How to Make a Fake Historical Artifact:
Fossils should be big. The easiest parts to fake are the tooth and the claw. For this example, we’ll fake a tooth from the megalodon, an enormous prehistoric shark.
Learn as much as possible about your fake, so it will be easier to talk about the subject with confidence. The megalodon, which died out millions of years ago, is thought to be the largest flesh-eating fish in recorded history, so its teeth are enormous. They look like massive shark teeth, perfect for shredding helpless whales.
Draw a picture of the tooth on paper. It should be about ten inches on its longest edge. Don’t use straight lines or right angles, since they will make the tooth look like a fake. Make it slightly imperfect.
When the shape looks like the picture, cut it out with scissors. Using this paper as a stencil, trace the shape onto a piece of cardboard.
Make the cardboard tooth thicker by attaching small wads of newspaper. Take a quarter sheet, crumple a corner into a wad, and fold the rest of the paper over your wad, creating a fat packet of paper, about the size of a large oatmeal cookie.
Wrap your wad with a few strands of masking tape, then attach it to the tooth with more masking tape. Keep the masking tape as smooth as possible. Use plenty of masking tape; the tooth should be almost as much masking tape as newspaper.
Make more paper cookies and add them to the cardboard tooth, building up the thickness. Try to define two parts of the tooth, the “root” and the “blade,” by making the root more thick and bumpy.
Use more masking tape down the blade, to smooth out rough spots. Try to make the blade slightly curved, and as smooth as possible. Apply lots of pieces of masking tape to the blade of the tooth, from the root toward the tip.
If you have low spots, you can crumple up a bit of paper, push it into the void, and tape it down flat. But don’t worry if it has problems. Of course it’s chipped and flawed! It’s been buried in a rock for fifteen million years! As long as it’s pointy, it’ll look like a tooth.
When you run out of masking tape, you are done. Next you must cover the surface of the tooth. You can use various substances for this, but the best choice is a modeling plastic called Crayola Model Magic Fusion. It’s like Play-Doh, but plastic and spongy, and it hardens as it dries. It can be found at Target, Toys “R” Us, or Amazon.com for about ten dollars.
Press the Fusion into a thin pancake (about 1/8 inch thick), using a rolling pin or the palm of your hand. Cover the entire tooth with a layer of the pressed Fusion pancake. Apply it in pieces, blending all the seams into one another, so that the skin is complete. (To smooth seams, lay a paper towel on the surface, and rub it lightly.)
Keep the surface rough, especially around the root. Make it look ancient by poking small “pockmarks” on the root, using a skewer or round toothpick. Add some ridges to the blade by lightly dragging a toothpick down the surface.
The blade, on the other hand, should look smooth and enamel. Wet a paper towel and gently polish the surface.
Sit back and admire your masterpiece. Then hide it in a closet. Model Magic Fusion dries in seventy-two hours.
When your prank tooth has fossilized, put it in a bucket of wet dirt, then wipe away the excess.
Depending on your story, you can either let the dirt dry for a few days, or keep it wet (for a “freshly discovered” look). Either way, you should put the tooth in a Ziploc bag or other display case—somewhere people can look at it, but not too closely. Under no circumstances should anyone be allowed to take out or touch the fossil. Explain that it is too valuable and delicate.
[Optional] Create a fake “Certificate of Authenticity” from a country like China. Detail the date and location of the discovery.
Before presenting your fossil, make sure you have your story straight. Perhaps you received the tooth from a relative who traveled to China, or maybe you bought it off the Internet. Just whatever you do, don’t name it “The Piltdown Tooth.” People are gullible, but not that gullible.
HOW TO FAKE AN ALIEN LANDING
In the late 1970s, farmers throughout England began to notice a very strange thing: giant circles that were forming, overnight, in their fields. Someone, or something, was flattening down the crops, in perfect geometric patterns.
People came up with all kinds of explanations about what caused the mysterious circles in these farmers’ crops. In the 1980s, the media began to broadcast the story of these “crop circles,” which led to even more sightings, and more theories.
Some people claimed crop circles were evidence of UFOs. It was possible, after all, that the circles could have been made by an enormous spaceship with a perfectly smooth bottom, which landed silently, then took off again without any further damage to the field.
Or it could have been a bunch of guys with boards and rope.
Doug Bower and Dave Chorley were two English pranksters who wanted to fool people into thinking UFOs had landed, so they began creating crop circles at night, using the method revealed on the next page.
Although not all crop circles can be attributed to these types of pranksters, experts say almost eighty percent are clearly man-made. And what about the other twenty percent? Either aliens, or better pranksters.
The instructions below explain how to make a crop circle in a large field, but large backyards are also good targets, especially if you can view the yard from a high window and the grass hasn’t been mowed in a while. It’s actually a good way to get out of mowing the lawn, since no one will want to disturb it.
How to Fake an Alien Landing:
Select your field. Make sure it is easily visible from above, preferably next to a high road or other viewing area that gets a lot of visitors. By daylight, figure out where you’re going to make your pattern. You can also measure the field and use graph paper to plot your pattern.
