Contents
Title Page
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Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
A note from the author
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Preview: Lifeguards and Liars (a cozy mystery)
Other Titles
Legal Notice
Single Wide Female
St. Paddy’s Day Disaster
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
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Sincerely,
Lillianna
P.S. Also be sure to see the previews at the end of this book for introductions to additional series by Lillianna Blake.
Chapter 1
St. Patrick’s day was one of my favorite holidays. It was just an excuse to party and have a great day. I wasn’t much for clubs and bars but I didn’t mind going out and sharing in a celebration. Green beer, four-leaf clovers, and a little good luck was certainly a combination that I always looked forward to.
As the day quickly approached I wanted to plan something fun. I didn’t want to just tag along to other people’s parties as I often did. I wanted to have my own solid plans. I decided to write a blog post to see if any of my readers had any suggestions about places to go. I’d become much more open to new things lately. No longer was I willing to hide away and wait for life to find me. My new policy was to be bold and find life first.
Ever since I’d begun ticking things off on my bucket list, I’d been sharing my adventures on my blog, Single Wide Female. It was a little bit about everything that I was experiencing, and it was very cathartic for me to be able to express myself honestly and openly no matter what I had to confess. I had a few dedicated followers and I hoped to get some good ideas of how to make my St. Paddy’s day memorable.
Not long after posting, I received an alert on my computer that I had a new message. I logged back in with some excitement. The message was from exactly who I’d hoped it would be from—Blue.
Blue was one of my regular readers. I’d never met him in person, but he had become a big part of my life through my blog. I looked forward to every comment he left. Most recently I’d experienced a close encounter with him at a coffee shop. I knew that he knew who I was, but I had no idea who he was. Okay, there was a slight creepiness factor to that, but more than anything, it was mysterious and intriguing. I often wondered what it would be like to spend some time with him in person. I hadn’t quite gotten brave enough to set up a meeting yet.
As I read his comment I smiled with excitement.
SWF,
I have a suggestion for you. Maybe it’s a suggestion for both of us. There’s a bar called O’Malley’s. It’s not hard to find. They host a party every year for St. Patrick’s Day. Anyone dressed up for the occasion has a chance of winning their contest. It’s where I like to spend the holiday. Here’s hoping for a little luck that you might end up there too.
Blue
I had to read the message three times before it finally set in. Was he trying to set up a meeting with me? Had he invited me to spend St. Patrick’s Day with him? I was thrilled by the idea, but a little worried that I was reading too much into it. He had really just recommended a location—that didn’t mean that he wanted to spend the day with me.
I tried to talk myself out of being over-the-moon ecstatic about the idea of finally meeting Blue, but I couldn’t help it. I’d spent so much time wondering about him—admittedly, fantasizing about him—that I couldn’t wait to meet him. It would be in a public place, which made it feel more secure, and it wasn’t officially a date, so I didn’t have to overthink everything I said and did.
I was feeling more than a little excited as I typed a message back to him.
Blue,
Maybe we’ll both end up lucky this St. Paddy’s Day. Thanks for the idea.
SWF
I was trying to be casual and laid-back, as I didn’t want to come on too strong. It wasn’t until after I sent the message that I realized how that statement might be taken. I groaned as I realized it was too late to change it. I could only hope that Blue didn’t think I was coming on too strong.
As I waited for a message in return, my mind spun with all of his possible reactions. The worst would be not hearing back from him. I fretted a little bit longer and then forced myself to close my computer. I couldn’t sit around all night waiting for him to answer.
I decided to go costume shopping. I was always happy to dress up. It was fun to pretend to be someone or something else for a day, and I knew the perfect place to pick up a costume.
As I dressed to go out, I took a look at my body in the full-length mirror. I was pleased with the progress I was making. Eating better was giving me a bit of an energy boost, but what was really making the difference for me was the increased confidence I’d been feeling, all due to the progress I’d made with my bucket list.
I’d created a list of every activity and idea that I’d avoided due to my weight and lack of confidence. I was slowly making my way through the list, and each new checkmark made me feel wonderful.
Dressing up for St. Patrick’s Day wasn’t on the list, but it was something that I used to avoid. It was hard to find a costume in my size that wasn’t frumpy or boring. When I tried to make my own, I always felt too insecure to actually wear it out. My mindset had been changing. I was proud of my body and the way I looked. I was even more open to showing it off in fun ways.
The shop I wanted to go to wasn’t far away, so I grabbed my purse and set out walking.
Chapter 2
In my little neighborhood, there was an assortment of shops, including the one I manage—Fluff and Stuff. Each shop was a little quirkier than the last and I enjoyed the variety that they offered. There was one in particular that I always enjoyed browsing. It was a custom costume shop that doubled as a vintage thrift store. Basically, the person who ran it provided a wide range of clothing and accessories, then for an extra fee she could whip them up into a costume. I was really excited to see what she might have available for me.
