by Samie Sands
“Hi, Emily…right?”
“Yeah, and you’re Alyssa?” And this is all it takes for us to begin talking—I don’t know what I was so afraid of!
It doesn’t take me long to realise that Emily is just shy and reserved, but once you get her talking she’s actually really funny. As time wears on, I feel happier and much more positive and we chat and laugh. Soon, we stumble across the topic that is clearly her forte—science. As soon as I mentioned the virus, her eyes lit up and she became overly animated. It turns out she has a whole notebook of theories that she’s been working on, which she pulls out to show me.
Wow.
And I thought my knowledge was extensive. Emily knows a million percent more than me about AM13—it’s crazy. This girl is super smart. I’ve never met anyone quite like her, I’m in awe. As she starts to lose me with jargon that I don’t understand, I find myself staring at her lips, rather than concentrating on her words. They’re plump and dark pink, and her bright white teeth shine through the gap as she smiles, which she does a lot when she’s passionate about what she’s saying. When she catches me looking, I force my eyes to snap away quickly, blushing heavily, the heat reaching my ears.
That’s weird; I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
After that awkward moment, I find it hard to look her directly in the eye. I wonder if my acute embarrassment is obvious. If it is, it hasn’t stopped her in her tracks, because she quickly shows me diagrams, reports, graphs, and all sorts of other research that she’s compiled—she could write a book with all that she has! She’s actually been spending the zombie apocalypse doing homework. Who does that? It’s insane, even in my own boredom I would never have gone this far. She should be working for the government, trying to stop all of this.
Of course, she could’ve been if she’d gotten on the plane. If her father hadn’t forced her to wait here to die. Her brains could have been used for the greater good.
Randy returns later that afternoon, alone but with a good stock of food, so a good dinner is ahead of us. We sit and eat together again, which is such a novelty for me. Even before all of this, my family used to eat separately because we were all always so busy with our different schedules. It’s really nice eating, talking, and laughing. It certainly beats all the lonely nights at the B and B. I feel like I have a little family around me, and I’m enjoying the company of everyone. Why didn’t I do this sooner? I’m so glad I’m here.
Later that evening, I pull Randy to one side to speak to him privately. There’s still a little issue that’s concerning me. It isn’t anything major, but I need to clear it up before it becomes a big problem in my head. “Why were you confused yesterday when I was talking about the zombies?” I ask him.
“We just never thought of the infected in that way.” His answer poses many more questions, but I don’t ask them. I need to accept that not everyone views the world the same way that I do. I’ve got to be more understanding of others’ opinions, especially now that I’m a part of a group.
CHAPTER 30
DR. JONES
March 14th
9:30 a.m.
I’ve had my meeting. This morning. Suffice to say that it didn’t go well. The board members somehow managed to talk me around into not seeing my family for now. As I sit here, in my little office, alone, I’ve got no idea how. I had everything planned out. I knew exactly what I was going to say, but somehow they twisted and manipulated my words and by the end of it, I felt guilty for even asking. I felt bad for requesting to see my own wife and child.
Sneaky, manipulative bastards. Is that how politics works these days?
I remember feeling awful as I then had to stammer out the words about needing some assistance for this work. What did they do to me to make me feel this way? How did I feel ashamed for needing help? This isn’t your average project. I’m so angry at them, but more at myself. One of them said that they’ve ‘noted my request’ and they will ‘look into it for me—hopefully find a virologist or a researcher.’ Why don’t I believe them? I’ve come out of that meeting more convinced than ever that the rest of my time will be spent in this laboratory alone. I’m going to have to figure this whole mess out by myself. I don’t feel confident about that!
I’m getting two new specimens this afternoon. The ones I currently have are no longer useful. They’ve all been in stage three for a while now, and are way past any humanity, and I haven’t even glanced their way for a few days. I’m only interested in specimens that I can obtain information from.
It’s not that I don’t care anymore. I still feel so much sympathy for them, but my desperation to find some sort of answer is starting to override anything else.
I get the impression that the board is going to continue passing all the camp members that display any signs of infection on to me, unsure of what else they can do with them. Honestly, I can’t see any new tests that I can run at this stage. All I’m really doing is ruling possibilities out. As useful as that is, I want a more positive response.
No, what I really want is to see Ashley and Melody, even for 30 seconds. I just want to hold my wife’s face in my hands, I just want to hug my daughter. Why is that so much to ask? Is it some sort of motivational tactic? Or just more punishment? I can’t bear much more. I think I’m going a little stir crazy—I can’t decide if I’m very paranoid, or if my suspicions are correct. If the board members truly are evil, it doesn’t bode well for any of our futures.
11:45 a.m.
14. Rachael Lawrence, 25, Office Manager.
5”8, 58kg, brown eyes, long dark red hair.
No existing medical conditions.
Her husband and baby are still in camp.
She was brought in during stage two, but had progressed to the final stage before the soldiers had even left. I’ve never seen a transformation happen so quickly. She is vicious, violent, and highly enraged. Could this be personality related? Or is it just random, like every other effect seems to be? Unfortunately, without knowing her beforehand, I can’t theorise this.
