by C. W. Gray
And honestly, if Noah couldn’t have Zed, then he didn’t want anyone. He knew the right person would fit into his life just fine. He just desperately wanted that person to be Zed.
“What you’re saying is that I can start arranging dates for you again,” Elijah said. “I’ll let Zoe, Grammy, and Aunt Anna know.”
Noah glared at him. “I’m going to watch cartoons with Hotdog and the kids.”
Later that day, Noah finished laying down fresh bedding in Carrot’s stall, the smell of straw and shavings filling the air. His horse’s new stall was right next to Jelly’s, and he was now officially part of the sandwich club.
The three miniatures had gotten new stalls too. Zed wasn’t in any hurry to build his barn, so Noah and Carter modified a few of the stalls to make the gates shorter. Now, the three troublemakers could watch over the barn with ease.
He led Carrot back into his new stall and shut the gate. Carrot grabbed his shirt before he could move to the next stall, so Noah took a minute to settle the gelding with gentle pets and a couple of hugs. Spoiled horse.
Movement caught his eye, and Noah turned to stare at Jake. The boy rinsed Butter’s stallmat while the miniature watched him curiously, which wasn’t unusual. What was unusual was Jake’s behavior. Jake knew Signed English and was very aware that Noah needed to actually see his lips to speechread.
Noah narrowed his eyes in irritation when Jake’s mouth moved even though his face was turned toward Butter. The young omega peeked at Noah, then spoke to Butter again.
Noah hid a smile and felt his frustration drain away. Sometimes, Jake had something to say but had trouble saying it. Last time, he had wanted Noah’s advice about taking advanced placement classes his freshman year of high school. He had no idea why Jake thought Noah had all the answers, but he wasn’t about to turn him away when he needed to talk.
Jake snuck him a look again, and Noah set his pitchfork aside. “Okay, what’s going on?”
Apparently, Noah spoke too softly because Jake gave him a confused look. Noah repeated himself, doing his best to adjust his volume. It was always a crapshoot as to whether he’d be successful or not.
Jake’s shoulders slumped, and he turned around to face Noah. “Do you think Jared is hot?”
Noah stared at him a moment, sure he’d misunderstood. “Can you repeat that?”
“Jared.” Jake signed the rest. “Is he attractive?”
“He’s a patient.” Noah shrugged. “I can’t say I really notice if he’s attractive or not. He’s just Jared.”
Jake hopped up to sit on Carrot’s gate, and the horse settled his head over the boy’s shoulder. “Jared and I took a picture with Stinkbug last week.”
“I remember.” Noah smiled. Jared had really come out of his shell since he started working with Stinkbug. He got along well with Jake and the others too. Now, Diane and he came twice a week for their therapy sessions, and Jared came one extra day by himself.
Jake frowned. “I showed my friend Kyle at school, and he went on and on about how hot Jared is.”
“Okay?” Noah shrugged. “He thought Jared was hot.”
“I don’t.” Jake gave him a frustrated look. “I don’t think anyone is hot. I don’t care about… I want to do is hang with my friends. That’s it.”
It took a minute for Noah to fill in the words he missed since Jake was so shaken.
Noah gave Jake a baffled look. “I don’t see what the problem is.” Jake’s lip trembled, and Noah panicked. “Shit. Okay, whatever it is, we can fix it.”
Jake didn’t get emotional. Ever. The kid was a steady rock just like his papa.
Jake blinked away tears. “I think I’m broken. I don’t want the same stuff all my friends do. I’m not like Jimmy and Jackson either.”
Noah had an idea of what he meant. Two of Jake’s older brothers were bisexual, while Jake wasn’t interested in dating anyone.
Noah gave Jake an awkward hug. “Talk to me. I know you’re not broken.”
Jake leaned back and gave him a sad look. “I’m not like everyone else. I don’t obsess over sex or even want to date anyone. I have zero interest in it all. Zero!” His eyes widened at the last word, and he looked like he was about to pass out.
“Okay.” Noah nodded understandingly. “You’re definitely not alone in that. There are plenty of people out there who don’t care about sex.”
