by Smith, S. E.
They reached atmo and fell into their flight path to the nearest star lane. They needed to get a little farther away from the moon's gravity field before she could jump to lightspeed, but they could cruise on autopilot for now.
Nerves still itchy, shoulders aching with tension, Aliette scanned her controls and argued with herself. He’s fine. He doesn’t need your help. But, despite her better instincts, Aliette still pushed out of her chair and went to check on Zandro and the kittens.
* * *
Zandro sat in the galley with the kittens on the table in front of him, still on their heating pad and wrapped up like little burritos. A scowl marred his handsome face, and Aliette hurried forward.
“Something wrong?”
“They're still too cold, dammit.” He had a small toothbrush out and was scrubbing the fur of the little violet backwards and forwards. Trying to simulate a mother cat, she knew. The sight of him laboring over the kittens made something flutter in her chest. A sharp, dull ache of memory. How many times had she seen a similar moment like this? How many times had he run himself ragged trying to save some poor animal?
He had a heart wide enough to welcome the whole world in, and he had it broken about as often as you'd expect. She didn't know how he'd stuck with the rescue work for so long. But, then again, he'd chosen the work over her. Maybe it was gratifying that it meant so much to him? Maybe she could reassure herself that at least it had been a tough choice for Zandro?
She wanted to turn away, back to the cockpit, leave him alone to his work. That was the choice he'd made, after all. But he looked so frantic, so worried, and the poor little kittens were so still, so small. Cursing her soft heart, she dropped into the chair across from him and reached for the little blue kitten.
Zandro cast her a quick, grateful glance. “I have a spare heating pad in the kitten bag.”
“OK.” With long practice, Aliette tucked the kitten against her with one arm and went to fish in the go bag for the necessary supplies. She hadn't touched a kitten in years, and yet all the old routines were already coming back to her. Old habits. She glanced at Zandro again and their gazes caught. His eyes were a warm honey brown, and something in her stomach heated up, fluttering low and urgent. I missed you.
She bit her lip and gathered her supplies. No time for any of the mess between them. Laughing wryly at herself, she returned her focus to the kitten at hand.
* * *
Aliette was so beautiful. The thought kept running through his head over and over, even as he continued to work on warming the violet kitten, even as he finally got its core temperature up enough to try a feeding. He had his hand under the kitten's chin so he could feel it swallow, but he found his gaze continually pulled back and back and back again to Aliette as she tended her own kitten. A lock of bright red hair had escaped her braid to fall against her cheek. If his hands hadn't been full of warm kitten he'd have traced a finger down the line of Aliette’s cheek. Which was beyond foolish.
Except a light flush was lighting her cheeks, and their gazes seemed to catch every few seconds or so. She was pissed at him. She'd left him behind long ago. And yet somehow they couldn't seem to stop looking at each other.
Aliette reached over for the premixed formula. Her syringe dropper at the ready. He snuck a hand over to check her kitten. A warm, wriggling little ball. Good.
Aliette snorted. “Checking my work?”
He shrugged. “It's been a long time since you did this.”
“True.” Aliette held the dropper to her kitten's mouth. Just as he was about to remind her to move her finger so she could feel the animal swallow, she did it on her own.
Zandro beamed at her. “You always were good at this.”
Aliette let out a tight, frustrated sigh. “It was never the kittens I had a problem with.”
“It was me?”
“No. It was—” She visibly gritted her jaw. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
Her nostrils flared in anger, but her grip on the kitten was still gentle. “If I mattered to you then you wouldn’t have chosen a cat over me.”
Zandro reared back, feeling the words land like a physical weight against his chest. “What are you talking about?”
“It doesn’t matter. Anyway. I need to focus.”
He brushed his fingertips over her hand. She jumped at the touch and gazed at him with wide, startled eyes. He swallowed, his mouth feeling dry. “This is about that tomcat, isn’t it? The one who hurt you?”
