She just looked at me and then away.
I tried to understand where she was coming from, saying these things. “I’m not going to leave Danial, Elle. If it will make you feel better…we’re trying to have a baby.”
Elle gasped. “Dad didn’t tell me that.”
“I promised not to mention it to you because we aren’t sure we can,” I said meaningfully. “I’m telling you now so you’ll stop overreacting to strange men. I’m not about to run off with some stranger.”
“I’m sorry,” Elle said softly. “I’m just happy. I don’t want Danial to leave like Theo did.”
“He won’t,” I said, hugging her tight. “You can trust in that.”
“I don’t want you to leave either.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said emotionally. “Trust me.”
* * * *
Shooting lessons also continued that summer. Terian came to my house now every week to practice with Elle and me. Sometimes Danial would join us, though that was rare.
When we finished one afternoon and Elle had gone inside to play, I pulled him aside and asked him to take a walk with me.
“Is something wrong?” he said quickly, blackness coiling out of him.
“No,” I said quickly. “Danial and I are fine.”
“I’m glad you asked me out here,” Terian said with an exhalation of breath. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened back in the spring. You were right, I should never let it get as far as it did with those men. I should’ve killed them.”
“You did kill them,” I said, repressing a shudder at the memory.
“I didn’t mean to bring back bad memories,” he said regretfully. “I just wanted to apologize.”
I forced a smile. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
He smiled back, and his hand touched my face. “Thanks. Now what did you need?”
I took a deep breath. “If I’d had a baby with Theo, would it have been okay?”
Terian gaped at me. “What?”
“I’m asking hypothetically,” I added quickly.
“I have no idea,” Terian said, shrugging.
“Could you find out?” I asked. “Please?”
“Why does it matter now?” Terian said, looking at me like I’d grown a tail. “He’s dead.”
“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “I can’t seem to let this go. I know it’s bizarre to be still thinking about this with Theo dead. My best guess is guilt over wanting a baby now.” I met Terian’s eyes. “I was going to refuse if Theo asked me to have kids, Terian. I didn’t want to end up like Tawny. Yet I asked Danial. He didn’t ask me.”
“I’ll do some research,” Terian said, nodding. “I’ll let you know when I find out definitively.”
“Thanks,” I said, giving him a hug.
* * * *
Danial informed me late one night in mid-August Devlin had been asking about the child we were trying for. “I let it slip, Sar. I’m sorry.”
“What did you tell him?” I said, wary.
“That you aren’t pregnant yet. That’s all,” he said, hugging me.
“How is your deal going with him, by the way?”
“So far, so good,” Danial said, pleased. “He is handling everything well and not making too much of a mess or letting the killing get out of hand. The clients I’ve sent to him have been happy, all of them.”
Danial had been worried about refusing some of those contracts. His old business partners Tony and Thane had been none too pleased when he had not accepted their last two hits. Devlin had taken care of both.
“That’s great,” I said to him warmly.
“It’s more than great, it’s a miracle,” Danial said, relieved. “This was important, and he came through for me. It’s almost as if the rift between us is finally closing.” His voice dropped lower. “He still knows not to come here, Sar. You don’t have to worry about that.”
I nodded, relieved. “Good.”
* * * *
The end of that summer was a peaceful one. Danial and I took long romantic walks in the dark, and Elle and I took long walks in the day, working on naming the plants and birds we saw. She was excellent now at it. The dogs enjoyed the quiet relaxed summer days, sitting on the deck as Elle and I read or did art. She, like her father, had artistic skill. I could do watercolors with a lot of effort, but she could do them easily and make them look almost as good as photographs. Elle could also sketch. She was shy about her work, as Theo had been about his wood carving ability. When I showed Danial some of her work with some of my old supplies, he bought her oil paints, canvases, bound books of paper, and special pencils for drawing. She created masterpieces, some of which I framed, and hung on the walls of our home. Most were forest scenes, but she did a few of me and a few of Danial.
One she did of us together. I had been wearing the red dress, the choker, and the fox earrings. Danial had been in his red shirt, and black leather pants. He had been taking me out for dancing and up to visit Tatiana. Elle had made us sit for an hour while she got the lighting right and sketched in the details. The delay had made us late, so much so we’d gotten back just in time to get inside before dawn. The resulting painting had been worth it. We looked supernaturally good in the picture, like something out of a fable. Danial had it framed and put in our bedroom at his house.
Finally, on September first, early winter hit. We had a killing frost that took out many of the local farmers’ crops, though my gardens were covered. Though sunshine persisted in the following days, the temperature stayed abnormally cold. Admitting defeat, I gathered the last of the edibles up and left the rest for wildlife. It had been a bad harvest because a lot of the plants needed another few weeks to develop.
That night, Danial watched me put up the last vegetables. “It’s time to go home, Sar.”
“Yes,” I said sadly. “We’ve been running the woodstove nonstop this week.”
“I’ll pack up tonight,” Danial said. “Elle is already packed. We can leave tonight, if you’ve no objections.”