Jake looked away. “I don’t want to be a freak.”
Noah nodded again. Fuck, I probably look like a bobblehead. Why isn’t Ray or Dean here? “You know my cousin Harper is demisexual. It’s a thing. You don’t have to be like anyone else. All you have to do is be honest and accept yourself.”
“Harper still has Grey.” Jake gave him a stubborn look. “He’s still married, and he dated before. I don’t want that.”
Noah sighed. “I just said you don’t have to be like anyone else. That includes Harper. If you don’t want to date or get married, then don’t date or get married. Why are you even thinking about marrying someone?”
When Noah was Jake’s age, he’d been doing his best not to think about his romantic future. He had known he was gay, but there was no way his parents would have been okay with it. He hadn’t been thinking about marriage and kids or any of that stuff.
“Won’t Papa and Dad be mad?” Jake bit his lip. “They told all us kids that all they want is for each of us to be happy and loved.”
Noah made a face. “Then what’s the problem? You can be happy and loved without sex or a romantic relationship.”
“Are you happy without it all?” Jake asked, looking hopeful. “You’ve seemed happier lately.”
Noah winced. “My happiness has nothing to do with yours, Jake.” He looked around, then leaned forward. “Besides, I’m happier because of Zed.”
Jake blinked for a moment, then grinned. “You like him?”
“Yeah, but don’t tell anyone.” Noah looked down when Butter tugged on his beltloop. “Silly horse. You need a treat, don’t you?”
Jake’s grin faded. “Can I be happy without all that stupid romantic stuff?”
Noah rubbed his chin. “I think you can, but one thing I know is you won’t be happy if you try to be someone you’re not.”
Jake blew out a breath. “I looked something up online.”
Noah had a feeling he knew what was coming. “What did you find?”
“I think I’m asexual and aromantic.” Jake swallowed hard and made the sign for asexual. “I just said that aloud, didn’t I?”
Noah grinned. “Yes, you did. You signed it too. How do you feel about it?”
Jake looked uncertain. “I don’t know.”
He hugged Jake. “I’m proud of you, kid. You said you looked things up, so you know there are other people out there like you.”
“What if I’m wrong?” Jake looked panicked. “What if I’m really something else?”
Noah gasped and hugged Jake tightly. “Maybe you’re really a space alien.”
Jake pulled away and scowled. “I’m serious.”
“Fuck, Jake, if you discover later on that you identify differently, that’s okay. Labels really are just labels. They can help you feel like you’re not alone, but they’re not meant to fence you in. Five years from now, if you discover that you’re demi or maybe you’re not aromatic, then that’s okay. It’s okay that you are asexual and aromantic too. Your family isn’t going to police you about it.”
Holy shit, that sounded mature and wise. Noah mentally patted himself on the back.
Jake sighed. “It feels really important.”
Noah rubbed his hands over Jake’s head, ruffling his hair. “That’s because it is. You’re figuring out who you are.” He turned Jake back to Butter’s stall. “I’m telling you right now, you have good dads. They’ll understand and support you.”
Jake looked over his shoulder, eyes sad. “Your parents didn’t support you, did they?”
Noah suddenly felt very tired. “No. They have a shit load
of prejudices. They abandoned Elijah when he was born an omega, and they would have done the same to me if I had told them I’m gay, even if I am an alpha.”
“Papa and Dad love me.” Anger flashed across Jake’s face. “Your parents should have loved you too.”
“Yeah, they should have.” Noah led Peanut from her stall. “Sometimes I wish I would have told them. They would have sent me to Gramps and Grammy, and that would have been better than living with them.”
“Marco could have been your dad,” Jake said, patting Butter’s flanks.
Noah snorted. “He already says he is.”
Jake looked to the door, body tensed, then relaxed and waved. “Hey, Zed.”
Noah fought the shiver making its way down his back and turned around. Zed leaned against the barn door. The alpha looked delicious in his worn jeans and battered winter coat. His big ears were covered by a thick winter hat.
Zed smiled his sexy, crooked smile. “Jake, your dad’s waiting in the Jeep.”
