“How can you hurt me like this? Don’t I mean anything to you?” Her voice is muffled against my shirt, but the feeling behind it is magnifying.
Clenching my eyes shut, I try to ease the blow to my heart. I stroke her hair, but her cries continue, each sob another cut through my soul.
She pulls back and swipes the tears away from her eyes that are now filling with hope.
“I’ll go with you, and we can live your life. I’ll do it, Hayden. I love you enough to leave everything behind. If you can’t, then I will.” Her words race against the clock, a desperate measure to delay the inevitable.
I hug her cheeks. “I can’t let you do that. The first thing Marksmen Steel would do is take you away from me as punishment. I couldn’t survive it.
“You’re going to have a career that’s fulfilling and someday fall in love again. Your life is going to be remarkable simply because you’re in it. You’re that amazing, Avery, and I won’t let you waste it on the Knights Union.”
Her tears begin to drip to my hands again.
“No, please don’t do this to me. I’m nothing without you.”
“That’s not true, Avery. Don’t you see? I was drawn to you because without me you’re everything.”
“But I don’t want to be without you.”
“I love you, baby, but I can’t stay. I’m sorry.”
She shoves me away. “Then I hate you; I hate you! Leave. Just go!”
My eyes seal shut again from the sight of her anger.
“No, don’t leave. I didn’t mean it. I love you.” Her voice is dripping with anguish, and this is it; my payback for Trevor. A life sentence without her. Another punishment couldn’t feel worse than this.
I peel her hands off of me and hurry to my bike. Madison jumps out of her car.
“Shit, she’s lying on the concrete. What did you do to her?”
Starting my bike, I rev it so I can’t hear her wails of heartache. I imagine my dad frail and unable to run the club. It’s the only way I can drive away from her and our future. The only way.
Avery
I won’t move for Madison. My cheek presses to the cool concrete of the shelter house, reminding me of the day I first spoke to Hayden. I can’t get up because if I do, it means I have to go on without him, and I can’t comprehend how I’ll do that.
Stopping my cries, I make myself numb like I’d trained myself to do months ago before he made me feel.
Madison walks away from me into the grass, and I hear her on the phone. Soon she returns and lies down next to me. She rubs my back and stares into my eyes.
“He’s not coming back, is he?” she asks. I close my eyes as her words spear me. “I’ve got you. I always have, and I always will, just like you’ve always been there for me.”
We lie like this until I hear a car park. I tilt my eyes up as someone approaches, and it’s Keegan. His dark hair reminds me of Hayden’s, and I’m thankful his green eyes don’t.
“I’m gonna kill him,” his deep voice says. “Even Blake isn’t this big of an asshole.”
“You won’t have to. Someone else is going to do it.” A tear rolls from the inside corner of my eye.
“Come on, girl,” he says while lifting my arm and tugging on it. “Of all our friends, you have the biggest heart, so I know this hurts like hell, but you’re stronger than this. Don’t let him change that.”
He pulls again, encouraging me to get up. “Do you remember that time in grade school when you fell off the monkey bars, and I helped you limp to the nurse’s office? Let’s get you up and home.”
“Maybe if I stay here, he’ll come back.”
“Avery, it’s getting late. We leave in only hours. You’ve got to get up,” Madison pleads.
Keegan starts to scoop me up, so I pull it together and stand with his help. My legs weigh a thousand pounds, but I trudge to her car. As I open the passenger door, I turn to Keegan.
“Thank you.”
“That’s what friends are for.”
My head leans against the window as Madison drives us home. A few minutes from my house, she shuts off the radio.
“I’ve never brought it up because I thought you’d confide in me when you were ready, but your parents told me at the hospital about the cutting. They admitted it caused your infection.
“I imagine you already want to do it again, but I won’t let you. I’ll stay with you every second tonight to ensure you don’t fall back into that self-destructive behavior.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I only kept it from you because I was ashamed. I’ve had counseling all summer. I won’t do it again.”
“Well, if you ever consider it, talk to me first. I also wish you’d told me when Mr. Bradford was hurting you. I would’ve helped you through it. I’m so glad that bastard can never teach again.”
“It wasn’t about trust, Maddie. It was all about my shame. I won’t keep things from you ever again. Thank god you took me to meet Hayden. I couldn’t have survived it without you.”
“Yeah, you would’ve. You’d have gotten up and done what’s needed. He might’ve left, but he gave you a gift beforehand. He made you see your strength. So use that. We’re going away to school, and it’s going to be badass.”
I look over to see her happy face, and I smile, too, even if it’s only for her. She deserves at least that much from me.
***
My alarm goes off at seven o’clock. I grumble and smack the button to shut it off. Reaching for my cell phone on the nightstand, I view the screen to see if by some miracle Hayden called or texted me, but there’s nothing. I can’t help but wonder if he’s already gone.
There’s a tap on my door before my mom enters.
“Good morning. I went to get us some bagels. I thought the three of us could have breakfast together before Madison’s parents show up to load your stuff on the trailer.”
