by Mj Fields
~
Before Thanksgiving Tessa made a whole turkey dinner by herself so that Lucas could eat with their family before he went to Jersey with his. She wanted him to know he was family, and she couldn’t imagine spending a holiday without the people she loved. That kind gesture hurt him but he knew it wasn’t meant to.
Toby came home to visit, and he and Tessa hung out a lot. Lucas liked him and often found himself watching his interaction with Tessa. He was kind and gentle with her. He didn’t push her into anything. Tessa was very relaxed with him around.
After his basketball game, Lucas came home and found Tessa asleep against Toby’s chest. Her mascara was smeared down her face, and Toby was looking at her when Lucas walked in the room.
“Hello,” Lucas said to Toby as he passed the couch and walked into the bathroom.
When Lucas walked out Toby asked him to sit, and Lucas did.
“How are you Lucas?”
“I’m alright and you?” Lucas asked uncomfortably.
“I know what’s gone on here for the past few months. I know how she feels about you. And I know how you feel about her,” Toby said.
“What makes you think …” Lucas stated and Toby interrupted.
“Lucas, I’m not trying to make this hard on you or start an argument. I wanted you to know that I think what you’re doing is honorable. I also know that this living situation has got to be extremely hard on both of you. I know you wouldn’t choose this for her or yourself. She’s worried about you being alone. I agree with her, these people care about you. John wants you to stay Lucas, just until your mom gets home.”
“This is uncomfortable, Toby…”
“It’s not,” Toby said softly.
“Yes it is! I see her walking on egg shells in her own house! I hear her cry when she’s in the shower, she cleans all the damn time to avoid sitting down for two minutes, and I know it’s because she’s dying inside. I know this because I’m dying right along with her. Her family is amazing, but just like her, they’re putting me first…” he said fighting tears.
“That’s love…” Toby interrupted.
“Yes I get that. And I love her just as much. I’m not staying, she needs to heal, and I need to let her,” Lucas stood up.
“Okay, I get it. Either way you are both going to hurt. This one right here will struggle through and be fine. She’s strong Lucas, but she needs you to be, too. She needs you to be safe and happy. If not, she’s going to have a very hard go of this, and so will you. I love her Lucas, if she chose you tomorrow I would have no problem walking away knowing she would have what she wanted. I know you’re a good man, and not just because she says so, but because I see it in you. I just wanted you to know that,” Toby said softly.
“Thank you.”
Lucas looked at Tessa and ran his hands through his hair and walked up the stairs to bed.
~
Christmastime was always exciting; the Ross family had many traditions that were new to Lucas. Each person got a new ornament with their name on it or something that reflected whatever their passion was for the year. Tessa made Lucas an ornament with a football and a crown. On the bottom, she used a paint pen and wrote Christmas with the Ross family on it. They had the Christmas pickle, the elf on the shelf, the nativity scene displayed in their front yard and an advent calendar that each person had a special day or rather rotation of days that they got to switch the calendar and received a small treat or trinket for their day.
There were two trees and presents piled up high under them. They all had personalized stockings that they had since birth. Lights and candles adorned every room inside and outside the farm house. Tessa bought both Lucas and Chewy personalized stockings. Lucas thought their traditions were beautiful but not nearly as beautiful as the girl he loved more and more everyday.
Lucas was loading his car with gifts for his sisters, Audrianna, and his father. Tessa stood outside freezing in shorts and a sweater helping him. Tessa laughed whenever he grumbled about the amount of stuff she made him buy for the girls. She had sent him with presents for them that needed to be opened as soon as they woke up. He promised her he would. When he was about to leave she jumped on him and wrapped her arms and legs around him and hugged him and kissed his face in a very obnoxious sloppy manner.
“Drive safe and text me when you get there Lucas, have a Merry Christmas.”
He smiled and kissed her gently on the mouth. He pulled away, and her eyes were closed, she opened them and he grabbed her face.
“Merry Christmas Tessa, I love you.” he got into his SUV and pulled away.
She stood rubbing her lips gently as he pulled down the road out of sight.
Tessa went inside, just like she did when he left for Thanksgiving, went upstairs and cried. She loved him desperately but knew she had to stay strong for him. The emptiness she felt now had a lot to do with the fact she knew he would be moving home in a week, and she wouldn’t see him nearly as much. She was afraid to lose him again even though she knew she already had. Tessa fell asleep crying.
Her phone chimed. It was him
-I made it safe and sound…LL
-I’m so glad!!!! You better get to sleep or Santa won’t come…Tessa
- He’s a little freaky you know, sneaking in your house at night after stalking you all year. I may stay up just to be sure his ass doesn’t come in the house…LL
-Chicken butt! In the morning you should look under the back seat, I think he left you a little something…Tessa
-No kidding, you should look in your um, unmentionable’s drawer I think he left you something as well…LL
-I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! …Tessa
-I couldn’t tell..LL
-I love you Lucas, have a beautiful Christmas with your family…Tessa
-I love you Tessa, goodnight…LL
Christmas was amazing, and the gift he left her was too much. Inside a perfectly wrapped box with a bow was a pair of diamond stud earrings. Tessa cried when she opened them.