Jake pulled his phone out. “Dang it, I didn’t realize it had gotten so late. Thanks, Zed.” He started for the door, then stopped and turned around. “Thanks, Noah. For everything.”
Noah pulled Jake’s beanie down around his ears. “No problem, kid. See you tomorrow.” Now that the schools were beginning their winter break, Jake would be at Noah’s ranch every day.
Jake grinned and ran for the door.
Noah waited until he was gone, then narrowed his eyes on Zed. “You aren’t covered in snow. How long were you standing there?”
Zed gave him a soft look and moved closer. “Long enough. You’re a good person, Noah. I’m sorry your parents were shit.”
Noah shrugged. “Come clean out Peanut’s stall while I finish up with Butter’s. Jelly is all set to go.”
The little black and white miniature shook her head when she heard her name.
“I like the flowers in her hair,” Zed said, attempting to sign. He wasn’t very good at it yet, but he was learning.
Noah nodded. “It’s all part of the Wilson Stables experience.”
Zed laughed, and they worked together to finish Noah’s chores.
Noah led Butter into his stall, then shut the gate. Butter gave him a disgruntled look and swished his tail before munching his hay.
He watched Zed shovel damp bedding into the wheelbarrow for a moment and mulled on his thoughts. Noah had felt a little off since his visit with Elijah that morning, and he wasn’t sure why.
Zed shot him a look over his shoulder, then turned around. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Elijah is pregnant,” Noah blurted out. “He came by this morning and told me. He’s all excited, and Carter and him are happy.”
Zed frowned and set his pitchfork down. “Why aren’t you happy?”
Noah made a face. “Because I’m an asshole?”
Zed shook his head, eyes narrowed. “What’s the real answer?”
“I’m jealous as hell.” Noah groaned and leaned against Butter’s gate. “Elijah has Carter and three great kids. Now he gets another one while I have nothing.” He eyed Zed. “Still think I’m a good person?”
Zed gave him a knowing look. “Yes, I do. There’s a reason Jake talks to you about important things. Plus, I’ve seen you with Olive. One day, you’ll be a great dad. It’s okay to be a great uncle until then. Hell, you’re still really young, Noah.”
Noah shrugged, taking a moment to process Zed’s words. “Maybe, but sometimes I want what Elijah and Carter have. Harper was younger than me when Grey had Rue. Hell, I don’t even really know if I do want kids. I just want a family of my own.”
What Noah didn’t say was that he had been fine before he met Zed. Now, all he could think about was creating a life with Zed in particular, kids or no kids. They could be a family. Slow down, Noah, he reminded himself. You can’t even ask him on a date, but you’re planning the wedding.
Zed leaned forward. “I understand how you feel a little too well. You know Griff’s best friend Luke?”
Noah leaned on Peanut’s gate and let her slobber all over his hand looking for treats. He nodded. “He’s dating some girl named Brittney now, right?”
There had been a lot of talk around town about Griff, Jackson, and Luke. It was a little unusual for an alpha to be besties with two omegas, though people ought to be used to it by now. Noah’s friend Caden was best friends with three omegas. Of course, the alpha also carried his pet rabbit strapped to his chest like a baby, so maybe people just thought he was weird.
Worry pulled at the corners of Zed’s mouth. “Don’t say anything. We haven’t even told Justin yet, so I really shouldn’t say anything, but it’s all I can think of lately.”
“Okay.” Noah crossed his arms. “I can keep a secret.”
“Luke got Griff pregnant,” Zed said, scowling. “He fucked him, and now he’s dating someone else, and I’m so damn pissed.”
Noah scowled. “He broke Griff’s heart? We need to pay him a visit.”
“That was my plan.” Zed gave him a frustrated look. “Griff says he doesn’t love Luke. They were just fooling around… I don’t know… kill him.”
Noah made a face. “Repeat please.”
“Griff says he doesn’t love him, and that they were just fooling around. He says Luke is going to step up and co-parent with him, but they aren’t in a relationship. I don’t know if I believe him. If Luke fucks up, I’m going to kill him.”
