his warmth and let the comfort of his presence wash over me. As Scott pressed a kiss on my temple, that now familiar feeling of safety surrounded me in a cocoon. The knowledge that no matter how bad a day I had, I’d always get to return to the comfort of these arms seeped into my heart and I embraced the feeling.
Scott was my safety net, my support system and the love of my life. As long as I lived, I’d always come home to him.
Epilogue | Luke
August
It was a year since we’d started dating, and even with all the ups and downs we had, it was the best year of my life. We were celebrating our anniversary by revisiting the place that had brought us together, in a sense.
The pond water sparkled in the afternoon sunshine as I ran my fingers through it, smiling when I spotted the tiny fishes way at the bottom. I had absolutely no idea what kind of fish they were, but they looked pretty cute. I closed my eyes for a moment and let the warmth of the sun wash over me.
The past few months had been so full of happiness that I still sometimes felt as if it was all a dream and I’d wake up just when I was finally get used to it, but I was starting to realize that this was my reality now. That the boy who’d lost everything at the age of seventeen could have everything now. And it was all thanks to Scott.
My therapy sessions had been reduced to biweekly appointments instead of weekly ones because Monica believed I was getting better. And I knew she was
right, because I didn’t feel as heavy anymore. The anxiety still popped up in the strangest of places sometimes, but it didn’t cripple me anymore.
I looked down at myself and traced the phoenix tattoo on my abdomen. I was wearing the crop top Scott had got me on Christmas. It may not have been the perfect hiking gear, but it was a good choice for the warm weather. Plus, I loved showing off my tattoo, especially to Scott. Over the past few months, we’d grown even closer, both emotionally and physically. We still hadn’t had penetrative sex, but I knew Scott didn’t mind, not just because Scott told me that every time I brought it up but because I could see it in his eyes. He didn’t mind if we never had sex like that and that only made me want to give that to him more. But I knew better than to push myself before I was ready, which was why I was letting it be for the time being. One day. One day, I’d share that with him.
“Luke?” Scott’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked up to see he was eye level with me. I looked down and realized he wasn’t sitting on a rock like me but instead standing on his knees.
“Scott? Why are you kneeling in the grass?”
Scott gave me a grin before stuffing his hand in his pocket. He cleared his throat before looking at me with a serious expression. “Luke, it’s been a year since we started dating and fourteen months since we met and I don’t want to wait anymore. I love you so much. I love cuddling and watching TV with you, I love reading books with you, I love hiking with you. I love doing the most boring chores with you and I want to keep doing all those things with you for the rest of my life.”
Finding You Page 19
