by Bijou Hunter
I don’t mention how Sally is right to be worried. Ruby no doubt knows the Hallsteads have only one interest in mind and that’s the Hallsteads.
“It’s great that you’re trying something new.”
“Big shock that you’d think that.”
Smiling, I take her hand and keep it in mine on the armrest. Ruby watches me, considers yanking her hand free, and decides to let herself enjoy my affection. The small gesture is a big fucking win for me.
Chevelle asks to stop at McDonald's for lunch. She dances out of the car and into the restaurant. I don’t doubt she dances in the bathroom with her mom too. While we eat, she tells me she feels like a princess. Ruby flinches at Chevelle’s declaration. I know she fears our second chance will be a flop. If we fail this time around, our hearts aren’t the only ones on the line.
I smile reassuringly at Ruby, but she takes my gesture wrong. Or possibly she needs to be mad again. Either way, she doesn’t return my smile or talk to me for the rest of lunch. She’s in such a rotten mood that she joins Chevelle in the back seat for the rest of the drive.
Now I’m in a bad mood. I watch her in the rearview and wonder why she can’t mellow out for a single day. I know she wants to, but her pride refuses to let her forgive me. Not even long enough for her to enjoy something she craves.
I turn on the radio to distract from the way the SUV now reeks of hostility and hurt feelings. Chevelle turns off her tablet and sings along with the music. Even though the songs are from the 1980s, my girl knows the words. Ruby and I raised her well.
Chevelle gets loud and dramatic while singing, In a Big Country. Her performance finally mellows Ruby’s crappy mood. They sway together, singing and clapping their hands. By the end of the song, I’ve lost my frown and feel a little more hopeful about the rest of the trip.
We arrive at the Holiday Inn Express at the first Ellsberg exit. After checking in, I drag a cart full of Ruby’s crap. She wants to frown at me, but every time a pillow falls off the mountain of luggage, she rolls her eyes and grins at how much she overpacked.
Chevelle rushes into the room, touching everything from the shiny countertops to the stark white blankets on the two queen-sized beds. I watch her stare out of the window and then run over to the big screen TV. Chevelle climbs onto one bed before getting off and trying the second one.
“Which one is ours, Mom?” she asks, butt-bouncing on the first bed now.
“I’m always hot, so let’s pick the one by the air conditioner,” Ruby says, organizing the suitcases. “Is that all right?”
“I’m fine either way.”
“I think we can take some of this back to the SUV and leave it there,” Ruby says, waiting for me to tease her for overpacking.
“I’m tired. We’ll do it later.”
Realizing I have no interest in giving her trouble, she walks to where Chevelle plays with the remote.
“Can we go swimming today?” Chevelle asks, ditching her bed to sit with me on mine.
“Sure.”
Jumping off the bed, she digs out her swimsuit and gets dressed. I glance at Ruby who is watching me.
“Do you want me to take her?” I ask.
“Are you kidding? I want to swim too.”
“Can I come?”
“Don’t be a baby, Bonn,” she says, sliding off the bed. “You don’t have to beg or whine. Just come or don’t.”
I smile at her tone, which makes her frown darken, which only makes me smile wider.
“Stop,” she growls.
“I haven’t seen you in a swimsuit in a long time. I might rip through my swim trunks.”
Ruby’s eyes widen. “She’s in the next room.”
“She’s singing and not paying attention to us.”
“You should still be careful.”
“Okay, Mom,” I mumble while looking for my swim trunks.
“Now you're trying to irritate me.”
“Why not? You’ve been in a bad mood for hours. Why pretend otherwise?”
“Then why are you smiling?”
“I told you,” I say, finding my trunks. “I get to see you half naked today. That’s worth whatever attitude you throw my way.”
Ruby shakes her head. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”
“What does that mean?”
“I have a mom body now. No way you’re ripping through anything.”
“Okay,” I mumble, fighting the urge to laugh.
“Stop it.”
“I’m ready to rip out of my jeans right now, and you’re fully dressed.”