As I stepped inside the shop I noticed that everything was green and gold. She was getting festive just like the rest of the city.
“Hello?”
“I’m back here.” The owner’s voice drifted from behind a curtain. “I’ll be right out.”
As I waited for her, I began looking through the racks. I wanted something that would really stand out. I was hoping that it would also be a little sexy. If I was going to meet Blue for the first time I wanted to make a good impression. I had no idea where things might go between us, but I was looking forward to finding out.
I found a beautiful shawl made of fabric with four-leaf clovers on it. I thought it was pretty unique. I’d just draped it over my shoulders when the owner stepped out.
“You like that?” Her voice had a distant accent that I had yet to place. I just knew that it was exotic and I liked t
o hear it.
“Yes, I do. I need a costume for a St. Paddy’s Day party.” I pulled the shawl off. “Do you think this would work?”
“I think it could be a start.” She walked over to the rack and began sorting through the items. She pulled out a shimmering green suit jacket, gold leggings, and a gold sparkling belt. I was a little puzzled as to how she was going to turn any of that into a decent-looking costume, but I’d seen her work before and I knew it was excellent.
“You want good girl or bad girl?” she asked.
I looked at her, my eyes wide.
“Good girl trying to be bad girl?” she said. Then she nodded and walked over to the counter. “Don’t worry, I can do that. Let me work on it today. I’ll have it ready for you tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I smiled. I was a little nervous about what she might come up with.
“Measurements.” She held up a measuring tape and walked toward me.
I cringed. I usually dreaded having my measurements taken, but since I’d been working on losing weight, I was happy with how my body had begun to change. I’d also learned to accept my body as beautiful no matter what size it was. It was still a process, but I was getting there.
Accepting my body and letting someone wrap measuring tape around me were two very different things. I didn’t even realize I was sucking my belly in until she poked me in the stomach.
“Exhale. You don’t want the costume to be too tight.”
I exhaled and my belly poked out a little more than it had before. She adjusted the tape and made a new mark on her paper. She took the rest of my measurements and then nodded.
“I’ll make you something beautiful. Come back tomorrow to get it. Okay?”
“Okay. Thank you!”
I was excited to see what she would come up with and maybe just a tad wary. I could always choose not to wear it if I didn’t love it.
“What time do you close tomorrow?”
“Around five.” She was busy gazing down at the materials she was going to use. It was as if I could see the artistic juices flowing in her mind.
I was elated as I walked out of the shop. Not only was I going to have a chance to meet Blue, but I was going to have a brand new custom costume to impress him with.
The next day I had a shift at Fluff and Stuff. To honor the holiday, I’d hung decorations in the window. I had also stocked the small shop inside with all kinds of St. Patrick’s Day treats. I liked to keep things festive.
It was dark inside when I arrived, as it was still very early. The moment I turned the light on to signal that the laundromat was open for business, a customer began knocking on the front door. I hurried over to unlock it. The man who walked in had a laundry basket that was piled higher than the top of his head.
“Wow!” I took a slight step back, not just because of the size, but also because of the odor.
“I know.” He lowered the basket to the floor with a huff. “I might have gotten a little behind on the laundry.”
“A little?” I cringed as half the pile fell over onto the floor.
“Look, I’m single. I get it. I’m a slob. I just need a little help here.” He had a pleading and rather pathetic look on his face.
“It’s no problem. I can get it done for you.” I smiled.
I pretended not to notice the banana peel that was wrapped up in one of his socks in the pile of clothes. I knew plenty of single men, but this was beyond anything I’d ever seen before.
“Do you think you could have it ready by tonight? I’m having a woman over for dinner tomorrow and I need some clean clothes.” He scratched his head nervously. “She might have the impression that I’m a little neater than I actually am.”
“Blind date?” I asked.
“Yes. Well—Internet date. It’s pretty easy to look clean and tidy in front of a web cam.” He blushed a dark red color.
“Don’t worry, I understand. I’ll make sure that I have everything ready for you tonight.”
“Great!”
I took down his information.
Chapter 3
After the customer left I began the task of sorting through all of the clothes and the varied garbage that was mixed in with his laundry. I had seen some tough cases but this was definitely the worst. As I began putting together the first load of laundry, I wondered what the woman this man was meeting would think if she knew about this.
This also led me think about the man I was meeting. Blue seemed like an intelligent and thoughtful person. But did he have a banana peel hanging in his sock? I wouldn’t know until tomorrow. Would he be what I expected? What if he was downright repulsive, with old stinky clothes and nasty toes sticking out of holes in his shoes? Was it shallow of me to worry about how he would look when I felt such a deep connection with him on a mental and emotional level?
