by Bijou Hunter
“I don’t want to play pop to you, but I’m gonna give you a bit of advice. That anger you have for Howler is a good motivation. Don’t let people tell you otherwise. Anger will get you through the tough times when thinking happy fucking thoughts about family and friends won’t do it. Just don’t let the anger eat you up until it’s all you got left. I know too many good men ruined by their resentments. You seem to have a good thing with your woman and daughter. You also have a fucking asshole for a father who will come at you with his bullshit the second he learns you fucked him. Gotta weigh those two things when he pushes your buttons because he fucking will.”
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it.”
Kirk chuckles. “I wanted to hunt my dad down and crush him long after he was dead. Only thing that saved me was Jodi and the kids. Made me a better man, but I still think of my pop from time to time, and I still want to fuck him up. He’s rotted down to the bone now, but it’s not enough. Don’t be surprised if your revenge against Howler doesn’t make you feel much better.”
Stretching, Kirk grins down at where Cooper and Tucker now sit on the ground, talking about something casual as if they hadn’t been beating on each other minutes earlier.
“That’s the end of my speech. Who’d have thought retirement would turn me into a know-it-all, walking around telling people how to live their fucking lives.”
“You built something big here,” I say, again watching Ruby and Chevelle. “If anyone ought to be handing out advice, it’s a guy who won.”
“Good luck with your pop. Hope you don’t kill the fucker or if you do, that you bury the body nice and deep.”
Kirk leaves me so he can hassle his muddy sons. Around me, people laugh and enjoy the hot Sunday. Still on edge from my talk with Cooper, I know the best way to calm my nerves. I walk down the stairs to the yard where Ruby and Chevelle now softly bounce while holding hands.
“Think this thing can handle one more?” I ask, smiling up at them.
“Yes!” Chevelle cries, immediately crawling toward me. “Mom and I were jumping so high.”
“I saw that, but I bet I can beat you both.”
Ruby grins at me. “Men are so competitive.”
“Let me prove your point,” I murmur, kicking off my boots and climbing on the trampoline.
Once I stand up, Chevelle takes one of my hands while Ruby reaches for the other. My two beauties begin bouncing and I follow their tempo until we’re flying a foot off the ground. Hearing their laughter, I know they’re worth every chance I take with this deal.
Thirty Eight - Ruby
Deep inside, below my lust and anxiety about the trip, I prayed the Reapers would say no to Bonn’s plan. I imagined him feeling like shit for a short time before accepting a less dangerous option. Never did I think a motorcycle club would sell a town. My lack of imagination leaves me shell-shocked during the ride back to Hickory Creek Township.
Bonn doesn’t say a lot during the drive, and Elle dozes frequently. We’re worn out after less than three days away from home. How can we handle the changes Bonn has in store for us?
His big plans sound impossible. Panicked now, I only want to crawl into my lumpy bed in my trailer and sleep to the sounds of the neighbor’s little dog yapping. I crave boring, ordinary, and safe. My dreams were never big. Marry Bonn, bartend at a decent place, and raise my two kids near my sisters and mother. Why would I want anything more?
Bonn’s dreams are too big and terrifying for my tastes. After this weekend, we’re linked. His dreams mold my future, and there’s nothing I can do to change this fact.
I peek at him through my dark hair while he drives to the sounds of the Eurythmics playing quietly on the radio. I’ve resented him for longer than we were together, yet I can’t let him go. He’s my ideal, and no other man will satisfy.
Now living alone feels wrong. Bonn and I have a second chance, and he isn’t the same eighteen-year-old who broke my heart. He’s stronger and smarter. No man could be a better father to Elle or partner to me.
Bonn is my dream, and I won’t lose him to a terrifying plan he created to prove something that doesn’t need proving.
Thirty Nine - Bonn
Ruby closes herself off from me during the drive back to Hickory Creek Township. I can’t tell what she’s thinking or feeling, and not knowing is driving me nuts. Though I never expected having sex would magically fix a pain festering for so many years, I didn’t think she’d shut off her heart so suddenly.
We arrive home later than I intend, leaving Ruby in a bad mood as she hurries to get things ready for Chevelle to return to school tomorrow. I help with what she allows but mostly feel like an unwanted third wheel. Even so, I don’t leave even after I tuck Chevelle into bed.
Ruby sits on the couch when I walk out of our daughter’s room. I stand awkwardly, watching her and wondering if I should bail like she wants. The thought of sleeping alone makes my chest hurt, and I can’t imagine spending the night at the condo after a weekend with my favorite people.
I join Ruby on the couch where she pretends to watch the nearly silent TV.
“Are you rethinking things?” I ask when she stares at her hands for too long. “Rethinking us?”
“What if I was?”
“I’d work my charms so you’d rethink rethinking.”
Ruby sighs. “Oh, yeah, your charms.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me. You’ve been acting strange since we left Kentucky.”
Ruby’s dark eyes take in my face, studying me for a long time before she finds the words. “I want you to back out of this deal.”
“What?” I ask startled, having been totally off about her mood.