15. Jason White, 32, English Professor.
6”0’, 62kg, green eyes, blond hair.
Existing medical condition—Renal Cell Carcinoma.
He’s still in stage one. Showing minimal symptoms at the current time.
Jason White. What to say about Jason. He’s…different; I don’t know how to describe him in this document. If it wasn’t for the very large bite mark on his forearm, I would be hard pushed to believe he’s infected at all. I do wonder how he managed to get bitten inside the camp but I haven’t dared ask him. I feel uncomfortable around the specimens now considering the negative reception I’ve received up until this point. I’m a hated figure—which makes a whole lot of sense even if it isn’t fairly deserved.
He’s very coherent and has actually been very friendly to me. I just haven’t brought my own walls down yet. It’s very difficult not to immediately like him though, which is dangerous territory. I have to keep reminding myself not to get attached. Soon he will die, just like the others. If I let myself like him, even a little bit, I’m sure the board will find some way to use that against me. I need to keep detached, because of what they could make me do to him. I can’t go through another incident like the dissection. I still haven’t recovered from that.
As he speaks to me, I have to keep repeating to myself ‘he’s going to die, he’s going to die.’ It’s terribly morbid, but I need to separate myself from them. I have to.
1:40 p.m.
I’ve already broken my promise. I’ve already engaged in a very long conversation with Jason. Despite everything I said previously, I have spent the last couple of hours thoroughly enjoying his company. I couldn’t help myself, it’s been far too long since I had someone who wasn’t in the painful throes of infection to talk to. I’m weak I know, but I’m sure anyone would succumb in my circumstances. Wouldn’t they?
It all started when I was taking a blood sample. I couldn’t stop my eyes from fixating on the t
erribly gory wound on his arm. He noticed, of course. I wasn’t being discreet, but with all the other specimens I haven’t had to be. Instead of calling me out on my imprudence, he asked me about all of my research in an extremely calm tone of voice. I nervously started to tell him a little, because I didn’t want to completely ignore his queries, but I had to say it without giving away too many details. How do you tell someone that the illness they have is a certain death sentence?
It turns out I didn’t need to worry. He’s already aware of the terrible details. He already knew that AM13 has 100% mortality rate, but he didn’t seem too bothered. In fact, his manner didn’t waver from upbeat.
Of course, he’s very familiar with low survival rates. He was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of kidney cancer a few years ago and has been living on borrowed time for a while. I was amazed with his positive attitude as he told me all of this. He hasn’t let any of it get him down at all. In fact, he’s been living a good quality of life focusing on minute to minute.
I can’t help thinking that I could learn a lot from Jason.
I’ve spent my time in this confinement miserable and lonely. I’ve been allowing my emotions to get tangled up in a web of rage and confusion. I’ve spent far too much time worrying about things that I’ve got no control over. What I should’ve been doing is focusing on my opportunity to have a positive impact on the planet. I need to stop concocting conspiracy theories about the board members in my mind, for all I know they could just be as desperate as I am for me to find an answer. And that’s what I need to do.
7:50 p.m.
I’ve now spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing with Jason. I haven’t sent him back to his enclosure and I don’t intend to. I can’t degrade this man, especially when he poses no real threat to me. I’m just going to leave it unlocked for the time being so he can come and go as he pleases. He just feels more like a friend to me than a specimen and even though it probably isn’t my wisest decision, I feel more comfortable with it than any of the other choices I’ve made whilst in this room. Sure, there’ll come a time when this will have to change, but living minute to minute, this is the best thing for both of us.
In fact, Jason took it upon himself to start routing through the cupboards, to find some entertainment. He actually managed to dig out a dusty old chess set, which appears to have been abandoned for many years. Of course, this led to a challenge and my competitive streak just couldn’t say no. To my utter embarrassment, he absolutely annihilated me. He’s amazing! I always thought I was a great chess player, it takes a certain kind of intellect and patience, and I thought I had it nailed. Jason made me view myself in a whole new light.
During this game, I told him with more confidence about everything I’ve achieved so far. Although he hasn’t got any scientific knowledge, he does have the fresh perspective that I’ve been craving. I’m finding talking about my research very therapeutic. He’s given me a well needed boost of enthusiasm. He’s made me feel like I can achieve this, that I need to do it. In fact, I’m even rethinking my opinion on creating a cure. If I can do it, if I can save even a few people like Jason who don’t have extensive bodily damage, I should do it, shouldn’t I? It’s my moral responsibility. It’s got to be the right thing to do.
10:35 p.m.
The results from Jason’s tests show something very surprising. Something I didn’t expect. His cancer treatment drugs seem to have a bizarre ‘slowing down effect’ on the virus. I’m going to ensure that he keeps up with his medication just so I can confirm this theory. At this point, anything is still possible. It’s an interesting concept, at any rate. At least it’s shown me something new—I haven’t had that for a long while.
The results from specimen fourteen’s tests don’t show me anything noteworthy, unfortunately. There’s no obvious reason why her body has reacted so aggressively to AM13. Just another random occurrence, I assume. This virus is full of them, which makes this research all the more challenging.