Something tells me we’re taking more belongings than what will fit in our dorm room. I guess our parents can bring back whatever we don’t need.
“Oh, and this was on the porch for you.” She steps inside holding something that’s wrapped in brown paper. It looks like a large picture frame.
Taking it from her, I eye my name written in ink at the top corner. I open it and suck in fast breaths to hold back my tears as I view the painting. I have no doubt it’s Jewel’s work.
It’s of Indiana University in their colors of crimson and cream. There’s black, too, and she managed to make the colors vibrant, and the paint raised like she did on her other paintings.
“I heard you crying last night. Is everything OK?”
“Hayden’s moving back to Arizona to be with his dad. We broke up last night.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”
I turn the painting around, and a note is folded and taped to the back.
“Can I be alone to read this? I’ll be down after.”
“Sure. Take your time.”
Mom leaves, and I open the note. It’s in Hayden’s handwriting.
I was going to surprise you with this when we arrived at IU. I hope you’ll take it with you to remember me.
Like Jewel’s dreams for her and my mom, this is a place I hoped we would travel to together. Please don’t ever doubt it was my dream. I will always love you, baby. Always.
Chapter Forty
Hayden
After riding for twelve hours, crashing in a cheap motel room for the night and riding for another twelve hours, I arrive in the small town I’m from north of Phoenix.
I purposely left the motel later so I’d arrive here at one a.m., too late for anyone to notice me riding in. I bought this bike in Indiana when I moved there, so no one in this town will recognize it.
I drive my motorcycle all the way around to the back of Pop’s unattached garage and park it where no one will see it.
Unstrapping my bag, I stride with it in my hand to the back door. I’m about to put my key inside the lock when Watts swings the door open,
startling me.
He’s holding a shotgun pointed right at my face. We stare at each other for a few seconds before he lowers it and scowls. The porch light above is shining bright on both of us.
“That shithead son of mine. I’m gonna string him up.”
“Hi, Uncle Watts. It’s been a long time.”
He looks around outside.
“Get your ass in here, boy.”
I step inside and follow him through the kitchen. The thump of my boots echo, so I figure my dad will wake up if he hasn’t already.
My pop’s house is modest in size with three small bedrooms, one bath and a kitchen and living room. His work garage is almost bigger than this place.
“Where is he?”
“He’s in his room. Listen, he’s not well, and he’s going to shit when he sees you, so try to calm him back down.”
Watts props the gun up against a wall in the living room and runs a hand over his messy brown hair.
He’s forty, a few years younger than my dad, but he looks much older. I think it’s from all the years they worked hard but played harder.
“How sick is he?”
“Probably not as sick as Ricky made him out to be. He can tell you himself.”
Leaving my uncle alone, I walk to my father’s room. I tap the door before I gradually open it. His eyes open, and in a beat, he’s sitting up in bed.
“Hayden. My god, son, what are you doing here?”
“It was time to see you.”
“Did anyone spot you on your way into town?”
I shake my head no. “My bike is behind your garage. I didn’t even tell Ricky I was coming.”
“Come here, and give your old man a hug.”
I smile for the first time in two days and hurry to his side. I lean over his bed and hug him hard. Emotions swell up in me, but I find the man he raised me to be and shut them down.
Letting him go, I grab a kitchen chair that’s been brought into the room and place it at the side of his bed. He smokes, and the house smells like it. For the first time it’s a welcome scent to me. It’s home.
“Tell me how you’ve been,” he says. I want to make him answer that question first, but you don’t do that to Hawk Knight. Not ever.
“Things were good in Indiana. I worked for Wayne, and he taught me a lot about woodworking. Jewel was super nice, and school was tolerable, too.” I look away from him. “Especially once I got with Avery. She was my girlfriend.”
“Was, huh? What happened?”
“I broke up with her to come here. I was supposed to leave with her for college, but this is where I belong, Pop. I’m here to help you any way I can. We’ll find a way to make it work even with Marksmen Steel down our backs.”
“Like hell you’re staying here.”
I glide a hand over my hair and huff out a frustrated breath.
“Let me stay. You know you need my help. I’d still be here if it weren’t for what happened last summer. It’s where I belong.”
“Let me ask you this. Is it where you want to be or where you feel you have to be?”
“Please don’t make me answer that. My loyalty is to you and Knights Union. If Mom knew you were alone and sick, she’d want me here with you.”
“So, you heard I’m sick.”
“Ricky can’t keep his trap shut.”
“He’s been looking for a reason to get you back here for over a year. I should’ve known he’d blab.”
“Pop, how sick are you?”
“Ah, I have this cirrhosis of the liver, but it’s not in the final stage yet. I’m not dying right this minute. I’ve got some years left in me.”
“How many years?”
He flattens down his long onyx hair that has some strands of grey tucked throughout.
“They can’t say for sure, but maybe even six to ten.” He lets out a gravely chuckle. “My liver finally boycotted the drinking. I guess I did it for a little too long.