“I know I should have said this before, but I wasn’t thinking. Not really. When you asked me to go on the trip, I had a moment where I worried about your plan. Mostly, though, I worried about spending time alone with you and how I hadn’t traveled with Elle before. I worried about packing and if I’d sleep okay in a strange bed. On the trip, I worried about wanting you and then if I would want you the same way when we got back. All that time, I never really thought about what you were doing with Hayes.”
Carefully taking her hand, I’m wary of spooking a woman already on edge. “I know this idea is dangerous, but we can have so much more for us and Chevelle. We can give her more than we had growing up.”
“I know, but I don’t care. Sure, I think about living in a house or how I wish I could take Elle to Dollywood. None of that stuff matters. If you get a regular job and live here with us, and we’d be happy. All we need is to be together. The money sounds nice, but it’s not worth you getting hurt or killed over. Elle would rather be poor than fatherless.”
“It’ll be okay, Ruby.”
“No.”
“I can’t back out of this now,” I say, hearing a stubborn edge in my tone. “It’s too late.”
“No, it’s not. You can talk to Hayes. Tell him to get someone else to run Common Bend.”
“But it was my idea. I’ve done all the legwork. Why should I let someone else reap the benefits?”
“There’s more work to do, though. You have to organize a bunch of violent assholes in Common Bend. Do you think they’ll behave because you have good ideas? They’ll lash out and whatever the benefits, losing you won’t be worth it.”
“I can’t walk away,” I say, still holding her hand in mine.
“Fine, but then admit you’re not doing this for Elle and me. You’re doing this to fuck with your dad and prove you’re better than JJ or whatever new bastard son shows up. This is about your ego. Can you admit that much?”
Her words hit me hard because they’re not wrong. Being a nice guy doesn’t mean I don’t have a temper or hold a grudge.
“Okay, Ruby. Some of it is ego. But not just about my dad. It’s about feeling like I’m a real man who does right by his family. I want to give you a safe home and I want
Chevelle to go to good schools. I want her to have shit I didn’t have. That’s ego too because I grew up with a father who didn’t care if I lived or died. I want Chevelle to have everything. That’s how I make it up to the kid I used to be. The way I don’t resent my shitty childhood is I make sure Chevelle never wants for anything.”
Ruby tries to pull her hand free, but I don’t give it up. Irritated, she growls, “Except her dead father.”
“Hayes has a family and does what he does. Camden too. Mojo had a wife and kids. Why can everyone else have it all while I’m forced to live small?”
“So, living with me and Elle would be small?”
“Don’t make this about you not being enough,” I mutter, resenting how easily she pulls the guilt card. “And don’t pretend I shouldn’t want things I don’t have. You want them too, but you’ve pushed those wants down deep so you can give up everything for our daughter. You gave up trying to find another bartending job because it was better for her if you worked during the day.”
“I sacrifice for her.”
“And I do too, but how many times do people like us get a shot at something big? It never fucking happens. The only way I was going to move up in this world was to grovel at my father’s feet. He’d own my happiness. With my plan, I am free in a way I can’t be otherwise.”
“Hayes will own your happiness.”
“He doesn’t want a bitch. All he wants is for trouble to stay away from his precious fucking White Horse. If I do what I need to do, he will forget I even exist.”
“You’re being naïve,” she says, still hoping to win even though I see in her gaze the acceptance of our situation.
“I’m dreaming bigger than stripping until I get old or gain a few pounds. Sure, I could probably find a better job for my skills if I left town, but this is where my family lives. My mother and your mother and sisters. This is our home, and I can almost taste my dream coming true. I know you think I’m an arrogant fucker. Stupid too probably, but I am so close to making this happen that I can’t let it go.”
“Even if I threaten to leave you?” Ruby asks, some challenge remaining in her gaze.
“Especially if you threaten. If you want to leave me, I’ll feel like less than a man. This job will give me back some of my damn confidence.”
“What if the job changes you?”
“I’m a grown man. I won’t change much one way or another.”
“So, this is the best you can be?” she balks.
I’m hurt by her words until she looks away and I realize she’s struggling against laughter.
“Your face,” she says, giggling.
“Low blow.”
“I want to win this argument, but you won’t give in.”
“So, you go low?” I grumble.
“I considered using sex to control you. Unfortunately, so long without fucking has made me too needy to use it as a weapon.”
“Poor Ruby.”
Smiling, she strokes my hand. “I’m scared you’ll die and I’ll lose you again when I’m just getting used to the idea of having you with me forever.”
I slide closer. “Forever sounds good.”
“It does, but this job could steal you away.”
“You’re the one who was nearly killed by JJ’s asshole friend months ago,” I say, caressing her healed bottom lip.
Ruby frowns, having never considered her experience a near death one. She tends to allow personal pain to roll off her back while her loved ones’ suffering clings to her.
“I’ll be careful by being smart,” I tell Ruby as my arms slide around her shoulders. “I’ll think things through before I do them. I’ll keep my ego in check. When I’m not sure how to handle something, I’ll ask for help. I’ll never forget it’s a job, not who I am.”
“You sound so certain.”
