by Samie Sands
I’ve confided in Emily how much easier the zombies have become to kill, just as I planned to. She has many theories, of course, which she has tried to confirm whilst Randy, myself, or Pete kill one through the fence. She agrees that they seem to be regressing, falling apart. She thinks that the virus is actually consuming them from the inside out, and soon they’ll completely succumb to it and die out all by themselves. The human body can only take so much damage before it’ll simply give up. Even though that goes against every single thing I know about zombies, I can’t help but feel that she’s right. It does comply with everything I’ve seen. I guess I just need to accept that Hollywood doesn’t always get it right.
The most important thing that I can take from this is that we’re going to be the survivors of AM13. It’s looking like we’re going to outlive it. Maybe not getting on the plane was the best thing to happen to me. The people that left the UK could all be dead; we could be all that’s left. And if they do come back, I’m sure they’ll be shocked at how well we’ve done stuck here with nothing.
Everything is just fantastic.
CHAPTER 45
ETHAN
I keep having this odd feeling, like I’m being watched. Like someone is out there, looking for me. Of course, this is just my mind playing games with me, because there is no one left! I know that for a fact. If there was anyone watching me, they would be infected. In that case, I would be dead already.
I refuse to die here though, out on the streets. That’s not how I’m going to go. I’ve made my plan, and that’s exactly how it’s going to work out, I’m certain of it. There is no other solution for me. I can only go when I’ve found her.
Leah.
Leah.
Leah.
I say her name with every step I take, like it’s my new tick. She’s my motivation, my goal. She’s all I need to keep me going. Without that target, I have nothing.
By the time I actually get to Leah, I’m going to be glad of her tearing me apart and killing me—I’ll be begging for it! As long as my plan comes to fruition just as I want it to, I’ll be happy to die. I can’t stand another second in this disease-ridden hell.
Earth is no more. The planet belongs to them now. It’s either die or join them. That’s the only options left, and I can’t stand the thought of becoming one of those shuffling, cannibalistic monsters. I wouldn’t be able to cope. Even now, the thought of AM13 coursing through me fills me with an unbridled panic. That’s why my plan is so perfect. Leah has been deprived of a food source for such a long time that she’ll devour me in seconds. It’ll be over before I even know it.
My only problem is it’s taking me forever to get back to my home—to her. I can only move in short bursts because my energy levels are so low. My body has no fuel whatsoever, so it keeps giving up on me. It’s not even like I can keep on going until I can’t anymore, before resting, I always have to have some energy in the reserves for when I need to fight. I cannot allow myself to be left with no chance of fighting. That’ll ruin everything I’ve been working so hard to achieve.
I don’t think I’m far though—not anymore. I might even be able to make it within the next 48 hours. A couple more days and I’ll be gone. Not another thought or worry to concern me ever again. Even my booming doomsday voice will be no more. This will be the one thing that silences it forever.
I’m just going to wait here for a little while, just to recover. All I need is a little bit more strength before I get up and go again. Then it won’t be long.
Just for a few more moments…
CHAPTER 46
DR. JONES
April 8th
5:15 a.m.
I can’t even cope with all of the violent thoughts swirling around in my head anymore. It’s wearing me out, tearing me down.
How am I supposed to sit there and see my wife going through all of this, knowing that her last uninfected hours were full of torture and abuse? I’ve never thrown up so many times; horrific images just keep spinning through my mind, however much I try to stop them. I can just see everything they’ve done to her. I wish I had some brandy or something. Some alcohol to numb the pain. I’ve never been a drinker, but now feels like as good a time as any to hit the bottle.
I keep trying to kill Ashley, to put her out of her misery, but I’m too scared—still too in love with her. I can’t do it. I need to, I should do. It’s how any decent man would act, but I’m too afraid. As much as I know that there’s nothing left, I can’t let her go. I’m letting my wife down yet again.
