She’d been perturbed with him before the incident with Barb. She’d already decided to confront him about his behavior. Then three cycles of being alone in the dim loneliness of her cave had given her plenty of time to stew over it.
“You had sex with me,” she said. “Over and over and over. And you only did it to keep me occupied.”
He looked surprised. “I thought you enjoyed it.”
“Of course I enjoyed it! What’s that got to do with the fact that you used me?”
39
“Used? Listen, I—Never mind, I’ll admit I used sex to protect you if that’s what you want to hear.”
This woman didn’t know what she did to him, did she? He’d barely tasted her, a drop here, a drop there, but, oh, how the intimacy had drawn him deeper into need for her! She had no idea what their sexual orgy had cost him.
She wasn’t going to know, either.
He stepped back and said nonchalantly, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Her head went up proudly. Despite her genuine anger, there was a great deal of calculated assessment in the way she looked at him. She said coldly, “I see.”
He knew damn well that she accepted the callousness of his responses because it was easier for them both to pretend that the sex had been no more than sex than for her to challenge his veneer.
She’d try to hate him for the good of the Empire, he thought. That was what she had to do.
She was the Empire as far as he was concerned, and he’d do anything she needed of him. Even if it broke his heart. Even if it drove him crazy. And worse.
Zoe let Matthias’s deliberate stings sink in, but she was too much of an empath not to know he was covering up some deep emotions. She fought down the almost overwhelming urge to hold him tight and comfort him. She’d bite her tongue off before asking him what was wrong. Or telling him to stop being brave for her sake. They’d reached the point where they couldn’t work anything out.
For the good of the Empire.
She supposed they’d just have to carve that on her sarcophagus, if she got the chance to make it into that long line of tombs in the Imperial crypt: Here lies Empress Theodora the Eighth, Spinster—she was too cowardly to tell a vampire she loved him.
What was domestic unrest and possible civil war on top of fighting aliens compared to true love, after all?
Unthinkable and unacceptable, that’s what it was. Damn it all and her to hell.
“You better not be reading my mind right now,” she said to the vampire. She didn’t want to show him her cowardice.
* * *
“Wouldn’t dream of it—Zoe? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Telepath,” she said. “You’re a telepath.”
“We’ve already established that.” A light had gone on in her eyes. Her bright, sudden hope was a warming beacon, and he wanted to kiss her. “What’s up?” he asked instead.
She explained to him about Jazoan’s malfunctioning communications device, then she tapped him on the forehead. “Telepathy. Telepathy is a form of communication. You can use telepathy to reach the outside.”
He shook his head. “Darlin’, you know better than that.” He hated dashing her hopes. “If thoughts could jump through foldspace we Primes would be running communications empires instead of pleasure planets.”
She wasn’t convinced. “I know that suprahuman thought can reach—”
“Through space and time?” he finished. “That’s romantic nonsense. Actually, it’s not exactly nonsense, but it is romantic. If my bondmate was outside Camp Five my thoughts might be able to reach her. But we can’t try that experiment because there’s nobody out there for me to try to reach.”
She was right here and he was communicating with her right now, not that he was going to bring that up.
Zoe’s enthusiasm dimmed, but not completely. “You’re still a supra—A Prime. You have powers.” She waved her hands and her voice took on a mystical tone. “Powers beyond mortal man.”
He laughed.
Zoe became serious when she went on. “Vampire powers are unknown to any enemy aliens because suprahuman status isn’t listed on military ID chips.”
“Yeah. All humans are biologically the same as far as aliens know.”
She grinned. “Exactly. You’re our secret weapon.”
He gave a slight bow. “We suprahumans are honored to serve the Em—”
“Not all suprahumans. You, Prime Matthias, are Camp Five’s personal hero.”
“I’m the commander. I’m a doctor. I’m a love machine. But hero?”
She nodded. Her enthusiasm was scary.
“I don’t see your point,” Doc said.
“Prisoners have a duty to escape, right?”
“That’s official policy. But—”
“Our duty is to serve and protect the Empire. We must return to our duty. Your suprahuman talents are exactly what we need if we’re going to get out of here.”
He wanted to laugh, but out of sheer frustration. There was no humor in this situation. She was relentless and he was helpless in the face of it. Her need to be of use was so strong; bred and trained into her, he guessed. Maybe that was why the Imperial Family was so popular.
He wanted to hold her close and patiently explain how everything in life wasn’t about duty until she believed it. But then she wouldn’t be Zoe if a good part of her wasn’t always concentrating on doing what she could do to help—everybody. He loved her for that.
Loving Zoe was a fool’s game, he’d known it all along. He’d fallen hard and he’d lost, and there was nothing he could do now.
He shouldn’t have come to her now, but after four cycles of not seeing her, the need had finally driven him out of his office and straight to where they were standing. He had to be near her, he had to touch her. He didn’t dare taste her, although the warmth and salty sweetness of her blood called so strongly that his heart beat with hers and his blood pounded painfully through him. The throbbing ache in his fangs was driving him mad! But at least that pain was a distraction from the call of his soul to claim and keep and hold.
