This would be the first time in almost six months that Katherine was heading back to Toronto, ever since that fateful home exchange in Antibes the previous summer. Back to the childhood home she shared again with her mother for a few months after James had walked out on her. She suspected the memories of that special time before Elisabeth died might be overwhelming at first. It might not be an easy homecoming.
Comfortably nestled in the spacious business-class seat, her thoughts drifted back over those past months in France. A growing awareness came upon her that perhaps she was leaving her home now, not going home.
Taking her tablet out of her bag, she opened the photo file she had begun on that first day after Philippe brought her to his apartment from the airport. She had named it simply “Gratitude.” Flipping through it regularly was as meaningful to her as written entries in diaries were to others.
Every day she chose one image to mark that date in a special way. Some days it had been an interesting challenge to choose just one. Other days, she quickly took a photo with her phone. Occasionally, that hurried shot turned out to be even more evocative than one carefully planned.
She took out her phone now and snapped a few shots. Framed by the oval window, the wing tip floated above a froth of clouds. The plane was about to begin its descent.
She was surprised to feel refreshed as the plane landed in Toronto.
As soon as the automatic doors parted and she entered the arrivals area, she spotted Andrea’s husband, Terrence. Not only was her cousin taller than everyone else in the room, he was waving vigorously.
He rushed to the end of the walkway, scooping Katherine into his familiar bear hug. “It’s so good to see you!” his voice boomed. “You look fantastic! Life in France is suiting you!”
Kat responded to his warm welcome before the conversation became serious and Terrence updated her on Molly’s condition. Molly’s transfer to a Toronto hospital two days earlier had gone without a problem, and she was now in the care of the top brain-trauma specialists in the country.
“The support has been outstanding. We’re confident Molly is receiving top care but the staff will give you a detailed explanation. They see you as Molly’s next of kin.”
She nodded and her pace quickened with urgency. There was a sudden sadness deep within her of how alone Molly was in the world.
“Andrea is at Molly’s bedside, waiting for you,” he said as he reached over and took her hand. “We feel better knowing you are here.”
With only her carry-on bag for luggage, they were out of the airport and on their way downtown to the sprawling hospital complex in no time.
“This is about the only time of day there isn’t serious traffic gridlock anymore,” Terrence grumbled. “You won’t believe how bad it’s getting. Reminds Andie and me how glad we are to live in the country.”
He answered Katherine’s questions as best he could. The details of Molly’s car accident were straightforward. “Visibility was bad. The road was ice-covered at the corner. The other driver was young and inexperienced. It was no one’s fault, just unfortunate timing when the young man lost control and crashed headlong into Molly’s car. It’s a miracle there wasn’t a fatality.”
They slipped into silence for a while before continuing with small talk. Katherine asked about her niece and two nephews, and Terrence brought her up to date on their activities. Then he attempted to entertain her with general observations about changes in Toronto and its disreputable crack-smoking mayor.
“Trust me, he will be out of office after the upcoming election this spring. He’s been an embarrassment to the entire nation!”
“People were even talking about him in France!” Kat said as Terrence shook his head in disgust.
At first Kat felt disengaged from the recognizable urban landscape of Toronto as they drove into the city. It simply didn’t draw the same response from her as driving along the turquoise waters of the Mediterranean on the Bord de Mer from the Nice airport.
Yet as the distinctive skyline came into view, there was a comfort in the familiarity of it that was almost disconcerting.
Anxiety set in as soon as Katherine entered the hospital. Her stomach was tied in knots. Her mouth felt parched.
Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she thought it odd how her former career had been health-related and she had attended many meetings in hospitals, but that had been the extent of her experience. She had never known anyone who had been in the hospital for any reason other than childbirth, let alone a life-or-death situation.
Sensing her tension, Terrence put his arm around her shoulder. Kat gratefully patted his hand.
The elevator doors glided open without a sound. Katherine stepped into a soothingly sterile reception area painted in soft blues and white. Andrea was waiting there.