-Merry Christmas Lucas, I don’t think I can accept your gift, they’re beautiful but too much my friend, BTW you made me cry…Tessa
-Merry Christmas Tessa, I don’t know how you pulled that off, I have never received a gift with such meaning, I love it and will always and forever cherish it..BTW you made Audrianna cry, she couldn’t believe that you would do that for the girls too. As always I’m in awe of you…LL
Tessa had made albums of his time with her family; she had purposely left the pictures of just the two of them out. She included newspaper clippings that had his name in it from local papers and lots of pictures of him and his sisters. It was full of all the important parts of the past four months of his life. Pictures were one of her favorite things ever: they induced memories allowing you to more clearly travel back to the life changing events that mold us and make us who we are.
Tessa had made albums for each of his sisters that included the same photos as Lucas’s and a few of Tessa and the girls. She had also made empty pages to be filled in later.
Under the tree was a large box To the Ross family, it was from the Links family. It was full of beach items and gift cards. There was a certificate for a family getaway to Myrtle Beach to be used whenever they chose. There was a hand written note from Landon thanking them for taking Lucas in, and to Tessa for all her kindness. Tessa cried when she read it.
-please thank your family Lucas, it again was too much, give them our love…Tessa
CHAPTER 2
Lucas pulled in to the farm on the twenty seventh at around seven at night. He got out of the SUV and stretched. Tessa bolted out of the house and dove on him knocking him into a snow bank. She hugged him, and Chewy jumped on him and licked his face.
They sat inside the toasty house and talked about Christmas while he unpacked. She asked him if he wanted to ride snowmobile and meet Jade and Tommy for dinner.
“That sounds like fun,” Lucas said smiling at her.
~
Tessa
drove, and he held on tight. She was wild on the green sled. Lucas was thankful she had all the layers of clothes on because he had to hold tightly around her. They pulled in, and Jade was straddling Tommy on their sled as they made out.
Tommy and Jade stopped when they saw Tessa and Lucas standing there looking incredibly uncomfortable. They all went in and sat by the fire and ordered dinner. The place was packed, and it took awhile to get their food but as always it was well worth it. At the end of the meal, the waitress brought out a cake that Tessa had made and brought up earlier that day. It had nineteen candles and the whole restaurant sang happy birthday to Lucas. He smiled and looked at her and mouthed Thank you, Tessa. They laughed and joked for three hours before they decided to leave.
Tessa let Lucas drive home, she held tightly to him, and he drove much slower than she had. He was sucking up every second that her arms held tightly to his body; he wished this moment could last forever.
~
They finally got to the farm, and he pulled the sled into the barn and turned it off. She took her helmet off and her golden hair fell down her face, and she laughed. He looked at her and wanted so badly to stay.
“Lucas you drive like my grandma.” The zipper on her bibs was stuck and she was having a hard time getting it down, she scowled and stomped her foot.
“Let me help you.”
He was very aware that the only thing that was between his fingers and her chest was the zipper and a very tight, thin layer of clothing. His breaths became deeper and slower until he finally freed the zipper. The mounds beneath her shirt were pebbled and extremely visible. Tessa closed her eyes and arched her back ever so slightly until she felt his finger slowly rub across her taut nipple. He looked into her eyes, and they both stood still trying to control their breathing. Tessa closed her eyes, and he kissed her hard pulling her lip down to open her mouth, she moaned softly. Lucas picked her up and sat on the snow mobile, she grabbed his head and kissed him deeper. His hands lightly skimmed over her shirt, and she kissed him harder.
“I love you Tessa,” Lucas kissed her neck.
“I love you Lucas… so much,” Tessa climbed on his lap and rubbed against his rock hard pants and whimpered when he pushed against her. He stood and held her against him and walked deeper into the barn as she pushed his bibs down and pulled him free, “Baby I …we…”
“I just want to feel you Lucas, I need to feel you,” Tessa stoked him softly as they pulled her bibs off; she had thermal long underwear on under them. He cupped her ass in his hands and lifted her wrapping her legs around his waist. Tessa grinded against him and whimpered.
Lucas kissed her hard as he pushed her against the wall and rocked against her, feeling the warmth between her legs.
“You’re real wet Baby,” he groaned, “real hot. Fuck Tessa this is...”
“Please don’t stop please Lucas it feels so good… Oh God, I wish you were inside of me.”
“I would give anything to be baby,” his hips moved closer, grinding into her even harder. “Aw, fuck yes just like that Tessa.”
“I wanna lay on you, I need you closer.”
Lucas held her tight and knelt down and sat back watching her face flush, he pushed her hair back, “I need to make you come, Tessa.”
“I think…”
“What’s it feel like baby? You’re so fucking wet for me.”
“Hot, burning… Lucas” she threw her head back and he caught it in his hand.
She started pulling away, “No baby, you’re right there-- stay with me, fuck… go off with me.”