Aliette pinched her eyes closed, and her shoulders were tense against her seatback. “You kept him, Zandro. You adopted him. He tore my back to bloody ribbons and nearly killed me with his pheromones, and you brought him back to our house.”
Zandro’s chest tightened with a deep, bitter regret. “You thought I was choosing the cats over you.”
“You did choose them.”
“I wasn’t going to keep him, Allie. I’d already found another fosterer who was willing to take him. But you packed and left without talking to me. I thought…I thought you couldn’t handle my rescue work anymore. I thought I’d driven you away.”
“Oh.” Her breath was fast and shallow as she stared at him. Her kitten made a small mew under her hand, and she startled in surprise. Aliette gave a small, dark laugh. “I really do need to pay attention to this.”
“OK.” Zandro looked to his own kitten. The little creature was more alert, squirming in his hands. And when he held the dropper to its mouth, it drank greedily. “Good, good. Drink up, baby.”
The kittens finished eating at about the same moment. Zandro dug his flea comb out and started parsing his kitten's fur. Bajo cats were among the softest of animals in the universe, but this one was covered in dirt and spider webs and its own filth. It wasn't soft at all.
It was also crawling with fleas. “Hell.”
“What?”
“I need to give them a flea bath. I hate to do it with animals this young, but they're so tiny they can't afford to lose any blood.”
“Fleas.” Aliette gave a bitter laugh, but she scritched affectionately at her own kitten's head. “I should've known. It's always something.”
Zandro scrapped at his own arm, pierced with guilt. He should take the kittens and let her go clean up, decompress after the sheriff visit and that tense chat of theirs. He owed Aliette so much for taking him. He should just leave her alone for the rest of this very brief trip.
Except he’d left her alone once before when he should have reached out instead. He didn’t want to make that mistake again. He would reach out and if she reached back…well. And if she didn’t at least he’d know he tried.
Heart hammering, he extended his fingers out to touch her hand and caught her gaze when she looked up at him. “Would you like to help me, Allie?”
* * *
She should say no. She should leave before he and the kittens had a chance to seduce her. But the kitten was warm and soft, and Zandro was kind and wonderful and so stupidly handsome it made her chest ache just to look at him. She was still upset by their talk. All these years she’d been telling herself that he’d abandoned her. That he’d made his choice and it wasn’t her.
But it had been a mistake. Or at least a misunderstanding. She’d been so scared and rattled after the attack that she hadn’t wanted to be anywhere near a bajo cat. Anywhere near Zandro. Maybe talking to him back then wouldn’t have done any good. Or maybe it would’ve changed everything.
She shook her head. It didn’t matter what his intentions had been. Or what her reaction might have been. She couldn’t change things.
But here was Zandro now. Holding his hand out to her. Wanting to spend time with her.
He’d tied his wavy dark hair back into a small nub of a ponytail at some point. It looked glossy and silky soft in the bright lights of the mess. His skin was warm and glowing with health, although his cheeks were stubbled now with dark beard. Would his skin be as warm as the kitten breathing softly ben
eath her palm? She had a sudden visceral urge to circle the table and lean into Zandro. Tuck her face against his neck and breathe. Was he still using the same aftershave? Would he smell like the cold evidence storage room at the station? Or would he smell like spice and citrus and delicious male?
Aliette shook herself and pushed to stand. Dumb. She was being so dumb. It was like someone had handed her a grenade with the pin pulled and she was hesitating to hand it back. Zandro had already broken her heart into pieces. What kind of idiot was she that she was just itching to give him the chance again?
Itching. Aliette rolled her eyes. Hell. She glanced down at the sleeping kitten tucked into her elbow. Fleas. Her skin crawled at the thought, but her old kitten training was still too strong. The first rule of kitten care was to keep them warm. As much as she loathed the thought of fleas, she wasn’t about to drop this kitten onto the cold table or even hold it away from her own body. It needed her warmth too much.
But, ugh, fleas.
