by Lacey Silks
“It’s different with my mom. I don’t want to see her hurting.”
“You have to tell her. If you don’t do it, I will.”
“Jo, you can’t.”
“She loves you more than anything in this world. You owe it to her.”
“I know, I know.”
I reached for his hand. It was selfish of me to encourage him to tell his mother in advance because that would give her more time to talk him out of this stupid decision he thought would make him a better man. He was already the best man I knew. I couldn’t let him go. If Nick left, I’d be crushed.
“Jo, you can either support me in this decision, or we can fight about it for the next month, wasting precious time. No matter what, I’m not changing my mind.”
I stood up and crossed my arms over my chest looking out to the lake. Why were the waves so calm when all I could see ahead in my life was a storm full of hurricanes, thunders, tornadoes and cloudy days? Why was he doing this to me? Why was he doing this to us?
“I need to go.”
I turned on my heel and started running. This morning when we went out for our run had felt so perfect, and now Nick was ruining it.
“Joelle,” he called after me, but I didn’t stop. He said that I couldn’t talk him out of this decision. Well, I wouldn’t allow him to talk me out of mine, and so I headed for the bakery.
Marge was packing a five-layer cake into a box when I walked through the door.
“Hi, Jo.” The smile dropped off her face as soon as she saw me. I ran to her, slamming into her body. She took me into her arms as if she were my mother. Truthfully, she was the only mother figure I’d known in my life, and I felt as close to her as I had to my own father.
“Honey, what happened? Is Nick okay? Oh, my God, Jo, is he hurt?”
“No. He’s okay. I just had to come here because I need your help.”
“All right. You know I’d do anything for you.”
“You need to stop him. He can’t leave.”
As soon as the words left my mouth I felt like the coward I’d accused him of being. But it was too late now.
“Stop who and leave where?”
“Nick. He’s going to join the navy. He wants to be a Navy SEAL, and then he’ll go to war and die, just like his father.”
“What?”
“In one month. He already made the decision and didn’t bother talking to anyone about it.”
“My son’s going into the Navy?”
“Yes, you have to stop him. Please tell me that you will.”
“Come here, Joelle. Have a seat and a glass of water.”
She pulled a chair away from one of the two tables at the bakery where the customers often enjoyed a coffee and pastry in the mornings before work, and then sat across from me. Why was she so calm about this?
“Jo, I’m so glad that you care about him so much, but Nick is his own man. While I’m not happy that’s he’s not here himself telling me this, I’m afraid that I can’t do anything about his decision.”
What? I set the glass of water down and reached for a tissue to blow my nose.
“Of all the people, I thought you could help.” I wiped my cheek with the back of my hand. “You’re the only one who can help.”
“Nick is almost an adult. I can’t make these decisions for him.”
“But you’re his mother. You’re supposed to keep him safe. Do you want him to die?
“Of course not. Sweetheart, I know it’s hard to understand, but if he’s anything like his father, which he is, he’ll do this – and neither I nor you will be able to talk him out of it.”
That was when Nick opened the front door. “You’re playing tattletale? Seriously?”
“No, I’m making decisions that will help me keep you here.”
“You can’t keep me here, Jo.”
That felt like a stab straight into my heart. Everyone was against me today. My only chance to keep him home, his mom, was slipping away from me, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I felt like the world was closing in on me too quickly. I whipped my body around and headed for my house, bolting through the door.
“Joelle?” my father asked, but I couldn’t stop to talk to him. I couldn’t take another person telling me that they wouldn’t do anything to stop Nick from leaving.
“I need to be alone,” I said, and ran upstairs. I shut the curtains so that Nick couldn’t see me through the window, making sure that I locked it as well. But instead of heading for his own bedroom, Nick came to mine. I could feel his presence. I pushed my face deeper into the pillow, burying it there. The edge of my bed dipped as Nick sat down. He remained quiet for a while before scooting next to my body, twisting it on its side so that he could spoon me.
“Jo, I’m so sorry,” he whispered into my ear, his lips grazing gently against the outer cartilage. “Hurting you was the last thing I wanted, but I need you to be okay with this.”
“Leave me alone.” I pushed his hand away.
“I will, but not now.”
That’s right, in a month’s time he would be gone, and I’d stay behind, on my own.
“I’m never going to be okay with you leaving.”
He smoothed his hand over my shoulder, then kissed it gently. “I know it won’t be easy, but when I come back—”
“If you come back.”
“No, Jo. When I come back, I’ll be a better man. My mother always told me that my father came back from the military a changed man. A better man. That’s who I want to be — a better man.”
I turned around on the bed to face him. “But you’re already a good man, Nick. You’re the best man I have ever known, and I can’t imagine my life without you. Not now, and not ever.”
“Jo, if I don’t do this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
I shut my eyes, trying to stop the waterfall of tears. Maybe if he saw how much I was hurting, he’d change his mind. My irritation with him and this decision he was about to make was stabbing me right in the middle of my heart. Couldn’t he see that?