He pushed against her harder and reached between them and rubbed his thumb against the outside of her, hitting her clit. She gasped and pulled back, “No baby, let me be the first to make you come, really come,” her teeth clenched tightly and she pushed against him and he rubbed harder. She screamed as her body shook.
“Fuck,” Lucas mouth opened and his nostrils flared as he came.
Tessa hugged him tightly around his neck as they continued to kiss each other. She hugged him again and didn’t let go as he rubbed her back and kissed her head over and over again.
He carried her to bed and he started to walk away.
Tessa grabbed him, “Please don’t go, please stay with me tonight.”
Lucas changed and so did she. He climbed in beside her. She laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him and fell asleep to him running his fingers through her hair.
Lucas woke before her and snuck into his bed and fell back to sleep. It was nine when Tessa woke. She never slept in that late. She smiled as she got in the shower. She dressed and made breakfast.
~
Lucas came down first, “Good morning Tessa,” he kissed her head.
He looked in her eyes, and she blushed.
“Good Morning,” she hugged him quickly and grinned.
“Tessa I’m sorry about…” he started.
“I’m not,” she smirked.
Tessa looked in his eyes and stopped smiling as she saw his eyes glaze over as if he had constructed a wall.
“Tessa, I am,” he said “Do you know what today is?”
“Yep three days before your birthday,” she turned her back to him.
“The sonogram…the fucking sonogram Tessa,” he cursed as his hand slammed down on the counter.
Tessa jumped, “I’m sorry Lucas I forgot,” she said as her eyes started to burn.
“Okay don’t, no water works, Tessa,” he barked.
She looked shocked. He had never spoken to her like that.
“Damn it, I’m sorry,” Lucas said softly.
Tessa swallowed hard and turned around and cleared her voice.
“No big deal we can forget it happened, just a mistake, sorry. Breakfast is in the oven, it’s a casserole, I need to go to the bathroom,” she walked quickly past him.
“Fuck,” he clenched his fist and slammed it on the counter.
He stood up and walked into the bathroom, she was standing at the washing machine folding clothes.
“Tessa.”
She quickly wiped her eyes, “Lucas, do you need something?”
“Tessa look at me.”
“I’m a little busy-- just give me a minute okay?” she asked again in the same sweet voice.
He lightly touched her shoulders, and she tensed up and started to shake, “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be, it’s not a big deal.”
“Look at me baby,” he whispered.
“Nope, look last night was fun, I know you're leaving and I know you’re going to have a baby, but for just a few minutes,” she stopped and took a deep breath and swallowed, “I forgot, so my mistake, I’m sorry. I’m not mad and I hope you can forgive me,” she shook more, and he wrapped his arms around her.
She took several deep calming breaths.
“I’m not mad at you, Tessa, I’m mad at me,” he whispered.
Tessa began to cry again and shook her head. She put her hands over her eyes and quietly continued to cry. She stopped and turned around and looked at him.
“I don’t want that, Lucas,” she said, “The reality is that this sucks. the whole thing. You’re trying to tiptoe around me because you don’t want to hurt me and I’m doing the same thing. It sucks, and what really sucks is that I believe we love one another, and there isn’t a damn thing either of us can do about it. It’s the forbidden fruit.” she laughed. “We never even got a chance to bite the damn apple because we actually give a shit about each other.” She was laughing harder now. “Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would fall for the hottie football rock star and this craziness would have happened,” she smiled and put her head on his chest and laughed. She looked up at him with a grin, “You got anything Lucas? You're being awfully quiet,” He shook his head no and looked at her, “Please give me something—I’m like Jekyll and Hyde right now.”
“You astound me,” he said looking at her.
“Well that’s not helping,�
�� she laughed “you were pissed at me in the kitchen and now I astound you. I was a crying little child a minute ago, and now I’m laughing. There is seriously something wrong with us.”
He just looked at her and took a deep breath, his arms still around her as he continued to look at her, “You don’t have to be so strong for me, Tessa.”
“This is not strong, this is wrecked Lucas,” she admitted. “I don’t even know who I am right now, don’t you see that?”
He hugged her and kissed her head, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be who I desperately wished I could be for you. We could’ve been amazing together, so yes Tessa, you astound me.”
“Who can you be without me Lucas? I need to know that the guy I fell in love with was real, please don’t prove me wrong,” she reached up and grabbed his face and kissed him.
He stood there staring at her. She took his arms and put them to his sides and walked around him.
~
Sadi lay on the table, and Lucas held her hand, just like Tessa would expect. The radiologist couldn’t see much in the sonogram, so she decided to do an ultra sound. Lucas’s eyes widened when he saw her pull out the stirrups, all he could think of was Tessa’s Vagatron experience. She then took out a device that was shaped like a penis and put a condom over it. She inserted it inside Sadi, and she gripped his hand tightly.
“You okay?” Lucas whispered.
“NO,” Sadi hissed.
“Okay here is your uterus and the little one is right here,” the radiologist pointed at the screen.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” Lucas asked anxiously.