She and Katherine held each other in a long embrace before they stepped back.
“I’m so glad to see you, though I’m sorry for the reason that brought you home.” Andrea’s appearance was pale and tired rather than her usual healthy and fit demeanor.
“Andie, you must be exhausted. Terrence told me you’ve been here around the clock.”
“Well, they toss us out at night—gently, of course.” Gesturing toward a nearby doorway, she continued. “They’ve assured us she’s not in danger now. It’s just a waiting game.” She took Kat’s hand as she cautioned her not to be overwhelmed by her first view of Molly.
“She looks peaceful, like she’s sleeping,” Andrea said, softly, “but all of the equipment and tubes can be intimidating at first.”
Katherine moved quickly to Molly’s bedside and leaned down to kiss her cheek. Her hands trembled, and she felt a gut-wrenching stab of fear mixed with sadness. As her eyes took in the scene, they filled with tears.
With her face swollen and bruised, Molly lay on her back with her right leg in a cast. Bandages wrapped around her left shoulder and partway down her arm. There were tubes and devices everywhere, and her head had been shaved.
Kat’s hand flew to her mouth, and she gagged as she quickly stepped back out to the reception area. Andrea followed to help her, and a nurse handed Katherine a glass of water as they eased her into a chair.
“It’s okay, this often happens,” a nurse comforted her. “Just sit here until you feel better. Take your time.”
Andrea sat with her, motioning to Terrence for more water.
Katherine kept her head down and took slow deep breaths. She sipped the glass of water Terrence brought until she felt her symptoms subside. Closing her eyes, she gulped several times and grasped Andrea’s hand.
“Let’s try that again. I think I’ll be okay now.”
The nurse indicated that Andrea and Terrence could go in with Katherine, even though there was only supposed to be one visitor at a time.
Hand in hand, they walked back to Molly’s side.
“This is awful,” Katherine whispered. “What is all this equipment? Why did they shave her head? Are they going to operate or did they already? I didn’t expect this.”
“I know it’s a shock,” Terrence sympathized. “I should have described it more so you wouldn’t be so surprised. We’ve gotten used to it. At the first hospital, they shaved her head. They thought surgery might be required, but then it wasn’t—”
“And that was a good thing . . .” interrupted Andrea.
Katherine was accustomed to seeing Molly’s thick dark hair in a wild mass of curls or pulled primly into a knot at the nape of her neck.
“She won’t be happy when she wakes up and sees that!” Katherine mumbled as tears poured down her cheeks. Her voice hushed, she stuttered, “Th . . . that was a weak attempt at humor . . . Oh, poor Molly, this is so hard to accept . . .”
Standing next to her, Terrence wrapped his arms around Katherine as she sobbed. “It’s so traumatic to take this all in.”
After a moment, she pulled herself together, although she was conscious her trembling had simply transferred inward.
>
Terrence pointed out the ventilator to Katherine. “Depending on her progress, the doctors told us she might need a tracheotomy.”
A collection of monitors and screens, some emitting low beeps and buzzes, surrounded the head of the bed. A nurse explained their vital sign–monitoring functions to Katherine. Her calm, efficient manner helped lower Katherine’s anxiety.
“You will notice we only have one chair in this room. We hope you understand that visiting is strictly regulated in the ICU. There’s a comfortable family-seating area in reception.” With a smile, she nodded toward Andrea and Terrence. “We’ve gotten to know your cousins and they will fill you in on our requirements. Hopefully Molly will only be here a few days. Oh, here is Dr. Ponneri to speak with you.”
A petite, attractive woman—who looked like she should still be in high school, Kat thought—introduced herself. She was brief and to the point. “Ms. Malone’s condition is still precarious but the swelling around her brain is diminishing. Intervention was quick, so there is a strong chance of full recovery. We will do some further tests in a few days, when we can decrease medication and bring her out of this state.”
