It never came.
I was cradled in Daniel’s left arm, my head inches away from the wooden deck boards. He gazed down at me with eyes showing both concern and amusement. I had to fight the impulse to reach out and trace his cheek with my fingers.
“You all right?” Daniel lowered me so I could sit on the deck.
I nodded, not knowing what I could say that wouldn’t give away my true feelings. My cheeks burned and my heart thudded wildly.
“You’re either incredibly brave trying to talk my uncle out of killing that whale,” he began, “or you’re incredibly stupid.” He extended his hand out to me.
“Maybe I’m both.” I took his hand then released it once I was to my feet. Forcing myself to look into his eyes, I said, “Thanks for taking my side.”
“Anytime,” he said. “I happen to agree with you on this one. No need to be killing whales on this venture. We’re not on the hunt.”
“Can the ship really be repaired?” The last thing I wanted was for us to sink, especially before we made it to the Americas.
“Sure. Those weakened boards will need reinforcing. Russ, our carpenter can handle it.”
“I didn’t want to endanger the voyage, but those whales were telling me not to harm them. Does that make any sense?”
“Makes perfect sense. I think you have a connection with animals.” As his words still occupied the air between us, Ghost slinked between my legs and rubbed at each of my boots. “See?”
I swept up Ghost. “I guess you’re right.”
“Mmm. Bad habit of mine. Always being right. It’s exhausting, you know.” Daniel’s half-grin stretched up toward his right ear.
“Must be awful.” I rolled my eyes. “How do you manage?” I set Ghost down and turned toward the main mast.
“A fellow gets used to it.” He threw another grin over his shoulder as he headed for the ladder to tend to his own duties. “See you later.”
I started up the main mast but watched Daniel until I could no longer see him. As I climbed back up to my post, a post I adored, I couldn’t help but wish the day would pass quickly so I could work beside Daniel in the galley. It would be wiser to avoid him to protect my secret, but I was drawn to him. I liked Daniel much more than was safe in my current situation.
How had such a dreadful thing happened?
****
Nightfall came in like a silent, black curtain being drawn over the darkening water. When the second shift of men came to man their posts, Daniel and I were finishing in the galley.
“Most of the vegetables are gone now.” Daniel peered into one of the wooden crates stored in the galley. “Not many went bad. We did well using them first.”
“We still have some fruits left, mostly apples,” I replied. “Those should last us at least another month, I’d think.”
Daniel turned around to sit on a nearby water barrel, taking a break for once. “My mother used to make the best apple pies.”
Something in the way he said those words made me look up at him. In the dull lantern glow that filled the small galley, his eyes reminded me of the shiny stars that dotted the night sky when I snuck out to bathe. Golden light flickered off his cheeks as he jammed his left hand into the pocket of his trousers. He was wearing a thick sweater, similar to mine. The left sleeve was rolled up to the elbow while the empty right one was trimmed shorter and knotted. Strange how the more time I spent in Daniel’s company, the less I noticed what he was missing. As if I somehow saw him from the inside now. I hadn’t seen any task he couldn’t do.
“My mother,” he continued, “she had a way of making the crust taste like pure butter. It melted in your mouth then you were left with cinnamon-covered apples that were like little slices of heaven.” He shrugged his left shoulder. “Sounds stupid, but it’s true.”
I stacked the last of the bowls. “It doesn’t sound stupid. My mother made wonderful apple pie as well. I think if you’re a mother you have to be able to make apple pie.”
Daniel shot me another vulnerable look.
“We had an apple tree on our property in Southampton,” I said, revealing one small tidbit of my real life. “My mother would make pies with those and somehow, knowing we grew the apples ourselves, made the pie taste even better.”
Drawing in a deep breath, he said, “Sometimes I miss apple pie so much.” Every word he whispered held his pain and echoed my own.
I took a step closer. Close enough now that I could place my hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sure your mother misses you too.” I hoped the same was true of my own.