“It should be the other way around. You should regret leaving me for the rest of your life.”
“But I’m not leaving you. People do long distance relationships all the time. There are families with children that wait for their father or mother—”
“And how many of them don’t make it home?”
“Jo, I will come back for you. I always will. You deserve the best, Jo.”
“I just want you.”
My tears were falling freely; I couldn’t stop crying. He managed to get one of his arms underneath me and pulled me closer to him. I leaned my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. This could be one of the last few times I heard it. I prayed that it wasn’t.
“I’m scared that you’ll die.”
“It’s only training.”
“But after—”
“We don’t have to think about the after just yet. We don’t have to think about it for a while, but it would make my training a lot easier if I knew that you were okay back home, waiting for me.”
“What else am I going to do?”
“Well, you’re going to college with Molly, so that should keep you busy.”
I had applied to college intending to major in education, and while I’d never had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, the way Nick had, I knew that I loved kids, and our school definitely needed more teachers. Besides, Mrs. Schipper in first grade foretold my future when she praised me.
“It will be the longest year of my life, Nick.”
“Just think how good it will be to see each other when I come back next summer.”
When he put it that way, next summer didn’t sound as far away as I thought.
“If you don’t like it, you won’t try again, will you?”
“I won’t, I promise. I’m going to stay here with you.”
Except we both knew that there was no way Nick would not like it. He wasn’t a quitter, and
I knew that if there was anyone who would be a strong SEAL, it was him.
He leaned in and kissed me. I closed my eyes as more tears fell. I had a feeling that I’d be doing a lot of crying over the next year.
“I will miss you, Jo. I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know.” His arms squeezed around me and I savored the feeling, hoping their strength now would be enough to keep me sane for the next year or so.
“I will miss you too.”
With that, I began counting down the days I had left with him. And they began flying at fast-forward pace.
Chapter 9
“You look beautiful, Joelle.”
My father’s eyes glistened as he looked me over. Today was our prom date, and a week from now, Nick was scheduled to leave.
“Thank you.”
“Somehow I always thought Nick would be the one taking you to prom, though.”
Carter was supposed to be here in five minutes. Like we’d agreed, Nick was taking Daisy. We planned on hooking the two of them up at prom, but we weren’t going to tell our parents until just before Nick left. We needed as much time alone as possible before then.
“I see him every day.” I shrugged.
“Honey, other people may be blind to the two of you, but I’m not.”
“What do you mean?”
“How long have you two been sneaking around? I’ve been trying to figure it out, but it was hard to because you’ve always been such good friends.”
“We still are good friends.”
My father gave me a knowing look. “I wasn’t born yesterday, and I’m getting the feeling that I’m not the only one who’s been keeping secrets.”
A month had passed since we outed my father and Marge. They’d been openly seeing each other since then, going out for walks and having dinners at either our house or Marge and Nick’s.
“Jo, there’s nothing better than showing affection to the person you care about. Just please be careful. I don’t want you broken-hearted.”
The only broken heart I would have was when Nick left me next week, and I was afraid if I didn’t tell someone about the turmoil inside my heart, I’d die. I finally lifted my head and connected my gaze with my father’s.
“I really like him, Dad. A lot. He’s… he’s my everything.”
He sighed and took my hand, bringing me down to sit beside him at the kitchen table.
“Oh, boy. That’s what I was afraid of.”
“Afraid?”
“You’re in love with Nick, yet he’s taking Daisy; while you’re going to prom with Carter. How did you two think this was a good idea?”
In love? I did love him. I think I always had, but I thought it was because he was my friend. Did I love him as my boyfriend? Was there a difference in the way you loved someone? Nick had my whole heart, and I was pretty sure that I had his.
“I think I’m beyond in love with him, Dad.”
“Then why the charades?”
“At first, we didn’t want to be treated differently by our friends. And we didn’t want you and Marge worried about what we were up to on the rooftop because we weren’t up to anything.”
“You sure about that?”
“Dad, do you trust me?”
“Of course I do. I trust Nick as well. And I still think you two should be going to the prom together.”
“Thank you. But don’t worry. We’ve got it covered with Carter and Daisy.”
“Are you fixing them up the way you did to me and Marge?” He laughed.
“Something like that.”
“Just don’t let your heart get broken, sweetheart.”
The only way it would break was if Nick actually left next week.
“So, you’re okay with me and Nick?”
“He’s a good man, Jo.” My father furrowed his brow. “I’m assuming you’re okay with him leaving soon, then?”
“I don’t think I have a choice. I’ll concentrate on my education, I guess. College. Maybe some distance will do us good; you know, bring us closer together. I…”
When I looked into his eyes, the pride shining there was overwhelming. I was afraid I would start crying. My father wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “Your mother would have been so proud of you, baby girl.”
“Thank you.”
“Be careful tonight. And if Nick breaks your heart, tell him he’ll have to deal with me.”