Aliette shivered and glared at Zandro as he looked at her. She’d been quiet a long time, but he was just watching her. As if he could hear the thoughts running through her head. The worries. The hesitation.
He wet his lips. “Well?”
Aliette scoffed out a laugh. “Yeah. Fool that I am, I’ll help you Zandro with the fleas. Come on.”
* * *
Zandro finally remembered to set his camera up and start filming once it was time to give the kittens their baths. He should have been filming all along since they hit the station, since he left the ship on the moon, but between Aliette and the weirdness with the deputies he'd forgotten to. Just as well, the deputies of the sheriff's station probably wouldn't have wanted him recording their distress.
He set up his portable com unit on a tripod by Aliette's sink and hit record. “So, we've successfully rescued the two bajo kittens from the moon of Anteros XII. We've got them warmed up and fed, so now we just need to take care of all these fleas.” He mugged for the camera, making an overwrought grimace. Aliette snorted beside him. He flicked his glance over to her. “Are you ok if I mention that you're here? Or would you rather be an unnamed assistant?”
She froze and her brows drew together in a frown. “I guess I don't mind?”
“You don't have to. I never want to make you uncomfortable or force you to do something you don't want.”
She blinked, her eyes immediately growing shiny.
Zandro reached out to tap the off button and stop the recording. “I'm sorry, Aliette. I'm so sorry. I probably should have been saying that every ten minutes or so since I walked onto your ship, but I am. I shouldn’t have pushed you to take me on today, and I never should have pushed you to handle that bajo tomcat by yourself back then.”
It was nearly five years ago now, but the way her eyes had immediately begun to shimmer he had an inkling the incident was still fresh in her mind and still as painful to her as it was to him. Two emergency rescues had come up at the same time. Orphaned preemies and a big feral tomcat hiding in someone's warehouse. Zandro wouldn't have been able to get to both of them in time so he'd sent Aliette to get the tomcat while he'd handled the kittens himself. She'd only just started helping him with his rescue work. And then he'd sent her out to handle a massive and feral bajo cat by herself.
He shook his head at his past self, his gut roiling with unhappiness at the memory. “I was dumb, and I should've listened when you said you didn't want to do it. I was just so frantic to get to those preemies in time that I wasn’t thinking straight.”
She was still breathing hard, tears shining in her eyes.
His kitten was a warm lump in his arms, sleeping against his wrist, so he reached out with his free hand and cupped her cheek. “I'm sorry, Aliette. I never wanted you to get hurt. Nothing is worth that to me. Not then. Not now.”
She took a deep shuddering breath and actually turned her face into his hand. “I was dumb too. I knew I couldn't handle him by myself, but I didn't want to let you down. It was so important to you.”
“I'm sorry I made you feel that way.”
Aliette took a shaky breath in, laughing a little. “Hey, it's the past. Let's get these kittens bathed before my whole ship is infested, OK? And I don't mind being on camera.”
“OK.” He turned the camera back on and walked through the procedure for a flea bath on such a young kitten. He soaped the kitten up while the little thing squirmed and chirped indignant protest. He grinned at the camera--and at Aliette who stood behind it cradling the other kitten and idly stroking its back. “Hear the lungs on this little one? That's good. If they're complaining that means they've got some strength.” He vigorously dried the kitten and wrapped it in a fluffy clean towel. He winced with guilt looking at the bright pink flowers. He'd almost forgotten he wasn't at home with his own supplies. He glanced at Aliette. “Are you sure you want us to use your towels? Kittens can get messy.”
Aliette waved his concern away. “Towels can be washed. Here's your next kitten.” She handed Zandro the other one, but hesitated to take the little kitten burrito he tried to hand her. “Wait, I might have fleas on my shirt.” She half-unzipped her flight coveralls before she stopped. A flush colored her cheeks as she hesitated, then she cast Zandro an accessing glance from under her lashes. Slowly, she stripped her flightsuit off in one swift motion. She tossed it over his head to land behind him in a pile with the flea contaminated towels.