“You ever get the feeling your mother is watching over you?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “Once in a while, when the wind blows a certain way, I swear I can hear her calling my name.”
Charlotte… my dear, Charlotte…
“I feel close to mine when I look at the moon. We used to lie in our backyard on warm summer nights and gaze up at the moon together.” He offered me a nostalgic smile.
I pulled him to his feet and guided him in the dim light to the galley door. We ascended the ladder and arrived on the top deck. I led us over to the starboard rail and pointed up.
Daniel craned his head back. “Oh, it’s beautiful tonight.” His voice was a husky whisper as he witnessed the perfectly full harvest moon. A reddish orange haze covered the moon as it hung in the cloudless night sky.
“I noticed it after we ate.” I leaned against the starboard rail next to Daniel, close enough that my arm touched his.
He didn’t pull away.
“This trip is more fun with you here, Charlie.” His warm breath sent a shudder of pleasure down the length of my body. I shifted away, not able to take a moment longer of being this close to him.
Would this trip be more fun if he knew what I really was?
Chapter Thirteen
November
I dreamed of Daniel almost nightly. Each dream seemed more real than the first. I woke up in a sweat each time, fully expecting to have revealed my secret to him. Part of me wanted it to happen.
The Rose had altered her westward course a bit to the south, and we were lucky to have caught an afternoon where the wind was out of the north. Sailing downwind for a change allowed us to make great gains in our progress. From the crow’s nest, it felt as though the ship flew through the water, cutting down waves with ease. I inhaled deeply, relishing the smell of the salted air. Regardless of my problems containing my runaway feelings lately, my duties aboard the Rose offered me great pleasure. They gave me a place to expend my buried energies and emotions.
“Charlie,” the captain called from the base of the main mast.
“Aye, sir.” I peered over the rim of the lookout post.
“Have you seen Daniel this morning?”
Only in my subconscious and only every minute.
“No, Captain,” was what I actually said. “I’ve been up here all morning, sir.”
“Strange. It’s unusual for him to not check in with me. He’s not in the galley or in any of his regular spots.”
That was strange. Had I been spending so much time with Daniel in my dreams that I didn’t realize when he wasn’t actually around?
“Shall I look for him, sir?” A sudden urgency to do just that overpowered me.
“Please,” Captain Finley said.
I scurried down the mast.
“I’m going to continue to look while Walter’s got the helm. If you find him, let me know.” Captain Finley’s brow creased in concern.
I scoured the top deck first and, finding nothing, moved below decks. I checked our sleeping quarters next. Everything was in order there as well. Nothing amiss. The galley too, just as the captain had reported, was empty.
Descending to decks below our quarters and the galley, I arrived in the hold where I found Russ, the carpenter. Since our encounter with the whale, he had stationed himself in the hold, listening for any signs of weakness in the wooden boards of the Rose’s hull. He paused in h
is work at the sound of my footfalls.
“Hello, Charlie.” He offered me a cordial smile, barely visible in the flickering lantern light.
“Hello, Russ.” My gaze wandered around the rest of the hold. “Is Daniel down here?”
“Aye,” Russ answered. “He’s over—” He wheeled around and pointed toward the stern, but abruptly stopped talking. He turned his head from left to right and brought one of his hands to his hip. He scratched at his dark beard with his other hand. “He was down here, but I don’t see him now.”
I walked to the stern and turned to search the bow as well when a low moan stopped me. I returned to the stern and squinted into the shadows.
“A lantern here,” I called.
Russ came over with some light, and we both gasped at what was revealed in the fire’s glow.
Rushing forward with Russ lighting the dark corners, I kneeled beside Daniel. He was motionless on the hold’s floor, his color paled and a sheen of perspiration on his face.
“Let’s get him out of this tight spot.” Russ set the lantern down on a crate.