Drill two large holes in the plank, one at either end. Cut a length of rope that’s a foot or two longer than the board, and tie it through each hole, securing with a knot. This is what crop circle prankster John Lundberg calls the “stalk stomper.”
At night, sneak to the field with your supplies. Walk into the field at the center point of your circle, trying not to leave any footprints behind you. Using your hammer, pound in the stake. This will be the center point of your circle.
Cut a length of string. The circle will be about double the length of this string.
Tie the string to the stake. Tie the other end to the rope.
Walk out until the string is taut, and make sure the board is pointing to the stake. Stamp down on the plank, pressing all the stalks in one direction until they are flat.
Lift the board, take a step, and repeat, making sure all the stalks are flattened. When you have completed the edge of the circle, go back toward the stake and finish flattening the inside stalks.
When the circle is complete, dig up your stake, fill in the hole, and leave as quietly as you came, trying not to leave any footprints.
Be sure to call local reporters the next morning, and leave an anonymous suggestion that they check out the field.
When trying to figure out whether something is real or a hoax, it often helps to remember Occam’s Razor. In other words, when faced with the explanation that it’s either UFOs or boards and rope, it’s probably boards and rope.
OCCAM’S RAZOR
Not a shaving instrument, but an idea that when trying to explain something complicated (like circles in a field), the simplest solution is usually the right solution. UFOs are a complicated solution; boards and rope are an easy solution. Occam’s Razor is not always right, but it’s useful as a guide.
Memorize Occam’s Razor. Be able to explain the idea to a partner.
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MASSIVE MISCHIEF
SMOKE BOMBS
Every young mischief maker wants to know how to make smoke bombs. The trick is how to do it safely. There are lots of dangerous smoke bomb recipes out there. The beautiful thing about this sm
oke bomb recipe is that it’s safe, as long as you follow the rules of Proper Smoke Bomb Etiquette (see page 231).
This smoke bomb shoots a beautiful stream of jet smoke out the top of a ping-pong ball. And the only ingredients you need are ping-pong balls, aluminum foil, and tape—items you can safely pick up at Wal-Mart. You can also build a larger version by simply cutting up more ping-pong balls and piling them in a larger square of aluminum foil.
This is a good use for old dented ping-pong balls, by the way. Don’t use your family’s good ping-pong balls, because then you can’t play ping-pong.
How to Make a . . . Well, You Know:
Poke a hole in the top of a ping-pong ball using a sharp pick, or the tip of your scissors. Be careful that you do not cut yourself with the scissors. The hole should be large enough to fit a straw.
Cut the rest of the ping-pong balls into small pieces (small enough to fit in the hole).
Put each of the pieces into the ping-pong ball.
Cut a one-inch piece of straw and put it into the ping-pong ball, so it is poking out the top. Tape it in place.
Wrap the entire ball in aluminum foil, up to the top of the straw. Make sure the entire ball is wrapped.
Light the ball from the bottom. Once the foil has ignited, RUN!
PROPER SMOKE BOMB ETIQUETTE
1. Keep away from people. Ignite them in a distant parking lot or an abandoned building. People get panicky when they see smoke, and someone always gets in trouble. Make sure they don’t see it.
2. Keep away from anything flammable. Smoke bombs involve fire, so do not light them near anything flammable. (Stay away from garages.) Be careful of dry grass. Pavement and gravel make ideal surfaces.
3. Keep away once lit. Use a kitchen lighter or a long match to light the smoke bomb. And once the foil has ignited, get away.
THE SCIENCE OF SMOKE
The flammable ingredient in ping-pong balls is celluloid (otherwise known as cellulose nitrate), the very first plastic, invented in the late 1860s. When exposed to fire and air, celluloid will melt, smoke, and then burst into flame. (Bet you never knew ping-pong balls were so dangerous.)
Learn these facts. That way, if you’re caught, you can tell someone you’re “performing a scientific experiment on the flammability of celluloid,” and you’ll be telling the truth. People are usually afraid to mess with experiments.
Memorize the three rules of Proper Smoke Bomb Etiquette.
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SUDS MOUNTAIN
As you near the completion of your training, young prankster, you should know about the mysterious substance known as dry ice. It can be used to make toilets and urinals ooze a creepy, Halloween-like smoke. It can be used to turn a swimming pool into a creepy witches’ brew. And it can be used to create a small mountain of foamy suds.
Dry ice is frozen carbon dioxide, and it’s extremely cold (110 degrees below zero). Never touch it with your bare hands. Always wear gloves or mittens—dry ice is so cold that it can burn. You should store dry ice in a cooler or ice chest, and use it the same day you buy it. Don’t keep it in the freezer, as it is so cold it can shut down some thermostats!
Because it’s so cold, dry ice is used to pack groceries or frozen goods, so you can often get it at your local grocery store or ice-cream store for around a dollar per pound. It’s easier to find around Halloween. Make some phone calls. If they ask why, tell them you’re having a party.