“You both go ahead,” I said. “I need to shut off everything, including the water. It’ll be easier to do when I’m not tired like I am now.”
“You’re sure you don’t want me to hire a housesitter?”
“Yes. The wood will keep ‘till next year. Ken has promised to check the place once a week and call us if there are any problems. You’ve set up Henry to plow the drive for us.”
“Are you okay with being alone here tonight?”
“You don’t mean alone. You mean without you and Elle,” I corrected gently. “Yes, I’ll be fine. I’ll be able to come home faster tomorrow if you take her with you tonight. The pets will be hard enough to transport tomorrow, even with Suri’s help.”
Danial nodded. “All right. I’ll leave most of the foxes here with you and take Terian with me.” He went back downstairs.
I sat down and began making a list. The reason for closing the house up this year was because Suri had broken up with Demetri over the summer. She was now dating Ivan and sleeping with him, A vicious triangle was threatening to send at least one person to another job. Danial said he was tired of the bickering and jealously. Demetri had tried to start a fight with Ivan twice already. I’d tried to keep them logy with baked goods, but it seemed to have no effect.
Danial strode in. “Elle’s already in the SUV. Are you sure you won’t come?”
“Go ahead,” I said firmly. “Take Demetri with you. I don’t want a fight with you not here.”
“I told the three of them to settle it one way or another. There are to be no more fights. I pay them to guard you, Elle, and me. If they want to hook up, that’s okay, but when it interferes with their job, it’s not okay. Demetri will likely take a few weeks off. He’s got vacation coming.”
“What’s the problem, really? Too few females and too many males?”
“Some of it is the close quarters of the compound. It’s like a college dorm. Most of the foxes ar
e young, only in their early twenties. They aren’t thinking about settling down yet. They want to have fun. This bed hopping and resulting fighting isn’t unusual.”
“You’re probably right.”
“Take care,” Danial said, kissing me lightly. “I’ll call you before dawn.”
I hugged him goodbye and then returned to my list. Finally, it was complete, and I collapsed into bed.
Late the following morning, after everything was done, I went back through the house for one last check, to make sure nothing had been forgotten. I walked through the house, grabbing a few forgotten items, like my hairbrush from the shower and my new black velvet robe from the back of the door. Lastly, I went to Theo’s drawers and took out a few of his shirts. I smelled them, inhaling his scent. It was so faint now as to be almost nonexistent. The smell of cedar from my scented drawer woodchips had almost replaced it completely.
I put his clothes back in the drawer, moving aside the diamond ring he had bought me in its box, wrapped in my blue velvet robe. The potion Terian had given me to recreate the dream was also there, wrapped in bubble wrap to protect it. There it would stay for the winter.
Driving back, I debated if it was time to let go. The past summer had been such a disaster. Ghost and Darkness had liked the summer there as had the cats, but Danial and Elle were happier at Danial’s house. It was time to face facts: Theo had been gone over a year. He was not coming back, not ever. I had a new life now, one with Danial and Elle. Sooner or later, I was going to have to cut the old life loose.
I wasn’t ready yet. I couldn’t do it now.
Chapter Nine
I’d envisioned coming to Danial all summer, letting him know with some kind of quip or meaningful words I was going to have our baby. I’d hoped for it to be on my birthday or Elle’s, but those had passed. Though we’d celebrated often in the summer with parties and good times, I was beginning to feel disheartened, wondering if we would ever succeed.
As was usual for me, the actual moment was nothing like I had imagined.
I woke up one evening in the second week of September feeling awful. My first thought was what had I eaten to make me feel this bad? In the next moment, I was dashing for the bathroom. I made it just in time and heaved until there was nothing left inside me to come up. Danial saw me rush out and made as if to come in and help me.
“Get out,” I yelled at him from the floor. He backed up and shut the door with a sharp click.
“Sar, are you okay in there?” he said.
“No,” I said, worried. I stayed there a few minutes more, just breathing. I was scared. I almost never threw up, so I knew what was probably happening: I was finally pregnant.
I got up from the floor, brushed my teeth, used some mouthwash, and washed my face. When I finally opened the bathroom door, Danial was waiting for me, leaning against the wall, dressed.
“Get dressed, Sar,” he said, trying to make it sound like a gentle prod.
“I want to go back to bed,” I said, moving past him slowly.
“No. You are going to get dressed. Now.”
Well, all pretenses at asking had gone right out the window.
I looked over at him defiantly. It had been a long time since he’d ordered me to do something. He just looked at me, watching me with dark eyes that dared me to say something.
I went back to bed, covering myself up and drawing my legs up to my chest. The next thing I knew, Danial was rolling the sheets around me and picking me up. My stomach heaved again.
“Please, put me back in bed,” I pleaded with him.
“No, you’re going to see Stephen now. I am taking you there dressed or wrapped in our bed linens. You and I both suspect why you threw up, but I need to make sure this is what I am hoping it is.” He carried me out toward the front door.
“Okay,” I said reluctantly. “Let me get dressed.”
“No,” Danial said firmly, opening the door. “We are going now.”