I scooped up Daniel’s legs while Russ hooked his arms around Daniel’s torso. We maneuvered him out and set him down on a roomier piece of floor where we could kneel on either side of him. I pulled off my sweater and balled it under his head and Russ pulled off his coat, throwing it over Daniel’s chest.
“He’s shaking.” I took hold of Daniel’s hand. He squeezed it weakly and opened his eyes for a moment.
“Daniel?” Russ leaned over Daniel’s head. “Can you hear me, son?”
He nodded as he closed his eyes again.
I put my other hand on his forehead. “Cripes, he’s burning up.”
“I’ll go fetch the cap’n and the doc.” Russ rose to his feet and moved through the hold toward the ladder.
“Charlie,” Daniel rasped, peeking at me through barely opened eyes.
“We’re getting some help.”
Another slow nod and his eyes closed. Dark shadows ringed his eyes. He was always so healthy, so strong. The way he looked right now was unsettling.
“Too hot,” he said.
I pulled off Russ’s coat as Daniel took in a strained breath. “Th-thanks.”
“What happened?” I still held his left hand in mine.
“I woke up… feeling… funny.” He opened his eyes again to look at me. “I managed to make it through preparing breakfast for the crew.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “You didn’t eat breakfast this morning.”
A sudden warmth flooded through me. He had noticed I was missing.
“I went straight to my post.”
A shiver coursed the length of Daniel’s body, and he tightened his grip on my hand. “I’m cold,” he whispered through quivering lips.
I laid Russ’s coat back over his chest though Daniel’s tunic was soaked through, and fresh beads of sweat trickled down the side of his head. His cheeks volleyed between extreme pale and flushed pink. I brushed aside the hair stuck to his forehead, and he sucked in a breath. I pulled my hand away.
Daniel shook his head. “S-sorry. My skin aches.” Another quake rippled through him. “I figured I’d come down here to help Russ. To keep my mind busy and talk my body out of being sick. I was feeling better then all of a sudden I got so weak. My legs couldn’t support me.” He coughed before finishing. “I don’t remember what happened next. Guess I passed out. Then you were here.”
He looked at me with cloudy blue eyes. It was like looking at the sky through murky water.
Loud boot steps on the ladder caused us both to look in that direction. Captain Finley stormed through the hold like an animal in a too tight cage. The doctor, diminutive in comparison to the captain, followed behind carrying his medical bag.
“Over here, Captain,” I called when he turned toward the bow instead of aft.
He whirled around and rushed over to us. “Daniel,” he started. “What’s the matter?”
I released Daniel’s hand and shuffled down so Captain Finley could kneel beside his nephew. Daniel lifted his head, and the doctor stepped in between everyone.
“Just a minute there, son.” He eased Daniel’s head back onto my sweater. He set down his bag and rummaged a hand around inside of it. The doctor extracted an odd looking instrument, like a thin pipe with two small funnels at either end. He peeled away Russ’s coat and Daniel’s tunic to expose bare skin.
The doctor placed one end of the instrument to Daniel’s chest and the other end to his own ear. “Take in a deep breath if you can, boy.”
Daniel did as the doctor asked and started hacking as though he were choking on something. His entire body shook with the violent cough, and when he regained his composure, he appeared exhausted.
“Hmmm,” the doctor muttered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Captain Finley demanded.
“Ahh…” The doctor crinkled up his nose. “It means, Captain, that your nephew here has one powerful infection in his lungs.”
“How did he get that?”
“Difficult to say without all my tools. He could have been carrying it around with him since we shoved off. Now that we’re all getting run down a bit with the journey and eating less, Daniel’s body has less resources available to fight the infection.” The doctor placed his instrument back into his bag and stood.
“What can we do for him?” I inched my way back closer to Daniel.
“We can make him comfortable, feed him, give him plenty of water to start. I’ll search through my supplies and see what I can mix up to soothe his lungs. And rest. He needs rest.”