There’s no cure, no antidote for AM13. If someone created this disease, then well-fucking-done. What an amazing job you’ve done, you wanker. My mission was futile from the start. I had no chance; I was battling against something that’s indestructible, except by natural causes. If only the board had seen that, rather than punishing me for being unable to do the impossible.
I keep thinking it through over and over and I don’t know if Ashley would even want to ‘be cured’ from this after what she’s been through, and I don’t just mean the extensive damage to her body. I mean with the memories of all of the shit they’ve put her through. Oh God, my poor Ashley, who never did anything bad to anyone. She’s been through things that no woman, no human deserves. How can people be so disgusting? How can people do such things? I’ve never ever understood evil.
I keep trying to think back over our happier times, but each memory is tainted with this version of my wife. It’s as if I can’t even remember what she was like before. They’ve ruined everything. Everything. They’ve stripped me of my whole life, and for what? It hasn’t done any good. I can’t solve the unsolvable, whatever they do to me. I’m sure they have more up their sleeves but it doesn’t change a damn thing.
The fucking horrible bastards.
They’ve belittled, controlled, brutalised and demoralised the people who’ve managed to survive the horrors of AM13 and the Lockdown failure. Hasn’t the human race been through enough? Apparently I haven’t. It seems they think I deserved to see my beloved in this condition. How? Why? This isn’t right. It isn’t. No.
I’m done. This is over now. They’re going to pay. In fact, I’m going to kill them all, slowly and painfully. For myself, for Ashley, for Melody, for everyone that’s left alive. We don’t need to be ruled by these men. After all the horrid things we’ve been through, things don’t want to be rebuilt under the rulings of psychopaths. No, we need a civilised way to rebuild. It needs to be done with kind hands, not this fucking crap that they seem to think is the way forward. It’s very simple. They need to die.
I’m going to fucking kill every single one of them!
Read this promise now. Every single one of them will die by my hands.
8:45 p.m.
I’ve told Jason what I’m going to do. He told me to sleep on the idea before acting irrationally. I respect him; I always have, so I agreed. He may be right. I’ve never been like this before, maybe there is a better way? Do they deserve better? Do I? I’ll have to live with what I’ve done. Or will I? I lay on my bed all day, unable to sleep. However, I think I’ve managed to calm down. Bursts of rage keep making their appearance, but my thoughts are much more rational and controlled. This time I know my thoughts are correct.
Do you know what? I’m still going to do it. Nothing will stop me. I know what’s right and wrong. Rape, murder, torture and forcing infection on someone deserves death. I’m sure there is no one who would disagree with that conclusion. Even if I am biased because of my family’s involvement, I still think I would be considered to be doing the right thing.
On hearing my decision, Jason decided it was time to tell me more tales of the mistreatment he knows about, happening in the campsite outside. It seems rape is actually a very common factor, murder is normal, and he heard many rumours of the people in charge keeping infected in cages outside on the outskirts of the campsite, as a warning, as a permanent threat. He took little notice at the time, but now after everything he’s seen,
he thinks it makes total sense. It’s how the random flare-ups of AM13 keep developing, and it isn’t exactly as if the board members are rational thinking, decent human beings. In fact, now he’s sure that many of the people that have been infected have been so on purpose as punishment or their children have suffered AM13 in their place.
That tells me why I’ve been able to obtain so many specimens. It also explains how new people have been becoming infected in this supposed ‘safe haven.’ Everything about it is starting to come together. The psychopaths have been using this virus as a weapon. That’s so messed up, it’s ludicrous, ridiculous. It’s just unbelievable.
I can’t stop thinking about Melody, my little angel. I’m convinced that she’s infected as much as my poor heart wants to be wrong. She’s probably being kept in a cage, being used to infect others. I don’t know if it’s true, but my instincts tell me that nothing good has happened. I guess I’ve lost all hope.