She passed her hand in front of his eyes. “You in there?”
“Shit,” he muttered.
“Matthias?” Her hand touched his. “Matthias, are you all right? You don’t look—”
“I’m fine.” He pulled away from her. He owed it to her to focus, to protect her. He owed that to everyone in his charge.
“You’re not fine,” she answered.
“Let it go, my darling empath. We have more important things to discuss.” He waited until the princess nodded after giving him a long, sharp look.
“More important things to argue about, you mean,” she said. “I want to discuss escape plans and you’re about to tell me one more time why escape isn’t possible.”
“If you already know what we’re going to say let’s not get into it,” he countered. He’d managed to keep her safe for a couple more days by confining her to quarters, but he had to come up with a better plan than that somehow. “Escape is not on the agenda. It cannot be done.”
She wasn’t having any of it. “I hadn’t been bitten by a vampire until recently, either.”
“Which means?”
“That we all must be open to new experiences, such as achieving the impossible. I’ve decided to escape. We need the Asi if we’re going to get out of here,” she said.
He wanted to let this go, but the words came out before he could stop them. “Get out of here? There is no getting out of here.”
“It’s a prisoner of war’s duty to try to escape.”
“According to human rules of war. The Hajim haven’t heard of the Prisoner Conventions. We don’t know why they keep prisoners. Come to think of it, I don’t believe any of the other aliens we’re fighting with have signed the Conventions, either.”
“The Asi have a strict code of conduct.”
“They eat people, and each other.”
“Only unde
r certain circumstances. I was on a mission to convince them that we keep to an honorable code of conduct as well when I ended up here. We’ve established communication links with the Asi here. We can’t let that slide. Not if we want to get out of here,” she added.
“You keep saying ‘here’ as if reaching the ‘there’ of the outside is possible.”
“You know it’s possible, if you want to do it.”
He definitely did not like Zoe’s tone. She was playing him, and he knew it, but he still walked right into her trap. “What do you mean, if?”
“You’re comfortable in the dark,” she pointed out. “It’s your natural element. The dark is the place where you feel safe. In the dark is where you think you can keep others safe. Maybe you’re letting your subconscious color your attitude about the feasibility of escape.”
“And all that thinly veiled diplomatic way of insulting me means … ?”
“You could leave here anytime you want to, couldn’t you?”
Anger simmered in him, and a gnawing sense of betrayal at her accusation. “I’m the ranking officer in this camp. I can’t just walk out.”
“You could go for help.”
“How?”
“Just go.”
He pointed upward. “There’s sunlight beyond the force shield that keeps us locked in. I don’t take the daylight drugs. I don’t have a light shield with me.”
“There’s nighttime as well as daylight on this planet. You could hide by day, travel by night. Vampires lived that way originally, didn’t they?”
“However we used to live, there’s nothing I can do here. We’re all stuck in this hole and my duty is to protect the people I’m responsible for.”
“The best way for you to protect us is for you to escape.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Won’t.”
Her attitude was stubborn and childish, and made him feel the same way. “Why are you arguing about the impossible?”
“Why won’t you try to think outside your comfort zone?”
Her attitude drove him crazy. Maybe he should walk away from this impossible argument, since he couldn’t walk away from Camp Five. But how could Zoe of all people not understand his necessary choices?
“I didn’t end up here on purpose. I am dealing with the situation to the best of my ability.”
“I’m not saying your inaction is a deliberate decision.”
Doc stiffened, cold suspicion turning his anger into ice. “What do you mean by that?”
She hesitated for a moment before adding bluntly, “You have power here, you are in a natural environment for your kind, you have a willing source of psychic and physical nourishment. Unconsciously, you may not want to escape.”
“Are you calling me a coward and a bloodsucking parasite?” he demanded.
Zoe stood her ground as he took a threatening step forward. He wanted to shake her. He was shaking himself. He could barely keep his hands off her. He would never touch her in anger—but, oh, the temptation!
“Do you think I enjoy hiding in this hole? That I’m a demon who’s relishing being the master of my own little harem and kingdom in this dark corner of hell? Is that what you really think of me?”
When she looked at him steadily instead of answering Doc had to fight even harder to keep the rising fury bordering on bloodlust at bay. Hurt burned through him, fueling his already roiling emotions. He had to ball his hands into fists to keep from striking out.
It wasn’t the fact that she was the heiress to the Byzant Empire he was sworn to protect and serve that kept him from tearing her apart. It wasn’t even because she was an unarmed mortal woman, and therefore a frail, unfair target for a vampire’s strength. It was because she was his woman, and on the most basic biological and psychic level she had become too much a part of himself for him to ever be able to hurt her.
That didn’t stop her from being able to hurt him. More than he’d ever known it was possible to hurt.
All he could manage to do was turn around and, literally seeing bloodred with rage, storm away from her.
40
That did not go well. Zoe sighed, and swallowed hard to keep the tears that threatened inside.
Or, possibly, it had gone too well.
Of course, she’d known what she’d had to say to Raven wouldn’t go down easily with Raven but she had hoped to start a dialogue. Instead, he’d nearly scared her to death with the way he looked at her before he walked away. The pain in his eyes affected her worse than her own fear.