“Let’s take him up to my quarters.” Captain Finley bent down and scooped up Daniel as if he were a newborn, not a tall, eighteen-year old, young man. “Come, Charlie,” he called over his shoulder as he headed for the ladder. “Daniel’s going to need some company.”
I hopped up, grabbing my sweater from the floor, and ran after the captain. My eyes met Daniel’s for a second before he closed them again. His head lolled back over his uncle’s arm.
Seeing Daniel in this condition brought forth a pain I had fought to keep buried. He was really sick. I had only seen one other person this ill before.
My mother.
****
In the captain’s quarters, Daniel was lying on his right side with a blanket covering him to his waist. His uncle had offered him fresh garments, but he had only accepted breeches, complaining, at that particular moment, he was too hot for a tunic.
“What’ve you got there?” His voice was scratchy from the wretched coughing.
“Soup. A simple one, but it’ll do.” I walked over to the bed.
“You probably shouldn’t get too close,” he said. “Maybe you should leave the food and get out of here.” He gazed at me through watery eyes, and my body trembled with fear for his health.
“I never get sick.”
“That’s what Uncle Samuel said about you, but this would be a pretty bad time to prove that wrong.”
I caught a trace of a smile playing at the corner of his lips. Nothing could make me leave those quarters. Nothing.
“I never get sick,” I repeated as I placed a small tray on a wooden bedside table bolted to the floor so it wouldn’t move when the ship was in motion. “Are you hungry?”
“I think so.” He rolled to his back and tried to sit up, but he was too weak. Giving up after a few attempts, he reached his left arm out to me. “Help me up?”
I edged closer, my own breath getting caught up in my chest. Taking his arm, I found his skin was still fevered. I pulled him up while he scooted back to rest on the wall behind his uncle’s bunk. I tucked another blanket behind him, breathing in his sawdusty scent while I was close.
“Thanks.” He fidgeted slightly, trying to get comfortable.
I picked up the soup from the tray and handed it to Daniel. He took it, holding the steaming bowl under his chin. Breathing in the hot wisps curling up from the soup, he stifled another bout of co
ughing and his ribs strained to keep it in.
“Don’t hold it in on my account.” I sat on the end of the bed, trying desperately to keep my distance, not for fear of getting ill myself, however.
He set the bowl down in his lap and took the spoon in his left hand. He scooped up some of the soup and brought it to his lips. His stomach muscles were still tensed as he fought to maintain control over the coughing. He managed to make it to his mouth without a spill, his face relaxing a bit as he swallowed.
“If anything will cure me, it’s this.” He took another spoonful. “Feels so good on my raw throat.”
How was it possible that even sick, Daniel was handsome? His hair was hooked behind his left ear while the right side hung to his jaw line. Though his coloring was off with the illness, a radiance still shined from some place deep inside him.
Leave! My mind shouted this one word at me, but my body refused to entertain the notion.
Daniel finished the soup, and my hand grazed his as I took the bowl from him. That brief touch had my blood warming in my veins. The wooden bowl clattered to the tray, splashing remains of broth, as my hands wavered.
“Oh, how clumsy.” How utterly foolish.
“You seem nervous.” Daniel placed his hand on my forearm.
“Don’t touch me!” I wrenched my arm away.
His eyes opened wider as he withdrew his hand. “I’m s-sorry,” he said before another round of coughing descended upon him.
Instantly, I felt terrible. “I didn’t mean to yell.” I looked away. “I just…”
“It’s all right. I told you not to get too close, and here I am putting my hand all over you.”
“It’s not that.” I couldn’t bear to let him think I didn’t want him to touch me. Just the opposite was true. I wanted nothing more than to feel his hand on my own skin. “I’m not afraid of catching whatever you have, Daniel.”
“Then what is it? You’re acting strangely.”
He leaned his head on the wall he was propped up against as he waited for my reply. His eyes scanned my face. My own eyes went to his throat, which was so completely exposed with his head tilted back like that. An invitation. One I couldn’t accept, but wanted to so badly.
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