With Jason on my side, we’re both going to kill them all. I finally feel happy again. No, not happy. I’ll never be happy again. I feel empowered. I know I’m going to win this battle, I’m going to help.
I’ll be useful.
I’m going to make these murders my best work yet. Fuck everything else I’ve tried to achieve. This is it. My crowning glory. The one thing that I’m remembered for. My job that changes everything for the better. I’m going to save the world.
Fuck you, so called board members. I will win this. I’ll win and you will die!
I’m doing this for myself, but also for everyone else. Does that make this mission noble or just a revenge fantasy? Who cares, by this point I’m probably insane. At least, I wish I was. I wouldn’t feel so deeply.
CHAPTER 47
ALYSSA
Until it isn’t.
Things are no longer fantastic. In fact, they’re awful; I can’t even begin to describe how bad it’s all become.
Randy is dead. Dead. He’s died and I no longer have any idea what to do with myself. I can’t actually believe it. I can’t even say the words out loud. Randy, the glue that held this group together, is just…gone. At first I thought he’d been bitten, that maybe one of the zombies had gotten him through the fence. I panicked that somehow one of them had made their way inside. But I was wrong, very wrong.
Only days before, Randy had finally confided in Sarah that he’d been suffering with a rare heart condition for a very long time, and that he was beginning to struggle without his medication. I want to scream, to cry out. Why didn’t he mention it during the time we were out on supply runs, we could have picked up the tablets for him. Of course we would have, gathering medication was his idea. But it’s too late now. What difference is saying all of that going to bring to this circumstance? Nothing. It’s gone too far, the damage is already done.
Why didn’t I notice him becoming ill? Has my obsession with looking out for E made me unable to see anything else? Was I so determined to believe that everything was amazing, that my brain didn’t allow me to witness a terrible event occurring? I thought I’d gotten past the stage of deluding myself. Obviously I’m not as grown up as I want to be.
Leon is inconsolable—we all are, of course—but it’s hit him particularly hard. I’m sure he lost his mother to the zombies earlier on in the apocalypse. No one has ever said it, but I could sense it when I first joined the group. I was always going to ask, but never got around to it. Now I’ll never know and even worse, Leon has been left alone. What a wasted life. After all that Randy’s survived, all that we’ve been through together, and now he’s been taken by another illness entirely. One that I’m sure we could have helped manage if only we’d known about it.
I’ve been sitting on my bed in silence, staring at the same spot on the wall ever since I found out about it this morning. Sarah found his corpse, and woke us all up in a screaming panic. She’s still hysterical. I don’t think anyone can calm her down, I’m unsure if she’ll ever recover, to be honest. All of us are going to be so badly affected by the loss of Randy; he was so integral to our survival.
The tears finally begin cascading down my cheeks, the numbness finally giving into emotion. Suddenly I feel a pair of soft arms slowly making their way around my neck. Emily. She always seems to arrive at exactly the right moment. I nestle into her, leaning all of my body against her, soaking up her body heat. I try to speak through the sobs, but my words are stilted and jumbled. I’m trying to convey that I can’t go on anymore, that I want to stop this nightmare. That everything has become too much for me. Any confidence I ever had in myself was always misplaced. I used it to mask the pain. Now I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m done.
Before I even realise it, before I can even think, her lips are crashing down on mine. I respond enthusiastically, ferociously kissing Emily back. I’m caught up in grief and I’m enjoying the feeling of giving myself entirely to someone. Her hands have become tangled up in my hair and I’m holding onto her cheek tenderly. This moment feels so right. Any weirdness I may have thought I was feeling was incorrect. I had my mind all mixed up, I wasn’t frightened about giving her the wrong impression, I wanted her. I didn’t want to push her away; I wanted to pull her in close. I want her so badly I could explode. Her soft lips feel amazing against mine, they fit perfectly. Her delicate tongue slips into my mouth and fireworks and butterflies burst in my stomach. I fall into her; I let this moment whisk me away. I melt, my heart falling in love.