“I’ve let myself go,” she says in complete seriousness.
“I can tell. It’s a sexy look on you.”
“I’m going to smother you in your sleep,” she hisses, baring her teeth.
“But not until after I see you half naked. Seems worth it to me.”
Ruby gives up trying to be angry and smiles slightly. “This is a nice hotel. Thank you for bringing us.”
Walking to where she stands with her swimsuit hanging limply from her hand, I caress her soft cheek.
“You’re everything,” I say, causing her to flinch. Before Ruby can respond, I walk to the bathroom where Chevelle sings in the mirror. “I hate to interrupt your performance, but I need to get naked, and your mom won’t let me do it in the bedroom.”
Chevelle laughs at me and then runs into the room to laugh at her mom. She’s so hyper now that I think she’d laugh at pretty much anything. Hopefully, an hour in the pool will wear her out some or I can’t imagine her sleeping tonight. Especially not early enough to allow Ruby and me a little time alone.
Twenty Four - Ruby
I’ve rarely been an insecure woman. When Daisy worried about fitting in, I worried about people leaving me the hell alone. I always stood out anyway as one of the few non-lily white girls in a pond overflowing with lilies.
With Bonn, I never suffered a shy moment. We were each other’s first, and the sex was great because we were us. Even if he was the most beautiful boy in our school, he never felt out of reach to me. Bonn was mine, and I knew him, and he knew me, and running around naked felt right.
Now I’m nervous in a one-piece swimsuit. I wish I had a beach towel to wrap myself in, so I could hide how age has given my butt a little too much meat. I normally enjoy the extra padding, especially when sitting on the ground. Today, though, I feel like a lumpy mess.
My confidence certainly isn’t helped by Bonn’s chiseled physique. He doesn’t have an ounce of fat or flaw on his entire body. I already knew he looked perfect, but him strutting in only a pair of swim trunks leaves nothing to the imagination. He’s a hard, sleek warrior while I’m a human woman with human woman flaws like a jiggly butt and cellulite on my hips.
So, obsessed with comparing our bodies, I barely hear Elle telling me how much she loves swimming and how she loves me and she loves her dad, and she pretty much loves everyone in the world right now.
The pool area is empty when we arrive, so Bonn turns on the music on his phone. A bouncy Depeche Mode song soothes my nerves long enough for me to get into the semi-warm water. Elle bounces nearby with Bonn.
“Can I get my hair wet?” she asks me twice before her words finally register.
“Yes. I brought a lot of conditioners.”
Elle smiles at her dad and then dunks herself into the water. Coming back up, she laughs and wipes her eyes.
“Did you see?” she asks me when I stare at them.
“Yes, baby.”
“Ignore her,” Bonn tells Elle. “Let’s race back and forth.”
“It’s too deep,” I say with too much force.
Bonn frowns. “I meant on the shallow side.”
“You’re too tall,” I mumble.
Bonn wades over to me and leans down. “I know you’re having trouble focusing when I’m half naked like this, but you need to settle down before I’m forced to tranq you.”
Narrowing my eyes until they’re tiny slits, I’m startled when he
laughs.
“It’s not funny.”
“Soon, I’ll enjoy what’s under this suit,” he says, running a finger along my belly. “You and I know that’s coming, so you best just accept it and enjoy our trip.”
Rolling my eyes, I hate his confidence. Fucking Bonn and his fucking perfect abs. When he turns away, I take in the sight of his muscular bronze back.
I wish I could relax like I do with Elle normally. Unfortunately, I feel less like a mother and more like a sex-starved harlot ready to jump the wet, half-naked man nearby.
Was my desire such a bad thing, though?
My mother didn’t give up her sex life when she had kids. She still craved male companionship. Romance may be a dead-end for her these days, but I had no doubt she hooked up regularly just to blow off some steam.
I hadn’t done the same after Bonn because no one compared to him. Now he’s at my disposal. If I made a move, he’d never say no. We could blow off some steam, and I could think straight.