She stood shivering in the hallway for a long time after he left. She couldn’t go after him to explain or comfort no matter how much she wanted to. Guilt weighed on her, making the oppressive darkness even worse. She’d never felt more alone and she didn’t like herself at all.
“Sometimes I hate my job,” she whispered.
There was no one to answer her and nothing more that could be said. She’d dropped the pebble into the well and now she had to find out what would come out of it. If it was a monster—well, she’d brought any danger onto herself.
In the meantime she fled the loneliness of the corridor to seek the shelter of her own quarters.
As if any place without Matthias Raven wasn’t one and the same.
The jasmine plant grew up the side of the rust-colored stucco wall in a tangled mass of branches, green leaves, and waxy white flowers bathed in brilliant light. She floated across the smooth tiles of the terrace, barefoot, with layers of pastel diaphanous skirts flowing around her. The breeze plucked at her curling hair. Sun warmed her skin, the sky was brilliant blue, the sea far below bluer still, with sunlight flashing off it in diamond sparks.
How she loved the sunlight!
But the scent, the seductive scent, of the white flowers drew her like nothing else in this paradise. Here was delight. Here was perfection. Nothing had ever been so white. She couldn’t stop from plucking one fragile blossom….
“My flowers! What have you done? Thief! Robber!”
The beast roared behind her, his voice as deep as the stormy sea. The horrid sound filled her ears and drove her to her knees.
Fear filled her. Beauty vanished. Light vanished.
Huge paws grabbed her, claws pierced her skin.
“Stay with me. That’s your punishment.”
“No!”
She screamed and begged but the beast dragged her from the light. His castle was dark yet full of shocking beauty. Everywhere was luxury. Everything awoke her senses.
He brought her to his bed and there the beast was gentle. She came to crave his huge hands on her. The rumbling sound of his voice became her music. She grew to trust. His ugliness became beautiful to her. For an endless time she became lost in his dark, protective world.
“I have to go,” she said one day. “I have no choice.”
He held a flower out to her. She cupped the precious gift in her hands.
“Come back,” he said. “Be with me or I will die.”
She stepped back into the light. It held no warmth for her, no love. She moved among her own kind, but if they were beautiful she couldn’t recognize it. She did what had to be done, all the while wounded inside. The pain and loneliness grew into an unbearable ache.
Then the flower began to fade.
“I must go to him,” she said.
No one understood what she meant.
“I must go home.”
No one would help her.
“He needs me.”
Being with him wasn’t a punishment—it was everything wonderful.
She searched frantically. Fear grew and grew until only the fear and horrible knowledge remained. She scratched against a locked door until her fingers bled.
She couldn’t find the path. Where was the sea? Where was the courtyard? The castle of night and endless passion?
Where was he?
“He’ll die. I know he’ll die. He needs me! He—”
“Zoe! Zoe, wake up, honey. You’re having one hell
of a bad dream.”
Zoe opened her eyes to find the world just as dark and bleak as her—
“Dream? What do you mean, dream?” she asked Maria, who knelt beside the sleeping pallet in her own little cave. The pain of loss was still there, hammering in her heart. The fear was still there. The aching need that called—
“What the—” Zoe’s words were slurred, her tongue tasting tears.
Maria looked at her steadily, her calmness bringing Zoe fully back to reality.
“Welcome to your first stress-induced nightmare. The dark messes with our heads,” Maria said. Her matter-of-fact tone was reassuring.
Zoe sat up. She brushed hair out of her face, smearing tears across her cheeks. “It does?”
Maria nodded. “It’s one of the reasons Doc asks hall officers to check in on people. The dark gets to all of us.”
“Even Doc?” Zoe whispered. Guilt racked her, and she was again half caught in the nightmare.
“Not the night, but being cooped up has to rattle even Raven,” Maria said. “Primes are used to doing whatever they damn well please and here he is a trapped prisoner. Doc’s more mellow than other vampires I’ve known, though.”
This riveted Zoe’s attention. “You’ve known others?”
A look of pain briefly crossed Maria’s face. “I was friendly with a Prime in college. He was killed early in the war.”
There was much more to it than those few words. Maria’s grief was still powerful, though she tried to hide it. “You loved him,” Zoe said.
“We—we were growing very close. Not yet bonded, but I think that would have come. I’m not psychic, so the bonding link would have taken longer to form. Simply being in love with him made it hard enough to lose him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“We’re all casualties of this war. You go on or you give up.” Maria shrugged. “I have to tell myself that it was a good thing we weren’t bonding or his death might have driven me crazy, or killed me even though I’m human. But I guess you don’t want to live without a bondmate anyway. I still miss him every day, but I remember the good times.” Maria shook off her gloom and smiled. “I’m not sure I would have welcomed his family as in-laws anyway. When he took me home to meet them all his male relatives tried to seduce me, and his mom, sisters, and aunts grilled me like I was suspected of treason. They’re very picky about who they let their darling little boys settle down with. Some of them dislike humans as much as some humans dislike the suprahumans.”
Dark Stranger Page 19