“I’ll help, if you need me to. Everyone says Gramps knows a lot of places to bury people.” Noah paused, disturbed. “They say that a lot actually. Maybe I should worry.”
Zed laughed. “I think you’re safe. Anyway, all that wasn’t my real point.”
Noah blinked. “There’s more?”
“I’m mad as hell that Luke got my baby brother pregnant,” Zed said, keeping his words clear and even. “I’m even angrier with myself because I’m jealous that Griff is having another kid.”
“You want kids,” Noah said thoughtfully.
Zed nodded and leaned forward. “I really do, and here I am not even dating anyone.”
Noah felt sick to his stomach. “Any omega would be lucky to have you.”
The frustration seemed to drain from Zed’s face, and he smirked. “You look like you’re about to puke. Anyway, who said I wanted an omega?”
Zed moved closer, skirting around Peanut to stand in front of him. Noah knew the other man was huge, but when he was this close, Noah almost felt dainty.
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry. I know better than to assume.” Noah flushed. He really didn’t stand a chance with Zed if the man wasn’t even gay. “I thought you were gay since Justin and Griff set you up with Sam –”
“Oh, I’m gay. I just have a thing for an alpha.”
Noah’s eyes grew wide. Did he really say what I think he said? “I’m an alpha.”
Zed watched him, brown eyes full of heat. “Why don’t you try some of your pickup lines on me?”
Chapter 8
Zed smirked as he watched Noah’s eyes go wide.
He had suspected the younger alpha was attracted to him, but hearing Noah tell Jake that Zed made him happy cinched it. Now, to convince him we fit.
“How about it?” Zed asked, pushing in close to Noah.
“Can I have your picture?” Noah stuttered over his words, voice overly loud.
Zed cocked his head. “Okay?”
“I need to show Santa what I want for Christmas.”
Zed laughed hard, body shaking. Once he could catch his breath, he grinned at Noah. “It is almost Christmas.”
Noah flushed red and covered his eyes. “Did I really say that?”
Zed hooked his fingers in Noah’s beltloops and pulled the man close. He waited until Noah looked up again. “I like your cheesy pickup lines when they’re directed at me.”
Noah licked his lips, and Zed couldn’t resist. He leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Noah’s. The younger alpha moaned, lips p
arting, and Zed didn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss. Noah tasted better than Zed had imagined.
Noah’s arms came around his waist and pulled Zed closer. Zed liked the feel of Noah’s hands gripping his jacket. His dick was painfully hard in seconds.
Zed cupped the back of Noah’s head and knocked his hat off. He threaded his fingers through Noah’s hair.
They pulled apart for air, and Zed bit back a groan. Noah’s lips were swollen, and his eyes were heavy with desire. Zed’s fingers lightly massaged Noah’s head, and the other alpha leaned into his touch.
“For weeks, we’ve spent every evening together,” Zed said, trying not to let his emotions carry his words away. “I like spending time with you, Noah, and you’re a good man. Can we give us a try?”
Noah gave him a worried look. “I didn’t catch the first part.”
Zed smiled softly and repeated himself.
Doubt filled Noah’s face. “I’m a lot of work, Zed. I’m fortunate that I speechread well, but honestly, I only catch part of what people say most of the time. I have to piece together the rest through context. It’s like fitting puzzle pieces together and hoping I can see the picture well enough to understand. By the time I do that, the conversation’s moved on. That’s with my family and friends doing everything they can to make it easier on me. It’s frustrating having to wait on me.”
“No, it isn’t. You’re not a lot of work.” Zed stroked Noah’s cheek. “Besides, I have all kinds of time and patience.”
“I’m already attached to you,” Noah whispered. “If we start something and you decide to leave, it’s going to hurt.”
“I won’t leave unless you want me to.” Zed made the sign for pleasure. “Being with you would be pure pleasure.”
Noah gave him a half-smile. “You haven’t seen me in the morning.”
Zed kissed him again, lingering a little longer than he intended. “I’ll show you how good we’ll be together.” He stepped back, pleased that Noah looked befuddled again. “I’m cooking dinner for you tonight.”
Noah shook his head, eyes still a little dazed. “What was that?”