I threw my arms around his neck just as Carter pulled up to the front of the house. Dressed in a light gray suit, he looked very handsome from a distance. Having always kept my focus on Nick, I’d never noticed when the rest of my class grew up.
He greeted my father and gave me a bouquet of white roses, placing a matching corsage on my wrist. I took his offered arm and walked out. Nick was standing on his porch, getting ready to go pick up Daisy. I waved at him, but he didn’t wave back, only nodded. Was he upset? He had agreed to the idea of fixing up Daisy and Carter, so why was his jaw twitching so hard?
“We’ll see you at the party!” Carter called out, and that twitch in Nick’s jaw hardened.
I didn’t look toward Nick again because I was afraid he’d combust. It was only a five-minute drive to the old barn our class had decorated for the event. Since our town didn’t have an official hall, all events, including our prom, were held near the lake.
“You know, I’m grateful that you agreed to come with me. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why Nick asked Daisy and not you.” He turned on the ignition and the old engine roared. We could have walked the distance, but Carter had borrowed his father’s car to pick me up.
“Why? She’s very beautiful and smart.”
“I know she is, but I still thought you two would be going together. Did you know there was a bet going at school about the two of you?”
“Really?”
“Yup, and I lost twenty bucks when he asked Daisy.”
“Oh, sorry about that. But we’re just friends. Nick’s like a brother to me.”
“Yeah, I guess it would be strange going to prom with your brother, but you know what would be even more weird?”
“What?”
“Not going with your best friend whom you’ve secretly loved for years. If he didn’t ask you, why didn’t you ask him? There’s nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out.”
Carter was the second person tonight to mention love to me, and I frowned. My conversation with Carter before prom wasn’t going as I had planned. I was supposed to be selling Daisy to him so that we could hook the two of them up, not talking about Nick and me. Maybe there was a way of turning this around?
“I know, but I’m an old-fashioned kind of girl.”
Carter parked the car near the barn and turned my way. Yup, that’s how long it took to drive to our prom. Add another five minutes and we could have gone to the other end of town at the base of the mountains. He reached for a water bottle behind his seat, opened the hood, unscrewed a cap, and poured it in one of the containers.
“The car runs on water?” I asked.
“No, but the radiator is leaking, and it overheats. I’ll fix it over the summer.”
He closed the cap and shut the hood. “Now, you say you’re an old-fashioned girl, but as I recall, you asked me to prom.”
Shit. I did, didn’t I?
“Jo, we’ve been friends for a long time. Heck, I’ve tried to make a move on you for years without success, kissing you at our camping trip, running into you accidentally in gym, and it wasn’t until I figured out that no one would ever be good enough for you, with the exception of Nick, that I realized you two were meant for each other. He’s the one you’ve always had eyes for, and it won’t change no matter how much you deny it. So to say that I was surprised when you mentioned prom and maybe the two of us going together is an understatement.”
“Well, everyone else had a date already,” I blurted out. That didn’t sound right either.
“Wait. Did you ask me out of pity?” His brows rose.
�
�Not out of pity, but you were the only guy available.”
No, no, no! Why was my mouth running away from me today?
Carter laughed instead of getting upset. “I was ready to beat Nick up when he asked Daisy. He was supposed to ask you, and I was supposed to ask Daisy. But he beat me to the punch.”
“Wait… you like Daisy?”
“Yes. I mean… I like you too, but I always thought you and Nick would finally hook up. It doesn’t change our friendship in any way, and I hope we’ll always remain close.”
Yup, I was getting dealt the friend card. I started laughing so hard that I couldn’t stop. Here we were, trying to figure out how to get Carter and Daisy together, and all we should have done was leave them alone and let nature take its course.
“I’m so sorry, Carter. We thought you guys needed help. We wanted to fix you two up at prom.”
“Wait – are you saying you were trying to hook me and Daisy up by going out with us to prom?”
“Yes.”
“That’s twisted, Jo.”
“I know. We didn’t want to hurt you or Daisy. I’ve been trying to convince Nick to tell you guys the truth for years.”
“You’ve kept this a secret for years?” His eyes grew wide as he shook his head.
“Remember when we got lost at the camping trip?”
“Holy shit! I mean, I knew you liked each other, but I didn’t realize it’s been this long.”
I looked at Carter from the side, sighing. “I can’t believe it’s almost over. I mean school and all. I’ll miss you when I go to college, Carter. You’re a good friend.”
“Well, I’ll be here when you come back.”
That’s right; Carter had decided to train as a firefighter for our little town. He was taking on the life that I wanted Nick to have chosen so that he could be close to me.
“Why are you shaking your head?”
“It’s nothing. I just wish Nick was staying too.” I didn’t want to be upset at him, not when we only had a week left together. “Actually, would you mind helping me pull a prank on Nick? I’m so sick of crying over him for leaving. It’s time to have some fun.”
“Now that’s the girl I remember. What do you want me to do?”