CHAPTER 31
ALYSSA
Three days later, I overhear Randy discussing another supply run with Sarah. A fission of excitement bubbles away in my stomach as I think about the prospect of going with him. I’ve been feeling a little bit of cabin fever stuck inside these walls. It’s been growing since I first arrived and I’ve hated the slight discomfort with myself. This is the obvious way to cure this, as a way to find satisfaction in my new environment. It’s the best I could have hoped for, and I do love it here, I really like all of the people, especially Emily. We’ve started to develop a fantastic friendship, despite our palpable differences.
I wait impatiently for them to finish their conversation before bounding over and proposing the idea to Randy. A wary look fills his eyes as I speak and I can tell he thinks I’ll be a liability. I try to convince him, I use everything I’ve got, all my persuasive tactics, and eventually I start to wear him down. After all, it wasn’t a coincidence that I lasted so long alone, is it? He knows I can fight, he knows I’m smart. When we get out there, and I know I’ll be going, I’ll prove myself worthy.
The next morning, I get a very begrudging “yes” and I’m over the moon. I knew he’d crack of course, I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist my offer. Before we leave, he makes a quick trip over to Sarah’s cottage. It isn’t far from the church, so it’s a fairly safe journey, but the house is very exposed so no one goes there without a good purpose. He’s gone to pick up a selection of new clothes, to give Sarah a bit of a break from washing. I think he’s getting worried about her; she does seem to be becoming more disconnected from us all as the days pass by. I barely know her, of course, so I can’t have too strong an opinion, but I know Emily has concerns.
When he returns with a large mishmash of items in his hands, we all root through them excitedly. Although these clothes belong to Sarah, Emily, Ben, and the vicar, none of them mind us helping ourselves. I pick my clothes carefully, wanting to look good for my mission. When I can sense a big event such as this arriving, the film set floods my mind again. I find dark denim skinny jeans, which are only slightly too big, a long sleeve black t-shirt and combat boots. I’m so glad they’re in my size. I look down at myself, wishing I had a mirror, and thinking this outfit suits my upcoming role well. It isn’t too different from my ‘uniform’ pre-zombies, so on top of looking great, it’s comfortable too. Of course, my hair is matted and unwashed, but you can’t have everything. If I tightly pin it back, you can hardly tell how gross it is. I sling an empty backpack over my shoulder, ready to be filled with whatever spoils we manage to collect today and I grab my muddy, blood-covered axe. I’m ready to go.
I’m actually really excited about this mission. I haven’t had to scavenge for anything yet, I had things really easy at the B and B, so I’m eager for the new adventure. A part of me is frightened too, of course, but I push those feelings to one side, determined to feel only the positive emotions. I imagine myself telling this story to future generations, maybe even my own children. I imagine their eyes lighting up with awe as I talk about my bravery, about my unselfish decision to go out and gather supplies for my fellow group members.
I say a quick goodbye to everyone, not wanting to make a big deal out of leaving. That will just allow the nerves to kick in. A sad smile plays on Emily’s lips as she mouths a quiet goodbye my way. I can see that she’s worried about losing me, her first decent friend since the apocalypse began. I try to convey to her that I’ll be fine with my eyes, but I’m not sure it comes across well.
My heart is racing with anticipation as the doors creak open, and a slither of light sneaks through the crack, blinding us for a second. We can’t quite see around to the door via the window, so we have no idea how many zombies we are going to be immediately faced with. I’m ready for it though, I’m prepared.
“Argh!” I scream as I slice my axe through a disgusting, pus bag’s head. Luckily there were only four zombies outside, which was no problem for me and Randy. I shoot him a quick smil
e as I take out another with ease, and I think I see a bit of awe in his expression. I’m pleased that I’ve managed to impress so early on. I can’t help but hope that the others are watching me at this moment too. Well, Emily mostly. She’s so smart; I want her to see that I have worth too.
As soon as the nearby zombies have been taken care of, we take off quickly, wanting to get back before the church gets overly surrounded again. I follow behind Randy, unsure of where we’re heading. Despite all of my time running through the town, I still don’t know it very well. I was so focused on the church, I didn’t notice much else.
We end up at a large shopping centre. We’re both panting as Randy tells me his plan. “This is the nearest half-decent place to the church. Obviously we want to get back before it gets dark so I didn’t want to go too far. If you want, get some medical supplies—you know, antibiotics, bandages, that sort of thing. You never know when we might need any of that stuff and I’d much rather have it already with us. I’ll get some more food. While we’re out, I might as well stock up a bit more. We’ll meet back at the entrance ASAP.”
I gulp, trying not to make a big deal out of the fact that we’ll be splitting up. I wasn’t really prepared for that. I did insist on tagging along, and I am used to being alone. I just need to do this. Get through it and I’ll have full respect. I’ve just…never gone into the lion’s den willingly before. I may be brave, but I’m not stupid. Stupidity gets you killed. Emotions rise through my throat like bile so I clamp my mouth shut and nod curtly. I don’t want Randy to even see a flicker of fear or negativity cross my features for even a split second. I’m not a kid; I really need him to see that I’m just as capable as he is.