Katherine plied her with questions, and the doctor explained, “With this type of brain injury, what happens is the metabolism of the brain has been significantly altered. You may have areas without adequate blood flow. The idea is to let us reduce the amount of energy those different brain areas need. If we can do that, then as the brain heals and the swelling goes down, maybe those areas that were at risk can be protected. The main thing about a drug-induced coma is that it’s reversible. We are keeping her very safe.”
She reached out to gently touch Katherine’s arm. “As you can see, we are all here to help the family as well as the patient. Ask us any question, any time.”
Kat felt tears slip down her cheeks. “I’m sorry . . .”
“Please. It’s very distressing to see a loved one in such a state.”
Kat nodded wordlessly but looked at the doctor with gratitude. Finally she whispered, “Thank you.”
Dr. Ponneri smiled in an understanding way and moved on to the next unit.
Katherine, Andrea, and Terrence sat talking in the comfortable family area and took turns going in the room to be with Molly. Katherine cried every time she sat alone with her and decided she simply had to accept that until she got her feelings under control.
The entire experience was so foreign to her. It was hard enough to be in an atmosphere that was so calm and at the same time so frightening. To look at Molly and think she might die, or be adversely affected for the rest of her life, was more than Kat could handle. She struggled to make sense of it.
At 5:00 p.m. she called Philippe and related the details about Molly’s condition.
“And you, Minou? How are you?”
Katherine opened her mouth to answer but instead started to cry again. “I’m sorry,” she blubbered. “I’ve been doing this all afternoon.”
Philippe offered calm words, his tone soothing. “Take your time . . . I’m here . . . Feel my arms around you.”
Katherine sighed before she found her voice. “So far I’m not handling it too well. It’s hard to get past the shock.”
“Bien sûr,” he sympathized. “Je veux être avec toi. Now I’m feeling like I should have gone with you.”
“I think today will be the worst, adjusting to everything. I don’t think you should come until something changes with Molly. Now that I’m here, I see that. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’m just missing you already, and jet lag’s kicking in.”
She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and realized she had dozed off in the chair next to Molly.
“Okay, Kat. Time to go home. We’ll come back first thing in the morning.”
Reluctant to leave Molly’s side, Katherine straightened her back and rubbed her eyes. “Shouldn’t we stay until visiting hours are over?”
“We felt the same way at first,” Andrea said as they waited for the elevator. “But you’ll realize that there is nothing more you can do today. We just have to hope that tomorrow brings some improvement. One day at a time.”
“You’re always the voice of reason, Andie. Thank goodness.” Katherine slipped her arm through Andrea’s as they waited for Terrence to pay for parking. “Now I’m getting anxious about going to my house. It feels like I’ve been gone a lifetime.”
“Well, it’s been almost six months, Kat. Hard to believe! The time just flew by.”
Katherine sighed. “Everything in my life has changed—but in a good way. Such a good way!”
As they drove the familiar streets, Katherine once again experienced an unsettling disconnect with her surroundings. Although she had been happy growing up in her friendly middle-class neighborhood, she immediately missed the centuries-old streets of her new life.
She and Andrea kept up a stream of nonstop chatter, filling in small details that they hadn’t shared during their regular Skype talks. However, the talk kept returning to Molly as they shared their worries about her present and her future.
When Terrence turned into Kat’s driveway, welcoming lights shone from the living room windows. Katherine’s heart filled with emotion as she anticipated her mother answering the door, like old times. It was still hard to accept she was gone.
Terrence set down Katherine’s bag, unlocked the door, and stood back to let her go in first. She hesitated and then stepped into the entrance foyer. A wave of loss briefly engulfed her as she looked into the tidy living room, the furniture just as her mother had kept it for decades.
“Take your time, Kat,” Andrea said softly, touching Katherine’s back. “We’ll wait in the kitchen for you. I put a stew in the slow cooker before we went downtown this morning. It will be ready whenever you are.”