ICE ICE BABY
The reason it’s called “dry” ice is because it doesn’t melt into water, like regular “wet” ice—it goes directly from a frozen solid into a gas. Which gas? Carbon dioxide.
How to Make Suds Mountain:
Carry the ingredients outside to their final location.
Dump the hot water, the bubble solution, and the glycerin into the bucket. The best recipe is to use equal parts water, bubbles, and glycerin, but do the best with what you have. You can also add a squirt of food coloring for the creep effect.
Drop the dry ice into the bucket, and stand back!
This also makes a hilarious yet harmless Halloween prank—just pour the bubble solution into a jack-o’-lantern, drop in the dry ice, put the lid on, and run. Suds and bubbles will pour from the eyes and mouth, like a pumpkin with terrible allergies.
If you have any dry ice left over, you can also drop it in apple juice to make a tasty bubbly cider.
Locate your nearest supplier of dry ice by calling local supermarkets and ice-cream shops. You never know when you’re going to need it.
My nearest supplier is: ________
Phone number: ________
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THE SUPEREST SOAKER
Forget wimpy water guns. Forget those huge plastic “water blasters.” This is the most powerful, high-pressure homemade water cannon that you can build. Unleash a blast of water from one of these babies, and you will feel the fury of the gods. H2 OH NOOOOOO!
The Superest Soaker requires the use of an air compressor, which is a heavy piece of machinery that can sometimes be found in garages or shop classes. Carpenters usually have one. You can also rent them (Google “tool rental” and your zip code), but they’re very heavy to move without a car!
CAN’T HANDLE THE PRESSURE
This is not the kind of water gun that you point at people. This is the kind of water cannon that removes paint from the side of houses. Use common sense, and aim away from living things (with the possible exception of large trees).
How to Make The Superest Soaker:
Empty the fire extinguisher by spraying it into a tightly sealed trash bag. Do not breathe the powder, which can be harmful to the lungs and eyes.
Unscrew the top to the fire extinguisher and rinse it thoroughly. This should be done in a utility sink in the basement, or outside using a garden hose. Be sure to rinse out the tube and nozzle as well.
Cut off half of the white nozzle. Cover the remaining white part, plus the black part, with electrical tape. This is the nozzle for your water cannon.
Fill the tank about 2/3 full with water. Screw on the cap.
Set up the air compressor, and pressurize it to 105 PSI. Do not set the air compressor higher than 105 PSI. Make sure the valve to the compressor is turned off, so the compressor can build up pressure.
Put the compressor nozzle into the fire extinguisher nozzle. Hold it there firmly with your writing hand, pressing down on the fire extinguisher lever with your forearm. With your other hand, turn on the valve to the compressor. Watch the pressure gauge on the fire extinguisher; when it stops moving, you’ve reached 105 PSI.
Remove your forearm from the fire extinguisher lever, then turn the valve to the compressor off. Remove the air compressor hose from the fire extinguisher.
Shout “READY! AIM! FIRE EXTINGUISHER!” as you blast forth a mighty jet spray from the blowhole of a whale. Happy drenching!
Design your own “Final Prank.” This is a massive mischief mission that could be pulled on a famous local person, statue, or business. Using the Prankster’s Code and all that you have learned to this point, outline the prank from start to finish. Be as detailed as possible.
When you are finished with your design, write it here, but do not pull off the prank. A good prankster is disciplined, and can wait.
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PRANK RANK ACHIEVED!
You have much to be proud of, young mischief maker. You have worked your way through yet another level of M3, which means you have now earned the title of Massive Mischief Maker. You are only one level away from reaching the greatest achievement of your young life: the rare and brilliant ranking of Master Mischief Maker. Graduation is within your grasp, grasshopper.
Visit www.mischiefmakersmanual.com to track progress and download badge.
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If you don’t complete this final section, you’re going to get in trouble.
TROUBLE
CONFESSION
If you faithfully follow the instructions in Mischief Maker’s Manual, your odds of getting in trouble will be far lower than those of untrained hooligans. Still, mischief happens. Despite your best planning, sometimes your principal catches you walking a live cow up the steps of your school. In case of emergency, here’s what you should do.
Remain calm. This is an excellent skill to develop. People who are able to remain calm in dangerous situations are much better equipped to deal with life. Remaining calm will give you the upper hand in almost every situation. Your captor is likely to be frustrated or furious, which gives you the advantage. Breathe deeply, as you calmly analyze your situation.
Remain silent. Try to keep quiet. “You have the right to remain silent.” Police are supposed to say this to criminals when they make an arrest, because most criminals are dumb, and try to talk their way out of it. It’s smarter to keep your yapper shut. (Using the phrase “I would like to take the fifth” can sometimes impress a social studies teacher enough to let you go.) Keep quiet for as long as possible; sometimes this is hours, and sometimes this is less than a minute.
Sir John Hargrave's Mischief Maker's Manual Page 10