Lust wasn’t a weakness. Acting on that lust in a stupid way like Bonn did with Kim was what made him weak. Wanting someone was natural. I’m a fucking woman, dammit! I have needs, and Bonn is a gorgeous man. My throbbing clit and achy nipples aren’t signs I’ve lost my mind, but that I haven’t lost my libido from a lack of use.
Watching Bonn and Elle swim back and forth in the shallow end, I admire his body and remember what it was like to be with a man. I lean against the wall and recall the way his hands felt on my body. How exciting it was to be exposed in such a way with another person. How our bodies became one in a magical yet animalistic way.
Sex had felt so amazing that it was all I thought about some days. My teenage hormones left me a slave to his touch. Tonight, I’ll give my body a taste of what it once took for granted.
Twenty Five - Bonn
Ruby keeps fiddling with Chevelle’s hair while we sit at Bojangles’ for dinner. Our girl’s curls turn into a frizzy mess if not properly conditioned. Back when Ruby refused to speak to me, Sally had to explain things to me. In her still thick Brazilian accent, she told me not to fuck up the child’s hair, or she’d return with Betty and Charlie. I wasn’t particularly scared of three middle-aged women, but I still made sure to do right by my daughter.
“What are you thinking about?” Chevelle asks with a mouth full of mashed potatoes.
“I’m happy to be here with you and your mom.”
Chevelle smiles before immediately checking for her mother’s reaction. Ruby shares our smile and even gives me an appreciative nod.
“Did you know your mom made the cheerleading team?” I ask Chevelle.
Like magic, Ruby’s smile instantly disappears.
“You were a cheerleader?” Chevelle asks Ruby.
“No.”
“She only went out for the team to prove she could make it. Your mom is stubborn that way.”
Chevelle beams at Ruby. “Was it hard?”
“A little but boring too. The other girls weren’t very nice to each other.”
“Were they mean to you?”
“No, because they thought I’d beat them up.”
Laughing, Chevelle can’t believe anyone would fear Ruby. Our daughter doesn’t know the ugly details of her mother’s life. Ruby is a big believer in lying to children. She once told me how she wished Sally lied about her father, so she might think better of him growing up. Knowing the truth about the asshole dumped too much reality on her childhood. Blissfully unaware is the best kind of bliss, she said.
“Did you know your mom was a teacher’s pet in social studies class in high school?”
“You were?”
Ruby shrugs casually, but she’s shooting me pissed daggers.
“She was a bit of a nerd,” I tell Chevelle, who giggles at her mom. “She liked reading about other places.”
“Like Aunt Daisy.”
“Yes, but I don’t want to learn a bunch of languages like her. I’m happy with Portuguese and just enough Spanish to get by.”
“Dad was your boyfriend in school,” Chevelle says, giggling again and likely remembering information her aunts shared.
Still glaring at me, Ruby nods. “He was the prettiest boy in the entire school.”
Chevelle looks at me and starts laughing. I don’t know what’s so funny, but she doesn’t stop until she’s snorted a few times and gotten the hiccups.
“Look at what you did,” Ruby mutters to me.
“You made her laugh,” I say, smiling. “You always were funny.”
Ruby desperately wants me to shut up. I see it in her angry eyes and twitching jaw and, of course, in her clenching fists. Despite her signals, I can’t stop.
“Your mom made blue eye shadow popular at our school, and that hadn’t been cool in like twenty years.”
Chevelle runs a finger over Ruby’s eyelid while her mother frowns at me.
“You were the prettiest girl in school,” I murmur, and her scowl falters. “You looked like a movie star slumming it in a teen flick. I couldn’t believe you were real.”
Ruby shakes her head, unhappy with the praise. Or maybe she can feel how much I crave her. Chevelle only hears the compliments and knows her mom was cool. While all kids want to believe their parents are special, Chevelle isn’t oblivious to how different she looks from her white-bread classmates. If Ruby survived school with darker skin, our daughter knows she can too.
“High school is a faint memory,” she lies.