Zandro's throat went dry. She was still slim and pale, with strong arms and a soft belly. Her breasts were ripe as they pushed against the silky red bra she wore. Her panties were utilitarian black, but they hugged the tops of her shapely legs. He swallowed and forced his gaze up to the ceiling. “Sorry.”
“Nothing you haven't seen before.” Aliette's voice was a little rough. “Nothing you haven't touched before.”
Zandro hissed a breath in through his teeth. “Well, you definitely can't be on camera now. I don't run that kind of social media page.”
Aliette laughed and plucked the clean kitten up, hugging it against her chest. The kitten was asleep within moments, head nestled against the V of her cleavage.
“Lucky cat,” Zandro muttered and started on the flea bath for number two.
* * *
Aliette stood there with the first kitten cradled against her chest and watched Zandro finish cleaning the second kitten. Her feet were cold and her legs were getting there. She didn't quite know what she'd been thinking to strip like that. Zandro couldn't exactly ravish her on the bathroom floor while the two kittens still needed to be cleaned and dried. Really her stripping in front of him had started from sheer muscle memory. She didn't want to contaminate the clean kitten with any fleas lurking in her clothes. She'd had her flightsuit half off before she'd remembered she wasn't supposed to be naked in front of Zandro anymore.
She might have stopped there and figured out a different solution if she hadn’t seen the flare of heat in his eyes when she'd started to undress. His eyes had gone warm, with a greedy light that was pretty gratifying. And the look on his face had started a kindling heat low in her gut.
And that sheer stupidity had her stripping the rest of her clothes off. But now she felt like an idiot standing there in her bra and panties while Zandro wrapped up his demo for the camera and finished bathing the last kitten.
Her own kitten was a fuzzy lump against her chest, its fur was dry and so silky soft she couldn't help herself as she rubbed her cheek against its warm little head again and again. Thank God for the dampening patch Zandro had given her, otherwise she'd be high as a drone right now. This was the peril of the bajo cats: they were so soft, so sweet, that you rubbed your whole face in their fur and you were off your rocker before you knew what hit you.
Zandro had the second cat burritoed in another one of her towels, and he handed it to her. “One sec.”
“Wha—”
Before she could get the word out, he'd yanked his shirt up over his head and skinned out of his cargo pants too.
In under a minute all the beautiful honey gold of his skin was exposed to her eyesight. The only thing he wore was a pair of tight green-striped boxer briefs that hugged the firm peach of his butt in all the right ways.
Aliette swallowed. The right thing to do was look away, give him some privacy. But he was just too beautiful. Long, strong, with sculpted shoulders that rippled as he lifted both kittens out of her arms.
“Excuse me.” He brushed past her.
Aliette blinked and followed a bit dazedly in his wake. Her skin felt cold, her arms empty now that she didn't have the kittens. Zandro carefully unwound the kittens from their towels and ran his big hands gently over their little frames, probably checking that they were dry and warm. He'd brought a big clear plastic tub with no lid and had already set it up with blankets and a plush stuffed animal. She recognized the toy as one of the pseudo-mothers he liked to give his orphans. The toy would simulate a mother’s heartbeat and give the kittens something to snuggle into while they slept.
Zandro kissed first one then the other kitten on their heads and set them in the tub. “See you in a little while, babies.”
Her heart ached watching him. He was so kind, so careful and patient and wonderful.
He straightened, and when he looked at her his eyes burned with a heat that had every nerve ending in her body tingling to life. “Zandro—”
He was across the galley in two steps, one hand snaking around her wrist, the other threading into her hair. “Tell me to stop and I will. Tell me to go to my own bunk and I will.”
“Stop?”
He chuckled and leaned close enough so their mouths nearly touched, so close she couldn't tell whose breath was whose. “I've been wanting to kiss you since you took your flightsuit off. Hell, I've been wanting to kiss you since I came onboard. Since I called you.” He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “No. Longer. I've been wanting to kiss you since the last time I kissed you.”