How would he feel when he actually got to know me? I was much more eloquent in writing than I was in person. He was likely expecting a smart, witty, woman who could handle a conversation. In reality I saw myself as a bumbling tongue-tied klutz who could rarely make it through a date without some very inappropriate giggling. I was sure that was not the person that Blue would be expecting.
“Oh my, what is that smell?”
I looked up to see Max walking through the door.
“That, my dear Max, is the smell of a bachelor.”
“Now wait a minute—I don’t let my laundry go like that.” Max cringed as he noticed half of a tuna sandwich in the middle of a pair of jeans.
“You’re not a bachelor,” I reminded him. “You’ve been dating.”
“Maybe so, but even when I’m not dating, I don’t let things get this bad.” He shook his head.
“Anyone can let things get a little out of control, although this is a bit extreme.” I pinched my nose as I tossed a pile of gym socks into one of the washers.
“You’re too nice.” He shook his head and leaned against one of the empty dryers. “So what are your plans for St. Paddy’s Day?’
“I’m actually going to meet someone.” I smiled.
“That’s a bit vague.” Max laughed. “Do I know this someone?”
“No. He’s a friend. We’re going to meet at his favorite bar.”
“Oh, a bar. Well, just remember if you need a ride, text me. Don’t drive drunk. Or walk drunk.”
“I’ll remember. But I don’t think that will be a problem. This a nice guy.” I started the washer and turned to face him. “Besides, don’t you have plans?”
“I do. But they are during the day. I’m going to some kind of boat parade with Maria. She said it’s a lot of fun. I’m not so sure, but I’m willing to check it out.”
“Aren’t you going to take her out to dinner?” I asked.
“I don’t think so. She said he needed to be home early because she has to work the next morning. Maria’s practical like that.” He shrugged.
“Smart girl. Alright, well, in the event of a disaster I’ll be sure to text you.” I smiled and started piling clothes into another empty washer.
“Good. But since we might not see each other tomorrow, why don’t we have our St. Patrick’s Day toast tonight?” he asked.
I added the last shirt into the load and then turned to grab the soap. Max held it out to me. “What do you say? Drinks tonight?”
“Sure.” I nodded. “If I ever get out from under this massive pile of laundry.”
“You can do it, Sammy. I have faith in you.”
He stared at me with such a serious expression that I had to laugh. Max was always like that—making me laugh no matter how stinky the situation might be.
“I’ll see you later tonight.”
As he stepped out the door, another customer was stepping in. Luckily she only had a small basket of clothes.
For the rest of the afternoon I was shuffling between washers and dryers as fast as I could. I had a mountain of clothes on the folding table. As I was sorting through some of it, I noticed a hot pink shirt in the bachelor’s
pile. I gasped. Had a red sock gotten into one of the loads? But the shirt wasn’t stained, it was actually pink. I thought maybe one of his dates had left it behind. When I grabbed a pair of tiny skinny jeans from the pile I realized with horror that I’d mixed the other customer’s load of laundry with the bachelor’s. Now I would have to account for each and every item to make sure nothing was missing.
I glanced up at the clock. It was already four-thirty. I had planned on closing early so that I could get to the costume shop to pick up my outfit. With so much work ahead of me, I doubted that was going to happen now. I tried to speed up. I started separating the clothes so fast that I stacked up tall piles. That was just fine until someone swung the door open very hard and the piles all toppled down on top of me.
“Hello?”
I pulled a pair of boxers off the top of my head and saw the bachelor standing in front of me.
“Hello.”
“Are those mine?” he asked.
“Uh, yes.” I held them out to him. “I was just checking their freshness.”
“Oh?”
“Sure. They smell just like spring now!” I smiled brightly at him.
He looked at me skeptically. I had a feeling his boxers had never smelled like anything close to spring. He took a cautious sniff.
“Wow!” He took a deeper sniff.
I tried not to laugh at the grown man smelling his boxers right in front of me, or the elated expression that popped onto his face when he found them fresh. “You are amazing!” he said.
“I don’t know about that.” I frowned. “I haven’t finished folding it all yet.”
“That’s alright. I’ll help. I know it was a lot to dump on you.” He came over to stand next to me.
Chapter 4
I watched Mr. Bachelor began balling the clothes up. I bit my tongue. I tried not to notice the way he just tossed the clothes without any regard for the effort I’d taken to get out all of the wrinkles. Once he was onto the second pair of pants, I couldn’t keep quiet any longer.
St. Paddy’s Day Disaster (Single Wide Female) Page 1