“I’ll take your things up to your room and then whip up a salad,” Terrence said as he disappeared up the stairs.
The house was filled with the savory aroma of onions, garlic, slow-cooked meat, and vegetables in red wine. Kat stopped, rolled her eyes upward, and inhaled. “Ahhh. I know that smell well. Would there also be your famous flaxseed bread to dip in that exquisite sauce?”
She smiled at Andrea’s nod and then hesitantly walked down the hall into the room where her mother had slept during her last few weeks. She went straight to the carpet hanging on the wall and leaned her forehead on it, placing her hands gently against it. The carpet was a story in itself with the times of joy and tragedy it had been through.
Kat’s emotions suddenly overwhelmed her. To her surprise they were feelings of strength mixed with the sadness of loss. She could sense the love her parents had always given her. All she knew about them now, after the letter her mother had written, poured into her thoughts. A rush of memories of her mother and her words went through her. “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” had been her mother’s mantra.
Kat could still hear her mother’s kind voice, with its strong Hungarian accent after all those years. It would be a year in February since Elisabeth quietly slipped out of this life.
Kat rubbed her cheek on the worn silken threads of browns, golds, greens, and reds, feeling their softness. She had a sense her mother would be happy for her, proud of the way she had taken control of her life.
Power seemed to be transmitted into her hands as she pressed her palms against the carpet. Before she stepped back, she lightly touched her lips to this most treasured possession. This will definitely come back to France with me.
The intensity of the moment was fierce. She slipped her phone from her pocket. This was the time to capture the image. To forever remind her of the feelings she had just experienced. It couldn’t wait. It was today’s “Gratitude” shot, without question.
Katherine stood there for several minutes more, then slowly sat on a chair by the desk. The reality of being home suddenly hit her. When she had left for Antibes the previous August, it had been for a three-month exchange. Yet she had stayed almost six months. Going ba
ck next time might be for forever, and that shocking reality now took hold. She pushed fear into the back of her mind. This was not the time.
As she walked into the kitchen, her cousins glanced up with what resembled relief. “You look happy!” Andrea remarked, her eyes wide with surprise. “I thought you might be consumed with sadness by all the memories here.”
“I’m as surprised as you are. Anyu obviously left good karma here because I felt only positive energy when I walked into her room. When I touched her carpet, crazy as it sounds, something rippled through my fingertips and deep into my core. I felt welded to the spot!” Her voice and expression left no doubt of her amazement and effectively buried the fear she had just felt.
“Neni was a special woman,” Andrea said, using the Hungarian term for aunt, as Terrence nodded his agreement. “Her strength will always be with you, Kat. With all of us.”
Katherine’s jaw trembled as the wave of positive energy suddenly ebbed. “I’m going through such a roller coaster of emotions and I’m not sure where this ride is going to end.”
Andrea put her arms around her. “There’s a lot for you to deal with, Kat. Apart from Molly’s accident, I’m sure it’s a bit of a shock for you to suddenly find yourself back here. Want to talk about it?”
Katherine shook her head. “Not now. Not yet. Let’s eat and try to talk about happier times.”
Terrence brought the bowl of stew to the table and dished out generous portions. “A little of Andie’s comfort food will help you feel better, Kat. It always does.”
They shared memories of their families as they devoured Andrea’s rich and appetizing veal stew. Andie’s father and Katherine’s father had been brothers from the same village in Ukraine as Elisabeth. They’d all kept the stories of their heritage alive. Yet it wasn’t until the last year of Elisabeth’s life—when she had written about the war years and its aftermath—that they all truly understood the traumatic events the family had endured.
Although Katherine’s ex-husband, James, had frowned on her having any close girlfriends, Andrea’s friendship and place in their life had never been negotiable, as Kat had firmly established with him from the beginning of their union. Andrea was family, after all. His complete disconnect from his own family left him incapable of valuing the feelings Kat shared with hers, but he tolerated them.
I Promise You This (Love in Provence Book 3) Page 2