“That’s how I feel, but I need you to help me. The talk with you before meeting Cooper helped settle my nerves. I don’t have anyone else I can trust like that. Everyone else thinks of me as the stripper or Howler’s son or the twins’ buddy. They see me as soft. I need you to see me as more. That way, I can see myself that way too.”
Ruby studies me again, but her eyes no longer hold fear and anger. “You’re still my Bonn. Older and wiser, but you’re still the boy I fell in love with, right?”
“Yep, and you’re still my Ruby. That’s why we can’t share a room without becoming magnets.”
Crawling into my lap, Ruby rests her head on my shoulder. “I want to dream, but I’m scared to want too much and end up with nothing.”
“I’m afraid of not dreaming at all and losing everything.”
Ruby nods before falling silent against me. I hold her for a long time as we think about the uncertain paths before us. We never guessed our lives would end up where we are now, leaving us unable to know what awaits us tomorrow.
Forty - Bonn
Entering his office building, I find Hayes leaning against a desk. He doesn’t so much as glance at me, and I get the impression he’s engaged in a staring contest with Candy’s son. The boy stares at the much larger man, and they refuse to stop even knowing they have company.
“Chevelle,” I announce, “these are Hayes’s kids.”
Candy pokes her head out from behind Hayes and looks us over.
“You brought a distraction,” she says, walking between her son and Hayes. “Good thinking, strip…”
The warning noise erupting from my throat is inhuman. The pissed growl of a beast draws the attention of Hayes and a smile from Candy.
“Shame is such a waste of time,” Candy teases me before focusing on Chevelle. “Would you like to play outside with Cricket and Chipper while the grownups talk about boring stuff?”
Chevelle nods but doesn’t move even after the dark-haired twins walk to the back door. They stare at her, and she stares back. Another staring contest ensues until Ruby takes Chevelle’s hand and joins her outside.
“She’s shy,” I tell Candy.
“So am I.”
“No doubt.”
“Stop talking to her,” Hayes grumbles and gives me a head nod to say he wants to talk alone.
“He’s insecure,” Candy whispers, giving me a wink.
“You’re trying to get me killed.”
“Well, you did make that weird noise to make me shut up.”
Following Hayes, I shoot Candy a dirty look, leading to her laughter. Once in the office, I shut the door and sit across from the grumpy giant.
“What the fuck is with you?” Hayes asks.
“I think not getting laid for a long time broke something in me.”
“Yeah, that’ll do it. So now that I’ve spent five million dollars, what’s next in your big fucking plan?”
“Now I tell the local dealers and hookers that you’re their new boss, so they need to stop skimming off the top unless they want to die.”
“You aren’t scary. What if they laugh in your face?”
“I break something on one of them. If that doesn’t work, I’ll break more shit until they get the message.”
“You like beating on people?”
“No, but I’ve done worse to make money.”
“Stripping for housewives can’t be all that bad.”
“You underestimate their grabby hands.”
Hayes grins. “I don’t want this fucked up.”
“Sounds about right. I figure I’ll need an office in Common Bend. Something close to the trailer parks where most of the business is run. I need to be seen often, so they feel our presence like they haven’t with the Reapers. I want them to constantly look over their shoulders and think we’re watching. That’s the only way people like them will obey.”
“Fear is a good fucking motivator. I don’t want to waste time and money coddling those fuckers. If they steal from me, I know people who can replace them,” Hayes says and then adds, “And that goes for you. This might be your deal, and I hope you’re a super fucking awesome idea man, but I didn’t k
now you fucking existed until a week ago. You don’t mean shit to me right now.”
“Fair enough, but I want to build in Common Bend what you have in White Horse. The illegal shit will become so efficient it’ll be invisible to outside eyes.”
“You’re good with words and you talked Johansson to bend over. I still want my guy to work with you until your big plans are more than fucking promises. Moot runs the dirty shit in White Horse, and he has my ear. You convince him, and you’ll convince me. I have no fucking interest in holding your hand during this process.”
“Have him meet me at the old pesticide factory tomorrow at noon. I’ll get the word out to the dealers and pimps. We’ll have things rolling before summer.”
Hayes leans back in his chair, making it groan under him. He plays with an unlit cigar and stares at the wall.
“Camden asked me for help awhile back. He wanted his wife to get a job at a local school. In exchange, he made clear he’d owe me. With him taking over the Brotherhood, that favor does me some good. Except he isn’t running shit yet. Any idea when your old man and his old man will get the fuck out of the way so the pretty boy twins can take over?”
“No, but I can find out.”
“And you’d sell them out for me?”
“You’re paying my salary, and they’re not. Besides, your interests and theirs intersect. Mojo and Howler stand in everyone’s way.”
“I like the way you say your old man’s name. I hear a hint of rage in it. That’s good because you’re about to piss off a lot of fucking people in Hickory Creek.”
“They were never going to rule Common Bend, and it’s time they came to terms with that reality.”
“Your father kills his enemies, and you’re making yourself a big fucking target.”
“Well, that’s a funny thing because I plan to tell people how I represent your interests. You know, so if they fuck with me, they’re fucking with you.”
Hayes smirks. “Using me as your attack dog, huh? Nice, but don’t think I’ll clean up your messes.”