“I remember those days like they were yesterday.”
Nodding slowly, a still agitated Ruby puts on a smile for Chevelle. We’ve hit an impasse. She wants me to shut up, but I’ve spent years missing her. Once my mouth starts flapping about how amazing Ruby is, I can’t stop myself.
Twenty Six - Ruby
Elle’s soft breathing does nothing to relax me. Instead, it reminds me of how she’s sound asleep, and I’m alone with a wide-awake Bonn in the next bed. I feel him thinking and know he’s aware I’m thinking too. I’m sure he worries about his meeting tomorrow. His nerves aren’t what I’m focused on, though. I’m more interested in the way my body aches for his touch.
Restless, I roll out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom. I think about taking a cold shower in the hopes of washing away my obnoxious hormones. I also consider helping myself chill, but my clit doesn’t want self-stimulation. My throbbing center craves the sexy man in the next room, even if my heart still aches from his long-ago betrayal.
Once hiding in the bathroom loses its allure, I decide to go back to bed and try to sleep. I open the door to find a shirtless Bonn standing on the other side. He steps closer, forcing me to back up. We play this game until he shuts the door and takes away my escape route.
“What?” I ask.
“I don’t know what’ll happen tomorrow. I wanted to tell you something in case things don’t work out with the Reapers.”
“Are you trying to scare me?”
“This is me being honest like I should have been when we had Chevelle, and I got scared. I want you to know what I’m thinking, so you won’t have to guess.”
Crossing my arms over my tender nipples, I shrug. “Okay. Say what you need to say.”
Bonn’s dark gaze roams my face, studying me for nearly a minute before he speaks.
“I still love you. I know we’ve changed in some ways, but in the core ones that make us who we were, we’re the same. You’re the woman I loved back when you were still a girl. I lost you, and I might never get you back, but I will never stop loving you.”
“You’re not dying tomorrow,” I say because no other words are possible without following them with tears.
“I know.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“I know that too.”
“You’ll come back here, and we’ll go swimming.”
Bonn leans down and kisses me. His lips hold back, careful not to take more than I’ll give. I wonder how he can control his lust when I’m barely able to keep my clothes
on.
As if hearing my thoughts, Bonn wraps a hand around my hip and guides me closer. His lips cover mine while his tongue forces its way to mine. Tasting me elicits a moan from him. Or maybe the moan was from me. I can’t think when my entire body has abandoned self-control.
When my fingertips graze his chest, I’m shocked by the heat of his skin. He’s on fire, and I’m sure I’ll freeze if I can’t get closer. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I never want to let go.
His hands find my face, sliding into my hair and pressing my head back so our kiss can deepen. My mind reels under the heat of our need, but my body still isn’t satisfied.
My feet shuffle backward while my fingers grip his boxers, pulling him along until my hips bump against the sink. Bonn’s lips never leave mine, even as his hands lift me up onto the counter. I take one of his hands immediately and press it between my legs. He needs to know I can’t wait. My clit throbs painfully, aching for pleasure only he can provide.
Bonn's fingers move slowly over my hot flesh before dipping between the folds and stroking my tender nub. I nearly come at the feel of his first caress. Kissing him faster, I lift my hips and slide forward until I’m nearly off the counter. My body craves pleasure and finds it when he presses one finger inside me while his thumb makes possessive circles against my clit.
Gasping, I let go of his lips and struggle against my cry of relief. Elle seems so far away like a ghost from another world. Nothing exists except this moment in this room with this man.
Bonn’s movements are a blur. My flannel nightgown comes off at one point. His hot lips cover my nipple, claiming it the way his fingers did my pussy. I tease his hair, tugging gently, guiding him to my other breast.
Every sensation is both familiar and shockingly different. We’re the same Bonn and Ruby as years ago, yet strangers in too many ways.
My mind recognizes the delicious feel of his hard cock teasing my slit. He wants inside me again after so many years without. My body screams to submit to his desire. Bonn needs me, and I can barely exist without him.