Terian was on the other side, waiting. He ran to the SUV and opened the back door for Danial to help me inside. “Excited?” he said to me with a smile.
I looked at him with tired eyes. “You have got to be kidding.”
“Get going, Terian,” Danial commanded.
Terian rolled his eyes, frowned and then got in the driver’s seat.
We made it in record time to the doctor’s office, mostly from Terian’s affinity for seventy-five mph. Terian again opened the door, and Danial helped me out of the backseat, again picking me up. He took me inside, walking quickly over the pavement wet from a recent rain and glittering blackly in the streetlights, Terian following.
Dr. Camlyn gave me a urine test and a blood test. Neither one was conclusive.
“That might be due to the baby being part vampire. I’ll have to physically look.”
I rolled my eyes, assuming the stirrup position. A few minutes later, Stephen moved back, gently shutting my legs.
“Your cervix is sealed up tight. Congratulations.”
“You’re sure?” Danial said anxiously.
“As sure as I can be without fluid testing. Sar, when was your last period?”
“Almost two months,” I said, thinking back. “I’ve been late before.”
“I’ll do additional tests on your blood and some swabs I took,” Stephen said. “I would act as if you’re pregnant from this moment on. You most likely are.”
Danial hugged me gently, and Terian was beaming as well. I just still felt sick.
“When is she due?” Danial asked. “Nine months would be sometime in early March?”
“I’d say more like April or May, probably.”
Danial thanked him profusely and then hugged Terian. Instead of acting surprised or standoffish, Terian hugged Danial back hard enough to crack his back.
“Thank you,” Danial said softly, tears in his eyes. “This wouldn’t have been possible without you.”
“I was glad to help,” Terian said softly, nodding.
“Hey, I’m the one having the baby and feeling sick,” I said irritably. “I’d like to go home now.”
Danial picked me up in his strong arms while Terian collected some prescriptions for vitamins.
“Danial,” Stephen said warningly, “Don’t take any of Sar’s blood. She’s going to need it all.”
“Understood,” Danial said, nodding once. “Thank you again, Doctor.”
As we were driving home, reality set in. This was it. I was pregnant.
I didn’t feel any different, except for being nauseous. My apprehension grew the closer we got to home. Danial had me now. I’d promised him control of me until I delivered.
Despite my worry, I knew he’d take good care of me. He wanted this child badly enough to do anything to keep us both safe. Still questions flooded my mind, questions that would need answering.
What would I say to my mother now? How would my baby feel knowing I wasn’t married to its father? Would he or she care? What if having the baby killed me? What if I miscarried again? Would Danial want to try yet again if that happened? Would I? Worse, what would Theo think to come back now and find me not only living with Danial, but pregnant with his child?
What had I done?
Harshly, I beat down my guilt. It had been more than a year since Theo had gone missing. He was not coming back. For the first time that meant relief.
“I’ll cancel my meetings for today and tomorrow,” Danial said to Terian. “We need to work out a schedule of keeping watch over Sar. She is to go nowhere outside the house without one of us there from now on, not for any reason. Is that clear?”
“Of course,” Terian said, “but that’s going to mean a lot of conference calls.”
“Not necessarily. Sar agreed to abide by my rules. She’ll just be under house arrest.” Danial gave me a smile. “I’ll have to lay in a supply of books for you.”
Claustrophobia engulfed me at his words. As soon as Terian pulled up in front of Danial’s house, I opened my SUV door and r
aced inside. Heading straight to the kitchen, I poured myself a huge glass of wine and drank half of it down immediately. In a few seconds, the alcohol hit me and I stopped caring so much, because everything was good. Thank God for the over-sizing of American glassware.
Danial came through the front door, calling for me. I hurriedly drank half of the remainder, having a hunch he would not approve my self-indulgence. Quickly, I fled to Elle’s room and shut the door. Turning on her TV, I happened on the very end of the Sci-Fi parody, Spaceballs. Either because of the large amount of wine or the movie, I began laughing uproariously, rolling on the bed. Too soon, the credits began to scroll across the screen. Abruptly, the TV clicked off. I looked up to find Danial glowering down at me.
“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” he growled at me.
“Dealing,” I said bluntly and reached for the wineglass.
“You are not having any more, Sar, is that clear?” He took the wine out of my reach.
I rolled my eyes and made a face at him. He shook his head slightly and then picked me up.
“Where are you taking me?” I said getting the words out slowly.
“You are going back to bed, my drunken darling,” he said, kissing my forehead. He carried me through the new addition to our bedroom. “You need your rest.”
“I want to watch TV,” I said stubbornly. “I want to relax. I need to relax.”
“I will stay with you,” he said consolingly. “You can relax.”
“You don’t relax me,” I said defiantly.
“Don’t I?” he said, kissing my neck. “I could try a little harder—”
Something uncurled itself within me that had been sleeping and opened its eyes wide. It was so hungry, so full of craving. AAHHHH.
“No, you don’t,” I said softly, then lunged for him. I began kissing him hard, my passion so forceful he took a step backward.
“Sar,” he said worriedly, breaking away from me. “What’s gotten into you?”
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