Soon my brain kicks back into action, and I roughly shove Emily off me. I run off mumbling a pathetic apology as I do. Now I’m desperate to be alone, I need to get myself in order. I rush into one of the bathrooms, locking the door behind me. My body slumps to the floor as the weeping starts up again. I’m now crying for Randy, for Emily, and for myself. What have I done? Why did I let myself get carried away by the moment? My one rule was not to get involved with anyone during the zombie apocalypse, not to get too close. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, especially not Emily. I love her, I do. But I can’t love her in that way, can I? I’m not even a lesbian. I can’t remember a time I’ve ever been attracted to a girl before. What is going on?
I try to calm my mind. I need to think straight, I want to give myself a rational reason for the events that transpired, but I can’t. When we were kissing, I felt complete. I felt like the missing piece of my puzzle came together. I’ve never experienced feelings so powerful before, I’ve never been so attracted to anyone in my life. My heart is still racing with the adrenaline.
Is it real, or is it circumstantial? How do I figure that out? It really doesn’t matter either way, I can’t let it continue. I have to stop it before it becomes an issue.
I stay sitting on the cold tiled floor until a soft knock wakes me up from my stupor. I stand, shaking, wondering if it’s going to be Emily confronting me right away. I try to plan what I’m going to say but my thoughts are still scattered. It’s Sarah, she has organised a funeral for Randy. It won’t be anything over the top, just a simple way for us to say goodbye. She thinks it’ll be good for us all to pay our respects to such a wonderful man, and to remember how sacred death really is. It’s so easy to forget that in the zombie apocalypse.
As we say our final goodbyes, burying a great man, I don’t make eye contact with anyone. I feel even worse as I listen to everyone speak. How could I hurt Emily now, in such a terrible way? My whole face is soaking with tears. Randy was wonderful, he wasn’t the shambolic mess that I am. He deserved to live far more than I do. That’s the first time I’ve felt that way about someone, and all of a sudden I feel that way about absolutely everyone. I shouldn’t have survived this long; it isn’t fair on anyone else. I’m the one that should be in that shallow grave. A hollow hopelessness that I’ve experienced only once before consumes me all over again.
As soon as it’s over, I rush off and climb into bed. If I shut my eyes I know no one will bother me. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to think. I just want to be by myself with a blank mind. I need to shut the rest
of the world out.
CHAPTER 48
DR. JONES
April 12th
9:45 a.m.
This is it. It’s time to act. The hour is upon us.
Jason is a genius. An evil genius that I’m so glad is on my side. He’s more brilliant than I ever gave him credit for. His mind is sick, twisted, almost gory. It’s exactly what I need to spur me on. He’s driving me forward, making this much easier to go through. Without him, I might have given up on my idea, I may have lost enthusiasm, but with the constant visual reminder of my poor Ashley, and Jason’s words, I’m ready. I know what I need to do and I will make it happen.
Jason was never like this in stage one, I wonder if it’s the AM13 virus raging inside him, desperate to spread itself that’s turned him into this messed up, sadistic bastard. To be honest, I don’t give a fuck why he’s like this, what is causing it. It’s absolutely perfect. I need him to be this way. We need each other to get this done.
I can barely stand to look at my wife anymore, it’s terrible. Ashley is in such a terrible way, it’s making me so sick. I have to keep watching her, to spur me forward, but I won’t pretend it isn’t the toughest thing that I’ve ever, ever done. She’s banging her detached arm against the door over and over. I’ve tried begging her to stop, pleading with her to remember me, showing her photographs, telling her about our life. Of course this does nothing. That part of her brain is gone. She no longer has any memories, I’m nothing to her. Now she just sees me as something to infect, or something to eat. I don’t recall what conclusion I reached in the end. None of it matters anyway; it makes no difference to the outcome of the victims. Nothing does. This virus, it’s a powerful one.