“But don’t worry; I’ll be back on my feet in a few days. Now that I’m diagnosed, I’m on medications that are helping with my nasty symptoms, so I’ll be working again soon.”
Reaching for my dad’s hand, I squeeze it.
“That’s not enough years. If you stop drinking, will you live longer?”
“I will live longer than if I keep drinking, but not longer than they gave me. The damage is done and can’t be reversed.”
“Well, it’s enough time for you to teach me everything I need to know about the business. Then, Watts can move up to president, and I can be vice until he’s ready to retire. I’m good with that.”
He shakes his head and laughs.
“No offense, son, but you’re not cut out for the arms dealing business. Not in the least. It’s time we have a frank talk about this.”
Dad scoots up in the bed more and stares at me. I can see he’s bonier now, and his dark eyes are sunken in.
“You were always a momma’s boy. She wasn’t cut out for this life, either, but damn, she was feisty and persuasive. I wore the pants in the club, but somehow she wore them at home.
“You know she was a goddess in my eyes and was sure as hell too good for me, but she loved me too much to leave.
“That was until you were born. She threatened it then, saying she didn’t want you breaking the law like the rest of us or getting killed. She made me promise to let you choose whether to be patched in or not.
“I hated it. It wasn’t how things worked and still isn’t. You were supposed to carry on this legacy, and it was to be my decision, but I agreed because I couldn’t lose the both of you. I loved Hazel more than air.
“Anyway, once she died I thought I could back out of my promise to her. She wasn’t here, so I convinced myself you needed this life to be near me. Then, that boy’s death happened.
“I almost lost you, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how disappointed in me your mother would’ve been for putting you in danger.
“I couldn’t let you stay and fight our battles, Hayden. You’re good like her and not wired to do the bad things we do.”
Bringing his other hand up, he covers ours with it.
“Ricky said you found your Hazel in Indiana, so you listen to me good. I’m giving you one last order as your father and as the president of Knights Union.
“Go back to Indiana. Be with that girl, and use those brains God gave you to earn an honest living. Use that kind heart your momma passed on to you, too. That’s what will make me happy in my last years on earth.”
“Pop,” I cry. I bury my face against his side, feeling weak, but I can’t help it. I miss him and want him to let me stay, but at the same time I’m crying because he’s setting me free.
He’s right. I don’t belong here. I couldn’t be the kind of president the Knights Union deserves, and I can’t live a life without Avery.
“Now, now, stop the tears. I know you still have some of my toughness in ya to be strong through this. Since you’re already here, you can stay a few days, but you’re forbidden to leave this house. No one can find out you’re alive.”
Sitting up, I wipe my eyes.
“Sure, Pop, and thanks for letting me stay a while.”
He gives me the mischievous grin I remember.
“I can’t deny it. I’m happy you’re here. We have a lot of catching up to do, and you have to show me a picture of this woman of yours. Ricky said she’s a hot one.”
“She’s more than that. I love her, but I don’t know if she could forgive me for leaving her. It might be too late.”
“If she’s the one, then it’s never too late.”
Chapter Forty-One
Avery
For some reason, I’m anal about my side of the dorm room. It’s spotless, everything in its place, but I imagine it’s because it’s new and exciting, and I’m always trying to stay busy so I don’t dwell on my breakup.
As I’m looking around the space, I bite my lip. Maybe I should hang up the painting Hayden left for me.
“Could you hold a nail in the wall while I hammer it in? I’m going to hang up Jewel’s painting.”
She smiles, but her eyes are sad for me.
“As long as you don’t smash my finger. If I miss my very first class of my very first day of freshman year, I’ll have to smother you with a pillow in your sleep tonight.”
“Damn, don’t sugarcoat it.”
“I’m teasing. Let’s hurry so we’re not late to our very—”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” I say as I throw a hand out toward her. We hang the painting above my bed, and I step back to admire it. I’ll see it every time I enter the room, but at least I won’t be staring at it when I cry myself to sleep at night.
“Let’s go. I’m nervous but ready.” I pick up my light blue backpack, and we leave to start another new chapter of our lives.
***
The stadium-seating classroom for English Composition is ginormous, and there are so many students in here. Madison and I go up twelve steep steps to sit toward the back.
Nervous as ever, I pull out the text book, a notebook and a pen and begin tapping it. I size up each student who strolls in while we wait on our professor.
After ten minutes pass, an older gentleman enters and drops a briefcase on a table behind a podium. He’s wearing khakis and a dark brown blazer over a light green shirt.
He steps in front of the podium with a paper and pen and smiles, taking in the sight of his new students.
“Hello, class. I’m Professor Chambers and you are sitting in English Composition. If you’re not supposed to be in English Composition, then please rise now and take the nearest exit. Thank you.”
Three people get up and leave the room.
“That will happen in every one of your classes today. Don’t feel bad if you get lost, unless it happens again tomorrow. Then, you might need to reevaluate that college is the best place for you.”
The Scars Keeper Page 24
